*Slight spoilers for Dungeons and Daddies ep 61*
Today on intrusive thoughts
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*Slight spoilers for Dungeons and Daddies ep 61*
Today on intrusive thoughts
oh so when wanda maximoff creates an alternate universe to deal with all of her trauma she's "super impressive" and "the most powerful person in the mcu" but when i do it i'm "using unhealthy coping mechanisms" and "should go to therapy" smh so tired of these double standards
Chicago Tribune, Illinois, November 19, 1920
here’s to 100 years of getting narsty
Spoilers for supernatural and the cured (thought by this point you probably already know the spoiler for supernatural)
Y’all though supernatural set a record for the fastest bury your gays well the cured just came in clutch
Me: I KNEW I IT!! I KNEW SHE WAS HER GIRLFRIEND!!!
The screenwriters: the proof isn’t in the kiss... but the kill ☺️✌️
I’m just out here watching the Cured (purely because it’s a zombie movie with Ellen Page) and random thing:
Everyone’s chucking a hissy fit about the cured being murderers and yeah yeah whatever whatever they were literally zombies what did you expect BUT
In an interview (arguement) with the news, this doctor says that the 25% who are resistant are being killed, and that they’d be condining killing 5000 people and I- 5000? Is 25% of all infected? Meaning everyone’s chucking a hissy fit over 15,000 people????
For perspective, Ireland has a population of over 6 MILLION people. That means that 1 in every FOUR HUNDRED people are one of the cured. Bitch, I don’t even KNOW 400 people.
Sorry, random rant, but like all things considered, the fact that they stopped the zombie apocalypse at 20,000 infected (ish - people might have died) is a pretty good effort considered Ireland’s currently at 69,000~ covid cases so like solid effort don’t know why everyone’s mad tho you’ll statically you’ll probably never see a cured so
Anywho I have an hour of the movie left hoping for more Ellen Page ✨
“You will learn to love me”
(via)
I don’t know if anyone saw my post on World War Z where I was like “does America just have random military bases in different countries??” Yes, yes they do.
Zombie Movie: World War Z (2013)
... did this movie predict 2020?
Okay let’s just get into roasting it why not.
We begin with our classic American (when I say American I’m referring to USA) zombie movie opening: news reports. These ones are pretty cool, we follow the descent from good news to climate change to things dying to oh now we’re having a zombie apocalypse. Honestly, with how 2020 is going I wouldn’t be surprised if that was our grand finale too.
Karin (which is sooo close to Karen almost predicted that too) is played by Mireille Enos, who is my favourite mum character, who was the mum in If I Stay. She’s a legend - she full on kicks a zombie until it gets out the car.
Watching the opening my one wish was for no one to die, because I like Gerry (Brad Pitt wait this is Brad Pitt??) and Karin and their kids and pretty much every character we meet, but this is a zombie movie so that’s an unrealistic expectation but... no spoilers but watch it and see for yourself.
Gerry (which is so close to Jerry which would’ve been funny. Don’t know why just think Jerry’s a funny name for the lead of a zombie movie, considering like Ben and Jerry’s the soft, sweet ice cream) is incredibly smart, and worked for the UN which is a new thing for a zombie movie. Not quite sure exactly what he did in the UN - I don’t think I was paying enough attention - something to do with science? But yeah dude is observant.
For example, the second I saw Subway Sam (a toy that makes noise) I thought that’s so stupidly dumb I hate this toy especially when it started making noise, but then Subway Sam came in handy. The counting to 12? Such a cool aspect. It gives us a time limit to know if you’re infected, which Gerry uses multiple times.
Things it kinda predicted?
- The wall. Need I say more. Given, it’s in another country, but it’s the thought that counts.
- World War 3. Remember when that was a worry? Yeah feels like years ago but that was just January this year.
