Yeah, my name means coffee ice. Yeah, my name's a bit weird (like me) and I love coffee and ice. | YouTube : Koohii Kori (I do fanfict readings) | 22 | She
I started this blog in the midst of covid, a high school kid just simping for 2D men. I found wonderful people here, back when we had group chats. I still remember them. I still keep the discord server we made when we heard they were deleting the group chat feature. I don't know if they remember me. But I remember each and every one of you.
Things changed quickly when I started uni. I got busy, fast. I started showing up less and less. I didn't have time to write anymore. I worked jobs, chased a brighter future. Met hundreds of new people. But none of it ever came close to the sense of community I had here.
Pairings : Dazai Osamu x gn!Reader, hints of Chuuya loving reader as well LOL
Warnings : Violence, slight unrequited love (on chuuya's part), slightly mean ada! dazai, pm! reader, slight canon timeline change! dazai leaves pm before oda's death
Summary : Dazai waited for you to join him on the other side, but you never did.
WOW I TOOK A BREAK FROM WRITING CAUSE OF COLLEGE BUT DAMN I DIDN'T PLAN FOR AN ALMOST 3-YEAR BREAK LMAO. Anyways, I have 30 unfinished drafts, 6 final projects, a thesis proposal, and a job I haven't finished and this is my productive procrastination product (huh? you get the point lmao). falling back to my dazai era ig HAHAHA. Enjoy, luvs <3
"you left."
"You never did."
The silence following felt louder than any gunshot, any shout for mercy, any scream for help you've ever heard.
A nervous gulp was all you could muster.
"You know I wanted to."
"Yes. Yes you did." He started, eyes filled with anger. "You planned it too, you almost did."
"Then you killed them. Didn't you?"
You couldn't open your mouth to defend yourself. He was right. You took the coward's way out. You almost left, all the preparations in place. But on the night you were going to leave and run into Ango's safehouse, someone knocked at your door.
Hard.
You immediately took your hidden gun in the drawer before hiding it in your hoodie before carefully walking slowly towards the kitchen, making sure not to make a sound. You took a knife and hid it behind your back as you walked towards the door to peek who it was.
Another hard knock.
You caught a glimpse of red hair before the door flew towards you, throwing you across the room.
Chuuya walked on top of the broken-down door, a faint red glow emanating from his body. He was in fight mode, and you knew it all too well. Of course, usually you're right beside him, making fun of him trying to be scary. Oh how you regretted it, because you've just realized just how intimidating he is on the receiving end.
Your eyes immediately darted across the floor to locate the knife, and Chuuya quickly followed your gaze. He immediately kicked the knife away. You've got him. You took the chance to pull out your gun, shooting three bullets aimed straight towards his head.
"You really think that of all things would've killed me?" He said while turning his head towards you, the bullets floating just an inch away from his face.
You could hear the bullets falling to the wooden floor of your apartment before harsh steps followed suit. Then before you know it, your feet no longer touched the ground, Chuuya's hand gripping the collar of your shirt.
"Mori told me you'd do something like this." He said with a tint of sorrow in his words, a tint he didn't think you'd notice, but somehow wished you would. "You'd really leave everything for that suicidal maniac."
You couldn't choke out anything, his grip was too tight. He seemed to realize, and he let go. The redhead have always had a soft spot for you. His partner. His rendesvous after every mission. His lifeline.
"I-" you tried to say, but only a croaky sound came out, followed by hard coughs. You half-expected Chuuya to check on you, but he didn't. He simply stared at you with cold eyes.
"I don't know what you're talking about." You managed.
He scoffs, pulling out a phone.
"Then what the hell do you call these?"
He showed you intercepted messages between you and Ango's agent. You didn't know how or why then, but later on you found out that it was all Ango's doing. A peace offering to the port mafia, so to speak. Ango didn't care whether or not you made it alive, all he wanted was for Dazai to make it out.
Defeated and knowing you won't stand a chance against the person who's fought beside you for as long as your life has mattered, you decided it wouldn't be fair to make Chuuya do the dirty work.
"Take me to the boss."
And he did. Mori was obnoxiously satisfied, with that all-knowing smile on his face. Elise-chan was on the table, looking at you with a sadistic smile. Meanwhile Chuuya simply stood behind you, giving a curt nod to Mori before walking towards the other end of the room.
"Y/N-san. How nice it is to see you." He said, the smile never leaving his face.
"Cut the crap, if you're gonna kill me, just kill me already."
"Well, it wouldn't be you if it wasn't cut throat and straight to the point, huh, Y/N-san?" He said with a smile, body leaning closer to you, as if he's trying to play a mind game, showing you he's interested in where this conversation is going.
He knows you'd pick it up, you were partners with the double black afterall, picking up Chuuya's physical prowess and Dazai's brains. The generalist, the jack of all trades. His jack. His card under his sleeves. And one that's slipping away from his reach.
"Then I'll deliver. A certain soon-to-be executive have made a plea deal for your life." He said plainly. "You will be spared."
You let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding, making a mental note to thank Chuuya after this.
If he still wants to talk to you, that is.
"However," he started. "You'll have to prove your loyalty to the port mafia once more." He said, a sadistic smile appearing on his face, almost mimicking Elise-chan's.
"A low-ranking member of the port mafia has a little side job. A weakness. He's strong, but his affinity to orphans has created a massive risk to the organization. One bad blow and he might betray us. Deal with it." He said, as if he was giving you a normal everyday mission.
So you did.
You didn't have a choice. You'd tell yourself. But you knew you did. You could've rejected it and died with whatever's left of your morality and dignity, but you didn't. Instead, you killed the orphans under Oda's protective wings. You killed them all, sending Oda to his own death, and sending grief as a goodbye to your best friend.
And so here you are, a port mafia executive, face to face with the man that you've avoided for years. The man who once stood beside you, but now is on the opposite side.
"I did. I killed him."
You stood in silence, waiting for him to slap you with the truth you knew all along. You knew, and you've beat yourself up for it ever since. You'd never forgive yourself, and it seems that neither would he.
"No, you didn't kill him. You killed them." He said, almost as if cutting your half-lie with the blade of truth.
"I know. And I'll never forgi-"
"You think I care?" He said, somewhat out of character for the Dazai you've been -not that you'd admit it- secretly watching for the past two years. It sounded more like the executive you knew a long time ago, a time when you were still blissfully ignorant of the true weight of your actions. A time when killing people with your two best friends felt kind of fun, as fucked up as that sounds.
"You know better than anyone that I don't let anyone hurt those I care about and leave unscathed."
