Kaori diary

Multifandom blog. Millenial

[tomatatoro]

[sandersstudies]

I feel like in the rush of “throw out etiquette who cares what fork you use or who gets introduced first” we actually lost a lot of social scripts that the younger generations are floundering without.

[sandersstudies]

A lot of tough situations where we now feel like we “don’t know what to do or say” had social scripts just a couple of generations ago and they might have been canned phrases or robotic actions but they could still be meant sincerely and unfortunately we haven’t replaced them with any more sincere or easier new script.

[beemovieerotica]

a lot of people are giving examples in the notes of things they just find annoying like not using headphones in public, but OP is talking about actual literal scripts of things to say in awkward situations

if you have a date or two with someone and you don't see a relationship developing? most millennials / gen Zers just end up ghosting. but a social script that might have been taught and rehearsed in the past could be:

"I really appreciated getting dinner with you the other night and I enjoyed your company, but I'm afraid I didn't feel a spark. I wish you the best, and hope you find that special someone!"

like it sounds kind of trite but it was at least something to say and it can still be meant with kind sincerity. it also communicates in 2 sentences that you don't want to see them romantically again, but there aren't any hard feelings about that. that's it!!! that's all it takes!!!

[misfit-toy-haven]

Another example is that at parties a lot of people talk about how awkward it is to mingle or talk to people they dont know. But at old timey parties that was traditionally the HOST'S job, and there was a specific scripted way of doing it that eased the process! The host would bring you in, introduce you and maybe even a little bit about you like what you did for a living, and then guide you to a group you could talk to. They didn't just let you in the door and then ditch you to fend for yourself in a sea of strangers. That would be unthinkable and no one would be surprised if a get-together like that wound up being awkward.

[demonprincex]

I still do the party-host thing and yall can, too! (Thanks Mad Men for teaching me a lot of outmoded social scripts... no really tho)

Remember things about your friends! Ask people about their weekends, hobbies, holidays, studies, and jobs! Listen for the concerns people have and what they are working on! Draw connections between one person and another to get the ball rolling. "Oh, Maura, you just got your first cat! You should talk to Felix, he used to work at a rescue. Felix, please tell Maura all the new-cat-guardian pointers."

"Bill, Sheila, Xan, this is my friend Kale. Kale is really into Star Trek, Bill you and them should talk about it!"

Orrr whatever! After you make the introduction and draw the connection you just float on into the next interaction with someone else at the function. Just listen, care about your friends, get our of your own head, and think of how you can bring other people together and you will feel 100% less awkward.

[3liza]

hi i am so excited about this post because i have posted this exact thing MANY times on here, often in the specific context of how formal etiquette is so useful for autistic people especially, but also for everyone. even if you come off a little bit formal, which you will sometimes, having Old School Manners (or just knowing what they are) for various common scenarios is like having a magic ticket that will just sail you through all kinds of social iinteractions, gatekeeping, social weirdness, and as is pointed out in the above posts about introducing people to each other, can make you into a really valuable and helpful person for an entire gathering or group of people.

i also want to point out that knowing what the polite thing to do in all situations makes you a lot more effective at being rude and obnoxious when the situation calls for it, which is also a valuable and necessary adult skill

[dailymanners]

#things to write#but also#things to do#I could certainly benefit from a manual...

If you're looking for a manual on these sorts of things; social etiquette, social scripts, how to handle difficult and/or awkward social situations, etc. then I highly recommend picking up any book by Miss Manners. Her books really are the gold standard for learning the types of skills this post is talking about. I should also mention that Miss Manners is witty and hilarious so her books are also fun to read.

The best book by Miss Manners to get started with would be Miss Manner's Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. This one is probably the best starting point because it gives the best overview of all the basics.

If you're the type who likes to listen to podcasts, I recommend checking out "Were You Raised By Wolves?" and/or "Awesome Etiquette". Both are also great tools for learning the type of social skills this post is talking about. I'm personally a fan of "Were You Raised By Wolves?" because not only are they pretty funny and informative, they also bother to try to teach the underlying social intelligence behind various manners and social etiquette so that you can have the skills to solve social dilemmas on your own. However, "Awesome Etiquette" is also pretty fun and informative.

