CONFUSED BEAR

WATCHER RECEIVED THE MESSAGE, LOCKED IT AWAY, LOCKED IT DEEP.

[di]

I have one brain cell and it represents love

[stupefoxmakesgifs]

Harrison Ford being an adorable loser as Jack Trainer in Working Girl (1988).

[thememedaddy]

[dovesick]

various types of pigeons

[important-animal-images]

[d-d-zero]

[visenyaism]

“tumblr is nice because it’s anonymous and irrelevant so it doesn’t affect my real life in any way.” Wrong. if you are on here for long enough the words of your mortifying adolescent internet diary will be written on the subway walls and tenement halls and out of the mouths of coworkers and over the faces of tiktokers and and in reddit screenshots posted on instagram sent to you by your friends and in ai dupe novelty t shirts and in the smiles of strangers repeating bits you forgot you left lying around on here when you were a teenager. and also pinterest.

[visenyaism]

stupidest most mortifyingest ways this has happened to me so far

-first ever time was in high school when a friend told a joke from a post or something at marching band practice and I got super aggro and was like how did you find me and found out she did not know it was me. Sorry nic💔

-screenshot of own post sent to me by friends with some variation of ‘lol you would find this funny’ ‘this reminded me of you’ or ‘they write like you talk’ x15-20 times

- go over to this girl’s house to watch a movie in grad school. one of my dumb ass posts abt a book series she liked was printed out and thumbtacked to the bulletin board by the door.

-screenshot of a 15 note flop post I wrote otw to class showed up on a girl I had just met in college’s instagram story

- someone I met from the other side of the country at a networking thing repeated phrase I wrote in stupid joke post the year before

- got told ‘this is kinda dumb lol’ by irl oomf and shown a TikTok of someone repeating something I wrote verbatim but less funny

- told my friend a story abt something funny that had happened to me earlier this week. He was like I know you stole this from Reddit you don’t have to lie. Whipped out his phone showed me a screenshot of my own post.

- quoted in an article on polygon dot com as “viral tumblr user.” I didn’t use an article for comedic effect and they [sic]’d me. I found out about this happened to me because my father sent it to me and was like isn’t [article subject] interesting have you noticed this happening in your life

[hydro-homies]

Imagine being the only person alive who can say this

[nevercure]

buzz aldrin and neil armstrong liked to do a thing where they’d tell unfunny jokes at parties about being on the moon and when people were confused they’d go “guess you had to have been there”

[scunthotter]

I know I've talked about Ilya being frustrated he can't brag about pulling Shane but you know who else would be frustrated about not being able to brag? Yuna Hollander would be so frustrated that she basically has the two best hockey players in the world in her family and she can't even bring up that now she has TWO sons in the mlh and oh what is your son up to Sharon? Hmm that sounds rough that you have to send him money every month. She's in meetings, maybe there are other players agents and managers and they try to bond by putting down Rozanov and she wants to go "your client couldn't even touch Ilya's points per game. Don't fucking talk about one of my boys." and she's so pissed off by the interaction she gets that player removed from the brand deal.

[reigning-catsanddogs]

[keikomivra]

AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER (2024- ) 2.07: Something Broken

[penandinkprincess]

Wait, does ilya like call bars/clubs to ask if they have ginger ale? Or does he ask when there without shane?

Im also imagining him with a note on his phone for "shane clubs" with notes and rating on how much shane will like them

so ilya has an internal criteria for if shane will like a club or not (is there a place to be outside of the main action? is there a place where you can stand and the music isn't so loud? are the lights predictable or do they have a lot of strobing? etc.), and if the club meets THOSE qualifications, then he will ask at the bar if they have ginger ale. if no, out of the running as a place he will take shane. if yes, success! new Shane Friendly Club.

but it's SO fucking casual, you guys. SO fucking casual. thinking about your hookup and his preferences when he's not even with you and you're actively trying to pick up someone else is SO fucking casual. don't even worry about it.

[junkdrawertales]

Ten of Ilya Rozanov’s Designated Shane Places (it’s so casual it’s literally no problem at all. It only took like three weeks of research a minute to make!)

Club with heavily upholstered booths that muffle sound. Lots of ginger ale. Menu has several variations on a Moscow Mule

Club with a big fishtank behind the bar that Shane likes to look at when he’s overstimulated. Drinks are hipstery. Shane likes the hibiscus-peppercorn Old Fashioned.

Club that has twinkly chandelier lights that aren’t too harsh or too dim. Ginger beer instead of ginger ale. Still good though.

Club that plays weird avant-garde Québécois indie rock and doesn’t allow cameras. Large selection of Canadian whiskey.

Bar with lots of darts and pool tables if Shane is feeling competitive. Aggressively hipster. They brew their own weird probiotic soda. Shane LOVES weird probiotic soda.

Bar and grill with live jazz. They have a vegan menu. Shane likes the fried jicama sticks. Organic ginger ale.

