Key

they/them | 19 | number one steph north fan | co-number one James Ogilvie fan (no James ogilvie hate allowed)

[silver-flame-alchemist]

I love playing TTRPGs with my friends. I love playing make-believe. I love creating a story together. I love being silly and serious and exploring the vast depth of human emotion together. I love putting those guys (my players) in situations (TPKs).

[ilya-sweetheart]

Ilya: Okay everybody listen the fuck up!

Raiders: 👀

Ilya: My Jane said she will send me glasses pic if we win tonight!

Raiders who have experienced this before: Fuck yeah brother 😫🙏

Ilya: So I am not loosing to New fucking Jersey and missing a picture of my pretty Jane in her glasses!

The whole team realising oh shit he means business: Yes captain! 🫡

[grac3yn]

eva stratt they could never make me hate you

[rainbow-femme]

Ilya gains a little weight while they’re apart and he feels self conscious about it because Shane is so healthy, and for the first time in years he feels a little nervous taking his shirt off in front of him when they finally see each other again

Shane doesn’t say anything and Ilya looks up at him expecting to see judgement or disappointment or get an “I told you so” about his eating habits. Instead he sees Shane frozen halfway taking his shirt off, pupils dilated wide like a cat that just got a face full of catnip, actively reaching a 4th dimension of horniness heretofore unknown to science

[gaynehollander]

I'm a firm believer that Cliff Marleau had to be told that Shane Hollander and Montreal Jane were the same person. I am of the belief that when the Fanmail video leaked, Cliff thought "oh, it must not have worked out with Montreal Jane but my boy bagged Shane fucking Hollander, so it's fine." He does think it's a little funny that both of the people Ilya's been seriously involved with are based in Montreal but he still doesn't put it together.

[guccifloralsuits]

If THE modern translator of the OG Odyssey text wrote this about my film adaptation I’d kill myself

Emily Wilson you’re goated

[ladytharen]

She absolutely destroyed Nolan in this review O_O

"Without a tub of wax for my ears – which Himesh Patel’s ever anxious Eurylochus, Odysseus’s doomed right-hand man, uses to sail safely past the Sirens – I was exposed to the full din of thumping sticks, staffs, swords and clashing armour, thunderbolts, crashing waves, grunts, screams, toppling palaces and burning temples. But unlike Matt Damon, the wax-free Odysseus who is tied to the mast as he is conveyed past the Sirens (naked ladies reclining on some uncomfortable-looking rocks), I gazed at the shipwrecks and bloodbaths without any agony of emotion."

and

"There are more female characters than in most Nolan movies, thanks to the source material. But none of them has much to say, in contrast to the characterisations in the poem."

Well, that tracks for a Nolan film -

"The couple have no chemistry and nothing in common. Throughout his wanderings, the uxorious Odysseus clings to a little doll figure, intended to represent his wife (like the spinning top clutched by Leonardo di Caprio in Inception); the real woman is barely more interesting."

Yikes -

"If you’re not going to compose a script in Homeric Greek, or even in metrical English verse, you might as well use something like conversational American English. But writing dialogue is not one of Nolan’s talents. The language is relentlessly expository, humourless and flat."

The lines she calls out in this section will probably make a least a couple of my friends laugh incredulously -

"I was humbled to learn that Nolan has read at least the first line of my translation of The Odyssey into iambic pentameter. In at least one interview, he cited my version of the first line of the poem: ‘Tell me about a complicated man.’ But I would be ashamed to have written any part of this script."

....oh my GOD, EMILY -

"The most troubling ethical problem with Nolan’s Odyssey concerns the decision to film part of the movie in the occupied territory of Western Sahara, thus normalising the ongoing violence against the indigenous Sahrawi people. It is particularly galling that Nolan used this land simply as a visually striking backdrop for a film that centres, aggrandises and redeems the hero of a territorial war on account of his belated and partial acknowledgment of his own guilt."

And deepest respect that she didn't fail to mention the film's colonialism in production. You can tell she added the very last paragraph saying "'thanks for maybe getting people interested in classics" only because an editor begged her to say something - anything - nice about the movie.

