⋆˚꩜｡⋆ Jamie 💌 ⋆˚꩜｡⋆

Taurus ♉︎⋆⟡

[okoyestrainee]

Shane realizes how much he’d gotten used to being mistreated when none of the Centaurs so much as glance at him during a random bar trivia night.

It occurs to Shane that the Metros are a walking, talking, sentient amalgamation of microaggressions. Or just plain aggressions, honestly. He knows his team—his former team. He knows that after a few drinks, Comeau couldn’t be trusted not to ask JJ whether he sacrificed chickens for voodoo rituals. He knows the rookies would ask him what wait staff at Chinese restaurants were saying, despite multiple reminders that a) he’s not Chinese, b) the people working here aren’t necessarily Chinese, and c) someone speaking another language doesn’t mean they’re talking shit about you. He knows at least three of his former teammates would randomly stick a hand in JJ’s hair and ask if he could wash it “like normal people.” He knows that Hayden (well-meaning and generally receptive to criticism, but still lacking in some areas) would direct math questions his way, like he was a human calculator.

Sitting with his new team, with Ilya slightly tipsy and completely relaxed at his side, Shane realizes that he’s just…a guy. He’s any other guy at the table. No one’s checking for him, with him, or on him in particular. When a science or math question comes up, they’re not deferring to him for the answers because he’s Asian and they assume he’s a STEM whiz.

He is, to be clear. He’s an everything whiz. Shane was a straight A student in school and could’ve gone to any university of his choice had hockey not been his goal/passion/obsession. It’s just not because he’s Asian—it’s because Shane Hollander refuses to give or be anything less than his absolute best at anything. His perfectionism runs deep and is quite possibly genetic (yes, Ilya always says, because I have seen how you and your mother play board games), but it has nothing to do with being Japanese.

“Okay,” Bood mutters to himself as he reads the clues again. “Genetic disorder, shortens lifespan. Featured on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy and associated with…stones?”

“Stone disease,” Ilya considers aloud. “That sounds familiar. F-something?”

“Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva,” Shane and Wyatt say simultaneously.

The table goes silent for a moment before erupting into laughter and questions.

“Why and how do you know that?” Harris shouts over the ruckus. “Who just has that knowledge ready to go?”

The questions are directed at just Shane. The table assumes that Wyatt—known nerd and husband of a physician—can pull random medical knowledge out of thin air on command. Nobody assumes that Shane’s supposed to know everything. Nobody’s disappointed when he doesn’t have the right answer and saying “I thought you guys were supposed to be smart” if he can’t answer a math question correctly in 5 seconds. Harris is genuinely amazed that Shane pulled the answer out of nowhere and curious about where he learned it, instead of just rolling his eyes and saying something like “of course he knows.”

He shrugs. “I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole once.”

Ilya laughs loudly and pulls him in for a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “We should play doctor later. I have this problem with my di—“

Shane shuts him up with a kiss and makes a mental note to invest in scrubs. For science. Again, not because he’s Asian. Because he’s horny and creative.

[sunnydejavuu]

more headcanons about ilya's neighbors in ottawa? more likely than you think.

one day ilya and shane are on call and ilya is telling shane about his day and they start talking about the neighbor family across the street. at this point ilya is starting to actually get close to all of them, not just talking to the kids every game day. shane (as a joke!!!) is like haha i wish i could meet them they sound great. (he knows he can never do that realistically but meeting the people who are making ilya's life less lonely in ottawa would be nice).

ilya, however, decides that what shane wants shane gets. so next time he's talking with the mom outside their houses (because sometimes he times his runs to when she's working in her garden because he feels like talking to someone) he slips it into the conversation.

