Jack of Briars

Over 40, Latiné, genderfluid/transmasc, fat, and a big ol' queer. I'm interested in sex education, BDSM, and consent culture. This isn't the place to go for your explicit porn, though -- this space is meant to provide education, product reviews that focus on fat bodies and AFAB trans/GNC experiences, random silliness, and other things meant to make people realize weird sex can be totally normal and healthy. (Obviously, this does not extend to nonconsensual stuff, as well as sex with actual minors, dead people, or animals. Some fantasies need to remain fantasy, y'all.)

[thewitchwives]

Some people really need to learn the lesson that the fact that being touched feels good (for most people) is not equivalent to sexual orientation. Like, this is coming from someone who is very pro assuming queer as default. But like, the number of breakdowns I've heard over sexual identity because someone got off *once* to a person of a gender identity other than the one(s) they expect to get off to OR the number of times I've heard about people pressuring others to change their sexual identity because of such incidents is ABSURD. Especially in very kinky situations where the one doing the touching is kinda just... being utilized, for lack of better phrasing?

Like, I'm not talking "I went on a date and we had a very nice time that ended in sex and this has changed my orientation" or "I made out for like an hour with someone at a party and now I can't stop thinking about them, I think my sexual identity has changed". I'm talking "I was doing naughty things in a group setting, and one of those touches came from a [gender] person, does that make me [gay/straight/whatever]?"

Are you sexually attracted to dildos after one gets you off? No? Okay, well, maybe allowing a same-gender person to get you off doesn't make you gay; it just makes you not homophobic enough to get in the way of your own pleasure. (Same goes for "Am I straight now?" ppl)

Let shit feel good. It doesn't have to be that deep.

Also stop freaking out about labels if things DO change. Labels are there for communication and finding like-minded people. It is not a sin to be a lesbian with an exception or to go from gay to bi or what the fuck ever. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fuckwit.

[thewitchwives]

Actually, on that note. A lot of the same people (but it is not a 1:1 overlap, some people know one thing and not the other) also need to learn that good sex is not the sole basis for a longterm relationship. If all you know is their name, number, and how good they do the deed, maybe consider finding out a bit more, having a date with talking in it, before moving in together or getting their name tattooed on your ass.

If you "catch feelings" after having sex with very little getting-to-know-you, then you have caught feelings for a made up person in your head. It's the hormones talking, okay, and they will tell you ANYTHING to get you laid again. Don't listen. Use your logic and reason. Talk to the person about some real shit.

[sirfrogsworth]

If athletes are allowed to compete, they should also be allowed to win.

Every single time I see a story where a trans athlete "blows out" the competition, their performance usually ends up not being quite as dominent as claimed.

When you look at the fastest 400m times in high school competition, it greatly adjusts the context.

In running, a second can be an eternity. Most world records are only a few tenths of a second apart. And this trans athlete is a full 7 seconds away from a record set by a cisgender high school runner.

According to the New York Post, 7 seconds is a blowout.

College runners are getting times under 50 seconds. And the world record is 47.60—a full 10 seconds faster.

This trans athlete can't help it if she is in a league with a bunch of slowpokes. She won a race. She is pretty fast in relation to her direct competition. But she is not some spectacular speed demon who will dominate women's running.

Her time wasn't even at scholarship level.

And the second place finisher wasn't even close to a "decent" time.

[sirfrogsworth]

Also...

The vast majority of the world's top sprinters are of West African descent. Just to give you an idea of the statistics, every world record holder in the men's 100m dash since 1968 has been Black.

So they are basically cherry picking ideal circumstances to make a trans athlete look overpowered—as Portland only has a 5% Black population.

If this race happened in Atlanta instead of Portland, the trans runner probably would have won 10th place and this wouldn't be a news story.

How to create a moral panic 101.

[thefrogman]

We've got another "dominant" trans athlete going viral.

While it is true that Redmond Sullivan has had two first place finishes in tournaments since transitioning, if you look at her record, you might notice this isn't as dominant as claimed.

First I have to explain fencing ratings.

You have individual ratings A through E. The As are top fencers and Es (or unrated) fencers are the worst. The number after the rating is the year.