Your breath hitched at the memories of his bloodlust eyes, a gun in hand, uneccessarily shooting a dead body multiple times for wronging the mafia. Even though that was a long time ago, who's to say that's not the true Dazai? Perhaps, after eveything, you couldn't escape your untimely demise afterall. So you nodded.
"We can settle that once this is finished. We need to find that ability user first. The clock is ticking. Both Mori and Fukuza-"
"It's settled then. Tomorrow. 4 PM. I'll send you the address."
You laid on your bed restless that night. Half because you're worried about Mori, much to your dismay. And half because you knew your clock was ticking. It's the last night of your life. By tomorrow, you'd be lying on a ditch somewhere. As dangerous as it is living as a port mafia, and as much as you thought about deserving it, you still felt the dread of death.
You decided perhaps sleeping on your last night alive was unproductive, so you got out of bed and make your way to your desk. You rummaged through the drawers and pulled out the letters you wrote for everyone in case you died in a mission. You decided they needed to be renewed, so you wrote one to everyone you cared about.
Chuuya. Thanking him for saving your life a thousand times, and for always being there for you.
Mori. Thanking him for taking you in and realizing your potential. And of course, a recommendation for the next executive to take your place.
Gin. For comforting you on days you thought of doing horrible things to yourself, even if it was only on Chuuya's orders.
Higuchi. For bringing you soups and probiotic drinks when you're sick.
Hirotsu, Tachihara, Kouyo, even Akutagawa, just everyone you could think of that night.
You didn't realize the sun when it came up, nor the birds chirping. You only looked up from the stack of papers when you heard your phone notification. You looked at the notification from an unknown number, a cafe downtown, along with a note: Don't be late.
You arrived at the cafe an hour early, ordering a cup of tea. You let the sun ray hit your skin for the last few hours of your life, sipping tea slowly.
"You're that eager to die, aren't you?" A familiar voice called out. "Would've been the perfect partner for my double suicide, Ah~ what a shame."
You unintentionally let out a chuckle, immediately regretting it. You did him wrong. Actually, you did everyone wrong. You're only breathing now because you chose the selfish way out.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-, akhem. That was inappropriate, I apologize."
"No need for formalities. You know me better than anyone in the agency." He said with a smile.
This isn't right, he was supposed to hate you. He hates you. He showed as much when he confronted you yesterday. None of this added up.
"I know what's going on in that little head of yours. You still haven't improved that thinking face of yours." He said teasingly as he walked closer to you.
"I don't understand, I thought you hated me?"
"I don't hate you. Sorry about yesterday, you never know where Mori has ears." He explained. "I can piece together what happened. it was Ango, wasn't it?" He asked, almost more like a statement than a question.
You wanted to say yes, to nod, to give any kind of confirmation. But, that little devil in your mind disagrees. Afterall, you had the choice to die in Oda's place, in the kids' place. But you didn't, no, you decided your life was worth more than theirs, and that's a sin that should never be forgiven.
"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I won't let a beauty like you to die. It's such a waste, belladonna!" He exclaimed dramatically.
You almost smacked him the way you did when he was still your partner in the port mafia. An old habit that hasn't been triggered in quite some time. And suddenly, you're hit with a pang of sadness. Feelings you surpressed for so long just started free falling.
You were supposed to run with him.
You were supposed to be free with him.
You were supposed to tell him how you felt.
And suddenly, a tear escaped the side of your eye. Then the other eye. One by one until a cascade of tears flowed down to your chin. Dripping onto your lap.
Dazai's eyes are bewildered at the sight. The port mafia executive crying like a lost child was not what he expected when he planned the meeting. He expected a cold, lifeless Y/N, of course, but not this. He thought you were over the child-like admiration you had for him. He wouldn't call it love before, but now he was certain.
"You liked me, huh..."
Somehow, with tears streaming down your face, you smiled. Relief washed over all your pent up emotions. You nodded, letting your ice cold port mafia executive exterior crumble.
"Yeah, I did. I still do." You said, letting a small laugh escape.
Dazai smiled softly. He knew you had a thing for him, but he didn't think it was romantic, he thought it was a sibling kind of love. That's why he never made a move. You were always caring to them, always keeping an eye out for him and Chuuya for as long as he could remember, and it was obvious that Chuuya had a thing for you too. So, he never thought his feelings were reciprocated, that you loved him the way he loved you.
Memories from his port mafia days flash through his mind, specifically the nights you'd wake up from a nightmare and come to him for comfort.
"Can I sleep here instead?" you'd squeak.
"Of course, belladonna." He'd always say, pulling the covers on you while you snuggle in his bed.
He'd always thought you saw him as an older brother. What a fool he's been all this time. How could he not see it? Perhaps... he did. And perhaps he simply didn't want to get heartbroken if he was indeed -albeit unlikely- wrong.
The man would never admit it, but he truly protects his heart as much as he can. He hates pain, especially those that cannot be cured with time. And heartbreak is the ultimate pain no one could truly erase. He still suffers from it, because of Oda's death. But he's somewhat grateful that it wasn't your tomb he visits every year.
He knelt down in front of you, grabbing your hand and gave it a soft kiss before wiping the tears from your eyes with his other hand.
"Don't cry, belladonna. You know I hate seeing you cry."
You couldn't stop the tears from flowing, but you could choke out the words you'd been held from saying for the longest time. Three words longing to be said.
"I love you, Dazai."
The man felt his heart uncontrollably thumping. He couldn't keep it under control this time, and somehow he liked it. He liked the fuzzy and warm feeling growing in his chest.
"I know." He said smugly, letting a few seconds pass as you let out another laugh. He missed that little laugh. The same one you'd let out whenever he makes snarky remarks. And before he could think about it, his legs pushed him up, arms open wide.
You could've sworn you were dreaming as you felt him engulf you. The scent and warmth of his body overwhelming you. You've missed it more than you'd admit as the memory of those nights when you'd cuddle up to him while he's asleep fills your mind. Maybe it is a dream after all? And so you raise your arms, slowly embracing him, afraid you'd wake up if you hugged him with too much excitement and vigor.
He let go of the hug, stripping you from the comfort, and you felt a slight worry. What if he's leaving again? What if you never see him again? If he loved you then, but still left, who's to say he won't disappear tomorrow? But like clockwork, before you could spiral down your thoughts, you felt his hands on your cheeks.
"I've waited for you every single day since I left." he started. "Then I heard about Oda, and then you becoming an executive. I knew something must've went wrong, but I don't want to risk your life. As long as you're safe, I'm happy."
"What made you think I was going to leave?"
"I know you, y/n. You're a good person at heart." He said with a soft smile. "If someone with hands as bloody as mine would leave, you would've left much earlier. But, you didn't..." he trailed off as he thought about his next words carefully.