"hey, those dinner plans we have for the day before the montreal game, can my friend shane hollander come? my friend shane hollander would like to meet his friend's neighbors. my friend shane hollander is very nice. the kids would love to meet my friend shane hollander, right?"

and she's very enthusiastic about it, of course ottawa hometown hero golden boy shane hollander can come to my house for dinner what kind of question is that supposed to be.

so they go and shane dresses up a little nicer than he usually would and he brings a gift and its all going so nice and all topics of conversation have been safe and the family is really as nice as ilya said they would be and the kids are just as sweet and hockey obsessed as he thought.

then, one of these sweet sweet kids looks at their dad and goes "will auntie bring her girlfriend over next week i want her to teach me that cat drawing she did last time"

and shane and ilya are so fine about this. they barely froze. they barely processed this. ok. the kids have an auntie who has a girlfriend. that doesn't mean anything.

ilya manages to ask "girlfriend?"

and the dad goes "oh yeah, my sister is very much a lesbian, my parents ended up with two queer kids how fun!!"

and the reactions are not being controlled anymore. shane's eyes have gone a little dry with how wide they are. he thinks he's controlling himself but he really isn't. "two queer kids?" he asks.

the dad chuckles and the mom smiles and rolls her eyes "yeah, he's bisexual but he looks straight to everyone else because he married me!!"

they all laugh. this is normal information. shane and ilya definitely aren't doing their footsie thing underneath the table. the night goes on, they get tipsy. when they leave and the front door shuts behind them, they just look at each other and laugh. can we tell them, ilya whisper-asks. fuck it yes we can, shane whisper-replies. because the need to tell someone is burning them up from the inside and they just discovered a safe space that's already been a safe space for one of them for so. long.

they practically skip across the street to ilya's house. they barely get the door closed before they're jumping each other. from the window, the mom and dad have watched them run across the street giggling like giddy kids and think, ok, that's a close pair of friends.

[rattus-stultus]

one year somebody on the Centaurs team (probably Harris) gets Shane and Ilya matching spoof training jerseys. instead of saying PROPERTY OF CENTAURS across the chest they say PROPERTY OF HOLLANDER and PROPERTY OF ROZANOV. the entire locker room thinks it's the funniest thing they've ever seen. Ilya laughs. Shane chuckles too, shakes his head, calls everyone idiots. they play it off perfectly.

then they get home and it's suddenly not funny anymore because they're codependent weirdos. Shane is standing in the kitchen trying very hard not to think about the words PROPERTY OF ROZANOV while Ilya immediately changes into the PROPERTY OF HOLLANDER jersey and just... wanders around the house wearing it with the most insufferably smug look on his face. they fuck about it.

[gaynehollander]

Shane set out to learn Russian because he didn't want the burden of communicating in their second language to always fall on Ilya, by default. He also wanted to learn more about Ilya's culture through the language, he wanted to hear his husband make jokes in his mother tongue, to get to know the side of him that comes out entirely unimpeded when he doesn't have to filter himself through his second language. He expected to mostly use it at home, perhaps especially when Ilya was feeling overwhelmed. However, once Shane actually learns Russian to the point that he's fully conversational, they mostly use it to shit talk people in public.

[lycheeek]

Roselana but make it PWHL

[hr-rep]

Miles probably has the most insane perception of Ilya. Miles being a little surprised to see Shane’s rival in this random bar, waving at him and instead of a response he sees Ilya activating like a terminator to stare down Rose and Shane. Like. Does he think they’re in danger?

[mutinsfromthemoon]

ilya and shane are playing like shit. it’s better than an average good player, but still noticeable for them and their coach and assistant coaches. something went wrong with the cens management and they booked a room on the same floor as the others players. shane refused to have sex with ilya “these walls are thin as paper, i don’t want to look at ours teammates faces tomorrow knowing they heard me moan for hours” he snarks at ilya and ilya heavily sighs resigned. but still has impacted their game, they’re not losing per se, but still none of them had made a goal. at the end of the second period, ilya took shane to a empty maintenance room and said with a low voice “i will suck your dick” and shane held him by his shoulder whisper yelled “are you crazy? we need to go back in 15 minutes” and ilya stared at him and said “you don’t need 15 minutes to come, you don’t even need 5” and shane snorts “asshole” and ilya said “now shut up and let me do my work”. the game ended with 3 x 1 for the cens, a goal and an assist from shane. the team entered the room cheering and bood looked at shane and said “i don’t know what happened in the third period but you were on fire hollz” slapping shane’s back and shane just laughed and ilya smirked “whatever you did, keep this going” he continued and ilya said “oh don’t worry that’s were already in our plan” and the whole team groaned and shane cackled looking at his husband while shaking his head.

[emmikay]

Ilya Rozanov: Haasy, you can do it! You have what you need to beat them!