So a rating of A25 means you are a top level fencer in 2025.

Then you have event classes. They are also A through E but have an additional 1 through 4 difficulty variant.

The easiest tournament is E1.

It has 6 competitors and none of them have to be rated. So you are competing against poorly ranked people and have a much higher statistical chance of winning.

This is like playing basketball with all of your nerdiest friends and "accidentally" forgetting to invite Steve who is 6'4".

The hardest tournaments are A4.

This requires at least 64 competitors and must have at least 12 A-rated, 12 B-rated, and 12 C-rated fencers.

This is like being a 40 year old playing Halo against a hundred 12-year-olds all saying rude things about your mom while repeatedly headshotting you with ease.

You can view all of the event classes here.

If you look at Redmond's two first place finishes, they were in E1 and D1 competitions. (A D1 requires 15 people with four of them E-rated.)

She had a decent statistical chance of winning because the competitors were few and poorly rated.

If you look at her only A4 tournament, she placed 172nd.

I'm not sure I would call someone who placed 172nd particularly dominant.

She currently has a "D" rating overall.

When fencing in men's competitions, she was rated E. And she slightly improved to a D in women's competitions—though this is only with 3 months of data. She ended 2024 with an E rating in women's events. So maybe she improved to a D and a half.

No offense to Redmond, but she is not anywhere close to a top level fencer no matter which league she competes in.

Stephanie Turner, the kneeling transphobe, currently has an E rating and has never finished a year better than a D. By all accounts, she is evenly matched against Redmond and had a legit chance at winning the match. But it was an A2 tournament and she really had no chance of placing highly so I guess she figured this was a good opportunity to be a dipshit.

She is a coward who only took a stand when the stakes were lowest.

I'd also like to point out that Colin Rugg was quick to mention Redmond's first place finishes, but failed to mention that in the very tournament with this kneeling protest, she got 24th place.

It really seems like these trans athletes aren't trying to become dominant athletes by transitioning and they are just competing because they love it.

I mean, if I ever got 172nd place I'd probably hang up my rapier and just watch Zorro movies instead.

[strawberry-crocodile]

people in the notes of that porn addiction post like "i've had men jerk off to porn when i was right here being sexually available" and beyond the idea that not wanting to have sex is some sort of pathology (bad), like... do you really not understand the difference between sex and masturbation?

sex is a social action, doing it means you are taking the needs, desires, and wellbeing of the person you're fucking into account. it takes a certain amount of mental energy and a certain mood to do that? pulling up xhamster and cranking it is like, using similar body parts, but its a completely different task.

if you're with a guy and you're expecting sex with him to be basically him masturbating with your body, well... that's something that needs to be specified and negotiated ahead of time, not the default assumption for sex.

[fucktoyfelix]

[gaystation4]

[feminist-space]

Dr. Carlton Thomas has super helpful learning resources about sex toys, safe anal sex, and other sexual health topics! https://linktr.ee/doctorcarlton.

Here is also a guide to safe sex toys and how to choose them: https://beingthelittlespoon.com/2021/04/08/dildos-and-dil-donts-a-guide-to-body-safe-sex-toys/.

Be safe and have fun safely (and actively consensually, if there's a partner), not just this holiday season but always!

Dildos and Dil-Don'ts: A Guide to Body-Safe Sex Toys » Being The Little Spoon

Think you know your dildo? Think again… not all sex toys are created equal! Is yours body-safe? An expert guide by Being The Little Spoon.

[mxjackparker]

It recently came to my attention that a lot of people, even those who frequently use condoms, don't know that you need to pinch the tip when you put one on or don't know why!

Leaving air in the tip will cause it to expand (and maybe break) when ejaculation happens. Also, air in the condom makes it more likely for the ejaculation to push the air down the condom and make it slip off.

Share to save someone from a condom breakage!

[niki-smith]

Another five page kinky comic I drew last year! This one’s about getting started with wax play. Be safe and have fun!