"Because you were afraid to be alone again."
You gave him a smile, the best one you could muster at the moment. Because he knew you all too well. He read you like a book, and for once, you didn't feel like killing the person who did.
"Not knowing whether or not I'd be around when you leave made you consider living with the one person you knew would stay."
You almost cried at his words, perfectly narrating your life for every single day he wasn't there for you.
"I'm here now, belladonna." He said as his hands swept off the hair on your face.
You nodded, not sure if you're saying you'd leave the port mafia, but sure that no matter what, he won't leave you alone, not again. Even if you're both standing on opposite sides.
"Thank you, Dazai."
He stood up and walked to the chair next to you. You took the time to compose yourself. You're a port mafia executive after all, and you shouldn't be seen so vulnerable.
"Join the agency."
You look up into his eyes, trying to see if they were jokey, the way they usually are. But no, not this time. He was completely serious, and you knew the weight of his idea.
"Mori will have me killed."
"No he won't."
"How are you sure?"
He smiled, as if he's been waiting for you to ask that very question.
"Because he thinks of us as his kids, even if he won't admit it. You're his only daughter figure. A father would never let anyone or anything hurt their daughters. Why did you think he sent Chuuya to stop you from leaving? He can't be sure you'd be safe out here, and sending any other port mafia member would only get you killed."
Come to think about it, he could've sent anyone. But he did make the one choice that would guarantee your safety. Everyone knows Chuuya had a soft spot for you. But, Mori? Sure, he was the one that saved you, the one that took you under his wing. But that was it. There's no indication that he'd ever pardon your li-
He did.
You almost ran away, but he didn't have you killed for it. Why? If it was any other member you're certain no matter how much Chuuya pleaded, they'd die on the spot. Maybe Dazai's right.
Like he always is.
"By the way, we're still on the clock." He suddenly said, but calmly.
Warnings : ANGST, mentions of blood, death, manga spoilers!
Summary : Yuuta wiped out everyone in the colony, but he needs 5 more points. No one else can give him points, and no other sorcerers are left. only you.
//Gosh it's been a hot minute since I've posted. I literally have >20 drafts but only this one is good enough for me. Also, I'm having my finals rn. On the bright side, I've got tickets to see JJK 0 so here's an angsty one for my one and only Okkotsu Yuuta ♡
"No. We're gonna walk out of here, okay?"
Yuuta was fuming. He couldn't think straight. He was so close to the end of his plan.
395 points.
That's the amount of points the two of you have managed to save up.
You've killed strong sorcerers, You've been donated points by some on the brink of their deaths, but here we are, 5 weeks into the game and 3 rules later. All you two needed was 5 more points to make the last rule on the plan. To make it possible for players to walk out of the colony. But the sorcerers in the Sendai colony are ruthless, most of then died with almost a hundred -some even hundreds of- points. Leaving you both in this situation. In need of 5 points, in a colony with only non-sorcerers left.
Well... non-sorcerers, Yuuta, and you.
"Yuuta. Listen to me." You said, one hand holding his wrist in a death grip and the other on his jawline, forcing him to look at you. "There's no other choice." You said, weaker than you'd like. You wiped the tear on his cheek with a soft touch.
Your lips quivered slightly as you tried your best not to let your own tears fall.
"As a sorcerer, I'm not worth much compared to you. But here, I'm worth 5 points. So please, help me finish this. We can save all of them, Yuuta!"
He lifted his free hand, holding your hand and pressing it onto his cheek. He pulled away slightly, only to kiss the palm of your hand softly.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "But you're worth so much more than 5 non-sorcerers." He continued.
"Hold her for me, Rika." He said aloud, as Rika summoned herself behind you.
Before you could react, he'd turned on his heel, walking towards the pack of non-sorcerers on the edge of the barrier with his hand on the handle of his sword. Some noticed him walking towards them but only stared, some ran off, some chose to back away slowly, but most of them trusted him enough not to even doubt him.
You tried to pull yourself out of Rika's grip, but she was a special grade cursed spirit for a reason. You had no chance against her in a full on fight, but she won't hurt you, so you did what you could.
"Puppet manipulation." You whispered, silently hoping Rika wouldn't hear you and alert Yuuta, but of course she did.
"STRING CONTROL!" you shouted before she could cover your mouth or shriek.
The second those words left your mouth, you pulled your fingers just enough to stop Yuuta. He turned around and looked at you with wide eyes as the realization hits him. You'd marked him when you grabbed his wrist.
Your cursed technique wasn't something he couldn't break out of. You both knew that, and so now it's just a battle of wits and guts.
For Yuuta to have enough cursed energy to break out of your technique, he'd have to dispel Rika. And once he dispels her, you'd fight him to protect the non-sorcerers.
But of course, all Yuuta has to do is just make Rika subdue you again, right? He didn't think you'd be desperate enough to waste your cursed energy on postponing those people's deaths.
"You can go now, Rika." He said, walking towards you.
Before he could cut off the 'strings' controlling him, you pulled on it as hard as you could, pulling both his arms so his katana couldn't touch the strings. He pulled both his arms, trying to fight back. Unbeknownst to him, you'd manipulated his sight with your technique. You've made your way behind him, in line with his arm that was still trying to free itself from your technique.
You saw the glimmering blade in his grip, a pang of sadness and fear made its way to the pit of your stomach. But, you didn't have time to think twice, it was now or never.
"Release."
Yuuta didn't really register what happened until he felt resistence on his katana. He pulled on it, only to feel a warm liquid hitting his lower arm. He turned around to see you standing there, taking little steps back, a hand on your stomach, just under where the heart should be.
"... no... no no. This can't be happening. Not again. Not you too." He mumbled in shock.
You gave him a soft smile, wincing slightly at the feeling of your teared skin rubbing. You didn't want to say anything, afraid your voice would come out weak and in pain.
Your fingers felt cold, and slowly so did your knees. In a matter of seconds, they lost balance and you find yourself kneeling on the ground. The pain has somewhat numbed out, but was quickly replaced by a sense of panic. This is it, you're actually dying.
Yuuta immediately kneeled beside you, pulling you so you'd lie down on his arm and knees. He hovered his hand above the hole in your stomach, to which you responded by taking his hand in yours, rubbing small circles on the back of his hand.
"It's okay, Yuuta."
"No, I can't. Please, let me just... we can talk about it, just please." He said frantically, eyes flickering back and forth, scanning your body. You saw a glimpse of the Yuuta you met a year ago. The meek and timid boy that brought a strong, dark presense along with him. But you never feared him, instead, you envied him.
He had the power you could only dream of. If you had that power, your life would've been easier. And maybe Yaga wouldn't be ashamed to say you were his daughter.
