I Am Jack's Awkward Ghey Experience

32, transmasc, he/him/his, queerer than folk. Actually Starscream. Writer, linguist, and available for hire to ruin your family gatherings and make you unwanted at Christmas. Come for the gay, stay for the yay!

[brucesterling]

[radwolf76]

@hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard

[marinella-ela]

[phoenixwrites]

#that giraffe is being so cute and curious and gentle#and that is running full speed because this is the worst fucking day if his LIFE#like IMAGINE having your butt gently scooted by the snoot of a pressence so massive#your body is not designed to even see high enough to see the top of#abd hes just gently nudging you along as you run for your life as fast as your legs can carry you#giraffe is playing humans are enjoying turtle is living out a cosmic horror story

[anime-books-and-movies]

✨️The giraffe✨️:

Vs.

The turtle:

[rainbowriderjt]

[uncle-mojave]

I adore analog technology like this

[thethirdromana]

Stories that would be improved by polyamory:

Dracula: it's basically a novel of kitchen-table polyamory already, but this way someone might actually kiss Jack Seward.

A Midsummer Night's Dream: just let them all have an orgy at the end. I feel like they'd be into it. Puck's invited too if he wants.

Bridget Jones' Diary: why force a choice between Mark and Daniel if there was the option to have both?

Any Arthuriana: less cheating, more honesty, fewer duels, more snogging, everyone's a winner.

Stories that would be made worse by polyamory:

Wuthering Heights: dear God do not give Cathy and Heathcliff a reason to drag more people into their terrible relationship than are already involved.

[valtsv]

if you try to run me through with your blade i'll just pull it in deeper until we're face to face and kiss you on the mouth. with tongue.

[valtsv]

and yes. i will vomit blood into your mouth <3

[faehalfwit]

Pardon?

[valtsv]

you know. bat marriage.

[redavexat]

[honeydewcorporation]

Tried to figure out how I've been running these things and I came up with this

[castametric]

this is a confession to the star wars fandom because I have to get this off my chest. last summer just for fun I taught myself to read aurebesh and. you fanartists have Got to Continue putting the most Hilarious stuff into the background of your art because it is literally my favorite thing

here’s a couple of excellent things I’ve read since I started keeping a list just last month:

- “I hate drawing lightsabers”

- “Idk what to put here”

- “stupid fucking sign”

- “eat paste, it’s good”

- an entire news article on a phone screen which I actually found really impressive

- a few funny misspellings but the best one so far was ahsoka somehow becoming “asock”

- wanted poster of obi wan that read “wanted for fashion crimes”. the caption translated it as “wanted for high treason”. like blatantly lying to my face. love it.

- door on a ship was labeled “cake storage”

- “shopping list: frogs, hair gel, lightsaber polish”

and my personal favorite:

- “if you’re reading this you’re a fucking nerd”

[thoodleoo]

the absolute tgirl swag of elagabalus gathering up all the prostitutes and bottoms in rome and giving them lectures on being horny

[cryptotheism]

Histories first and greatest Tgirlboss

[vincentbriggs]

I made a little wooly bear caterpillar. I was inspired by The Closet Historian's moth brooch video to learn turkey stitch, and I tried brushing it with a wire brush, which really fluffed it up a lot more. I had to trim it a little bit more after the brushing.

All the materials were from my stash, and I didn't time it but it took quite a few hours. I wish I'd used a thinner fabric because this felted coat wool was a bit tough to sew through, and didn't want to bend into a rounded caterpillar shape.

I'm quite happy with it, it turned out so cute! It's a bit bigger than a real one.

[spandexinspace]

I need everyone to know that the ship Götheborg, the world's largest ocean-going wooden sailing ship, answered a distress call the other day.

Imagine waiting for the coast guard or whatever to show up and instead a replica of 18th century merchant ship pulls up and tows you to the coast.

[foxgirlofficial]

pov: you’ve been transported to the 17th century

[uvradical]

#in the article it says that the sailboat sailors were concerned because they could not be towed quickly because of the kind of boat#so they asked Götheborg what type of ship they were and warned that they would not be able to go above a certain speed#and götheborg went ' we are also a sailboat. 50 meters length. no worries :) '#and the poor sailboat sailors were just like ' That's not possible. they have to be messing with us' and then the ship Rolled Up (via bunjywunjy)

[ms-demeanor]

I'm crying. Here's a photo of a sailor from the Götheborg watching over the little sailboat in tow:

From the story:

We repeatedly emphasized that we were aboard a small 8-meter sailboat, but the response was the same each time: "We are a 50-meter three-masted sailboat, and we offer our assistance in towing you to Paimpol." We were perplexed by the size difference between our two boats, as we feared being towed by a boat that was too large and at too fast a speed that could damage our boat. The arrival of the Götheborg on the scene was rapid and surprising, as we did not expect to see a merchant ship from the East India Company of the XVIII century. This moment was very strange, and we wondered if we were dreaming. Where were we? What time period was it? The Götheborg approached very close to us to throw the line and pass a large rope. The mooring went well, and our destinies were linked for very long hours, during which we shared the same radio frequency to communicate with each other. The crew of the Götheborg showed great professionalism and kindness towards us. They adapted their speed to the size of our boat and the weather conditions. We felt accompanied by very professional sailors. Every hour, the officer on duty of the Götheborg called us to ensure everything was going well.[...] This adventure, very real, was an incredible experience for us. We were extremely lucky to cross paths with the Götheborg by chance and especially to meet such a caring crew. Dear commander and crew of the Götheborg, your kindness, and generosity have shown that your ship is much more than just a boat. It embodies the noblest values of the sea, and we are honored to have had the chance to cross your path and benefit from your help.

