You've just launched a campaign for whatever business your friend and you are into.
You know there are some nights I just don't think about you at all. Sometimes you skip my mind and its as if you've never existed.
But some others I can't help but somehow miss you.
Miss how you were the first and last person I'd call whenever I felt down. How hearing your "Allo Mams, ça va ?" would get me to my knees and cry for hours, because you just got me. And your voice was a safe place for me.
I sometimes mis the hours we spent laughing. Your warmth. How you'd make fun of me with what at the time felt like benevolence. I'm not entirely sure now that's what it was. Sometimes I wonder if you really loved me at all. If you still think about me. I guess you do, because you've reached out (awkwardly) two or three times but I just can't answer. I mean I can. But I just... I can't. I can't do this again. I can't get my hopes up that you'll behave. I just don't want to feel like hoping to be in your life anymore.
It hurts that we're not friends anymore. Believe me, it does. It hurts that I still miss you. I cherish all of our happy memories together. The parts where you were almost living with me. The moments we would spend together. The weekends we would have in Paris or in Stras.
Isn't it funny though, how I had to accept having your partner around all the time, spending time with them, knowing I was the intruder and being ok with it, but you could not do it? You could not understand that it wasn't fair for you to still call the shots in my life?
Sometimes I think I'm still pissed. Mad at you for not understanding. For not being a good enough friend to me.
Other times I feel guilty. What if I was the one who wronged you?
Most of the times I don't really think of you. But when I do it's mostly sadness.
Well I am a coward for ghosting you. You were the one I've called my bestfriend for so many years. Now... I guess we're complete strangers. And I wouldn't know what to say to you.
yousharknotpass
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