- And a virus. Won’t say more on that
Random things kinda out of context
Okay so a big point of this movie is Gerry travelling around the world to different countries. First of all, how does he do it so quick? Secondly, they go to South Korea at one point and for some reason, there was not a single Korean person? In fact, the only Korean people we saw in South Korea was in a flashback when a guy bit a doctor. That’s it. And this is where I’m confused - why is there an American army base in Korea? Is that just a thing? Does America just have random army bases in every country even if there isn’t an active war there? Embassies I get, but military bases?
“He turned in ten minutes. That doesn’t sound viral to me at allll.” ... That’s sarcasm, right? Because as current experience has proven, incubation periods can be 2 weeks. Gentlefriends that 20,160 minutes. In comparison, 10 minutes is pretty bloody viral.
So the clause of these zombies is that there needs to be a bite, and no teeth = no infection (they said in North Korea they removed everyones teeth in 24 hours and the spread stopped. Real confused on the logistics of that but I digress). But... isn’t it just saliva getting into the bloodstream? So you could like... spit on an open wound and it’d do the trick? I’m just saying, this isn’t I Am Legend, the zombies aren’t vampires. The bite isn’t the transmission, the saliva is (saliva coats teeth ergo). All I’m saying is, I’m preettyy sure you could still infect someone. I mean, look at 2020, no one’s biting each other and infection’s still spreading.
“There’s only one way we’re getting you on that plane, and it’s quietly.” *aggressively squeaking bikes*
The “I got you captain” really hurt what the heck.
Also, they don’t know where it started. Like how? Because it spread fast? I’m pretty sure it would’ve made news headlines in a certain country first if people started eating each other.
The movie poster scene - yeah the one with the zombies climbing over the wall
We jump over to Israel, where the guy in charge says, “Every human being we save is one less zombie to fight.” This guy’s a thinker.
So you’ve built a wall. And now you celebrate. With loud music. And the zombies climb over the said wall attracted to the sound. I can tell this is an American movie because despite this scene being set in Israel this is some American level of bullshit.
ALSO, WHO BUILDS A WALL WITHOUT WATCH TOWERS?? HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DEFEND THE WALL IF YOU CAN’T SEE OVER ON THE OTHER SIDE??? I love how this helicopter randomly shows up as the zombies start climbing over because WHERE WERE YOU EARLIER AND WHY WEREN’T YOU PATROLLING THE OUTSIDE WALL YOU DUMBASS.
My proposal to disaster movies
After watching 2012, I would like to propose: storing extra fuel inside the plane and being able to refuel from inside. It just seems super convenient especially considering how intense those refuelling scenes get.
Re: the ending (spoilers? ahoy)
Zombie Movie: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)
Three words: that fight scene.
So upon recommendation from a friend, I have recently watched the BBC mini-series of Pride and Prejudice, as well as the Keira Knightley movie. Therefore, I have about 8 hours of Pride and Prejudice knowledge under my belt, so here we go into probably my favourite type of adaptation ever: simply adding zombies.
Uh, medium to light spoilers, but it’s nothing really Earth-shattering especially if you have the gist of how Pride and Prejudice goes.
Firstly, I love all the Bennet girls in this movie. The subversion of what makes a “lady” is great - instead of sitting around embroidering, they sit around cleaning guns (to then use them) which makes total sense for this period of war.
Unlike in actual war-time throughout history, where it happened in a “far-off” place wherein the war was seperate from home life, in PPZ (I’m sorry I have to abbreviate it the run on sentence of a title is too much) the war is literally on the home front - anyone can become a zombie, therefore everyone is part of the war, not just soldiers like in the original P&P (had to put the & because otherwise it’s PP which will make me laugh too much yes I’m a child).
We get this absolutely fabulous getting-ready-for-the-ball scene which literally made me scream in excitement - firstly, knives, secondly, FUNCTIONAL FASHION.
On the subject of fashion, the leather accents on everyone’s outfits in this movie is just *chef’s kiss*, and Mr Darcy is 100% emo. Like, he literally squeaks through every scene he’s wearing that much black leather.