"Even if I wanted it, it's no use. Your katana... fuck- wasn't imbued with cursed energy. Reversed cursed technique won't work." You said between labored breaths.
"God damn it, Y/N. Why?"
"They didn't ask for this. They shouldn't have been involved." You said, referring to the non-sorcerers.
Yuuta tucked a stray hair behind your ear, accidentally smearing your blood on your cheek. And suddenly it felt too real. His body trembled, lips quivered, tears cascading as his mind races to find any other way to save you and put an end to the culling games.
"No no no no no, you're gonna be alright. I'll take you to Shoko, she'd know how to hel-" he cut himself off, eyes stuck on the wound as he realized there was no way to get you out of the colony or to contact Shoko and ask her to enter.
You smiled, staring straight into the sides of his eyes. You've always had trouble with keeping eye contact, but right now, you would give up everything in the world to just look into his eyes.
You pulled his hand and kissed his knuckles, which caused him to snap out of his daze. His eyes met yours, they were glossy and flashing with emotions, but still just as beautiful as ever.
"You can do that for the civilians. Make the rule and finish this mission, okay?" You said with a shaky voice, noticing how your breath felt cold in your mouth.
He couldn't say a word.
Instead, he pulled you into his arms. Burrying his face in your neck, he kept one arm behind your neck and head, the other on your back. It was so sudden, you couldn't help but wince because of the pain. But you tried your best not to discourage him from hugging you.
Because you needed this too.
So you lifted your hand and rubbed his back affectionately, taking in labored breaths as your vision started to blur and fingers freeze.
"Thank you for loving me, Yuuta."
-
A week. A week has passed since that day.
Never has the world seen this much bloodshed in a week.
After the rule was applied, the civilians ran out of the barriers. But, so did the reincarnated sorcerers, cursed spirits, and curse users. They've managed to unseal Gojo, who then immediately wiped off the higher ups and took control. The next step is the 'purging' of reincarnated sorcerers and cursed spirits. Though, if you were still around, you'd be the first to protest. There was no need for this massacre.
But Yuuta did need it. He needed to put the blame on something, anything other than himself. And so the blame falls onto the culling game participants, and of course, Kenjaku.
He killed more within the last week than he did in the games. Did he feel remorse? No. Not at all.
Gojo noticed it. He saw a glimpse of his best friend in Yuuta. Afraid history would repeat itself, he put Yuuta off duty.
"You need time to grieve. Leave the rest to us, Okkotsu."
Yuuta didn't like it. He insisted on participating in more missions, even threatening the Ijichi and Nitta a couple times to tell him where jobs are available. It wasn't until Maki slapped some sense into him -quite literally- that he realized you wouldn't have wanted this.
He then fell into a depressive spiral. He locked himself in his room, which used to feel like home, but now felt like a confinement.
Everything reminded him of you. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't even get out of bed some days. He was a shell of the man he used to be.
Twirling his ring in his hand, he wondered how beautiful it would've looked around your ring finger. Why is it that everyone he loves dies? Why did he have to love you? Love is a horrible curse.
Did he perhaps accidentally curse you too? No, he wished he cursed you too. Because maybe, just maybe, you as a cursed spirit that haunts him would better than you not being there at all.
Days passed.
He didn't know why he made his way here when he knew it would only set everything into stone. As if the second he saw your name on the gravestone, you'd actually be dead. Perhaps that's what his subconscious is asking for: closure.
But the second his eyes actually fell onto your grave, he felt so many emotions all at once. Anger, sadness, hopelessness, love, disappointment. It was so overwhelming that he didn't realize how much cursed energy was leaking out of him.
"Okkotsu." Someone said as they tapped his shoulder.
He turned around to see Principal Yaga. He never bonded with the man, but he respected him nonetheless. After all, he is the Principal of Jujutsu high, his mentor's mentor, and your father.
"Principal Yaga." He mumbled out. "Sorry, are you here to, I- you-, I can leave. I- I'll come back later." He stumbled on his words. His tongue slipping on guilt and shame.
Before he could walk past, Yaga held his elbow and pulled him back.
"Let's talk." He started, facing your grave, arms crossed, and feet shoulder width apart.
Yuuta stood still for a second, questioning what the older man had to say to him. Is he going to blame Yuuta for your death? Perhaps. And maybe that's what he deserved. After all, it was his katana that struck you down.
"I wasn't a good father. I wasn't there for her first step, first word, first day of school, first date. I chose not to because I was afraid she'd look up to me and follow in my footsteps only to die on the battlefield." He started.
Yuuta felt his heart drop. If only he'd been quicker, or if he'd persuaded one more sorcerer to give their points before their death, then you would still be here. And principal Yaga's sacrifice wouldn't have been for nothing.
"I'm so-"
"It's not your fault." He cuts. "I know you wouldn't kill her. You loved her." He said, as stoic as ever. Arms still crossed, eyes covered by a pair of shades, and no emotion to be read.
"She was a sentimental person. Most people lose that after a while in this line of work. But not her, she'd lay her life for those she loves." He continued.
Yuuta stood still, lips shut.
"I know-, knew my daughter enough to know that she loved you."
Yuuta could feel his legs trembling.
"Don't say that. Don't speak like she's gone." He said as his hands reached down to your grave.
"Okkotsu." Yaga warned.
The ground on your fresh grave began to split. Yuuta has seen this before, the birth of a cursed spirit.
"Sleep." A familiar voice said, tapping the side of his head.
He blinked and suddenly he was in a very different place. He was back inside the colony, right on the edge of the barrier. He was back in the one place he never wanted to see again.
"You know, I asked you to help me finish the mission, not to bring me back to life afterwards." You said, followed by a short, playful laugh.
He stumbled backwards a few steps, unsure of what he's seeing. Was it an attack? Is he under someone's technique?
"It's me, Yuu." You tried to convince him.
"No, that's not possible. Is this... did I curse you too?"
"No... Well, you almost did."
"This has to be a dream, right?"
"You can say that. Gojo knocked you out, I tried to catch you, and suddenly here we are. I'm just as confused as you are."
"You were there?"
"I never left." You started.
"I tried everything. I tried to stop you from taking missions, I tried stopping you from threatening Nitta and Ijichi, I tried to pull you out of your room, talking to you, lying next to you while you sleep, everything I can think of." You continued as you reminisce on the past week or so.
Yuuta felt his lips quivering as his tears roll down quietly. You started to slowly make your way towards him, the sound of crunching gravel and sand filled the silent air.
"We're never going to see each other again, are we?" He blurted, eyes on your boots.