Club with gauzy curtains hanging from the ceiling that look cool AND block cameras. No ginger ale, but Shane will have a mint julep (they are excellent)

Club playing exclusively 80s hits, weird cocktails with rosemary smoke. Every hour on the hour they drop pounds and pounds of confetti from the ceiling. Drunk Shane thinks it’s pretty.

Club with a ball pit gimmick. Ilya suggested it as a joke but Shane’s eyes got huge like a cat fixating on a bug. It’s deeply overstimulating and he can tolerate it for about 90 minutes before he has to stand outside for a bit. Very strong drinks.

Club with go-go dancers who can be bribed into letting Drunk Shane have a turn dancing in the stripper cage. Drinks irrelevant. This is Ilya’s favorite.

[penandinkprincess]

i've literally been at work all day just laughing about the idea of drunk shane in a ballpit.

he's not even like. moving around in it.

he is drunk, and he is laying perfectly still as if meditating, and tbh? kind of unsettling. three different people have checked on him. ilya circles back every twenty-ish minutes to be like, "shane? you are alive still?" yep.

he's fine.

he's just ballpitting.

[dingdongyouarewrong]

i'm getting the sense some of you are not actually forklift certified.

[averagejoey2000]

[dingdongyouarewrong]

well damn . egg on my face

[dingdongyouarewrong]

THE PLOT THICKENS @averagejoey2000 explain yourself

[averagejoey2000]

I can't believe this is how I'm finding out that I got a scam forklift cert.

I took the cargo ops class at school but my teacher explained that it doesn't give a certification and I'd only be okay for ship's crane and the school forklifts. she said I could take an online exam and get my cert. I paid 60 bucks.

I'm googling and I'm seeing a lot of resources saying that the online programs cover the classroom part of the exam but not the in person practical aspect.

29 CFR 1910.178 (l)(2)(ii)

but I did the in person practical shit at school.

[averagejoey2000]

the back of the card even had fancy numbers on it. I couldn't have known that this isn't the one. this website sounded more official than certifyme.net, and there wasn't one with a .gov address.

[averagejoey2000]

so, I emailed OSHA, and they said that so long as I live and work in California, there's no such thing as forklift certification. I have to be told how to do it every time I get the job.

[averagejoey2000]

Update: I took a certification class in shipboard Material Handling Equipment at my federal job. *now* I'm forklift certified, but only on ships and piers and only for this company, but also rated to forklift explosives and hazardous materials. Also I'm a woman now.

[nerdicornthetrekkie]

[gamechangershow]

Sorry but it's not complete without...

[depsidase]

[apolladay]

Who's the most attractive man in Dispatch?

Robert

Flambae

Sonar

Waterboy

Phenomaman

Punch-Up (important context: he is 1m/3'3" tall)

Shroud

Royd

Golem

Remaining time: 4 days 8 hours

[yingtan]

House of Flying Daggers 十面埋伏 (2004) dir. Zhang Yimou

[nixcraft]

[beesmygod]

also at the end when they ask you "any questions?" and you can't think of anything: ask about parking. even if you don't have a car.

[homeschooledangel]

I have an interview today in a couple hours, how did the algorithm know I needed this

[faunlord]

Btw when they ask if you have questions some actual good options are stuff like “what’s a typical day like in this role” or “is this job open because someone is leaving or is this a new position”

[sequintial]

Another good question I stole from a reddit post that has really impressed all interviewers (two job offers!) is: "let's say you hire me and in a year you're thinking you made a really great choice. What will I have done to make you think that?"

It gets them talking about what they're looking for in the role, thinking about how you could fit it, and lets you end the interview getting to reiterate how good you would be for the role and how enthusiastic you are for it.

[nessataleweaver]

If you get the 'tell me about yourself' I've actually had at least one interview where they want to know about you as a person.

It might be worth asking them "Do you mean professionally, to get an idea of my work, or personally to see how I'll fit into the workplace culture?"

[tinylilhollander]

Ilya always has a mop of frizzy wild curls at the cottage because

They're always in and out of the water – lake swims, pool swims, hot tub, showers – so doing his curl routine each time would be crazy when he could be spending that precious time sucking his boyfriend's dick.

Shane's not the biggest fan of how Ilya's styling products feel. He'll tolerate it, but Ilya can tell by his face that the texture isn't his favourite. Less product = more hair touching.

Shane's hands are always in his hair. When they're kissing. When they're watching a movie. When they fuck. When Ilya sits with his head in Shane's lap. When they're napping on the couch together. Shane's hands are usually full of a handful of Ilya's curls.

Shane seems to really like it. One time Shane said Ilya's fluffy hair made him look like a duckling and he's been chasing that high ever since.

He just prefers this version of him that doesn't need to look perfect and be perfect to be loved and adored. Shane never makes him feel lazy for letting his hair get a little wild over summer. He kisses his temples and tells him he's so fucking beautiful.