I've gotten into a strange habit of watching really late night movies. I'll start around midnight and finish a couple hours later and then go to bed. I don't do this every night; but, for the past 3 weeks, I have done it at least 2-3 nights each week. It's a weird habit I've acquired. However, I realize it better than mindlessly surfing the web... I just finished watching The Silver Linings Playbook. I totally loved it. The characters were just perfect in the way that they were each so flawed. I wish I could write more about it. I will try a weak attempt at a possible theme though and a few sentences afterwards. (I'm not going to write an entire analytical essay, though. I already need to do that for English.) Peace and love will triumph over trauma and anger. The movie suggests that, in order to truly love another human, one must accept and understand another's quirks and true reasons behind their intentions. This love was shown by the relationship Pat had with his father, his ex-wife, Danny, and Tiffany.
I'm going to not use baby voices when my kid is 9. I'm especially not going to use them when talking about puberty. I happened to overhear my mom talking to my sister about puberty. At that age, it's already an extremely discomforting subject for conversation. However, my mom is using her kid voice saying things like "the p word." Even if my sister doesn't want to hear the word puberty. I would at least talk in a normal tone. God.
I noticed Langara offers a creative writing course for non-fiction. Immediately, this sparked my own interest since I have decided to write my personal story and write the other book.
This class looks so so so useful for me. The beauty is, I finished one of the prerequisite courses and I'm currently enrolled in the other. So, with that being said, as long as I get a good mark in my current English class this semester, I'm going to be able to take Creative Writing in the fall --WOOT!
Today, I skated (and walked) home from work. I'm so proud of myself. The city I live in is small. However, work and home are literally very north and south.
I think my total travel time was about an hour and 20 minutes for 9.4km (according to Google Maps)-- 85% skate / 15% walk. My initial plan was to skate to this nature path thing on Railway Avenue and then catch the 410 bus to a nearby(isn) sky train and skate home. However, as I approached the 410 bus stop, I noticed that the path continued more north than I thought. So, obviously, I decided to venture onwards instead of taking the bus. I ended up finding myself a really nice bike/skate route for when I'm at the community centre during day camps.
Oh, I am so happy with myself and the amount of exercise I'll be doing. I also want to take up yoga but not really. I'd rather do drop-in dance lessons. Maybe I should do that for myself as well.
I was horrified when I woke up today. Well, actually, the first time I woke up it was 3 in the morning. (I was at a party last night but I was exhausted and was home and asleep by 10pm.) So, the second time I fell asleep, I had a terrible nightmare.
Essential, the essence of my dream was that I'm not safe and my stepdad is out to get me. Revenge for speaking up and doing the right thing? I don't know.
In real life, after the sexual assault, he tried to manipulate my mum for a while and she did believe it for a while until she realized how wrong he was. Apparently, he'd say that it was my fault and things like I am a slut. It's so hard for me because this court thing has dragged on so long. And I really just try to ignore it and focus on my life. But, sometimes, I can't and it gets in the way. I'm actually kind of scared that he might track me down and find me one day. I don't know what he'd do, but that is a fear of mine. I tell myself that's not going to happen to try to combat this fear.
In my dream, I was with a bunch of friends. We decided to go away to a forested area and get away from the craziness that is life. We stayed at a cabin where there was running water and utilities. We planned to go away for a week. It was almost like a trip on a whim.
He was there. I saw him and his God-awful face behind a washing machine but no one else could see him. And no one else believed me or supported me. I was petrified because I saw him staring at me from behind a washing machine every time I was alone. And he wasn't there when anyone else looked--never. And y friends just brushed off my fears, not really any acknowledgement or reassurance, like terrible friends. And I didn't know what was going to happen to us or me. I couldn't figure out how he figured it out we were here. We were in danger. Everything suddenly sucked and I was panicking. Alone.
I woke up in fear. All I wanted to do was to be held at that moment and told that everything was going to be okay and it was just a nightmare.
Tonight, was the kick off of Youth Week throughout BC. And, in Richmond, we like to start it off with a tradition that's apparently 15 years old called the U-ROC Award Ceremony.
I moved to Richmond in late May 2012. After a year, I was nominated for an "Outstanding Youth" U-ROC Award in the area of Teamwork. (FYI, when I saw the categories, I would've totally loved one for Resiliency but, whatevs.) 2013 and one year in Richmond-- U-ROCs and I was doing backflips. I never got an award of recognition while living in Vancouver and Burnaby. So, that was a huge deal.