I will also never not be over the opening scene where he’s like “this guy’s a zombie. Let me finish my drink first though.” That’s very Australian of him, I approve (yes, I know this is British.)
I love being excited to write something 😄
Zombie Movie: Cargo (2018)
Oh my gosh I finally realised why this movie is called Cargo and I finished it twenty minutes ago.
Before I begin, I would like to acknowledge that I’m posting this from the land of the Dharawal (Tharawal) people, and acknowledge Elders past, present and emerging. I would also like to note that this post may contain names and/or images of deceased Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples.
I’m still crying after watching this so the first thing I will say is: please watch it.
~~Rationing~~ (Picture: Andy’s wife Kay (Susie Porter) sitting in their house boat. Caption reads “So that means we’re down to quarter rations.”)
Cargo is a relatively chill zombie movie compared to movies like Train to Busan and I Am Legend, but because of this it’s able to take part so many other conversations - Aboriginal Land Rights and traditions, fracking, and for other zombie fans out there, new kinds of zombies!!
It is atmospheric, has tension in the right places, has an incredibly fresh plot, and is highly intelligent. Although, I do have to say, the lead of the Australian zombie movie is very British and that did make me laugh.
This is an Australian zombie movie, and as an Australian I’m very proud to say that. While most of the movie follows our lead, Andy (Martin Freeman), traversing rural Australia (this is set in South Australia btw, found a license plate), there is a huge focus on Aboriginal communities and traditions, and their connection with country and the land.
The sweetest frame in the whole film. (Picture: Andy holding his baby daughter Rosie, and gently brushing her hair aside while Thoomi (a young girl) applies a type of white paint to the baby’s face.)
So, this will be split into roughly three parts: zombies (because like I said, new zombies!! Very excited to talk about them!) before moving into the spoiler section with the plot and me roasting random things before ending up crying at the end, thinking I’d recovered from crying, then crying even more with the final shot. (I promise I’m okay this is a really good movie.)
Zombies!! Also small spoiler but the movie description kinda already spoils all of this so not really a spoiler??
Friends and enemies, want a fresh new take on zombies and the apocalypse? Cargo delivered.
Ahhh new zombies!!! (Picture: Kay zombie-fied. She has amber sap covering her eyes and her mouth. Her mouth looks a little like tree bark covered in sap. She’s in a car with her seatbelt on, and Andy has turned towards her. Andy has blood dripping down the side of his face and on his fingertips. In the background you can see the blue coat hanger of Rosie’s baby toy.)
We have a 48 hour incubation period for zombies, we have new symptoms for people before they become zombies, we have a new look including sap (I believe it’s sap) as well as burying your head in the sand - literally. Nothing’s explained, but I love speculating and trying to guess for myself. Oh, they also hibernate? But the rules surrounding that are a little hazy cause they’re still out and about during the day, and also Australia doesn’t really have mammals that hibernate mostly just insects so I’m not quite sure on the inspiration for that. But yeah, the sap and the head in the sand thing is like zombie video-game levels of creepy and cool.
Oh, also, unlike I Am Legend, we don’t have CGI zombies - we have special FX zombies!! Which is fantastic for anyone who wants to try and recreate the look and also makes it like 1000x more realistic.
I also love the implication that the Australian government will give us free kits to help when you get infected, cause like... they would. We have free Medicare and COVID testing - I could literally pop over to the local dental place and get a free COVID test. This is funny in comparison to traditional American (referring to USA) movies where they’re like zombie apocalypse three years later? Ha here’s a gun fend for yourself mate. There’s also no army presence in this movie either. As in, the only army we see are some zombies from the local army base. None of that “the army’s coming to save you trope” (if you would like to know how this movie has a happy ending without army intervention, it will be near the end of the spoiler section).
Also, these kits are so interesting. There’s a poster with the symptom list, a mouth guard, an epipen looking thing that’s uh... if you watch it you’ll see. AND!! My favourite part: the countdown fitbit.