"Perhaps. I don't know what'll happen after this, but I want you to do one more thing for me, is that okay?" You asked, a hand on his cheek, much like the day you died. His eyes met yours and you tried your best to keep your tears at bay, never letting a single one drop.
"Live. Not just breathe. Make the most out of your life. And don't be afraid to fall in love again." You said as your hand landed on his cheek softly.
He pressed his face onto your hand for a second, before feeling a surge of bravery and desperation flow through. He pulled you in, his free hand landing on your waist as your foreheads touched.
"Maki wouldn't be a bad choice." You half-joked. And he let's out a small laugh. The first one he's let out since... he can't even remember. But he remembered it was with you. Even in the gloomy aura of the culling games, you both found ways to make each other laugh.
"Thank you, Yuuta. You've shown me love. I feel more loved that I have ever been. Tell dad I still love him no matter what. And... I mean it. You have so much love to give, so find someone to stay by your side." You continued, somewhat pained by the fact that it couldn't be you.
"But no one will ever replace you."
With a kiss, you both sealed your fate. He opened his eyes to meet the familiar ceiling of his dorm and your voice still in the air. A curse that you left for him.
Yeah, this is mostly self-indulgent. I've been super stressed out lately, so many things are happening at the same time. I've just finished my exams and the next thing I know, the government made a no-holiday policy for the end of the year. Anyway here's a little drabble(?) perhaps, no names were mentioned but I wrote this with Miya Osamu/Bokuto Koutarou/Yuta Okkotsu in mind, so yeah, enjoy~
It's so tiring.
To live life knowing you've fallen for someone, but that someone doesn't even exist. Isn't it strange? Falling for something lifeless. Mere ink on paper, or 24 drawings a second. It's so tiring to know that, yet being unable to make your heart comprehend that.
Your mind knows they aren't real, none of them are. Yet why do the butterflies come anyway? The heart is a mysterious thing, you thought, as you stared at the ceiling, mind getting fuzzier by the second, and eyes getting heavy.
"Take me home." You whispered to the empty room.
The feeling of homesickness only thickened. The air felt damp and your heart aches. It misses something, but what is it? How can someone miss a place they've never been to, or someone they've never met?
Why are you even thinking all of this right now? When by some miracle, he's appeared right here in front of you.
He opened his arms, a gentle smile on his face. You didn't know how this man just decided he'd gesture for a hug, but it didn't matter to you at the moment. Because you're already on your way, feet planting firmly onto the ground on each step of the way as you ran as fast as you could, as if he'd disappear if you were a millisecond late.
You didn't even feel the impact when you wrapped your arms around him, your cheek landing on his chest, your legs barely standing. He lets out a breath before wrapping his arms around you too.
Selfish | Telling The JJK Men You're Getting Married To Someone Else.
Summary : You spent a part of your life going back and forth between this reality and theirs. Until you decided you both needed to continue living in your respective realities. After years of not seeing each other, you had to go back to tell a special someone a special news
Contains : Gojo Satoru, Fushiguro Megumi
Warnings : ANGST, PEOPLE. A N G S T.
He looked up to the sky. It was grey, but a blue hue was somewhat still there. He let the umbrella rest on his shoulder and leaned up, allowing the rain to fall onto his face. It felt cold, but calming. The little droplets felt like they were cleansing him, telling him to let it all go.
A drop of water fell into his eye. He instinctively closed his eyes and rubbed the water out. He opened his eyes in the crowdy street and he froze.
You were right there. Just a few feet away from him.
Why? Why out of all the days, out of all the moments, out of all the possible time and place must you come to him at this very moment?
You smiled as you noticed his realization that you were there.
It'd be a lie if you said your heart wasn't knocking onto your ribcage, twisting and turning, or was that your stomach? Whatever it was, it made you want to cry, smile, and laugh at the same time. You've been planning this for a while now. It might've been a very selfish choice, but you had to.
It wouldn't be right to get married without telling him.
1. Gojo Satoru
"You, I- hi! I didn't think I'd see you again."
You smiled at his remark, looking down to the ground as you felt the nerves. He'd felt a little surge of energy when you crossed over and he just happened to pass by, but he didn't expect you to be the cause behind it. He thought that maybe a cursed spirit looking for a bit of fun.
"Yeah... neither did I." You said. Each step you took reminded you of how tall he was. It was intimidating, but then again, was that the true cause behind your thumping heart?
"Let's talk. We have a lot to catch up on, don't we?" You offered.
"The cafe down the street?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. You chuckled in response and he took it as a yes. He didn't think much of it when you turned around and he instinctively laid his hand on the small of your back, leading you towards the zebra cross. But then, you made little jumpy steps ahead every time his hand touched you, and he slowly picked up your discomfort.
The second you both arrived, you took in a deep breath. The smell of familiar coffee and sweet cream brought back memories of those days when everything was simpler. When you didn't know the drawback of your abilities. When it felt like the world was in your hands.
You took a seat in the booth you usually sat at with Gojo while he immediately made an order.
"Two? Oh my, is she back? My, my! I hope she plans to stay longer, I haven't seen you this nervous in a while." you heard from just across the room. It was the friendly owner that used to be your biggest shipper. The middle-aged lady was the nicest person you've ever met, always curious but never nosy. How did she manage to do that? you didn't know. But one thing's for sure, the news you brought would make you feel like you had to apologize to her.
"Here you go, this is still your go-to drink, right?" he said as he puts a cup in front of you. You nodded with a small smile in response. You parted your lips to say something, but then two plates interrupted you.
"On the house, to celebrate your return. Do tell this old woman know how things are, darling. This cafe hasn't felt this warm in a while now." she said with a smile and a hand on your shoulder. You gave her a genuine smile before standing up and giving her a hug.
She walked away right after, leaving you to your business with Gojo. You didn't know how to start, do you just blurt out what you came back to say? In all honesty, part of the reason you came back was to see him again. All these years of holding onto your resolve felt like hell. But if you didn't, then you would've probably chosen to stay here and jeopardize the fate of the multiverse.
"So, what made you come back?" he asked as he spun the spoon in his cup, dissolving the inhuman amount of sugar cubes he'd dropped into it just a few seconds before.
You decided it was probably best to just get right into it. Perhaps it wasn't the best choice, but if you stayed in his company for too long, you might find yourself drowning in feelings and memories that would probably make you want to cancel your wedding and ruin everything for your fiancee.
"I'm getting married." you said as you lifted your left hand, showing your engagement ring.
"Congratulations! Who's the lucky guy?" He responded without missing a beat.
"A coworker. I met him a couple years back." you said with a smile, happy that he wasn't negative about it. "He's a really nice guy. He has an adopted son, and he's... he loves me."
