Kinsey Keys

aspiring memoirist rummaging through my noggin, stubbornly clutching the past to my chest like it’s a newborn babe starved for mother’s milk.

[kinseykeys]

In 2022, my personality test said I was a Mediator: INFP-T. After finishing my memoir, I took the same test again and got Advocate: INFJ-T. At first, that felt disappointing, like all that thinking and growing had barely moved the needle. But the more I look at it, the more true blue it feels. So maybe I didn’t become an entirely different person, the way I'd hoped. Maybe I just changed coping strategies again. #emogirl #personality #memoir #musings #introvertforever #ACoA

Truer Bluer: What Changed Between INFP-T and INFJ-T

[kinseykeys]

If letting go feels like betrayal, maybe that's because someone taught her true blue love means forever holding what hurts even after it starts to burn. That devotion, that specific kind of all-consuming familial love, nearly broke her. She went to the razor-edge of total wreckage, stared into the dark maw that had swallowed her daddy in slow, terrifying bites. And she did not break. Instead, she discovered what was never hers to carry. #debutmemoir #dysfunctionalfamily #ACoA #inheritedblame #daughters

I Wore the Names: What Was Never Mine to Carry

[kinseykeys]

I’ve been late posting because most of my focus has been on getting my memoir ready for publication, and honestly, fear and self-doubt have been using the quiet against me. There’s a strange cruelty in finally finding your Voice, only to worry it sounds too polished to be believed. Or too braided. Too intentional. Too much like someone who learned to survive by tracking patterns and then had the audacity to turn that habit into art.

The Audacity of Sounding Like Myself

[kinseykeys]

I admire my mom for the life she built, even as I’m learning which parts of that inheritance I want to carry forward. She's always been my clearest example of love, which is why I’m still figuring out how to honor her sacrifice without making it the blueprint for my own life. #motherhood #inheritance #responsibility #selftrust

The Advice Her Life Never Meant to Give

[kinseykeys]

After someone dies, the questions come fast. Not the big ones, but the small, specific ones. The things you didn’t say, the moments you let pass, the versions of yourself that might’ve done things differently. I lived there for a while, turning it all over until it started to feel like evidence. It took me longer than I care to admit, but not every question is a fair one, and not everything that felt like my responsibility actually was. #grief #memoir #amwriting #familydynamics

Scarcity Theater: What Was Never Mine to Fix

[kinseykeys]

Before finding these two books and reading my letter to Dad in the back, I’d forgotten how often I tried to prove my love was real. Why I needed him. Why he should stay. I don’t remember writing every line in the 2007 book, but I recognize the girl who did. She thought naming her feelings would make them real to him. And they were. They were. Just not to him. #emogirl #toomanyfeels #perfectdaughter #ACoA

I Edited a Book So Dad Would Finally Hear Me

[kinseykeys]

Today I realized I’ve been using collapse as proof that I care. Feeling Bothered from a place of safety isn’t solidarity. Not truly. It’s just paralysis, and that’s not helping anyone.

The Thirsty Elephant Problem: Am I Selfish?

[kinseykeys]

I don’t understand why I still care this much when Dad hurt me so deeply. I watch my little sister move forward with her life, and I’m left wondering why it took writing a whole ass #memoir for me to get close to where she is mentally. #emogirlprobs #toomanyfeels

Permission Over Proof: Cutting Pages, Courting Agents

[kinseykeys]

Writing well just isn’t enough anymore. You have to look effortlessly human. (Not too human, mind you; it still has to be polished and professional.) I clicked “NO” on the AI box. Then I reread my own book proposal like it might betray me somehow. #amwriting #memoir #anxiety

Look Human: Writing Well Isn't Enough

[kinseykeys]

The chapter that undoes me isn’t about #regret or #grief; it’s the happiest one. A #memory so bright it still glows years later, proof that #joy can survive the wreckage. Editing it feels like trying to hold a firefly in your hand and hoping you don’t crush the light. Sometimes the hardest thing to keep is the good stuff.

Holding a Firefly: The Chapter That Says Yes

[kinseykeys]

I finished the first complete draft of my memoir. My body feels it, and my heart does too. So I’m letting myself call that what it is: a big f'n deal.

I Did It: Yes to Every Chapter

[kinseykeys]

A poem about letting the song go on, keeping your eyes on the road, and not explaining yourself into disappearance. About stopping the pose, even when silence gets misread. About what stays out of frame when the photo looks damn near perfect. (Happy New Year, all!)

Mannequin Skin (and Memoir Update!)

[kinseykeys]

I lost my dad to addiction, but what I didn’t expect was how much else I’d lose with him. People talk about numbness after grief, but it’s more like a built-in warning system—something inside me slamming shut.

It's self-preservation after betrayal: I can’t as freely give away what almost destroyed me to lose. It’s not fair to my loved ones, and maybe not fair to me, but it’s the truth of what survival feels like on the inside.

For the Kids Who Didn’t Win

For the Kids Who Didn’t Win

[kinseykeys]

I chased after loopholes, some glitch, any reason to believe Dad’s story wasn’t what it looked like. But grief doesn’t negotiate.

Sometimes the closest thing you get to truth is a pattern that refuses to clean itself up. There’s a strange mercy in almost understanding, even when it doesn’t move the needle.

I kept hoping the receipts would hand me a villain. Instead they handed me a possibility I can’t rule out, and that’s worse than a surefire answer.

His-and-Hers: His Vodka, Her Permission

His-and-Hers: His Vodka, Her Permission

[kinseykeys]

Mini-poem inspired by this vintage ad

(found in a Time magazine, edited to include my writing snippet)

[kinseykeys]

When your family system is built on denial, someone always gets cast as the living ledger—the one who remembers, who tracks, who writes it all down, who can’t forget. To be that person is to both preserve and disrupt the family story: you keep the secrets but also hold the receipts. You didn’t ask for the job, but you can’t quit, and sometimes the cost is high.

The line between witnessing and living keeps blurring; that’s the emotional cost of being the one who writes it all down, the unofficial historian, the reluctant archivist.

Reluctant Scribe: A Job No One Wants You To Do

Reluctant Scribe: A Job No One Wants You To Do

[kinseykeys]

After my daddy died, I went through every transaction and receipt he left behind—hoping to understand not just what he spent, but what he was trying to fix or hide. Sometimes a withdrawal wasn’t what it seemed; it might have been a quiet apology, a bid for control, or a way to show care without saying so out loud.

I was searching for the story behind the numbers, and I’m still not sure I found it. But maybe by writing through 2020, I’ll finally be able to explain some of it to myself. At least, that's still my hope.

Lit Ledger: Receipts for the Dead