THIS YEAR, I was asked to work for the U-ROCs. Prior to this, Alvin asked Lynn and I (on the day before nominations were due) to nominate anyone from our program who we thought deserved the award. We chose one volunteer and one participant from our program.
At the ceremony, my job was so fitting for me: I said hi to everyone as they walked in and guide them to the sign in table. I must say, though, I was working with this Asian fellow. His way of communicating and greeting was so systematic. "Hi. Are you here for the U-ROC Awards?" Answer. "Are you a recipient or a guest?" If recipient, "Congratulations. When you walk in, you can sign in at the table to let them know you're here." He also knew quite a large amount of people from the city. As a person, he's a good person. However, working next to him, he'd interrupt me or unnecessarily add pieces. I tried to be genuinely human while I felt he was rather robotic, emotionally.
As I said hi, I realized how many people I knew too. I was honestly beyond happy to see a bunch of people there:
These were people I nominated as a youth asset champion:
- Patricia (from Steveston) -- I love Patricia. I totally was hoping that somebody would nominate her and I am so pleased that she won and was recognized for her amazing efforts.
- Mohammed (from swimming) -- He's still bummed about what happened but I believe that him winning this award was in good time because he is a good person that does good things for people. And this award highlights that.
People part of a group nomination:
- Beini (from a talent show we were both in) -- She plays a chinese instrument. We were instantly friends after our auditions.
- Clay (I only met him once or twice at the Media Lab) -- When I met Clay, we played around with the DJ equipment by messing with the speeds and changing the pitch of songs. We totally danced and sang along to all the ones we could. Now that's a memorable first impression-- instafriends!
These were outstanding youth:
- Kevin (from the media lab) -- one of my first friends in Richmond. Also, a super awesome and amazing human being who I am celebrating with on Saturday. Total side note: he invited me to his birthday and I am slightly lost trying to find a present, partially because I wasn't super prepared for it.
- Holly (from the media lab) -- She's a friend. I can't say much about her but we will talk to each other while we're at the lab.
- Julia (from the media lab) -- she was also one of my first friends in Richmond…probably the first because we connected on He is We, my then-band addiction.
- When I see people and forget names I hate it… but, this girl that I met in Steveston who volunteered for Arts in the Park. I want to say her name is Stephanie but I can't remember...
And obviously…
Keely and Kayla because Lynn and I nominated them.
________________
The entire awards show was very fun because, well, I actually knew people this time. After my job welcoming people, I was done my job there. So, I stuck around after and talked to Keely's and Kayla's parents.
There was a different kind of pride that I walked out of the Oval with compared to last year. However, the amount was definitely the same.
I was able to congratulate everyone I knew after they received their awards.
Kayla's dad spoke with Lynn and I. He thanked us for doing a great job. He told us that Kayla comes home from SUP inspired and would say things like 'I want to be a teacher and go to university.' He followed that saying that obviously they'd need to see what she can do that's similar but... WHAT A COMPLIMENT! BECAUSE OF US, "KAYLA COMES HOME INSPIRED." That really resonated with me. To know that I contributed and helped her enough to realize her dreams and be thanked by a parent. Since I never know how well I'm doing at work, I really really really appreciated the words of gratitude so much.
And then Keely's parent's approached us. Her dad said it's funny how things happen because Keely was doing her homework at the community centre the day she learned about SUP. Afterwards, she decided to come in to volunteer. And she gave her 100% everyday. We were confident that Keely's merits should be recognized. Her dad complimented our work and said he believed in "giving credit where credit is due"---THAT IS SOMETHING I BELIEVE IN. So, I was also really happy about that one too.
Yup, that's it.
And, with the summer-like weather we had, the icing to the cake was that I was able to finally wear the dress my mom gave me for my birthday… and it looked good on me.
So this past weekend, I was at Ashmeet's making all those crafts.
Off topic comment: I must say, I'm totally in love with this body butter (and the lip balm) we created. When I'm living on my own, I think I'm really gonna try to make my own skin / body ingredients. Not only is it a really fun process, but the ingredients I choose are mostly organic and really good for you. I followed recipes that have no chemical preservatives and are totally animal-friendly.