"And you love him, right?"
"Yes. I... I actually do. I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was thinking. This feels like I'm rubbing salt into the wound."
"It's fine, Y/N. I understand." He started. "You needed closure. Our story ended so abruptly you probably feel the need to have a proper end." He continued.
You were surprised by how mature he was at that very moment. You were expecting him to act like a brokenhearted child, either falling silent or throwing a tantrum. But this... you weren't prepared for this. But, you were glad.
Because it meant he was okay without you.
It wasn't until he accompanied you back to the train station that Gojo let his mask fall off a little. He wanted you to notice his slightly slumped body, his slower-than-usual steps, his tight lips, and ever so slightly furrowed eyebrows. But you never did.
Once you bid farewell and took step after step towards the station's entrance, Gojo felt like he was drowning in quicksand. His chest felt tight and the air felt cold, but he didn't want to guilt-trip you. As much as he wanted to be selfish and ask you to stay, ask you to abandon your life there and be with him here, he knew that would be a despicable thing to do.
But would it be wrong if it was your choice?
He took off his sunglasses as you walked further and further away from him. His lips parted as he let out little breaths, mere shadows of the words he wanted to say.
"Y/N. I- If you could..." he bit his tongue, quite literally, as you turned around and made eye contact with him. "come over from time to time, you know? Megumi misses you." he continued, completely ignoring everything he wanted to say.
You gave him a smile and a nod. "I will." you said as you waved. "See you around, Gojo."
He returned the smile, and you turned back on your heels and disappeared into the station. Gojo's eyes never left your figure. Even after you disappeared into the station, he could still see the remnants of your cursed energy. And then, poof, you were gone again.
He didn't know how long he'd stood there, just staring at the entrance. The wind blew softly as if telling him to walk away, but he couldn't. His eyes were set on the entrance, silently wishing for you to reappear.
As the wisps of wind gushes just the same, and the clouds left to reveal a bright blue sky, the male decided it was time to move on. Your story together had ended, but not your individual stories. And so he made a final remark, hoping the wind would carry them to you somehow.
"I hope he makes you happy."
2. Fushiguro Megumi
"Hey, Megumi." You called to him as you walked towards him. you could see his body leaning backward just a little, but he didn't step back.
"You're... back? But, why?" He asked, not aggressively, but not very friendly either.
You pulled your lips into a tight smile, not wanting to tell him yet. You walked until you were beside him before turning around and gesturing to him to walk with you.
"Let's talk about it somewhere else."
The two of you walked for quite some time in comfortable silence. Occasionally, you'd catch him looking at you. And vice versa. You both grew up within the years that you didn't come back to his reality. It would be a lie to say you hadn't thought about it. It took you a lot of willpower not to come back. But, you'd convinced yourself that it was for the best.
You both arrived at a park. No, not a park. It was the park. The one you both would go to every weekend to have a picnic. He'd summon his demon dogs while you both enjoyed the food you prepared. You smiled at the memory as your eyes lingered on a particularly familiar tree.
The rain had reduced to mere droplets every now and then, but for some reason, it felt like you were still getting drenched.
"So, why did you come back?" he asked, a bit firmer this time.
"No 'hello, how are you's? That's such a Megumi thing." you joked. He scowled, and you knew he wasn't up to put up with your jokes at the moment.
"I'm getting married."
Megumi froze. It wasn't what he was expecting at all. He thought you broke your resolution and chose to come back to him. He thought that maybe the reason why you came right at this moment was that whatever higher entity that existed wanted to stop him from letting you go.
"When? To who?" was all he managed to choke out.
"Tomorrow. He's an old friend of mine. I never thought I'd end up with him, but here we are." you said as you let out a huff of air.
Silence engulfed the both of you once more, and you wondered if it was because he was still processing what you said or if it was because he didn't like it. Maybe it was both.
"Congratulations."
"Thank you... and what about you, Megumi? How are things going here without me around? Are Yuuji and Nobara alright? Is Gojo-sensei still a man-boy?"
He didn't want to answer. He didn't want to spend another second in this moment. He wanted to wake up, this had to be a dream, right? You noticed his silence and you knew he was spiraling down in his mind. You didn't blame him. If you were in his place, you'd be too.
"I understand. I'm sorry, I just... it didn't feel right to get married without telling you, you know?"
"Why wouldn't it be okay? We ended things years ago. You're free to date or marry whoever you want." he said coldly. He had to because if he warmed himself up just a little, he'd break down. He never thought that he'd be happier not to know how things were going for you.
The walk back to the station was silent again, but this time it wasn't the comfortable kind. It was cold and lonely.
"I'm sorry, Megumi. We just... we don't belong. I don't understand why I was given this ability, but I knew that whatever the reason is, it doesn't give me the right to leave my reality behind."
He let his head hang low, not knowing what to say. He knew you didn't leave because you wanted to. It was mostly because, without you, the hole between realities would be open. You had to stay in your reality to make sure no other entities could cross over.
"Goodbye, Megumi." You said before turning around to walk into the underground station, to the train that'll take you back to a world without him, to your own world.
"Come back every now and then. See Yuuji, Nobara, and Gojo-sensei yourself. Maybe bring over little Y/n junior one day." he said suddenly, stopping you in your tracks.
You felt warm tears drip down the sides of your cheeks. You were happy. You knew you both needed this closure, an ending to your story. Or rather, an epilogue. One that would make sure he would no longer let himself linger around the memories of what you once were.
"Will do." you said with a smile. "Thank you, Megumi."
He simply nodded in response, holding his umbrella tightly even though the rain stopped a while ago.
He watched as you descended down the stairs. A fraction of him wanted to run after you, to stop you from going back. He wanted to be selfish, to keep you all to himself. But he knew he couldn't. He was a jujutsu sorcerer after all. It was his duty to make sure you and the good people in the world were safe. And the safest you could ever be is if you're in your own reality, surrounded by the people who love you and you love.
He looked up at the -now slightly less grey- sky, noticing the light peeking through the clouds. He suddenly understood why you came back right on this day, at that moment, in that situation. It was the final chapter of your story together. And it was time for him to find his own happiness.
Summary : You're insecure, constantly bodychecking and hating yourself. What if your comfort character was behind the mirror all along? And what if you could suddenly see them too?
"You know, for someone who has girls fawn over all the time, you sure as hell seem bothered by this 'person' you've been seeing." Iwaizumi said as he stared at his best friend.
Oikawa was leaning onto the wall, hands crossed as he looked onto the sink with glazed eyes. He held onto his pride and did not let them fall, but Iwaizumi knows.
