Mindgasm

Shitposting everything my fangirl heart desires ❤️

[dykes-deactivated20200607]

she’s gonna get flagged

[theworstmelodies]

who

[dykes-deactivated20200607]

the nipple reading this

[om-nom-berries]

Some fun times on Twitter last Friday thanks to a remark by @ashesforfoxes , who imagined Hux ranting to FO leadership about, you know, THOSE scenes on the Supremacy in TLJ.

I imagine Hux has a 3 billion slide Powerpoint presentation on the thigh grab alone.

Thread for context.

[ashesforfoxes]

Hux called a 3-hour meeting to *enhance* the security footage and deconstruct every longing look I’m dying at this 🙏 thank you.

[mobpsycho100]

[forcebaby732]

TRUTH!!!

[ohtze]

Man this is a mess.

[supernovaodessa]

[ursawood]

mr tumblr staff my nipples are male presenting it’s fine

[ommanyte]

Truth coming out of her well (with female-presenting nipples) to shame everyone

[taebaelee]

@staff

[yocalio]

“female-presenting nipples”

[instantbouquetface-me]

Scandalous! Intolerable! Evil! EVIL! EVIL! 

[jackiestarsister]

How I’ll react to Episode IX

If Rey and Kylo stay enemies and Kylo never finds redemption, I’ll swear off Star Wars.

If they have positive interactions and their relationship comes to a resolution, I’ll be at peace.

If they hug or say “May the Force be with you,” I’ll melt.

If they kiss and/or say “I love you,” I’ll spontaneously combust.

[reyloday]

[unpretty]

i love cutthroat kitchen but bingewatching makes it really stand out how often alton brown refers to himself as ‘daddy’ and makes contestants wear spreader bars

[dr-hollands-deactivated20190209]

I’m sorry what

[unpretty]

you heard me

[unpretty]

[elkian]

#I CAN’T BELIEVE I NOW KNOW WHERE TO BUY THE EXACT FETISH GEAR THEY USE ON MY FAVORITE COOKING SHOW

[fiskeorn-deactivated20180416]

@genericrevenge

[son-of-maglor]

OKAY BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY USING SPREADER BARS ON A COOKING SHOW??!??! DOESNT THAT MAKE IT KINDA HARD TO COOK???!?

[unpretty]

kinda, yeah

[renthebarbarian]

@datas-vibrating-robot-dong this seems like your speed

[gregorydickens]

That logo looks familiar.

[unpretty]

WHAT

OH MY GOD

[sylveonce]

[libertarirynn-deactivated202006]

Alton Brown is a real life supervillain

[spideyytorch]

someone tell me what the fuck is going on

[hamtastrophe]

it’s sometimes hard to believe rasputin was real. like there’s no non-fucked up part of rasputin’s existence

[bigthecat]

did he do something problematic i thought he was just russia’s greatest love machine

[the-itchy-bitchy-spider]

basic (true) story: fanatical russian monk who has almost never shaved or washed and smells like goats shows up at the russian capital with a creepy look on his beardy face and everyone just assumes he’s a prophet or a saint because he’s got a cult following that believes he can cure illnesses. his stans are sexually obsessed with him and he gets just a fuckton of russian pussy wherever he goes cause apparently he can cure his true believers of illness with god-given dick magic. russia’s queen has him come stay at the palace and sets him up in luxury because she thinks he can cure her son’s haemophilia with the power of russian goat jesus, and they (allegedly) become lovers, probably, ‘cause she craves that unwashed goat-scented dick like the rest of his cult which she now  (allegedly) belongs to. 

then the worst assassins in the history of assassinations try to assassinate him, because all of russia is slutshaming the queen he has too much power over the royal family and it’s helping revolutionaries turn people against the royals. so these idiots have him round for tea and cakes which are poisoned with cyanide, but he is magically unaffected by poison they get the dose wrong and he doesn’t die, and then he drinks three glasses of wine, which are also poisoned, and he doesn’t die, so they tell him to look at a crucifix and shoot him in the chest with a revolver when he isn’t looking, and he doesn’t die, but they think he’s dead so one of them dresses in his clothes and gets driven to his apartment to make it look like he’s gone home to hide the crime, and when they come back he gets up and attacks them, so they stab him in the side with a knife, and he doesn’t die, and then he frees himself and runs outside, so they shoot him a few times more, including in the forehead, and they wrap his body up and chuck him in the icy river, and he doesn’t go into the water, so his body is found on the ice the next day. and get this…. he died…. of hypothermia.

