This is part 5 of a series of drabbles that I’m posting. It’s not in chronological order so you don’t need to read part 1, 2 . 3 or 4 if you don’t want to. Enjoy!
After so many years, Kaz's sleeping habits had gotten better but nightmares still got the best of him some nights.
That was one of those nights.
At the time Jordie was nine and Jess had just turned five.
He wandered to the kid's bedroom.
He used to do that more often when they were younger: check if they were breathing and make sure that they were safe and sound.
That night in particular Jordie was sleeping just fine. However Jess was breathing heavily, her bedcloth arround her calves.
Kaz stept into the room, getting closer to her bed.
He extended his arm and touched her forehead.
A shiver ascended through his spine.
"Jess, wake up." He tried to sound firm, like giving a command. Instead his voice sounded weak, riddled with terror.
He shook her but she didn't open her eyes.
She was there a second later, a knife in her hand and a hard look on her face like he hadn't seen in a long time.
She was ready for a fight. What was more: She was ready to kill in order to protect her children.
It was too bad that the kind of danger that was afflicting their daughter couldn't be battled with a knife.
He explained that she had a fever and that he would be taking her to the nearest medik, the words stumbling out of his mouth rapidly.
He took her in his arms...and a sense of nausea like he hadn't felt in years overtook him. His surprise almost made him let go of her.
It hadn't happened to him in years. Especially not with his children.
They were so warm, so vivid, so alive that it never had happened with any of them. Since the moment he held Jordie for the first time until that moment, none of his children's touch ever made him want to throw up.
He looked down at his daughter's face, her distress visible in her factions.
She needs me. She needs me. She needs me.
He repeated that in his head like a chant that forced him to get going, the taste of bile still on the back of his throat.
He didn't look twice at his wife or son.
And he couldn't have known that the same fate was awaiting for them soon after.
By the sunlight morning Inej and Jordien had also fallen with a high fever.
The three of them became delusional, pale as a sheet and oscillating between conscious and unconscious state.
"What is happening to my family?" he barked at the medik.
He explained that it was a new form of plague. That those who had previouly suffered the Queen's Lady Plague were inmmune but those who hadn’t...
The medik didn't dare to finnish the sentence.
Kaz's body resisted enough time for the medik to leave the room before he fell to his knees and did the one thing he swore he would never do: he prayed.
"Let's make a deal" he muttered acidily into the sky. His voice barely a rough whisper.
"My wife has been nothing but blindly faithful to you all. So it's time to collect the earnings that you owe her for her stubborn loyalty. She is pure hearted. So are my kids." His voice trembled.
"I am not. I'm wrong and twisted. So let's make a deal. You let them live and have the life they deserve and take me instead. I will pay for every crime I've ever commited. I won't fight my way out of it or even complain. I will take any suffering you want me to endure with pleasure. Just as long as..." his voice craked. "As long as you leave them alone. They are too good. I...I can't lose them. They cannot die."
Which was a silly thing to say because they could, in fact, die. That was the way life was: unfair. And if there was someone who knew injustice, that was him.
And still the last words he muttered before he collapsed of tiredness were: "Please, please don't take them away from me."
It only got worse from that point on.
They became permantly unconcious. Their delusions got worse. They barely ate or drank. Their skin looked closer to grey than their usual brown color.
And they kept on getting worse and Kaz could only stay by their side, rotating between wetting Inej's lips, putting a cloth of cold water on Jordie's forehead or holding Jess' hand.
He hated the feeling of nausea that overtook him anytime his skin touched theirs.
He hated it like he had never hated it before.
He walked that room more times than he could count, pacing back and forth and cursing at the saints for being as false as he had always thought they were.
And they kept on getting worse and Kaz could only curse at himself for bringing this fate to his family, because how else could it be explained?
It was his fault, his fault, his fault, his...
And they kept on getting worse and he felt idiotic for having prayed to those treacherous beings.
And still he prayed everynight after having curse at them all day long because, what else could he do? He was that desperate.
And they kept on getting worse
Until they didn't. Until the fever and delusions stopped. Until they became more conscious than not. Until they were able to eat and drink again. Until their bright bronze color return to their skin.
Until Jess, little Jess, said that she sounded just like daddy. Her voice was rougher than usual because of her throatache. She said that as if increasing her resemblance with him was something that delighted her.
Until Jordie remarked that maybe Kaz should change his shirt because he simply looked 'too awful,dad'. And Inej laughted out loud and colors were brought back into his life.
After they had recovered enough strength to return home, he ordered the three of them to go immediately to bed and rest.
He was met with similar looks of disgust from each one of them but he couldn't care less.
Kaz Brekker used to think that he could deal with any unwelcome surprises just as long as he was careful enough. Just as long as he had his plans number two, three and four ready to go.
Kaz Rietveld could not be further from that way of thinking. He had not seen that week coming. He had become too comfortable in his new life. And it had almost destroyed him.
He realized he needed to be more careful because that precious life he’d built could easily shatter in the split of a second. And he couldn't let that happen.
He wouldn't let that happen.
But for all his promises to himself to not be taken by surprise again, he had also not seen his next conversation with Inej coming.
And to be fair, Kaz Brekker probably could not have seen it coming either.
Because when Inej told him that the healer had informed her she was expecting, he stared in disbelief.
He guessed she could see the same worrying on his face as the one he was experiencing in his interior because she said:
"It is going to be alright, Kaz. Our little one is strong."
"It will be a miracle if he survives, Inej". He sounded more harsh than what he intended but he didn't want to leave any space for hope. Hope was dangerous, it clouded your judment.
Her face suddenly looked determined.
"Then we will have our own miracle." And then she surprised him once more. "The saints will give us this one miracle." And she sounded so threatening with a fierce look on her eyes that he couldn't hold his smirk. Not so blindly afterall. Not when it came to her children at least.
He put his hand on her flat belly. Another one of them. And that thought was enough to make his worrying disappear for awhile, replaced by a sense of warmness that spread through his entire body. "Our miracle."
She smiled. "Mati navee. Our own navee."
English is not my first language so I would appreciate if you let me know of any grammatical errors that I may have had. Thank you :)
areudirty
janainaart
dailybridgerton
baratheonpilled
germansingergirl
annaxmalina
