KingAmerica (Human)

Hello, I am just like everyone else on here, I promise.

[theriverbeyond]

i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

[andthepeople]

always funny to remember darth vader is anakin skywalker. the adrenaline junkie chucklefuck who used to dive head first out of speeders and built a pod racer in his yard when he was like six is now upper-middle management for the evil empire. half of his appearances in the original trilogy are Meetings. vader spends like 80% of his time dealing with bureaucratic bullshit. status updates. team meetings. holo-Zooms. budget rundowns. anakin betrayed the jedi and caused the fall of the republic and his punishment is being CC'd on every email forever. and you know what. he would hate that. the punishment fits the criminal

[girlnephew]

[oneheadtoanother]

[permanenteclipse]

Fictional country: average fantasy

Fictional small town in the middle of nowhere in real country: par for the course in any genre

Fictional major city in real country: standard fair, but it's usually clearly based on a real city

Fictional suburb of real major city in real country: strange but I can see the application

Real major city in fictional country: Chicago can be anywhere you dream of

[doublism]

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

[servicebunny]

It just shifted to spanking your puppy’s ass, to make them take that thick knot. Like the good little play thing they are.

[doublism]

i don't really think it's like that at all

[punkasfrick-deactivated20151031]

I hate when akinator asks that one really specific question and you know he’s fucking got you

[sharkchunks]

[dogpuppy]

[markovchaingang]

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER:

my daughter cannot, through action or inaction, harm a human or allow a human to come to harm

a daughter at rest or in constant motion remains at rest or in constant motion unless acted upon by another force

daughters are never created or destroyed, only transformed

always treat every daughter as loaded, even if you know she isn't

you do not talk about my daughter

[kushblazer666]

[gunsandfireandshit]

[dogpuppy]

[geddyqueer]

there is this thing called a "kitty cat". and you can get one for inside your home, and it will sit on all of your surfaces, and you can pet it.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[stromcuzewon]

haven't been to a mooseheads game in person for over a year and apparently they made some changes to the arena.... the main one being a gigantic moose bust that flashes red eyes and shoots smoke out it's nose when we score

[stromcuzewon]

update: it's eyes turn green when the other team has a penalty

[stromcuzewon]

THE GREAT MOOSE HAS DECLARED A POWER PLAY

[randomencounters]

Encounter: junior league hockey god

[drops-of-universe]

why do men have this eternal fear of being used for money they don’t have lol

[papidehasbi]

[klaasje]

really good text from my sister in law

[blessyouhawkeye]

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.