[tyrannosaurus-rex]

additionally, everyone who wasnt in the party of getting rid of rasputin was pretty bummed out when they found him and his miracle dick dead the next day and there was a pretty bangin funeral of which the royal family themselves attended. however after the tsar was overthrown a few month later they exhumed his body and burned it because the new leadership was very adamant about making sure there were no ties left to honor the old monarchy. however this dudes body had never been properly prepped for a cremation which meant that under the extreme heat his tendons and ligaments began to retract and shrink causing his dead body to move and twitch around as if still animate. according to some testimony his body actually sat up straight on the pyre, and at least one spectator fired a gun at the body and another may have allegedly died of shock.

[w0wls]

Rasputin was an old god from times before humans

[mad-duck]

He is like a cleric gone wild

[godlessondheimite]

“did rasputin do something problematic” i am going to die

[texture-of-jabba]

“Holdo should have let Poe in on the plan!” is my least favorite TLJ criticism

When you watch the scenes, it’s pretty clear he’s in the wrong. It’s funny how quickly people forget chain of command when there’s a woman at the top of it.

First scene: Holdo has just assumed command maybe two minutes ago. Poe starts mansplaining the situation. “We’re dangerously low on fuel.” “Thank you for making me aware.” He keeps on ranting. It’s clear she’s looking at maps and analyzing the situation, but he won’t shut up. “We need a plan!” “Well, Leia just demoted you, so there’s no WE here. Go wait for my orders.”

Scene 2: Poe doesn’t even give her a chance to speak, makes assumptions when he sees she’s fueling the smaller ships, and calls her a traitor. As his commanding officer, she has no choice at that point but to have him removed.

The problem is that the audience is SO not used to seeing women in power that they assume Poe must be her equal. He’s not.

[thelavenderhimbo-deactivated202]

Not to mention that Holdo, who doesn’t know Poe at all except by reputation (which is that he’s reckless and was just demoted by Leia frikking Organa-Solo for disobeying her orders), would have no reason to tell him her top-secret plan to get them out of danger. He was not owed that information, especially since he had just disobeyed their General’s orders because he thought he had a better plan.

I love Poe, but Holdo wasn’t wrong not to tell him and Poe was wrong to be so focused on his flashy ideas of how war should work that he wasn’t willing to look at the big picture and let the people in charge make decisions.

[postedbygaslight]

I loved Pablo Hidalgo’s commentary on this from the weeks after TLJ came out.

[romantasyrabbittrail]

Every time I hear a fan discuss how Lucasfilm should have had a plan going into the Sequel Trilogy instead of writing it as they go along, I think of Poe Dameron throwing chairs on the bridge of the Raddus, convinced Holdo has no clue what she’s doing because her plan doesn’t look like the one he would make.

[spatziline]

BALANCE (This comic was posted two weeks ago on Patreon, thanks for your support! Really, thank you,)

Those are proud tears lol 

[sleemo]

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert: “Since bigots are mad about Kelly Marie Tran’s role in the new #StarWars we’re going to teach them a lesson with our own new trailer.”

[seavici]

I’M SCREAMING. I HAVE NO WORDS. THIS NEEDS TO GO VIRAL. THIS NEEDS TO BE SEEN. TAG ALL THOSE FUCKERS IN IT. STEPHEN YOU ARE A LEGEND

[queenofcarrots]

“Shut the hell up, you broken hateful dweebs” is the battle cry of a generation.

[peacesmovingcabaret]

I heard a great disturbance in the force and suddenly millions of butthurt fanboys cried out in protest.

[xmalikethx]

Lmao this is perfect in every way!!!

[kendeedeedee]

omfg