After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:
“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”
Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.
“Ow!”
“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”
“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”
The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.
“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”
She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.
“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”
The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.
“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.
“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”
“I can’t do this” -> This will be a challenge for me, it’s normal to feel intimidated
“I hate this” -> This is a tough situation to handle and I’m doing my best
“I hate myself” -> I’m struggling with low self esteem right now, I need to support myself as I would a friend
“I can’t believe I forgot again” -> It’s tough to balance so many things, maybe I need to let go of some of them
“They’re not going to like me” -> I don’t have to perform for anyone, my personality is valid and loveable just as is
The list could go on and on…
Redirecting the “blame” from yourself and recognizing that you are a human suffering through normal, difficult human experiences is important. Support yourself like you’d support any of your close friends if they said these things.
I can’t tell you how delighted I am to see Actual Scripted Examples!
I’ve known I need to modify my self-talk like this for three+ years, and I’ve been trying for that long, but I never know what to replace it with. So the examples are super incredibly helpful, thank you so much. ~<333
I find huge value in “I hate this,” but only if accurately applied. “I’m doing my best” is usually more appropriate, but sometimes it’s liberating to realize that the benefits do not outweigh the effort and that I genuinely do hate an experience. It opens my mind to finding an exit.
Hey 9p. I have no idea what happened, but I'm intrigued and also hella confused. What's up with the races? But like. In five year old terms.
HOKAY. SO. I'm not good at 5 year old terms, especially when I have Strong Feelings about something, but I'll still try to explain it and why many people are Really Freaking Angry at how the race and thus the championship turned out. Post is kinda long, sorry about that.
Quick background: Going into the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix, the last race of this season, Lewis Hamilton and Max Verstappen were tied in points for the Drivers' Championship. Whoever placed higher in the race points would win the championship from a simple numerical standpoint or, if both drivers ended up not finishing, the driver with the most wins this season would become the champion. (Max, in that case, but it's irrelevant now as both drivers finished and hoo boy.)
Near the end of the race Nicholas Latifi crashed, which meant the safety car had to be brought out as there was a car and debris to clear off of the track. This brought the cars remaining on the track together, which sucked for Lewis Hamilton because at the time of the incident he was actually about 11 seconds (some say it was 15, but either way it was a big gap) ahead of Max Verstappen and even with Max's driving and being on fresh tires (versus Lewis' tires which were 40+ laps old) he probably would not have been able to close the gap. The safety car eliminated that.
At the time the safety car came out, there were still five lapped cars (ones that had been passed by the race leader/s thus putting them a lap behind) between Lewis and Max. Michael Masi, the race director for the FIA and overall nincompoop, first said lapped cars wouldn't be allowed to unlap themselves but changed his mind, which meant the lapped cars would be able to pass the safety car (and the leading cars) so they would no longer be a lap or more behind.
HOWEVER. Masi-- for reasons ultimately known only to him and probably Netflix which likely is rubbing its hands together in glee for Drive to Survive drama-- let ONLY the five cars that were between Lewis and Max unlap themselves. He didn't even let the two cars between Max and 3rd place Carlos Sainz unlap themselves, much less any of the other cars that had been lapped (most of whom replied with a "WTF is this bullshit?" sentiment).
In addition to this, the FIA's own regulations state that after cars are allowed to overtake the Safety Car (which as I said, the 5 between Max and Lewis were indeed allowed to do so), the Safety Car would come in at the end of the following lap-- which means the race, by the FIA's own regulations, would have had one corner for racing (as the Safety Car would have exited before then thus kicking the race back into gear) before the checkered flag.
Instead, they brought the Safety Car in immediately, which granted a full racing lap to the end. While in theory it would have made for a more "exciting" ending to the race rather than most of the lap being done behind the Safety Car, it was actually the FIA pretty much handing Max the win (and the championship). As I mentioned at the start, Max was on fresh tires whereas Lewis' tires were 40+ laps old and thus had much less grip and much more wear. That, plus the fact that they let the backmarkers between Lewis and Max unlap themselves thus putting the two front-runners right together for the restart (and Max was trying to be as alongside Lewis as he could without actually getting ahead of him in anticipation of the Safety Car exit)...yeah.
Even though Lewis is one of the greatest F1 drivers of all time, even he wasn't able to keep a car that was arguably as fast and on better tires behind him; not to mention the other car was driven by someone who tbh has done some sketchy driving, or at the very least has proven himself to be almost dangerously reckless even by auto racing standards, as Lewis can attest to through personal experience racing neck and neck with Max many, many times this season.