Zombie countdown fitbit! (Picture: A white watch-bracelet with a 48-hour countdown timer on it. It’s on a woman’s wrist. There’s blood on her sleeve, her hand, and a towel underneath her hand. You can see her simple wedding ring on her finger.)
In terms of the name for the zombies, I don’t recall anyone calling them “zombies,” and Thoomi (Simone Landers) calls them “ghosts.” Now, if you’ve read my hill to die on post, I basically have a thing about people making up arbitrary names for zombies because like it literally doesn’t make sense and they don’t do it with other supernatural things like vampires, but, Cargo gets an exception because it makes sense.
Okay, so, if you’ve learnt a little about Australian history, you’d know that Aboriginal people referred to the white colonisers as “ghosts” (for obvious reasons), ergo, it makes total sense for these zombies to also be called ghosts. They’re literally people without souls haunting the land. Therefore, the name “ghosts” isn’t arbitrary - it’s culturally significant and it makes sense.
Now, spoiler time for the plot!
Zombie Movie: I Am Legend (2007)
“Here’s Karen at the health desk.”
Karen from the health desk. (Picture: A female news anchor, Karen from the health desk.)
Language warning (sorry kids, but this is an MA15+ movie).
I shit you not, that’s one of the opening quotes of the movies. So, friends and enemies, welcome to the longest review I’ve done of a zombie movie yet. It’s 1:35am here in Australia and I’ve just finished rewatching I Am Legend, everything’s fresh in my mind and I’m hyped up on chocolate.
This movie has incredible tension, a fresh take on the zombie apocalypse, and it’s based on the 1954 novel by Richard Matherson, which inspired the modern day vampire and zombie movies. Why you may ask? Because it popularised the concept of a worldwide apocalypse due to a disease... now I’m beginning to realise that watching zombie movies during a global pandemic maybe wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. Any who.
YouTube rewind made me forget how bloody good of an actor Will Smith is, and boy does he deliver in this movie. Robert’s (that his character, btw, though I will probably end up just referring to the character as Will Smith) interactions with Sam the goodest girl in the world (she’s a dog) and the mannequins is incredible.
The goodest girl in the world. (Picture: A dog (I’m sorry - I don’t know dog breeds! I’m 99% sure she’s a German Shepard) being given a bath and head scratches by Will Smith.)
Now: three things to look forward to in this “review” (assuming you read the spoilery section below). One: how realistic is this apocalypse? Two: there’s a dog. Three: zombie vampires. Vampire zombies?
Backgrounds details! (Picture: Will Smith opened the fridge. On the fridge door are photos of his wife and daughter, a calendar dated for December, a drawing with “Marley” written in kids handwriting, post-it notes, a pamphlet with the heading “Quarantine”, and a Time Magazine cover of Robert Neville (Will Smith). The title reads (heading) “Saviour?” (sub-heading) “Soldier, Scientist” (body of text) “In a Battle that Could Save Thousands of Lives, Lt. Col. Robert Neville Takes on the XV Virus.”
Also, there’s banging in my house at the moment and when I say I’m peaking. I’m going to need to listen to some music while I write this.
Read on for a fun time! Spoilers ahoy!
Zombie Movie: Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Groundhog day but with zombies and Chekhov’s flowers
Welcome to an incredibly biased “review” rewritten at 1am.
I’ll apologise in advance: this is going to be the sparknotes version of my original “review” because I wrote the review last week and saved it to my queue, but when I posted it just then it posted with just the title and the tags. The entire body of text got deleted. Ughhhh (my zombie impersonation). Also apologies to anyone using assisted reading, when I try to annotate the pictures tumblr deletes the entire post again. I’ll put in a brief image description under each photo and hopefully that will work.
Let’s get rolling, Shaun of the Dead is considered a comedy zombie movie, chock-full of British humour. I think the first time I watched it I thought it was pretty funny, and yeah I did laugh a couple times but the magic has worn off a little. I think I used to consider this one of the best zombie movies, but then I watched Train to Busan and #Alive and wellll...