Luca Haas: The power to believe in myself?

Shane Hollander: No, the puck.

Shane Hollander: Fucking shoot!

[ladyelspeth14]

a sunny, seaside vacation is how shane discovers that ilya is terrified of jellyfish.

“they don’t have a spine!” ilya says, his eyes serious. “you agree they’re weird, yes?”

shane huffs out a laugh, but he isn’t really listening because all he could see are ilya’s curls escaping under his backward ball cap.

ilya pulls shane away from stepping on a jellyfish a few minutes later, and shane loves being rescued like this. for the rest of their walk on the beach, he pretends to ignore all the jellyfish. ilya tirelessly saves him every time. it’s adorable.

[gaynehollander]

One practice, not too long after Shane joins the Centaurs, he's limping and, honestly, it's affecting his skating. In between scrimmages and drills, he keeps straightening up and wincing a little, gloved hand resting on his lower back. There's no way it passes anyone by but it isn't until they're back in the locker room that someone comments on it. "Rough night last night?" Bood asks and no sooner are the words out of his mouth than Ilya has smacked the back of his head and told him to shut the fuck up. Shane's flushing but glares at him before saying, "I slipped in the goddamn shower, okay?" None of the Cens quite believe him but once he shucks his clothes it's obvious that there's a huge fresh bruise on Shane's lower back, leading up his spine. Bood hisses just at the sight of it. "Shit, man" he says, "I'm sorry." Shane mumbles something that sounds like, "don't worry about it," but his cheeks are still burning red because, yes, technically a slip in the shower is exactly what occurred but Ilya was the one who slipped. While holding Shane up against the wall. And now they have a fucking plumber coming around because not only did Shane crash into the tiles and bang his tailbone, he somehow managed to grab the shower head on his way down and tore it clean off, bursting the pipe.

[hr-rep]

Ilya gets insanely jealous when the media starts calling Shane and Bood the A-Team but when he goes to complain to Shane about how they don’t have a fun little nickname. Shane just stares at him. And says, exasperated, Ilya we share a last name, that’s better than any of this stupid marketing bullshit (Ilya is legally required to fuck him about that. Not that he’s fighting it)

(Thing is! They already have one. It’s holy fuck WHO is coming on the ice? Yeah. No. We’re fucked. Everybody pack it up. At least we can’t be embarrassed about losing.)

[argillaforma]

ilya somehow managed to find the freakiest guy of them all who is also the most polite about it

shane will be like okay so i bought this rope i want you to use on me and it said to be careful because you could get rope burn if it's too tight but i kinda like when it hurts a little and i feel like i can't escape so just tie it as tight as you want i have a lotion for after so it should be fine also i really want that gag in my mouth we used last time...only if it's cool with you obviously, or we could just do something else, please tell me what you think :)

[mutinsfromthemoon]

yuna and harris are known to post candid photos of shane and ilya on social media. it doesn’t mean that shane and ilya doesn’t post each other, they do but it’s majority like any other male athlete (ilya’s feed look just like haaland’s (sorry ilya is not posting like dua lipa he’s a jock) and shane’s feed is extremely professional just their wedding photo pinned). so yuna posted a dump of shane and ilya on instagram with caption “my babies”. there’s a lot of pictures of them just being together and affectionate. them in the lake at the cottage, or hugging in the deck in the sunset, or cooking together, solving puzzles with dave, dinner with the family, sitting in the coach in each others arms, some with anya and a lot of pinterest like type candid pictures. but the picture with the most comments about it’s the one they’re snuggling while napping in a king size bed. they’re totally entangled. ilya’s face hidden in shane’s chest, while his arms is holding shane’s waist inside shane’s sweeter and shane’s leg across ilya’s body. like they’re pressed pressed together. and their friends in the comments like “of course they sleep on top of each other in a king size bed” “omg get off her” “they would live inside of each other if they could” “obsession in the dictionary have this picture beside it” “they’re so cute on those it’s almost like they don’t spend a lot of time bickering like siblings and trying to beat each other in everything”

[caramelpenguin]

"Do you think... we'd be in love at sixteen? Or- fifteen?"