[fubblers]

To younger broke adults getting into sex work here’s some common scams:

“I’ll pay you $ every week for feet/genital/fetish pics” they start a long conversation about this. Then they convince you to send some sample pics. They will try to get you to enact their fetishes with promise of later payment. Then they cut and run. They will be kind, promise large things, but become aggressive when you refuse. Lesson: never give things for free unless you’re specifically doing it for marketing. Personalized fetish content should require payment upfront.

“I want to be your sugar mommy/daddy” These are insanely common and will use a variety of tactics. They prey on vulnerable broke people who are desperate for stable cash. They may try to use a BDSM dynamic to make you feel sexy and submissive. They’ll start a long flirty conversation that makes you feel good and desired and confident. Then they might send a link…. Don’t click it! Or they might ask you to “prove your loyalty” as their sub/babygirl/whatever. Proving your loyalty will probably involve sending them money in some way. The most common way is to buy a gift card and tell them the code. If a stranger ever asks you to buy them a gift card that’s pretty much always an instant block.

The same thing goes for “pay pigs”. There are very few people out there actually into financial domination. Chances are people promising you access to their bank accounts are liars trying to get dommed by a stranger, or scammers trying to get money from you.

There’s essentially two main categories of scams in sex work: 1. Traditional scams (trying to get money, personal info, account access) and 2. Freebie scams (trying to get your SW content for free)

Freebie scams can involve someone trying to piss you off so you curse them out and they can go jerk it to being rejected by someone hot. You can just block people being weird.

As a new or established SWer you literally don’t owe anyone anything unless they’ve specifically paid for a service you offer.

[certifiedsexed]

Certified Sex Ed Post!

[sapphling]

people love to talk about (predominantly queer) bdsm and kink communities like they're all unstable hyper-dangerous droves of people putting each other at constant risk but in reality there's nothing on earth as dangerous as a dyed-in-the-wool normie vanilla straight guy who's decided that today is the day he tries out choking

[wizardgender]

Saw that post about transmascs and how ppl need to talk more about vaginal atrophy and how it's easily treatable with estrogen cream without affecting your HRT and it got me thinking about how none of us transfems seem to talk about dick atrophy either and how it's also easily treatable with topical testosterone cream provided you're not taking a T blocker (so on a GnRH agonist, estradiol monotherapy, or have had bottom surgery). Without T you don't get that passive tissue maintenance so unless you want to get hard every other day for the rest of your life to keep it healthy you're kinda screwed and erections can become really painful, let alone the change in length/shape. So yeah ask about topical testosterone.

[meshugenist]

daily sildenafil and tadalafil are also good options afaik. working well for me anyway tho idk exactly what the effect on total T levels are. tho it should be noted that topical cream does actually affect your levels a bit, it's just far lower dose than your actual primary HRT so it doesn't necessarily like ruin the effects or raise your E/T levels enough to be an issue. prob a good idea to get your levels checked after using any of these options for at least a month to make sure your levels are all still in target range and make adjustments as necessary. also goes without saying but please masturbate a lot regardless of whether or not you are using these options, it's good for you and will help prevent atrophy to a degree all by itself!

[celestialrunes]

I hope I’m not derailing since this post was started for transfems but I’m worried about those on T in the tags who are asking if masturbation is enough to prevent vulva atrophy and the answer is… no. Not sure why, but it is different with the vulva than penises. Make sure you get estrogen cream as soon as you start feeling discomfort or pain. Its possible it could turn into chronic pain called vulvodynia, and it sucks, but early treatment can prevent it.

I’m not sure if there’s a similar condition for penises where atrophy pain is constant (as opposed to just with erections), but if you’re feeling unexplained pain in the genital region after starting/being on HRT (or birth control, or anything that affects hormone levels) its possible that you’re experiencing atrophy. It causes shrinkage in any genitalia, so that’s usually one of the more observable ways it occurs.

As far as I know atrophy on its own may not cause (consistent) chronic pain as there’s a sizeable amount of people on HRT without it, so there’s no need to panic - it’s just something you gotta know the signs for. It can still feel a bit uncomfortable even without pain, so if it impedes with your baseline comfort level you should get it looked at!

[wizardgender]

You're not derailing at all we're a community and this is important info for everyone c:

[thedisablednaturalist]

You are not a creep if you find yourself sexy with your disability aids. full stop. If your partner is disabled, you are not fetishizing them if you find them sexy when they're in their wheelchair, or wearing their diaper, or have braces on, etc.