I was supposed to stay at Ashmeet's for two nights but it ended up being three. The entire manufacturing process was so fun. We work so well together, it's crazy. We never blame each other for anything. Instead, we genuinely blamed us as a collective… It was late, and we were both rather loopy. I remember suggesting a stupid idea and Ashmeet agreed. Then one of us would point out how bad the idea was. And we would laugh. And pause to figure out how we both let that happen as we laughed some more. Not often do I get to my "It's beyond that hilarious point where I laugh loudly, that I can't even laugh loudly and turn quiet by am still laughing hard" laugh. However, I got to that laugh quite often at various points this weekend.
Saturday evening was my arrival, after helping my mom get rid of stuff via craigslist. We made lip balm and watched Black Rock. I really really really liked Black Rock.
Sunday: Ashmeet had work in the morning to the early afternoon. And I had a thing with Zach at the Art Gallery to pitch an awesome photography project idea to him. So, we made the body butter in the evening. Ashmeet chose a smaller-than-ideal-sized container; I couldn't help splattering a bit of the product on the apples near by and insisting that they needed to be moisturized. We decided to watch The Conjuring. (Yes, Ashmeet and I love watching scary movies together because we will say really dumb things to each other and lighten the fear.) After that, she watched Win a Date with Tad Hamilton (while I struggled to stay up to try and watch it.)
Monday: Ashmeet forgot she had work and begged me to sleepover one more night and maybe skip out on volunteering if that wasn't too much. Just this one time. Her mom was also making that really good pasta. I realized I have a lot of trust because her family left me home alone for a little bit. I decorated the lip balm containers and shredded/prepped for the soap we would make later.
In the evening, we ended up making the bath bombs and the soap. So, we both (somehow) missed a complete step and including a key ingredient in our bath bombs. (Ashmeet decided she'd redo them later this week.)
As for the soap, that was also interesting. All I can say is that, in the future, we are practicing different soap-making methods.
Hahaha.
Afterwards, we celebrated our handwork by watching Accepted, a good ol' favourite.
Tuesday: I had five or six hours of sleep and the day hit me like a rock. We quickly cut up and put on some labels I created on photoshop for the body butter. Then, it was 9am and I had to go.
----
That's it.
Did I mention: Or little company/brand/whatever is called ASHEM?
This upcoming summer, I'm working day camps. If I'm not working at the community centre next summer, I totally want to work for Easter Seals camps. That would be stellar. :)
Four days without writing anything for my future self!
I have a few posts I want to write.
Normally, I get ride from her. So, naturally I expected her to drive me home, ESPECIALLY when she never mentioned that I needed to be worrying about getting home. More people are concerned for my safety and getting home than my mother is. Anyways, it was 1am when she realized I needed a way back home. She said she had to look after my sister and cousin and couldn't just leave them. (Fair enough.) So, I expected her to say if Andrew returns, he can watch them for a bit while she'd take me home. Instead, my mom said, "If Andrew comes home, you can ask him to drive you." FIRST OF ALL, I'm trying really hard to build a stronger relationship with my brother. A favour is the last thing I want to ask him at the moment. Secondly, I don't expect him to want to drive for 45min there and 45min back home to drop me off at 1am. So, I ended up just asking if I could sleepover. My sister and cousin were still up. They were sleeping in the living room and neither of them wanted to share their bed with me or move to the smaller couch. (My sister's mattress was physically moved into the living room. So, I couldn't sleep on her bed if I wanted to.) This forced me to squish myself onto the small couch. I ended up taking the couch cushions and a couch pillow thing for the calves and feet dangling off the make-shift bed. I moved them to the kitchen floor and that's where I slept for 6 hours. My mom didn't even offer the other side of her queen sized mattress to me. This is why I say she's a horrible mother to me, (but she's a good person).
Now that you have that info...
I was talking to my mother about that date thing before sleeping over ordeal. I asked her how to get out of it because she realized I merely only agreeing to go on it because (1) I thought it was a meeting to go for tea, and (2) I was being polite. As a reminder, the conversation started with "Let's go for coffee" to a walk on the beach. I still don't know how that happened.
You know what she said? "Just tell him you forgot there's sand." WE AGREED TO GO WALK ON THE BEACH. HOW DOES ONE FORGET THERE'S SAND?! (Insert that meme from LOTR that goes 'one simply does not' and add 'forget there's sand at the beach.')