[dailymanners]

#long post#I feel like 'i dont do small talk nobody cares about the weather' had a negative impact on social interaction#I mean yeah sometimes small talk about nothing gets awkward. but often it leads to the most interesting conversations#just asking 'what kind of music do you listen to at the gym' or 'have you read any books lately' could be such a lovely subject#I'm sometimes socially awkward despite being a huge extrovert. that's why etiquette is such a great thing#if you don't know how to act around people just stick to the etiquette rules. if they have a problem with it they're not for me anyways

Sorry @darlingdear but I couldn't let this stay in the tags.

I say this as someone who is neurodivergent had grew up very socially awkward, but recently I find the "screw small talk, I wanna get to know the REAL you" attitude to be pretentious as well as a demonstration of a lack of boundaries.

But also, I think a lot of people who have this attitude don't actually really know what does qualify as small talk. The definition of small talk is any topic that's of no real consequence and includes topics like food, pets, sports, music, whatever show you're currently streaming, whatever book you're currently reading, and yes, the weather. A lot of people who have this "I hate small talk / I don't do small talk" attitude probably think it's only reciting a bunch of secret scripts about the weather, and don't realize how much they engage in small talk whenever they talk about their pets or their favorite foods or the really cool show they're watching right now.

Small talk is just about boundaries and getting to know someone *before* you move into more serious and personal topics. The older I get the more I learn you really can't just trust anyone with more serious and personal subjects. Small talk first is important to gauge if they're someone safe and trustworthy first before moving into more serious and personal subjects. If you really genuinely refuse to get to know someone before immediately discussing serious and personal subjects you may have an issue with boundaries and should consider working on that.

[littlehouseontheaerie]

Oh my god, so much the last point. All of them, but especially the last.

Small talk is a way of sounding out a person’s attitudes. It’s about finding out if they’re a rabid asshole or someone you want to spend more time with.

I had a professor who got angry at a group of (mostly women), from five countries, all of whom met yesterday, for talking about daytime TV. He basically insulted us and called us shallow.

Dude, we were figuring each other out with a safe topic! We were the best of friends three weeks later. We could broach harder topics because we understood each other’s boundaries better. If you immediately demand people bare their souls, you’re not likely to get them to be honest.

[roxanedrawing]

also it's always polite / a good idea to balance the conversation out between yourself and the other person. By which I mean, if they've asked you several questions, turn it around: "and what about you?" / "what has your experience been in [topic]?" I used to be too awkward to do it but noticed conversations would bleed to death. Then I overcompensated and only asked the other person question upon question. This was also Not Ideal because guys would end up thinking I was super interested in them and get confused when I shut off my interest / social battery later on. So, balance: I try to talk about 50% of the time and share something that is either useful or relatable to the other or important to me. And by being interested and asking real questions you can get to know someone better and they will also know you a little, which can be really lovely.

[boobieteriat]

[irixhye]

I can't stop thinking about this medieval girl and her dog ❤️🥲

(Les Trés Riches Heures de Metz, 14th century)

[die-rosastrasse]

Various stars & moon details from my gouache paintings 🌙✨

[bluedogeyes]

I reblog this every time I see it. I just cant

[nikthestrange101]

THIS IS WHERE THE MEME CAME FROM

[jkl-fff]

Seriously, though, the French LOVED Edgar Allan Poe, thanks in particular to Jules Verne.

He even wrote a sequel to Poe’s only novel, and numerous essays about how great an author Poe was.

By all accounts, Poe (who lived a penniless life in the US) really *was* baffled by all of this.

[ivmaruva]

Draco HATES it. 😤

Hermione finally caved in and let Lavender use some sleek-easy potion and some extra strong hold spells on her hair.

Naturally, Draco absolutely HATES it since he secretly loves her wild curls.

[velascoem]

“You know, it amazes me that someone like you has managed to stay friends with Potter and Weasly so long”

“Someone like me?”

