Kat

[kit04kat]

I don't know if anybody else gets this, but wanting to show someone your favorite show or movie (or your favorite things in general) is an act of deep trust. It's like saying "here is something near and dear to my heart. Please don't ridicule me for loving this."

Honestly I get more nervous showing someone my favorite shows than I do when showing my own writing and art.

[kit04kat]

Check out this amazing artistic rendering of my cat I just did

[kit04kat]

Guys help, I can't find a fanfic I wanna read :c like i scroll through my favorite tags and everything either doesn't spark my interest or I've read before. Does anybody have any batfamily/DC fanfic recommendations? I love cute romance and found family but I'm willing to broaden my horizons. Please please please please I need something :c

[kit04kat]

Happy new year everyone!!

Every year I pick a word for the year that I try to work towards/encapsulate. Anyways my word for this year is whimsy and I thought I'd share some of my Pinterest board with y'all

[kit04kat]

[kit04kat]

Me, about to realize we might be a system:

Yeah so sometimes when something is too much and im having a panic attack I'll pretend to be this character in my head named Madeline who doesn't get stressed out like that and I'll suddenly be able to do the thing. Like seriously its awesome it stops my panic attack in its tracks. The only weird things I've noticed are that my handwriting changes and sometimes i dont remember everything afterwards. You really dont do this?

My sister, concerned: no?...

[kit04kat]

I did a tarot reading for someone besides me for the first time recently. It was good! It was a little weird because I had no idea if my intuition was, like, resonating with him. But he said that it made sense so I guess it was fine. The energy felt different during the reading than it does when I'm by myself? Not bad, just different. I wanna practice more to get used to the feeling. I'd love some tips if anybody has any advice. I've been doing readings for myself for like 4 or 5 years but I'm new to doing them for others.

[kit04kat]

Most of my tarot readings recently are like-

My cards: Your shit isn't gonna get itself together

[kit04kat]

Funny moment in my tarot reading yesterday.

Me: Will my relationship with this person bring me stress?

*draws the Nine of Swords*

Me: :0

Sometimes when im doing readings it feels like a juicy gossip session lolol

[kit04kat]

My rope is short, my chain is rusty, I only have one thread to hang from, and there is an alarming about of straw on my back. There's needles in there too. Very pokey.

[kit04kat]

I looked for the needles but I couldn't find them

[kit04kat]

My rope is short, my chain is rusty, I only have one thread to hang from, and there is an alarming about of straw on my back. There's needles in there too. Very pokey.

[kit04kat]

Something I love about family: my sister just walked in my room to find me curled up under my desk, half dissociated, listening to piano instrumentals and licking my thumb and she wasnt even surprised

[kit04kat]

NOOOOOO ao3 is down and after I've spent the last two hours searching for one specific fic I read months ago 😭😭

[kit04kat]

After all these months I am happy to report that I finally found the fic. I came by it on accident months after giving up, assuming it was eaten by the void, only to be enjoyed in my memory. Having now reread it, it was exactly what I remembered. 10/10 experience this evening

[batsandbirdbrains]

Can you imagine the absolute psychotic break Dick would have if he found out Deathstroke was his biological dad? So anyway on that note

The one where Dick is actually Deathstroke’s son

Dick legitimately has no clue in this AU that he’s not actually the son of John and Mary Grayson. Let’s go ahead and make this one also right after the end of young justice season 2 where everyone is pissy bc nightwing was “secretive” and “too much like Batman” bc he did the absolute correct thing in not telling the whole goddamn team abt Kaldur’s deep cover op. I’m still mad they gave him shit for that if u can’t tell like im sorry u all got ur feelings hurt but dick and Kaldur’s plan literally saved the world like hello ur welcome. Anyway.

Dick is utterly Depressed and he’s isolating himself in a Blüdhaven safe house, basically falling apart at the seams bc he’s terrible at taking care of himself when he spirals like this. Everyone’s mad at him and he’s blaming himself. He’s throwing himself into the Nightwing shit and running himself ragged beating up baddies, but he’s also just exhausted and not eating right or sleeping well and he has a shitty job at dive bar or a strip club as a busboy. Should we age him down to 17? Let’s make him 17, for the added angst of not even being a legal adult but having to take care of himself and make a fake ID so he can even get a job. Not that his boss even really looked at it or legally employs him, but still. If he’s 18+ let’s make him a stripper/dancer for the extra tips and to add to the whole desperate for cash thing. Plus he’d prob get a lot of intel for his night job, actually. Idk idk

So also, instead of Artemis going undercover to help out with Kaldur, she refused. She and Wally had no interest in returning. So Dick had to maintain both his role as Nightwing and go undercover as Renegade, Deathstroke’s apprentice.

Slade was surprisingly on board for going along with Dick’s charade, because there’s no keeping secrets like that from Deathstroke of course he knew it was all a ruse. Dick just had to promise to actually follow orders while out as Renegade and to actually put effort in when Slade trained him. Dick couldn’t figure out why it was so easy to get Deathstroke to agree, he knew it would eventually come back to bite him in the ass, but he was desperate and running out of options so he took it.

So one night when Dick comes home after getting the shit kicked out of him by some run of the mill baddies, he finds Slade Wilson sitting on at his wobbly kitchen table, drinking coffee out of Dick’s favorite mug and looking like he’s judging the state of cleanliness (or lack thereof) of Dick’s apartment/safe house. Dick is too tired to even question it and just falls face first on the couch, pressing his face into the cushion until he sees stars.

A muffled “What do you want” brings a short laugh from Slade, and it just makes Dick feel even more exhausted.