Disabled people are allowed to feel sexy and people are allowed to find them sexy. People with deformities and physical differences are allowed to feel sexy and people are allowed to be attracted to them.

The problem comes from lack of consent and dehumanization. Expecting all disabled people to fit your sexual fantasy and sexualizing them openly without their consent (i.e. posting/reblogging normal pictures of a disabled person on your fetish blog or sexually harassing a disabled stranger) is fetishization and horrible. Asking us how we have sex or taking secret photos of us to jack off to later is creepy and crossing the boundry into dehumanizing fetishization. Seeing us and our sexuality as an oddity or a funny joke is not okay.

Reminder, sex toys were first and foremost created by and for disabled people. We have always been having sex and have always been seen as attractive by our admirers, without them fetishizing us. Having sex with a consenting disabled person isnt rape, and yes it is possible for us to eagerly consent! While some disabilities make it hard to consent, that isn't true for all of us.

We get horny, we have sex, we jack off, we wear sexy clothes and show off our bodies. We aren't freak shows for abled peoples amusement nor objects for fetishization. We aren't poor innocent virgins who don't know what sex is, we are a diverse and beautiful community all connected by our disabilities.

[sapphic-sex-ed]

The HRC published a free pdf Safer Sex for Trans Bodies last year and it’s by and for members of the transgender community. It covers topics from masturbation to talking about sex to HRT along with comprehensive information on safe sex. They also provide more resources at the end for further information

[chilewithcarnage]

apologies y'all that link is 7 years old and broken here’s a working link to the updated PDF

[the-seelie-court-official]

had to explain to a good friend that her hormonal regimen does NOT actually "chemically castrate" her. even tho her doctors said it would because state law demands they do so. it's fear-mongering and ass-covering and misleading and we all know laws surrounding medical care for trans people suck.

so let's break this down logically:

it only takes a handful of live sperm to impregnate someone. using round numbers for the sake of simplicity, let's say the average ejaculation has 100,000,000 live sperm (according to webMD the actual range is 200-300 million) and let's also pretend spiro reduces your fertility by 99%, which is like.... completely ridiculous, best case scenario for hormonal birth control taken extremely consistently.

1% of 100,000,000 is 100,000. so you'd still have 100,000 live sperm per ejaculation. so you'd still be fertile.

let's break this down sociologically:

if spiro worked as easily reversible birth control it'd be free in those mint bowls at good restaurants

long story short:

please use actual birth control methods if you're having mixed genital intercourse and dont want a baby! xoxo

[thegenderienvy]

The number of trans men who end up pregnant because of these myths is too damn high too. You can still ovulate on testosterone. You can also use every type of hormonal or nonhormonal birth control and it will not impact your transition. If you are routinely having penetrative vaginal intercourse with someone with a penis, you need birth control!

[queeranarchism]

Designing a new sticker/flyer/thingy.I’m not sure about the text on the second version.

I want to get the point across that trans people are being presented by the liberal assimilationist transgender movement in a way that’s as desexualized as possible and as far removed as possible from the sex workers that make up a significant portion of trans people. This is meant to make trans people easier to accept and assimilate by mainstream culture but it directly hurts trans people.

Trans people’s sexual lives are not talked about in an honest open way and as a result the only narratives about trans sex lives that are hugely transphobic and fetishistic ones. Consequently many trans people’s sexual lives and feelings about their body as a sexual body are wrapped in silence, shame and doubt, full of questions like “am I still real if this turns me on? will people still believe that I am real?”.

This disconnects trans people from their desires, needs and boundaries and directly contributes to many trans people’s inability to assert desires, needs and boundaries which directly contributes to the already staggering rates of sexual violence against trans people. Oh and by the way, the desexualization of trans people also contributes directly to the lack of conversations about the staggering rates of sexual violence against trans people.

For asexual trans people being desexualized by society can mean not being able to identify and name their asexuality because the narrative that trans people should not have or express a sexuality anyway is so present.