"You don't get it, do you, Iwa-chan? 'this person' is someone who wouldn't even try to chase after me. Not because they're scared of my fans, nor is it because we're in different universes. But because they don't think they have a chance because they think they're hideous when in reality they're so so so beautiful."
Iwaizumi had never seen Oikawa act like this. He stared at the mirror and saw his own reflection looking back at him. He wondered, what were you like? How did you manage to absolutely captivate his player of a best friend? And most of all, he wondered if you would ever know how beautiful you are? Because as much as he hated to admit it, his best friend sure as hell has high standards. And for Oikawa to say you're very beautiful... you must be ethereal to him then.
He snapped out of his thoughts when Oikawa suddenly pushed himself off the wall, eyes wide and stuck on the mirror.
"Can you see me?" He asked.
Iwaizumi couldn't see it, but you nodded on the other side of the mirror. Oikawa smiled, not one of those "charming" smiles, but a genuine wide smile and glimmering eyes, like a child on Christmas morning.
"I can't believe this is actually happening." He muttered out. "Look, I know this is weird, but I don't know if this will be the only chance I get to talk to you, so I have to tell you everything I need to tell you everything I've been dying to tell you. Can you listen to me and promise to remember them?" He asked, though it was more like a request.
Again, you nodded. For a second, Iwaizumi thought he could see a figure in the mirror, but he couldn't see it clearly. But he could tell from that little glimpse that you were far from unattractive.
"You're beautiful, Y/N. That's your name, right? Well, I don't say this often, but for once, someone beat me on the attractiveness scale. And I'd turn down a thousand of my fans if it meant I could have you. You're so much more beautiful than you think."
[ Matsuno Chifuyu ]
"You remember when you said you wish you were a kitten? I think it was when you saw a fan art of Baji-san and me playing with kittens." he started, his voice shaky and his pitch slightly higher than usual.
"You... you said at least kittens are cute no matter how small or big. Or what color they are. But not humans." He continued before choking on his own sobs.
"I wish you'd see that you're also cute. Even cuter than that little furry ball of joy." he said as he bent down, letting his tears flow. He might seem like a strong person, but he's only 14 after all. But even his 14-year-old self knew, you were definitely downplaying your own worth.
"I just wish you could see that you're nothing like you keep making yourself out to be. You're cute and funny, you're smart and unique. You're stunning..." he continued as he gripped his chest.
He didn't notice you at all, but his words impacted you all the same.
"Are you... Chifuyu?" you asked the male.
"You... I- Yes." He said as he wiped his tears with his sleeves before standing up straight. "I know you probably think this is a dream or something. I don't know how this happened either but I've been able to see you for a while now." He continued.
You shifted uncomfortably at the thought of him looking at you while you were scrutinizing yourself. The thought was enough to make you feel disgusting.
"I just want you to know that I think you're absolutely stunning. There's nothing wrong with how you look, you're far from unattractive. So please, please don't hate yourself."
[ Okkotsu Yuuta ]
He couldn't bring himself to say anything, he simply stared. His eyes that usually displayed sadness now displayed something that resembled hatred, but anyone who knew him would know, it was determination. He was going to find a way to tell you everything you needed to hear.
"Wait for me. I'll come to you. And once I do, I'll make sure you'd see what I see. I promise, I'll make you see how beautiful you are in my eyes." He said as his hand slid slightly on the mirror. His eyes were on his ring as he wondered if his words could have accidentally cursed the mirror.
But then he let out a chuckle.
"I wish you could see me too."
Shocked to see a male in your mirror, you backed slowly, a gasp making its way out of your lips as your back hit the wall that was surprisingly cold. The figure seemed to notice as he immediately looked up, his eyes widening as you made eye contact. He backed away a couple of steps before raising both hands at his chest's height, waving them frantically as he mumbled a couple "calm down!"s
He was stunned, but grateful nonetheless. For once, his accidental curses actually did something good. It gave him the chance to tell you what you needed to hear.
"Look, I know it's kind of hard to see your own value when you see the people around you. But you need to understand that just because you think they have high value, doesn't mean yours is any less. You're so precious, so unique, so beautiful. Everything about you is just perfect the way it is."
Summary : You're insecure, constantly bodychecking and hating yourself. What if your comfort character was behind the mirror all along? And what if you could suddenly see them too?
Warnings : Body dysmorphia, crying, gn!reader, and cursing again on Chuuya's part
Consists of : Fushiguro Megumi, Sugawara Koushi, Nakahara Chuuya
Part 1 Here (Backstory)
Part 2 Here (Bakugo, Kageyama, Mitsuya)
Part 4 Here (Oikawa & Iwaizumi, Chifuyu, Yuuta)
PLEASE READ PART 1 FIRST!
*****
[ Fushiguro Megumi ]
He didn't understand it. Why are you so insistent on fitting into the mold of so-called 'beauty'? Because he saw your cheerful smile, your frantic movements when you realize how messy your bedhead was in the morning, he saw how precious you are. He saw someone worth saving. Before he could think, his lips parted and whispered the question he'd been wanting to ask you.
"Don't you see how beautiful you really are?"
You stared at the figure, stunned by the question and the fact that a man just appeared on the other side of the mirror, one that looked like he didn't belong in this world. He must've noticed the silence that ensued as he slowly tilted his head back up.
"You can see me?" He questioned, and you nodded in response.
He felt both excitement and fear running through his veins. How long did he have to talk to you? He didn't have time to think it through, but he needed to say it while he had the chance.
"I never understood why people think so highly of fitting into the conventional beauty standard. To me, none of it matters. But I can still say this, your worth is not determined by how many flaws you have. It's exactly what makes you beautiful. And let me just say, you're no less than ethereal."
[ Sugawara Koushi ]
His arms shook on either side of him as he tightened his fists. He looked down onto the floor as he couldn't see you breaking down for another second, or he'd break down too. He bit his quivering lip in an attempt to stop himself from overflowing with frustration.
"I wish I could tell you how beautiful you are. I wish I could. Maybe you'd finally believe it because I'd be the one to say it to you." He said as he lowered his head even more, backing up until his back hit the wall before his body slid to the floor.
"Wha- who?" You managed to choke out
"You.. you can hear me? Can you see me?" he asked frantically as he stood back up, eyes wide. As you nodded in response, he immediately let his heart do the talking. Afterall, he's been holding all inside as he had no way to tell you.
"Listen to me, Y/N. You are so much more than you think you are. I.. know it's kind of hard to see it, but I want you to try, okay? I want you to love yourself and stop comparing yourself to others. Because everyone's beautiful in their own way, and you are so so so much more beautiful than you think you are."
[ Nakahara Chuuya ]
His fist was on the mirror as he shut his eyes tightly, trying his best not to just punch a hole through.