(And for this criticism I've tagged my response "anti Verstappen" just in case, for some reason, a Max supporter were to read this and get all bent out of shape.)
So yeah. Not even Lewis could have hoped to hold onto the lead with all of these factors stacked against him. Some might say he could have pitted as well like Max had but as far as he knew, the race was going to keep going as it was-- no one could have predicted Latifi crashing so late and making the Safety Car necessary-- and of course, one generally would assume the goddamn governing body of the sport would follow its own regulations. He-- and we're talking Lewis of "My tires are gone, Bono!" meme-material fame-- felt his tires would be fine to carry him to the end with that gap between him and Max.
The FIA has been trying to justify its decision to go against its own regulations by pointing to another that states the Race Director (aka the aforementioned nincompoop Masi) has the power to make different (from otherwise stated regulation) calls in regard to procedures with Safety Cars, etc, per director discretion. So while it's technically true, it's an incredibly shady thing to have done because there's absolutely NO FUCKING WAY Masi wouldn't have known what his decision would do for the result of the race and championship.
And Masi replying to Toto Wolff's (Mercedes team boss) protest, "It's called a motor race, okay? We went car racing." Yeah, that's some bullshit right there considering he didn't let the cars between Max and Carlos unlap themselves-- regardless of how one feels about Ferrari and how good/bad their car is in comparison to Lewis' Mercedes or Max's Red Bull, Carlos was denied the chance to race with the first two despite being right up with them as a frontrunner. He would have been putting pressure on Max as Max would be trying to put pressure on Lewis, and would have been a bit more fitting of that "car racing" comment from Masi. Carlos Sainz has been overlooked a lot this season by various media outlets but the man is a seriously talented driver and I personally think that, over the course of a lap, he could have been right there in the action had he been able to restart the race with the first two cars. (AS HE FUCKING SHOULD HAVE BEEN.)
I'm not going to deny that Max has been a beast this year in F1, and had he won fairly I would have been disappointed but accepting. But how the Abu Dhabi GP turned out is just...ugh. And honestly, everywhere in the world except the Netherlands (where Max is from)? His first championship has been hugely overshadowed by this controversy and probably will continue to cast some serious shade on what would otherwise have been a remarkable accomplishment. There will still be many out there-- me included-- who feel that he didn't actually win it on his own merit, it was handed to him by a seriously shady race decision that seemed to have been made purely for the show of things rather than actual racing, no matter what Masi's "it's called a motor race" might say.
So yeah. I do not like this season's conclusion, but I guess Netflix is gonna be happy with the drama for DtS. Or something.
And here's a picture of my favorite team, to end on a happier note. Yay McLaren! <3
Hey 9p. I have no idea what happened, but I'm intrigued and also hella confused. What's up with the races? But like. In five year old terms.
HOKAY. SO. I'm not good at 5 year old terms, especially when I have Strong Feelings about something, but I'll still try to explain it and why many people are Really Freaking Angry at how the race and thus the championship turned out. Post is kinda long, sorry about that.
Quick background: Going into the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix, the last race of this season, Lewis Hamilton and Max Verstappen were tied in points for the Drivers' Championship. Whoever placed higher in the race points would win the championship from a simple numerical standpoint or, if both drivers ended up not finishing, the driver with the most wins this season would become the champion. (Max, in that case, but it's irrelevant now as both drivers finished and hoo boy.)
Near the end of the race Nicholas Latifi crashed, which meant the safety car had to be brought out as there was a car and debris to clear off of the track. This brought the cars remaining on the track together, which sucked for Lewis Hamilton because at the time of the incident he was actually about 11 seconds (some say it was 15, but either way it was a big gap) ahead of Max Verstappen and even with Max's driving and being on fresh tires (versus Lewis' tires which were 40+ laps old) he probably would not have been able to close the gap. The safety car eliminated that.
At the time the safety car came out, there were still five lapped cars (ones that had been passed by the race leader/s thus putting them a lap behind) between Lewis and Max. Michael Masi, the race director for the FIA and overall nincompoop, first said lapped cars wouldn't be allowed to unlap themselves but changed his mind, which meant the lapped cars would be able to pass the safety car (and the leading cars) so they would no longer be a lap or more behind.
HOWEVER. Masi-- for reasons ultimately known only to him and probably Netflix which likely is rubbing its hands together in glee for Drive to Survive drama-- let ONLY the five cars that were between Lewis and Max unlap themselves. He didn't even let the two cars between Max and 3rd place Carlos Sainz unlap themselves, much less any of the other cars that had been lapped (most of whom replied with a "WTF is this bullshit?" sentiment).
