I Dont Even Know How The Papaya Got Here

Just here for the fics; 18+ only (for what little I actually write) She/her, Neurodivergent, late 30s; BLM; LBGTQ+; Free Palestine; generally still figuring stuff out….

[vesnuszki]

whenever someone draws shane hollander as a twink… describes his muscles as anything but bulging …. his cock as anything but thick and girthy… an angel loses its wings

[itstheanxietyforme]

I have a vision where canon Shane doesn’t know what a twink is and someone calls him that as an insult, so he asks Ilya who absolutely loses his mind.

Because 1) have they not seen his husband (or situationship depending on where we are in the timeline) and 2) Shane who had to hire a stylist to stop wearing reeboks and gym shorts and is 200+ lbs of jock muscle…. Is NOT twink behavior.

Meanwhile Ilya in his Slavic lover boy era in leopard printed silk is like “no. Is lie.”

[toasted-rivalry]

A ‘Bears walk in to Ilya’s house and see him napping with Shane AU’ where Ilya somehow manages to still keep Shane’s identity a secret.

Ilya always had been a light sleeper, so no matter how lightly they stepped he was awake moments after the first shocked gasp.

Ilya knows it’s over for him. There’s no mistaking that there’s a man asleep on his chest in a clearly non-platonic cuddle. Usually Ilya would be punching the intruder, threatening violence to try and ensure they kept their mouth shut but he has quickly realised something far more important. With the way they are sleeping, Ilya on his underneath on his back and Shane on his stomach on top with his face pressed into the gap between Ilya’s neck and the couch, they can’t see his face.

He quickly pulls Shane’s hood up over his head to hide hair and rests a hand over it to gently discourage Shane from moving it should he start to wake up.

So Ilya just stares down his team and goes “you can be upset, but are going to be fucking quiet about it because if you wake my guest I’m sending all my blackmail on you to your wives, and then start fucking them to help them get over the divorce.”

So the whole “You’re fucking gay!” “No, I’m a fucking bi who is fucking a gay” conversation happens at a furious whisper, with Shane blissfully sleeping on Ilya’s chest as life implodes around him.

Shane may be a deep sleeper - and the argument in whispers - but even he starts to stir at the noise.

Ilya can’t have him moving his face into visibility now, so he just scruffs the back of his neck harshly and pressed him deeper into his shoulder.

Shane lets out a pleased (and not at all quiet) moan, and - worried that he is going to start talking - Ilya realises he needs to shut him up.

So he glares at the Bears to be quiet, while suddenly putting on the softest voice they have ever heard him use as he goes, “shhh quiet time now mоя любовь. Back to sleep.” And then shoves his fingers into Shane’s mouth.

When the Bears leave soon after, some of them have LEARNT some things about themselves. But crucially, none of them have learnt who their captain is fucking.

[itstheanxietyforme]

[katycat612]

Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: Heated Rivalry (TV) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov Characters: Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Yuna Hollander, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Original Characters Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Sick Character, Hospitalization, Ilya Rozanov Needs A Hug, Shane Hollander Needs a Hug, some light ass play, its not like they could fuck in the hospital bed, (according to reddit it can be done), but they dont, but! lots of making out, Hurts So Good, Idiots in Love, Soft Ilya Rozanov, Autistic Shane Hollander, Happily Ever After, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, they are 18 and 19 years old, Medical Inaccuracies, and probably hockey inaccuracies, I tried my best, So Many Cameos Series: Part 1 of the whump series Summary:

ilya rozanov did not plan to spend the majority of his rookie season in a hospital. then again, he didn’t plan on shane hollander either.

__

or, the whump fic. based on my own tweet: a fic where 17 yr old shane is a [redacted] ill patient and ilya is the rookie his team drags to the children’s hospital. he falls in love w freckles and can’t stop visiting shane every chance he gets.