Shane makes a soft noise. He is so tired. His eyes are drooping, body melting into the sheets like the bed will swallow him whole. He snuggles closer, lifting an arm to palm at Ilya's bicep, fingers spreading over solid muscle. It's so warm. He's so warm. Shane wants to feel this warm forever. "Mm? What?"

"If we'd met before? You think it would have been the same?"

"Before Saskatchawan?"

"If we met as younger teenagers. Do you think you would have still loved me then?"

"Duh." Shane huffs a laugh, his hand now wrapping around Ilya's back and climbing up and threading into the curls at the nape of his neck. He hums, content. "Obviously."

Ilya’s mouth tightens slightly. “Obviously,” he repeats.

"I'd always love you." He thinks of younger Shane Hollander, and remembers wide eyes, awe as he watched younger Ilya Rozanov on the ice, the excitement that bubbled in his chest. "I watched hockey tapes of you. Before we met."

"You did?"

He yawns. "I think I had a crush on you. Which is- wow. Embarrassing."

"Lucky you. Dating your childhood crush." Ilya's tone is smug, but his smile is soft, his thumb stroking Shane's chin like he can't really believe it himself.

And Shane's voice is all syrup and honey and golden and loving when he says, before drifting to sleep, "fuck you, Ilya."

[jeffthemagicdragon]

Does Shane get the Cens into pilates and why is the answer yes and who is the best at it and why is it Wyatt Hayes

[raccoonspew]

Ilya Rozanov’s bachelor party is insane, but not in the way anyone expected.

It’s an overnight trip to the cottage. Svetlana, Cliff, Jackie (but not Hayden) Pike, most of the centaurs, and for some reason David Hollander are all there. Everyone’s expecting some Death of a Bachelor style extravaganza, a dramatic send-off of Boston’s Finest Eater, a glittery funeral for the man who once did a line of coke off a model in a moving car.

But then they all get there and Ilya just wants to…hang out? Kinda? There are video games and jet skis and funny stories told around a campfire. There’s an impromptu game of charades that ends with Jackie Pike throwing a shoe at Cliff Marleau and splitting his lip open.

But it’s still Ilya Rozanov. His 2014 club-rat soul is as strong as ever. He’s going to make it a good time.

By 10:00 PM they’ve been playing never have I ever for over an hour trying to find something he hasn’t done. It’s David Hollander flabbergasted and impressed. It’s Wyatt Hayes shouting “what do you mean you’ve been kidnapped before?” And Zane Boodram yelling “I didn’t even know that was a position!”

It’s Cliff wearing a comically large pair of sunglasses to disguise the fact he’s sobbing while drunkenly telling everyone story after story about Ilya’s Boston days. He’s slurring “and no homo, man, but I’m not even mad those girls made us kiss during that threesome! It was an honor!” Before collapsing. Luca Haas passed out after the first round of Twister.

David Hollander is white girl wasted congratulating his future son in law, he’s shit talking Montreal for hurting his sweet boy so loud that they have to cover their ears. Him and Ilya are bonding over their shared experience with a stubborn spouse that they can’t say no to. Eventually Ilya switches completely to Russian without realizing and gets pissed when no one laughs at his clearly hilarious jokes.

Halfway through the night Sveta has to call Shane (who is at home completely sober) so Ilya will stop attempting to ride a peloton bike to their house. Ilya starts weeping the second he hears Shane’s voice. It’s “baby stop crying I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” and “holy shit did you get my dad wasted?” But David isn’t around to hear because he’s actually on a similar sounding FaceTime with Yuna. Ilya falls asleep on the floor cradling a framed photo of Shane as a little kid.

It’s one of the best nights of his entire life. Practice is cancelled for three days.

(Shane’s bachelor party is bowling. Funnily enough, he also ends up asleep on the floor.)

[angel-mistakes]

I love love love the idea of Cliff/Hayden figuring out Hollanov is a thing (unbeknownst to Shane and Ilya). And because they're the only two who know and can gossip with each other about it-- they meet up when they can when they're in each other's cities to catch up. Only that causes twitter to start claiming they're the ones in a secret gay love affair. There's photos of Hayden entering Cliff's house and leaving after midnight, them getting in cars together, Cliff wearing Hayden's clothes, etc. It gets so big online it makes it to real news outlets. Shane and Ilya have a heart attack when they see articles coming out only to see it's not about them-- but their friends.