Slade basically talks shit about the so called heroes who threw Dick away when they didn’t like the way his plan worked, Dick starts tuning him out because of course he’s going on a monologue when all Dick wants to do is go rot in bed for the next 18 hours. But then he says something in such a casual tone that it takes a moment for Dick to register what the words mean, and he snaps his head up so fast it feels like he snaps a muscle in his neck like a broken rubber band.

“Shut the fuck up,” he chokes out. “There’s no way I heard that right.”

“Denial’s not a good look on you,” Slade snorts.

Because Slade had just said moments ago that Dick is his long lost son, he ran a DNA test and everything.

“Long lost son,” Dick mocks, “that’s bullshit. What is this, a soap opera?”

“You were kidnapped when you were two years old,” Slade says, his voice calm but serious. Not wavering. “I’d been on a job. Your mother was called away by her father. You were left with a nanny we thought we could trust. That was a mistake. And I’ve regretted leaving that morning every day of my life since.”

Dick can’t stop staring at Slade. This has gotta be a joke. He’s so full of shit, there’s no way.

But Slade isn’t wavering at all. He’s not smirking. He’s not smiling. He’s just watching Dick so intensely, and Dick feels like he’s under a microscope.

He shows Dick the documents. The proof Slade even has a third son at all. Pictures that look an awful lot like the toddler he’s seen in pictures from the boxes of old stuff from his parents’ circus trailer. A toddler playing with Slade’s two older sons, Grant and Joey, who Dick may or may not have briefly met while Renegade.

And then he drops another bomb on him.

“Your mother is Talia al Ghul.”

Dick feels like his lungs just popped like a balloon.

He doesn’t know what happens, but next thing he knows, Slade is sitting next to him on the floor, counting out breaths and talking him down from what was probably the worst panic attack Dick has had in at least a solid week.

“I hate you and you’re full of shit,” Dick gasps, his chest aching. Definitely only because he’d been kicked in the ribs earlier by a thug, no other reason.

Slade just laughs. Not like an asshole smug laugh Dick is used to hearing from him, but like he’s actually genuinely amused by Dick and his antics.

It’s only a little bit of a mind fuck.

Slade convinced Dick to come with him, at the very least just so Dick can use the equipment Slade has to run the DNA test himself and confirm whether Slade is telling the truth or not. And maybe to have a meal that isn’t instant ramen or cereal or a rotisserie chicken.

And Dick hates how comfortable he is with Slade, because he slips right back into the role of Renegade like he never left. And Slade actually treats him like a son, like he’s proud of him, like Dick isn’t just a weapon or a pawn to be used. Slade isn’t throwing him away as soon as he’s gotten all he can get out of him.

And if Slade is maybe putting some biased thoughts about how the Justice League and their junior team treated him into his head, Dick steadfastly ignored that fact. Because it’s true, they treated him like shit. Like he was expendable. They needed his plan to save the world from the reach, and then tossed him out on his ass and called him manipulative for it without so much as a “Thank you, Nightwing, for coming up with a plan that saved us from the alien overlords.”

And then he meets Grant and Joey. As himself, as Dick, not as Renegade. And they’re his big brothers, and they’re so excited to see him, they missed him so much, he was so little last they saw him. And it’s such a stark contrast from how Tim was so mad at him last they spoke, because Tim thought he should’ve been in the loop about the deep cover op, but Tim is still a newbie who almost tore his eyebrows off taking his domino mask off wrong not even a month before the invasion ended, how the hell was Dick supposed to involve him in such a terrifying mission?

And if Dick is out as Renegade with Deathstroke one night and runs into members of his old team, runs into a confused Kaldur who doesn’t understand why Dick is still going out as Renegade, well then maybe they should’ve worried about what Dick was up to before Deathstroke sunk his claws into him.

Because now Dick isn’t sure if he even wants to go back to them.

[kit04kat]

You can never go home again.

That's a lesson I've learned over and over. I moved around a lot as a kid and every time it felt like I left a part of my soul behind. There's always this fantasy in my head, this longing to go home, this ache for a place I used to love. But after you leave a place, you can never truly go back. Because the place you loved, your "home", doesn't exist anymore. Time has continued its relentless dance, places changed, people grew, and you didn't grow with them. You go back and the layout in the library has changed, and the old park is gone, and the family living in your old house isn't yours anymore.

You can't live your life wanting for a place that only exists in your memory. You need to move on. The people you miss are different. They have a whole life still without you in it. And it sucks. It really fucking sucks. But you can't sit and long for what you can never go back to.

You can never go home again, so make a new one. Love where you are. Shove your roots deep into the ground. Do it lovingly, or do it spitefully, but do it. Home is not some abstract fantasy place where everything is sunshine and rainbows and butterflies. Home is wherever you are. Home is where you make it.

And next time you have to leave it, say goodbye. Tell it how much you loved and cherished it. Tell it thank you. And then start over again. It doesn't matter how long you will be staying. You always deserve the comfort of a place where you are building a life.

Also, don't just wait around for it to happen. None of this "when I get my act together" shit. Right now is all we have. Cherish it. Use it. Work with it.

You can never go home again. Except this "home" shit isn't a limited resource. Love as many places as you need to.

[kit04kat]

I felt rather scolded during my meditation and reading this morning.

Me: What guidance should I take into today?

The cards: We both know you know exactly what you should be doing. You've known for a while now; you just aren't doing it. Change is scary and uncomfortable, but it's necessary and will bring good things. Now, get off your ass and actually participate in your journey, it's the only way it's gonna work.

Me: :( ok...

[kit04kat]

Dude, I NEED to see a bat family edit over the song "Hard to Kill" by Beth Crowley.

I mean literally all the lyrics make me think of the bat family and gotham but especially

"So I let the rumors

Turn me into a legend

Cause I'm only human

But a good myth is hard to kill"

I mean COME ON GUYS! Pls somebody get on this, I've never made an edit before and idk how