today I am thinking about susan pevensie.
thinking about how a part of her would always know what truly happened during the war.
how a part of her would always know where she truly went.
how a part of her childhood and adulthood would always be lost to the land of no time
how a part of her would always remember that her family was lost there too
no matter how hard she tries to deny it, she knows
she remembers
she remembers the god that threw her out of paradise and knows that she can no longer step foot in a church
she remembers silk dresses and heavy crowns and knows that scratchy nylon and caked makeup will never suffice
she remembers blood stained fields and war torn siblings and knows that this world was worse in every way for it
she remembers herself
she doesn’t know herself
she sits in front of her bedroom wardrobe
it does not have carvings of trees or fauns or fairytales
it holds flimsy dresses instead of winder coats
she opens it up and walks inside
she prays to a god that she doesn’t believe in
she prays to the version of him that she knew
she prays for her family people back
she prays that this time the back of her wardrobe will fall away and take her with it
it never does.
today I am thinking about susan pevensie
she deserves to be thought about
This is beautiful.
I’d only make two changes.
No god threw her out of paradise. She threw herself out of paradise.
She did make it back. Not in the books — but Professor Lewis did say she would.
He did, after all.