In addition to this, the FIA's own regulations state that after cars are allowed to overtake the Safety Car (which as I said, the 5 between Max and Lewis were indeed allowed to do so), the Safety Car would come in at the end of the following lap-- which means the race, by the FIA's own regulations, would have had one corner for racing (as the Safety Car would have exited before then thus kicking the race back into gear) before the checkered flag.
Instead, they brought the Safety Car in immediately, which granted a full racing lap to the end. While in theory it would have made for a more "exciting" ending to the race rather than most of the lap being done behind the Safety Car, it was actually the FIA pretty much handing Max the win (and the championship). As I mentioned at the start, Max was on fresh tires whereas Lewis' tires were 40+ laps old and thus had much less grip and much more wear. That, plus the fact that they let the backmarkers between Lewis and Max unlap themselves thus putting the two front-runners right together for the restart (and Max was trying to be as alongside Lewis as he could without actually getting ahead of him in anticipation of the Safety Car exit)...yeah.
Even though Lewis is one of the greatest F1 drivers of all time, even he wasn't able to keep a car that was arguably as fast and on better tires behind him; not to mention the other car was driven by someone who tbh has done some sketchy driving, or at the very least has proven himself to be almost dangerously reckless even by auto racing standards, as Lewis can attest to through personal experience racing neck and neck with Max many, many times this season.
(And for this criticism I've tagged my response "anti Verstappen" just in case, for some reason, a Max supporter were to read this and get all bent out of shape.)
So yeah. Not even Lewis could have hoped to hold onto the lead with all of these factors stacked against him. Some might say he could have pitted as well like Max had but as far as he knew, the race was going to keep going as it was-- no one could have predicted Latifi crashing so late and making the Safety Car necessary-- and of course, one generally would assume the goddamn governing body of the sport would follow its own regulations. He-- and we're talking Lewis of "My tires are gone, Bono!" meme-material fame-- felt his tires would be fine to carry him to the end with that gap between him and Max.
The FIA has been trying to justify its decision to go against its own regulations by pointing to another that states the Race Director (aka the aforementioned nincompoop Masi) has the power to make different (from otherwise stated regulation) calls in regard to procedures with Safety Cars, etc, per director discretion. So while it's technically true, it's an incredibly shady thing to have done because there's absolutely NO FUCKING WAY Masi wouldn't have known what his decision would do for the result of the race and championship.
And Masi replying to Toto Wolff's (Mercedes team boss) protest, "It's called a motor race, okay? We went car racing." Yeah, that's some bullshit right there considering he didn't let the cars between Max and Carlos unlap themselves-- regardless of how one feels about Ferrari and how good/bad their car is in comparison to Lewis' Mercedes or Max's Red Bull, Carlos was denied the chance to race with the first two despite being right up with them as a frontrunner. He would have been putting pressure on Max as Max would be trying to put pressure on Lewis, and would have been a bit more fitting of that "car racing" comment from Masi. Carlos Sainz has been overlooked a lot this season by various media outlets but the man is a seriously talented driver and I personally think that, over the course of a lap, he could have been right there in the action had he been able to restart the race with the first two cars. (AS HE FUCKING SHOULD HAVE BEEN.)
I'm not going to deny that Max has been a beast this year in F1, and had he won fairly I would have been disappointed but accepting. But how the Abu Dhabi GP turned out is just...ugh. And honestly, everywhere in the world except the Netherlands (where Max is from)? His first championship has been hugely overshadowed by this controversy and probably will continue to cast some serious shade on what would otherwise have been a remarkable accomplishment. There will still be many out there-- me included-- who feel that he didn't actually win it on his own merit, it was handed to him by a seriously shady race decision that seemed to have been made purely for the show of things rather than actual racing, no matter what Masi's "it's called a motor race" might say.
So yeah. I do not like this season's conclusion, but I guess Netflix is gonna be happy with the drama for DtS. Or something.
And here's a picture of my favorite team, to end on a happier note. Yay McLaren! <3
Dear extroverts: How do y'all just. Stand in doorways and aisles and by your cars chatting with someone you just met for 20+ minutes? How do you do it???
hello Mr. Gaiman! would you please tell my depression to fuck off?
I can try.
Dear Depression, please fuck off. Begin by fucking off, continue to fuck off, and about the point where you think perhaps it's time to stop fucking off and come back, then just fuck off some more.
reblog if this is the second time you’ve heard about this movie because the first time it was a friend warning you about the graphic rape scene that’s shown twice.
gummygunk
janainaart
theartofmadeline
pixelskylines
turnnoffyourmind
origamiaround
tangentwithtanner