[enselius]

8 second unbreakable vow 💀

[enselius]

‘Give me back that book, Malfoy!’

[ellemisc]

first kiss

[catchymemes]

[onceuponatmi]

Holy SHIT.

THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO SIT THERE SHOULD BE THE ARTIST AND THEN IT SHOULD GO BE IN A MUSEUM.

Hand made crafts should be worshipped for the art they are.

[antique-scarecrow]

i respect this SOOOOO much more than any iron sword throne chair

[callmebliss]

This one involves way more stabbing

[lightspeedsound]

SHE BOUGHT A PEACOCK

[kaori04]

i see a k/m/s or k/y/s joke (esp passive aggressive like "here is a joke about how i'm gonna joke it and u won't stop me, oh i'm a rebel i'm an outfit", ofc nobody gonna stop you) and i unfollow. my mental health is not strong enough for that. it's not about being "uncomfortable"

[lovecrumbss]

oh to have foxes play where I've laid to rest

[leotanaka]

DAILYWORLDCINEMA'S 5th ANNIVERSARY EVENT Day 7: Free Choice

Pierre Niney as Edmond Dantès + the Count mask The Count of Monte-Cristo / Le Comte de Monte-Cristo (2024) dir. Matthieu Delaporte & Alexandre de La Patellière

[puttingherinhistory]

Yup, Research Says Women Are Interrupted Way More Than Men

On Tuesday, Sen. Kamala Harris was interrupted by male colleagues while posing questions to a witness at a Senate Intelligence Committee hearing for the second time in just one week. Yet men interrupting women isn't a new phenomenon, but rather a…

“From corporate boardrooms to government chambers, research continues to show that women are interrupted more often than men. A pioneering 1975 study carried out by sociologists Don Zimmerman and Candace West examined overheard 31 conversations between various combinations of people and found that in the 11 conversations between men and women studied, men were behind all but one interruption recorded.

Similarly, a more recent study conducted in 2014 found that a woman was more likely to be interrupted (by both men and women) than a man was. In a separate but more informal study conducted that same year, Kieran Snyder observed 900 minutes of conversations between men and women working in the tech industry. The study found that men interrupted others twice as often as women did and were nearly three times as likely to interrupt a woman as they were a man.”

[dailymanners]

Occasionally I like to remind people of the overlap between social justice issues (like feminism) and manners, like here showing that women are interrupted more than men.

In general, if you have a lower place in society (being a woman, a person of color, an immigrant, disabled, LGBT+, etc) you will find yourself on the receiving end of more rude and inconsiderate behavior, such as being interrupted more.

In the mid to late 2010’s I do feel like this was discussed more, and maybe it’s just my personal bubble I’m in, but I don’t see people talking about this as much as it was talked about 5-10 years ago.

I also saw it talked about more 5-10 years ago that women generally get bumped into more than men, and men bump into people (especially women) more than women do, because people (especially men) expect women to move out of their way, and generally people are more likely to just move out of a man’s way.

Everyone deserves the basic respect of being able to finish their sentences and have their personal space bubble respected, not just society’s most privileged.

[altonin-deactivated20180325]

if you want to actually start to end homelessness, you need to give homeless people unconditional homes, including when we use them to do drugs or sit around drinking. either housing is unconditional or it isn’t

someone sitting at home alone, an active alcoholic, squandering your charity, drinking all day is better situation than a street homeless alcoholic. someone using drugs in your charity house is better than them doing the same w no shelter

most of you would not like most street homeless people, I definitely don’t and didn’t when I was street homeless. for every one person who uses unconditional shelter to turn themselves around, someone else will do jack shit and very slowly, if ever, work through the issues that made them homeless, will maybe never be able to live independently. still better than street homelessness, still worth doing. ultimately either you believe that shelter should be universal or you don’t

homeless people actually can’t be rehabilitated if you want to end homelessness. we either affirm the right to shelter for the worst drunken, lying, filthy, cheating, self destructive homeless people that exist, genuinely irredeemable wankers, or we concede that shelter is not a right

[funereal-disease]

This post is the distilled essence of everything I believe in.