All the Jezebells and Whistles

Gay Feminist with a Sweet Tooth

[kaijutegu]

lizard out there really gonna do it

[kaijutegu]

this lizard is braver than any US marine

[kaijutegu]

he’s going for it, the absolute madlad

[kaijutegu]

[tv-nerd-aus]

Akilah Green on Chelsea 

[bakwaaas]

I love how irrelevant tumblr is. like no celebrities on here, no colleagues or family on here, no one’s famous off tumblr or making money, tbh no ones even updating the site like is there even any staff? who knows? it’s bliss

[popsunner]

So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.

[popsunner]

Oh! I forgot to mention! I saw him at lunch the same day, and he ran up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at this super sweet girl who comes to GSA and asked if she’s gay. I told him he should ask her because that’s not my place and he said he would.

I thought that would be the end of it.

Except ten minutes later he came back and told me he found out (she’s bi) and that both of us have a shot. I said “You more than me.” because he’s attractive and popular. 

But this wholesome dumbass looked really confused and asked, “Because I’m tall?’

[popsunner]

So this isn’t lesbian/jock solidarity but I thought you guys would want to know-

My math teacher was trying to fix the rolling whiteboard and he just offhand said “This would be easier with a wrench”

And deadass, dudebro said “Hang on” and then proceeded to pull a fucking wrench out of his backpack

[popsunner]

Update- after school today he saw me in the library and he didn’t say anything? He just pointed at the book he was holding and I gave him a thumbs up because it’s a pretty good book, and he went “Yes!” Really quiet and pumped his fist and then left

[popsunner]

Okay so today he asked me if I know how to help people having a panic attack and I was like yeah? And he smiled at me and then went “cool I think I’m having one”

And I was like what the fuck Colin we’re in the middle of Tech class sit down and we went out in the hall and sat there for a while and he told me about the test he’s stressed about so we kind of went over his study guide and when he was feeling better he kind of like… smacked his head against mine gently? And I helped him up even though he’s almost a foot taller than me and yeah

[popsunner]

Today at lunch we walked to the football field and laid in the grass and I told him thank you for being my friend (because I don’t have that many) and fistbumped me and said, “You always looked so nice and chill, how could I not want to be your friend?”

And honestly y’all, I would’ve started crying if he hadn’t sneezed and accidentally smacked me

[annabanannabeth]

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[straightboyfriend]

mike’s hard bubble tea

[emeraldfoxface]

It’s just marbles

[jeaniefranklins]

I’ve been laughing at “you kick her body like the football?” for days.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Me, lightly nudging Mochi out of the way so I don’t drop a hot pan or something similarly dangerous on both of us: Kitty, Please.

Mochi: I   A M   S O C K   N O W.

[ballsballsbowls]

I HAD to know what Miette looked like and I was NOT disappointed

[x]

[wearegonnamakeit-deactivated201]

[kneegrow-chan]

this is what riverdale should've been

[yungstrawb]

i wish michigan was a real place and not just something sufjan stevens made up for his songs :(

[tiktoks-we-like]

[drawingdeamon]

manager: you’re gonna greet the customer normally this time?

employee: yes 

m: ok. gonna do a good job?

e: yes? oh my god?

Customer: [enters]

e: hi :) welcome to the sunglass hut :) im the sunglass slut :) can i get you anything?

[kaijuno]

Just heard my brother shout over his gaming headset “AND WHO THE H-E-DOUBLE-FUCK ARE YOU”

[twofingerswhiskey]

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

Have fun in the war dumbass I’ll be at home fucking military wives

[unbossed-deactivated20251218]

[eastbayfatman]

Damn. Good way to get your fucking windows kicked in

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

shut the fuck up and raise my son bootlicker

[lowtiermemer]

All fun and games until someone with 3 confirmed kills shows up at your doorstep with a baseball bat

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

im not at my house tho, im at yours with your wife

[penguitron-deactivated20211130]

But he’s got shooters all over the world 🌎 even when he’s away

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

just shot a load in his wife

[hitting-on-cullen-deactivated20]

You ungrateful asshole. My bf might be fighting for your freedom and you’re here mocking him for keeping your pathetic ass safe from the threats of the world. If a war comes to our country, we’re not saving you, you dumbass ungrateful fuck up of a human being.

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

Your bf is fighting for oil and killing civilians and probably cheating on you he’s a scumbag, which is why I just fucked his mom to make a better son

[thetyrannosaur]

[heardbook]

The fool taunts the hungry dogs but the dogs have their day and the fool becomes a feast

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

your girl boutta be the feast soon as you get deployed boot boy

[berylb33]

World Heritage Post

[sumetal]

if she’s your girl why is she approaching me gently and with her hand stretched out so i have the opportunity to sniff her and decide if she is a danger to me or not

[nursery-deactivated20160926]

i been dying for a minute

[groupmood-blog1]

You’ve been dying your whole life

[nursery-deactivated20160926]

[spcrash]

Loora Wang. She’s a Chinese fashion designer who uses Tik Tok to promote her clothing line. You might recognize this one:

From what I’ve heard, the other woman in them is her sister.

[teaboot]

This old farmer in the town I’m in just warned me ‘watch out for the old guy’s daughter, she’s six foot nine and built like an amazon’ and all I could do was choke up and whisper ‘awesome’

[teaboot]

Gossipy rural townsfolk warning of tall brick shithouse lesbians who might hit on me have no idea