[itstheanxietyforme]

Spent an hour DEVOURING this story. Alllll the HEA tears

[mutinsfromthemoon]

the first time Ilya cried in front of Yuna and David is during one of his first visits without Shane. Yuna is showing a photo album with pictures of Shane as a child and casually remarks that he didn’t have many friends: “did you know that by the time he was invited to his first birthday party, he was already in high school?”. Ilya burst into tears and he cried so hard he got a headache. even after Yuna explained that Shane made a lot of friends in High School, Ilya couldn’t stop crying. Yuna and David were so worried they had to call Shane.

Ilya only stopped crying after Shane explained in the call that he was a very focused on hockey and preferred to play than make friends. he wasn’t bullied or excluded, he’s just liked to be alone. Well he heard some racists comments but he didn’t wanted to make his boyfriend cry further so he only talked about that when Ilya wasn’t feeling so emotional

[itstheanxietyforme]

Another indulgent fic idea from a non-writer (though I wish I was)

Omegaverse Hollanov, they’re not out yet, but maybe are low key exploring what they are or could be. Then at a Boston/Montreal game, one of Shane’s asshole teammates (it’s always Comeau… he just reeks of misogyny) gets mad at Shane during a failed pass (Comeau’s fault btw) and scruffs Shane. Which is like, alpha-omega no no 101. That’s what abusive alphas do. Or alphas do only when their omega is being wildly unsafe. Not what you do to your captain because your tiny bird brain is angry and only has room for one emotion at a time. So he’s got Shane pinned, the crowd gasps and refs start to turn but suddenly there’s 200+ pounds of seething Russian tackling Comeau to the ground.

Hayden is helping Shane up, checking on him, being careful because Shane could reasonably take his hand off and/or have a meltdown, because #trauma. But then they’re both watching as a snarling, vicious fangs out Rozanov rips into Comeau.

[fractally]

A reason I like asshole/scary Shane is I like imagining that Ilya has no fucking clue what anyone means by that. Because Ilya's one of the only people on the planet who isn't intimidated by Shane's looks and hockey skill, since he also has both. And he's not put off by Shane's insane commuication style because he's also terminally avoidant, and also an asshole, and Slavic. And he doesn't see the full brunt of Shane's dismissiveness because Ilya Rozanov exists in the warmth of Shane's gaze

Idk there's just something so funny to me about everyone else being like, "Yeah man....that guy is scary as fuck. I once watched him watch tape for 15 minutes straight without blinking. I played on the Mets for three years and he only ever called me by my number" while Ilya is twirling his hair and doodling "Mr. Hollander ✨❤️" in his notebooks in gel pen and imagining Shane as a particularly strange and cute little animal that he can poke to see how it reacts

[texasteaparty]

Hades Shane and Persephone Ilya

[itstheanxietyforme]

Lock me up 😭

[longgoneseeyallnever]

Shane crawling naked across that bed in Vegas to nuzzle against Ilya’s dick before he even whipped it out? Honey, how did he ever think he was still straight? Baby boy, you were hungry for it. You let him go to pound town after six months no contact, which was after you finally let him snap you like a glow stick for your first time doing anal, which you made him wait two years for. I love Shane, but my god was he scalp deep in that Egyptian river. Sucked dick like a champ his first time trying, cried for dick after having it one time, with zero thought to any sort of sex with women, yet still was like… “Maybe if I date a woman hard enough, I’ll eventually like her.”

Poor baby. But also, this is how you know Ilya lays lethal pipe. Svetlana stayed coming back for it, (book canon) none of his hook-ups ever spread rumors that he was bad, and Shane “Pretty boy” Hollander who could have technically fucked anyone he wanted to, got one hit of it and almost never ventured out afterwards. (Book canon) he tried another man or two, only to be like… nope, never again. Take me back to the holy land. That’s objectively hilarious. Ilya’s reputation is that he is an asshole and a menace on the ice, but he also apparently fucks people so good, they stop caring.

[itstheanxietyforme]

Shane:… shit

[chemdoodles]

1x01. **hiss** kyaa!