[bikananjarrus]

having a girl blorbo is like. i need to cocoon her in blankets and let her sleep until noon. i need to cook her three square meals a day so she’s not just living off coffee and the will of god. i need to see her wrestle a pig in the mud. i need to turn her into a keychain and swing her wildly around on my backpack. i need to give her a sword and set her loose. i need to steam her like a vegetable in my rice cooker. i need to grind her into dust with a mortar and pestle and turn her into sand art and display her on my shelf. i need to give her smoochies and kisses. i need to wear her in a locket that’s discovered with my corpse thousands of years later. i need to create a new constellation in her image. i need to cover her in blood.

[keyhasarrived]

@idkstuffiguess how you talk about Gabbie

[allesfresser]

His tomato🍅

[orufreyhaunting]

I think not enough people understand that Shane was willing to give up hockey for Ilya from the beginning. He is dead set convinced that being outed, especially with his League assigned enemy, will ruin any chance he has to play hockey professionally. And yet he still is the one that prompts their relationship becoming serious at every turn. He asks Ilya if he feels it too at the Tampa All Stars. He asks Ilya to come to the cottage. He asks Ilya to be honest about his feelings. He makes a ten year plan to get to a point to be together openly. He proposes. Shane has been choosing Ilya over hockey since the minute he said 1410 and he has reinforced that decision every time. And hockey is *everything* to Shane. It is his reason to live. He genuinely has never wanted anything more in his life- except for Ilya. Ilya asking “would you choose me over hockey” is the equivalent of asking a partner “would you die for me”. It’s intense and heavy and alarming. The fact that he hesitated is because he knows how scary the choice is to say aloud and he still does. Shane saying “fuck you” to Crowell is literally the most punk thing he could have done.

[tayasui-mono]

Retired Hollanov in their 50s, Ilya loses a card game against Shane and goes, 'remember that time i was nhl draft pick number 1 and you were number 2' and Shane blows his top off every single time

[boxheadpaint]

And like who the fuck is this guy [gestures to reflection in mirror alone in bathroom

[cupcakesandhags]

okay but for sure baby shane on his first hockey team got to play on the ice during an intermission at a centaurs game in the 90s. he scored a goal and did a cute little celebration jump (and immediately lost his balance and fell on his butt). harris pulls the clip from somewhere deep in the centaurs archive. he makes an insta post after shane's first game with the cens and includes the video with a caption about tonight being shane hollander's second ever centaurs goal.

ilya just barely manages to keep himself from sobbing in delight at the video.

[keyhasarrived]

WE ARE THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER

This was actual the first edit I had planned. I mean was I not supposed to hear as I piece together from fragments of memories and not think Ryland Grace?

[mutinsfromthemoon]

the intern is doing a funny montage video with a bunch of questions for the centaurs and they ask shane “what do you consider to be a perfect day?” and shane answers “any day i spend with ilya is a perfect day” and the intern’s like “but you spend every day with him” and shane just deadpans “yeah? it’s been perfect since i married him” and they ask “even when you guys lose?” and shane goes “if i lose, i still go home to ilya”. and then they ask the same question to ilya and he answers “a perfect day is when i spend every single hour with shane” and the intern says “shane answered the same way” and ilya’s like “really?” and the intern tells him “he said that every day has been perfect since you guys got married” and ilya gets a little emotional and asks softly “he said that?” and the intern nods and ilya just gets up and leaves to go find his husband because he needs to give him a big sloppy kiss immediately.

[the-witch-of-the-wandering-ways]

My new period-appropriate crack headcanon is that the boston raiders once used akinator to figure out who montreal jane is and it kept telling them if was shane hollander and they kept thinking it was the weirdest fucking bug

[yoebellow]

PHM : “I’m slowly forgetting your face”

[morallygrayautisticscientist]

Stratt: i can’t bare to watch these videos. he’s suffering because of me. i guess i’ll bring myself to open one. for the world.

Grace, like a youtuber: WHATSUP ME AND MY BOY ROCKY HERE FOR ANOTHER VIDEO; TODAY WE’RE TEACHING YOU HOW TO BREED TOAMOEBA! ROCKY, ANY WORDS?

Rocky: Will be lit, statement.

GRACE: HELL YEAHHH!

Stratt: . . .