Apparently, she meant that it might rain tomorrow. This meant that I didn't wanna wash off wet sand from my shoes and it was gonna be a bit cold to wear sandals. In my opinion, I don't think she knows me that well. That excuse sounded to spoiled to me. I'm way more laid back than that.
By the morning, the plans were still confirmed. I woke up by myself around 8am--6 fucking hours of sleep. I needed to go back home to shower and change and go to this stupid thing.
Side Note: The guy lives at UBC and said I could meet him at the bus loop. I don't like going anywhere unless it's along the Canada line because I'm highly dependant on transit. For a guy who lives on his own with his own car who knows I can't drive…. For him to be "so smooth" and "try so hard," according to my friends, to make me do the traveling to him… like, he couldn't have been more considerate to me. Obviously, he's in it for something else… who knows.
ANYWAYS, I wanted to leave with adequate time to at least shower and change. Instead, my mum decided to make breakfast and include me. So, being polite, I stayed. But I had to leave within 20 mins after. When I left, she questioned me going already and I said that I had stuff to do--I had to buy beeswax and go on that date and then I planned a sleepover at Ashmeet's.
My mom's response was that she thought I cancelled it. I couldn't cancel it because I had no reasonable reason.
However, I got home around 12 or 1 and I would've made it to UBC if I left at that time. But I didn't want to go because I was tired and it's this thing I'd have to put energy/effort into.
So, I cancelled. And that was why. Thanks mom. I honestly felt like shit though. Instead, I went to Ashmeet's earlier by replenishing my energy chillaxing and making lip balm.
Since then, I offered a day to reschedule because I did feel shitty but he was working. And I said okay. And he responded with a :(.
Litterally all I've done this long weekend up until now is eat, sleep, and work. That's it. I'm on my way to my mother's for Easter dinner right now. As I wait at my bus stop downtown, I noticed a bunch of tourists walking around with maps... Being downtown on this atypical weekend, they must think Vancouverites are so weird. It's Easter Sunday and we all gather in front of the art gallery and smoke weed. Or maybe people do this every Sunday. Hahaha I think that's a great way to celebrate Easter. Not to mention the FanExpo is happening too this weekend and some people are dressed up as random characters. I wonder what the tourists are thinking. Maybe they're too distracted by all the other sights they want to see that they don't even notice the irregularity and patterns of people.
OMG. So, you know you're perceived as a criminal when…
This was absolutely ridiculous and it drove me crazy. What is the crazy girl talking about? Well, you see, I decided to do this Art Mart thing with my friend, Ashmeet. We decided to be crafters and make things like lip balm and bath bombs and body butter and more… As part of that, we required some odd ingredients that we, two young kids, don't buy normally.
So, I decided to go to Aberdeen Mall. I wanted to stop at Daiso, the cheap Asian dollar store. On my way to Daiso, though, I saw Pharmasave. I decided to walk in because I thought I could find some of the other things there like essential oil or vitamin E oil.
3 steps into the store, the cashier says "Can you keep an eye on her?" in Cantonese. WHAT THE FUCK! I know, they're worried about shoplifters, but seriously, did I look that suspicious 3 steps into the store?? I was obviously really offended by that.
Now, I don't know if they even assumed that I understood what they said. I doubt it otherwise they wouldn't have shouted it across the store. Furthermore, aside from the customers at the cashier, there were no other customers in the small store.
Within 10 seconds of her saying that, I was looking at the aisle for my items. Immediately, the guy behind the pharmacy part, was watching me like a hawk and asked "Can I help you find anything?"
And as I continued and looked down the other aisles, it was so obvious they were paying close attention to me. A worker stood at the end of the aisle. If I turned to them, they quickly pretended to count inventory. LIKE, HOW BAD ARE YOU AT BEING DISCREET? Dumb cunts.
If I was a shoplifter… Well, if I was, I wouldn't be that great at it. BUT IF I WAS, it would be when both of the staff was busy. Furthermore, they're not going to catch me if they're staring me down. It's obvious and I'd try to do my own thing. I was standing still for most of the time looking at the stupid boxes reading. It's clear that I was reading and thinking. If I was a shoplifter, I'd just take the items. Actually, I would browse a couple times and figure out the work system and where any cameras and security was. Then, once I had a sense, I'd take something. That's what I would do if I was a shoplifter. Also, I remember (when I used to work at Jacob) that shoplifters have nothing specific they look for. They just take things at the opportunity. I told them a couple ingredients and then mentioned that I couldn't remember the rest. And I even said why I needed them. They didn't care though, they just wanted to assume that I'd take something.