One of the things this movie is brilliant for is background details. Like the details. If you love spotting that sort of thing - a bloody handprint, smashed glass, everything just casually thrown in the background - you’ll love this.
Just a quick glance at some newspapers - nothing to see here. (Picture: Newspapers in a convenience store with headlines such as “Mutilated Remains”, “GM crops blamed”, “New Super-Flu Scares Public” and my favourite, “Havoc”.)
I am in physical pain the post I spent two hours writing and saved to my queue last week thinking I was on top of things completely deleted the body of text when I posted it. As in, my entire review got deleted. Great.
Zombie Movie: Here Alone (2016)
Apparently I made it 59 minutes into the 112 minute film.
It had to watch this bit by bit at a time, and I'd love to say it's because the atmosphere was so tense, but I think it's just because the pacing was so slow.
Because I was in a constant state of suspense with no payoff or release (insert innuendo here) I literally couldn't sit down and watch this all at once. Or in two parts. Or in three. I just never finished it, then Netflix took it off its site (in Australia, at least).
I didn't trust a single character, which should have been a good thing since the moral of every zombie movie is basically "humans are the monsters you actually need to fear" but for a movie with such a meh tone to it, it means I'm not invested. At all. I don’t even think I trusted the protagonist (what happened to your baby?! Your husband?! Also I’m not looking up the plot because I don’t want to be spoiled which is ironic/dumb considering I’m “reviewing” it, I know)
As much as I would love to say a little more about this movie, all I can remember (since I sadly can’t rewatch it, or finish watching it - thanks Netflix) is mud, camping, masks (wear a mask, people) and a baby and husband who, alarmingly, aren’t here.
See! Mud! Or was it... excrement oh my god was it excrement?!
Okay, I will admit, I think I was shitting myself in this scene. This was the most tense bit of the movie (that I watched) and from what I remember there was... no payoff?
Zombie Movie: #Alive (2020)
Let’s get rock and rollin’ with the most recent zombie movie I watched, #Alive.
Okay, so, I might have started crying only 30 minutes into the movie, and then cried a further two times before it ended. It was very emotional, and poignant, and a perfect example of a modern day zombie movie.
Joon-woo’s smile is one of the sweetest parts of this movie
Our protagonist, Oh Joon-woo (Yoo Ah-in), immediately get zombie-movie points for staying inside his apartment and actually rationing out his food. He doesn’t do the dumb trope of leaving to investigate what’s going on outside, he listens to what his parents tell him - survive - and he doesn’t make any pointless dumb decisions.
Look at him rationing out his food!!
I love a zombie movie where I’m not screaming at the screen because the protagonist is making dumb choices, and this is that.
Light spoilers ahoy!
Call them zombies, please
I finally found it - my hill to die on.
Now, I have a long-running theory that in real life, in a realistic setting, the people most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse are the ones who call the zombies zombies. You literally don't understand how many people try and put a spin on this subgenre by calling them - clearing my throat here - walkers, runners, infected, diseased, undead, shamblers (looking at you, the Last of Us), biters, lurkers, floaters (??), demons (???), reanimated, living corpses, etc. etc. I'm sorry, but this is my hill to die on: call a spade a spade, they're zombies.
For comparison’s sake, I'm going to bring up vampires. Twilight? Vampires. The Vampire Academy? In its title: Vampires. Vampire Diaries? Hmm, gee I wonder. It’s vampires. My Babysitter is a Vampire? Vampires. Empire of the Vampire (Jay Kristoff, 2021)? Vampires. Literally every piece of literature about vampires? Vampires. Sure, they might be called "bloodsuckers," but that's more of an adjective than anything because if Bella Swan said “I know what you are - a Bloodsucker”, Edward would’ve probably have said “well that’s bloody rude” (ha, see what I did there? Bloody?).
Tldr; Vampires are vampires, zombies are zombies.
With that being said, in my zombie movie reviews (if I can even call them that) over the next month, any movie that comes up with an arbitrary name automatically gets deducted arbitrary points :)