[princessamericachavez]

I’ve read a lot of “Ilya and the Centaurs are protective of Shane during their first game against the Metros” fics, an I LOVE them

but hear me out: Shane ask not to be coddled and Ilya resorts to ragebaiting him on the ice instead.

Ilya makes an offhand comment about keeping an eye on him during their game and Shane jumps because he’s a professional hockey player, has been for over a decade, he can take the heat thank you very much, and when Ilya points out the whole team will be probably coming for him, he’s like:

“Yes, I am the best fucking player in the league. The entire team coming for me is, like, a normal game night for me”

because he is The Shane Hollander and Ilya is kinda proud and very turned on by the sudden cockiness.

Until game night rolls around and ofc some of the team make comments about having Hollander’s back and Ilya has to swear he didn’t put them up to it (Shane won’t admit it but it makes him feel all warm inside, that’s his new team hell yes).

So 1st third he’s taking it like a champ but by the second, after he scores, the hits & chirps keep getting meaner & it’s getting to Shane. At some point he’s struggling to get up & Ilya skates by and says

“You good, Hollander, or do you need me to kiss your boo-boo?” with THAT tone and it makes Shane startle, but he chuckles and tells him to fuck off.

after that Ilya keeps chirping AT HIM, like he did back when they played against each other “no, no, don’t get up, I can score all the goals we need”, “taking nap, Hollander?”, “maybe you need to find softer sport, yes?”

And somehow Shane finds it easier to focus when he’s feeling annoyed and competitive and as usual Ilya is just pushing him to be The Best he can be (everyone else, Metros and Centaurs, is extremely confused by this… except maybe Hayden).

[itstheanxietyforme]

Sooooo… who’s gonna write this??? The people are still thirsty

[gnawu]

in the book shane doesn’t initially greet ilya because he’s attracted to him, so it’s funny that after he greets him, his first subconscious thought was how he should break up with his current girlfriend

i think ilyas first thought when shane approaches him was “what does this guy want.” shane being his competition, expecting a devious motivation, he gives this expression:

shane was taken aback from his own action, not even knowing himself why he felt the want to greet ilya, he is labeled as ‘not very sociable’ after all

shane awkwardly goes in for a second handshake, i think further proving this was not a planned interaction and he’s flustered

and that’s what really seals the deal for ilya, the second handshake initiated from shane, making it clear to ilya that shane had some sort of interest, we know ilya is very good at picking up on these little things shane unknowingly does, ilya then gives this expression, while probably thinking this guy has horrible game:

and of course ilya had to end the interaction with a cocky ‘joke’ because it’s ilya rozanov

i really love episode one

[mack-will]

""Ilya," he said, barely more than a whisper. Ilya didn't answer."

[itstheanxietyforme]

Favorite vocal stim

[my-2nd-account]

The difference is that jealous Ilya looks homicidal while jealous Shane looks suicidal

[no-lovelorn-hazard]

@raccoonboywrites coming correct as always

[itstheanxietyforme]

Reminds me of my other favorite idiots…

[nyxlyx]

just when i thought i was calming down about this show, i find out shane was protecting his man from the wolf bird in actual fluent bird

[itstheanxietyforme]

“You see this Russian?! He’s mine!! Back off!”

-Shane, probably

[djarin]

Wow. So, when? Since our, uh, rookie season. Since your rookie season? No, it's not true. Since before that. Not helpful.

(insp.)

[themoonandmyman]

@latenightsimping

[itstheanxietyforme]

Sweet stressed autistic king

[girly-pop-dreamy-deactivated202]

Daydreaming of someone that would make me cum like crazy and then cuddle me

[berryispunk]

[oonajaeadira]

[for-a-longlongtime]

@sin-djarin UM HELLO?

HERE FOR THIS. 😌

[itstheanxietyforme]

WAIT SOMEONE WRITE THIS!!!!!!

[hussyknee]