Now, that I look back at it, when I bought the stuff at the cashier, I should've said slowly, loudly, and clearly: When you shout "watch this girl" across the store, it is really offensive. Also, it's fucking rude to stare and assume. Learn some manners! You should do it more discreetly next time if you want to catch a shoplifter. Asshole.
Just kidding. I'm only swearing because I'm highly offended. And, nah, I wouldn't actually say that last part either. This is just me venting in my little corner.
I think I'm too polite sometimes. It gets annoying.
I'm so happy. My friend Kim might be working at Pho with me! She's doing like a training thing on Tuesday. So, this should be fun. I work Tuesday lunch.
Yup, that's all I really wanted to say about that one.
Today was Janine's birthday. And I was super happy to spend my Thursday morning with her. It started with waking up early and heading to Burnaby. The plan was to meet at Starbucks at 9:30am to relax a bit before heading to a scheduled 10 o'clock pedicure appointment.
So, Janine ended up treating me to my drink which I thought was really nice of her. And we drove to the nail place. It was one of those Vietnamese beauty salons… VietNail was the name of the place. However, it was really nice looking on the inside AND Janine's favourite, cheaper places. Now, I haven't done my nails in a year (if you exclude last Friday's manicure to match Natalie's). The whole experience was almost foreign again to me. I was scared of being cut but I also was really ticklish and laughing while she was doing other things. End of that part of the story is me with nice pastel blue toenails.
Afterwards, we went to her place for a little bit. I was very excited. I finally got to meet Ash in person. (Ash is her chinchilla.)
I just wanted to record what happened above. It has little/nothing to do with what I really wanted to say which is what happens next…
We went downtown. I decided to accompany Janine while she had a quick appointment in Yaletown… She was getting a brazilian. Now, I, as someone who has never been waxed, was only able to think something along the lines of "wow, you're so brave. I really want to but really don't ever want to do this. Hair is so annoying if it's not on the head. I wish I had those guts. Man, you've got guts." That technician Janine got though… she was a tough looking Asian lady (who I later found out is not Janine's regular person).
As I sat in the salon, though, I took observation of this (her favourite) salon. It was really modern looking and clean. Furthermore, my mind started to wander.
The couch I sat on was really comfortable. On the table in front of me was a list of the services which included bikini waxes, brazilians, legs, back, etc. Next to the menu, was a thing that said "vajassels." I found that extremely awkward, but, it's a personal choice and option for some people… (I have fun saying the word though-- vajassels!)
Upon observing the room, my thoughts soon became, "hmm… I wonder if that lady's getting a brazilian too" and "what's that man here for? Maybe he's waiting for his wife." I was wrong about the man. He was called into a room. I kept scrunching my face because I couldn't stop thinking that he was getting his area waxed. With all this brazilian info on my mind, that was literally the first thought on my mind. (Although, now that I type this post, let's hope I'm wrong and her had an appointment for a back wax.)
Then, the ultimate thought dawned on me: WHO DECIDES TO MAKE A LIVING YANKING HAIR OFF OF PEOPLE'S PRIVTE BODILY AREAS? (Those were absolutely not the exact words I asked myself. I promise.) Did they just decide that they wanted to look at vagina's and help people meet their modern beauty standards by making them hairless? Like, how does one decide to get a job applying and ripping wax off of vaginas? Like, why would you want to look at that? What if your client has something awful? Your eyes would be scared for life...
And my thoughts continued to venture along those lines. My mind was on this tangent about waxing vaginas until Janine came out of the room and briefly sat beside me as she waited for the girl to come back so she could pay. She commented on how she couldn't understand who would pay for vajasseling... Great minds, I tell you.
So, yeah. In summary...
Vaginas-- a word I can shout comfortably in my head and half-the-time in real life.
Waxing vaginas-- a job where I don't understand the drive behind choosing to make money that way
Vajazzle-- a word I like to say sometimes because it sounds so funny to me