And last but defenitely not least this creates a trans movement that does not feel connected to trans sex workers and does not feel a need to include them in their activism in a meaningful way beyond ‘silent victim at TDOR to be mourned but never allowed to speak’.

So for fuck’s sake, fuck all the fucking people who don’t wanna acknowledge that a lot of us fucking fuck.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

are certain lubes better suited for vaginal or anal sex? or are they all the same?

hi anon,

water-based, oil-based, and silicone-based lube are all suitable for either vaginal or anal sex. many people prefer silicone-based lubricants for anal sex because it's so long-lasting and durable, which is helpful when you're working with an orifice that won't naturally lubricate itself. oil-based lubricants are also a no-go with latex condoms, which is relevant for both vaginal and anal sex. beyond that it's all a matter of personal preference!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

thank you dildo-smith Matt for chiming in, and while we're at it let's actually just go through the whole tl;dr pros/cons of the different families of lube!

water-based:

pros: easy to wash off/clean up, safe for use with any toy material.

cons: dries up quick and needs to be replenished often during sex.

silicone-based:

pros: long last. extremely long lasting.

cons: can be a pain in the ass to clean up, and not good for silicone toys as noted above.

oil-based:

pros: long-lasting, and often the best choice for folks with allergies/sensitive skin triggered by other lubricants.

cons: Do Not use with latex condoms.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

#literally not into sex in the slightest but i feel this information is important enough for a reblog

I really appreciate when people share info even when it's not relevant to them personally! you never know who might be following you who will really benefit from seeing it :)

[cricketcat9]

There you go ✌️

[star-anise]

Don’t get your sex ed from fanfiction!

Get it from

Scarleteen

[ruffboi-mags]

Not even joking, y'all, Scarleteen is an amazing resource that deserves attention and (if you've got the cash for it) donations so they can keep providing thorough education about sex, consent, relationships, etc to folks of all ages who need it.

[mycroftrh]

@sage-derby Yes!!!

Here’s a rundown of their general policy, from literally the first article I clicked on just now:

As you might be getting from that, they’re pretty intersex inclusive, too. Here’s a sample of something that’s a little more directly about sex-specific stuff in case you’re thinking “well but they said that was just about pleasure tho”:

They have a lot of sections on their site, but number two is Gender:

“That’s probably just like hetero gender dynamics stuff tho...” Nay nay! Here’s a few of the articles from the first page of their “Gender” section:

Scarleteen was a huge help to me as a trans person. They have a live chat that has sex-ed type folks giving real-time answers, and even just the staff+volunteers who happened to be attending to the live chat were able to help me with weird niche trans problems - a decade ago, when trans people, it seemed, damn near didn’t exist. They are EFFING AWESOME and want to help you!!!!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

apropos of nothing, certainly not the replies on that last reblog, a reminder:

if someone's "criticism" of bdsm hinges on the assumption that all bdsm involves a a male Dom hitting a female sub, that person does not know anything about bdsm and their opinion should not be given much weight!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

"bdsm is rooted in misogyny and letting men get away with abusing women" okay. real quick, explain to me what all those nice gay leather daddies and leather dykes are up to.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

somebody tell them about the straight men who are subs. I want to hear them explain how it's misogynistic for a man to beg a woman to piss in his mouth.

[roach-works]

i was in my early twenties before i realized that actual straight men could be doms, in real life. it's still a little baffling to me. like people who eat hamburgers with a knife and fork. like that's so many extra steps and it doesn't even look fun. i mean, go for it, im not the meat police, but it still kinda seems like this whole thing wasn't designed for what you're doing with it?

[thickthighdommymommy]

Tip for people or couples wanting to try out BDSM or the Dom/sub experience:

You need to slow down. It's not like a book where you just leap in and do kinky shit. That's not safe. It starts with communication first and foremost, setting boundaries and expectations.

If a sub says " I have no limits" that's a huge red flag 🚩

If a dom doesn't try and communicate limits, past experiences, and safewords or doesnt perform aftercare, that's a huge red flag 🚩

Go slow. Experience things slowly. Talk often. It's not a race, it's a marathon and the rewards at the end are definitely worth it,but it takes time, patience, honesty, and communication.