"Our destinies were linked for very long hours" is just knocking me out.

[petermorwood]

Reblogging again. This must have been a surreal experience.

[tik-tok-ify-the-tumblbeast]

[wrenchinator-central]

Chocolate guy has learned how to make corrugated cardboard. he is a powerful eldritch being who cannot be contained. The only reason we seem to be alive is because his interests are exclusively in the making of delicious lifelike desserts.

[bunjywunjy]

PACKING TAPE?? fucking PACKING TAPE??

[lemonsharks]

Does this mean know he has a cult on Tumblr dot hell

[breelandwalker]

I don't know if this man must be deeply admired or fucking STOPPED before he turns the whole world into chocolate, but there's either a modern god or a supervillain origin story being created before our eyes.

[chaoticgouda]

Losing my mind at the sheer BDE this royal mistress exuded

[thesmokinpossum]

Another funny anecdote about this amazing woman: at some point she was annoyed at Charles II for not yet giving any title to their son yet so when he came to visit them she called for the boy by going all “eh little bastard, come and say hi to your father!”. 

Charles II was understandly shocked and was all like “babe, please don’t call our son that :(” to which she answered that if he didn’t like how she called him, he only had to give him a new title she could use. The title of Earl of Burford was created for the boy shortly after

[generic-usernumber6601]

The bravery of this woman astounds me and I really really want her assertiveness and clever comebacks cause this is a dream come true.

[tiktoks-for-dead-pope]

[karnalesbian]

I keep fucking coming back to this video and not being able to get over how the combination of the tits out look with that hat makes me feel like buddy is essentially dressed like some sort of racy lawn gnome

[official-boob-posts]

official boob post

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

The divine right of kings but it's a curse

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

You will wear the crown, you have no choice, the spikes growing on your head have a metal sheen to them and coalesce into a mock halo. You will command, for your voice is a terrible thing, you are a terrible thing. You will be just, and you will be fair, for any grievances you cause to your people scar your body and leave lasting pain and false promises sizzle on your tongue like hot oil. Your god is watching and it won't forget what your ancestor did and it won't let you go

[cloaksandcapes]

I don't remember where I got the inspiration for this. Might've been from a movie or someone just saying, "Make a Gold Beetle!" But here it is! For all your DnD magic item needs!

The Golden BeetleWondrous Item, very rare

“A realistically carved beetle the size of a human fist that is made of stone. There are cracks within the stone that show small veins of gold below it. Under the right circumstances the stone breaks away revealing a brilliant, golden carapace.”

At the start of each day roll a d20 and on a roll of a 1-15 this magical item is a beetle carved of stone roughly the size of a human hand. When activated using the command word it can serve as a familiar.

The beetle acts independently of you, but it always obeys your commands. In combat, it rolls its own initiative and acts on its own turn. A familiar can't attack, but it can take other actions as normal.

The beetle has an AC of 10, 20 hit points and is resistant to all damage. When it is reduced to 0 hit points it drops to the ground and must be retrieved. It returns to normal after completing a long rest.

While the beetle is within 100 feet of you, you can communicate with it telepathically. Additionally, as an action, you can see through its eyes and hear what it hears until the start of your next turn. During this time, you are deaf and blind with regard to your own senses.

On a roll of 16-20 the beetle sheds away the stone skin revealing a glittering carapace of gold. The golden form of this magical item gives additional benefits as well as serving as a familiar.

While in its golden beetle form, if you or an ally you can see within 30 feet roll less than 11 on the dice for a skill check, you can add a +10 bonus to the result. You can do this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus. You regain expended uses whenever the beetle takes on its golden form.

When a creature you can see within 60 feet is hit with a critical hit you can use a reaction to instead cause the attack to be a miss. Doing so causes the golden beetle to revert to its regular form.

Join us on Twitch every Mon\Wed\Fri to create new Homebrew and check out our Patreon for 420+ magic items, tokens, maps and more.

[gothszler]

what’s funniest about the pacific rim scientists is like. when newt geiszler says he’s a scientist he means an old-timey 1910s entomologist wearing khaki shorts and a comically oversized pair of binoculars traipsing through the jungle capturing endangered species of butterfly and murmuring “egads!! fascinating…..” and scribbling it in his journal. when hermann gottlieb is being a scientist it’s literally the fucking manhattan project. tortured chainsmoking physicist. pawn of a war. repressed homosexual all his life. gets executed for being a communist. And they have to do each other’s peer review

[scribefindegil]

Types of brain fog:

Brain is primordial sludge & you are drowning in it

U are a ghost and nothing is real

Mental equivalent of attempting to stream some high-res video game when all you have is dial-up

The thing you want to articulate is *right there* but you're just scrabbling at it like a cat continually failing to catch the bird on the other side of the window

The Void

[supreme-leader-stoat]