"Who... who the fuck told you you were ugly you fucking moron?"
"Who the fuck are you?" You managed to say after hearing the way he spoke. You recognized the outfit and hair, but how could a cosplayer just suddenly show up in your mirror? Better yet, how can anyone suddenly show up in a mirror?
Stunned, Chuuya snapped his head up. He didn't like your tone one bit, but the feeling of relief washing over him completely takes over whatever anger he had.
"You know who I am." He said as he cleared his throat and fixed his posture, not forgetting to throw his hat on again.
"You haven't answered me." He continued.
You gave it a thought, slowly crawling through your memories to line up everyone who's made a comment on your appearance, but before you could answer, the man cut you off.
"Took you too long. I can tell you who thinks you're anything but ugly. This port mafia executive. And I know for a fact you know who I am and you know I don't just sweet talk my way like that suicidal idiot. So believe me when I say, you're fucking gorgeous."
Summary : You're insecure, constantly bodychecking and hating yourself. What if your comfort character was behind the mirror all along? And what if you could suddenly see them too?
Consists of : Bakugo Katsuki, Kageyama Tobio, Mitsuya Takashi
Part 1 Here (Backstory)
Part 3 Here (Fushiguro, Sugawara, Chuuya)
Part 4 Here (Oikawa & Iwaizumi, Chifuyu, Yuuta)
PLEASE READ PART 1 FIRST!
*****
[ Bakugo Katsuki ]
"God damn it, WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!"
You could've sworn that was the loudest thing you've ever heard, but the silence that followed suit proved you wrong. His eyes were still on the sink, hands on the mirror as he banged them, hard enough to shake it, but not enough to break it.
"Why... why let me see them if you're not gonna let me help them? Why let me hear them, why let me know of their existence, WHY? WHEN THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE?!" He said as he banged the mirror once more.
Bakugou opened his eyes and looked up towards the person on the other side of the mirror, surprised to see that you were looking straight at him, frozen on the spot.
"H-hey, can you see me? Can you hear me?" He asked frantically. You nodded in response, wide-eyed and frozen.
"Ah, I- I..." his mouth opened and closed as he thought of what he should say. He knew you knew who he was, there was no way you wouldn't recognize him. And he's fucked up your first impression of him, well, in 3D form that is.
"Listen, I know you don't understand. Neither do I. But, now that you can see me too, I... I want you to know you're... really pretty. And.. you're kinda cool too. So stop shitting on yourself so much."
[ Kageyama Tobio ]
He couldn't say a word. The frustration building inside him was horrible, but there's nothing he could do to make you understand how beautiful you are to him. Heck, just how beautiful you really are in general. '
He recalls a certain comment you made once, about how you wished you were as beautiful and dreamy as Kiyoko was. When he heard that he simply stared at you, wondering how you can't see that you are just as beautiful, if not more.
he didn't notice how hard he was biting his quivering lip until he tasted metal, but he simply ignored it. He pressed on the mirror harder as his tears dropped onto the white sink.
"H-hello? Who.. how?" You muttered, still in shock and unable to form sentences.
Shocked, he immediately pulled away from the mirror, eyes landing on yours. He knew you must've noticed how familiar he looked but you probably don't believe that he's somehow in front of you.
"Uh, Hello. You know me, right?"
"You look like... someone I know."
"Kageyama Tobio. Yeah, that's... that's me. I know this is weird and I'm just as lost as you are. But, I want you to know that... I think you're just as beautiful as Kiyoko-senpai. I want you to learn to see that you're beautiful, please."
[ Mitsuya Takashi ]
"Hey..." he whispered, eyes trailing on the sink.
"I know you can't hear me, but I still want you to know." He continued as you stood there dumbfounded, staring at the figure leaning onto the mirror from the other side.
"I'd pay thousands more- no, there's no limit to how much I'd pay to have you be the model for my designs. You'd be able to pull off anything." he said as he let out a breathy chuckle. "Yeah... you'd definitely pull off all the designs I've made."
"Mitsuya? Mitsuya Takashi?" you called out.
He looked up to meet your eyes. You could see that he was shocked for a split second, before smiling and his face relaxed.
"You finally heard it. From me, no less." he said with a smile.
"So don't ever think you're any less than beautiful."
Summary : You're insecure, constantly bodychecking and hating yourself. What if your comfort character was behind the mirror all along?
Warnings : Body dismorphia, body pinching, crying, gn!reader, male unnamed character.
Who I think would fit this best : Okkotsu Yuuta, Fushiguro Megumi, Bakugo Katsuki, Kageyama Tobio, Sugawara Koushi, Matsuno Chifuyu, Mitsuya Takashi, Nakahara Chuuya
Part 2 Here (Bakugo, Kageyama, Mitsuya)
Part 3 Here (Fushiguro, Sugawara, Chuuya)
Part 4 Here (Oikawa & Iwaizumi, Chifuyu, Yuuta)
//preview
The desperation in his eyes, as if begging the universe to let him speak to you. To let him comfort you. His hands were on the cold surface of the mirror as he was so close to smashing the mirror, so close to just risk it all to be able to hold you and tell you it's alright, and that there's nothing wrong with you, that you were beautiful.
"You're perfect."
His soft voice came out as a plead. Though it didn't change anything. He still couldn't get to you, and you still wouldn't stop picking out your insecurities. It was the multiverse's cruel way of toying, it seemed.
*****
It was a surprise to him. When one day, he was washing his face and the mirror disappeared. Instead, it showed another figure, like it was more of a window rather than a mirror. He instinctively picked up his towel to cover his shirtless form, though he noticed the figure's eyes never really landed on him.
It took him a couple of seconds before realizing you couldn't see him.
He tried knocking on the glass, talking, making noises. But, none of them seemed to capture your attention. He kept trying until you finished your morning routine, but nothing worked.
He wanted to ask if this was normal, or if anyone's ever experienced this at all, but who could he ask? if such things happened, surely they would've taught it at school, right?
He found himself staying in the bathroom for far too long at a time, staring at the mirror, waiting for you to come back. Though he didn't really think about the fact that you would definitely go to the bathroom to shower. He practically bolted out the door once he notices you taking off your clothes. He had to admit, a part of him wanted to see you, but his moral compass would not let him.
He waited for 10 minutes before checking the mirror, you weren't naked, but you were in your underwear, he assumed you were dressing up and chose to wait there and waved around to try and get your attention. Then he saw your dull eyes, looking at the mirror still, but not making eye contact with your own reflection. He noticed this, and tried to see what you were looking at, but couldn't find anything out of place.
Until you started pinching your body.
He didn't see anything wrong with it, you were gorgeous. But then your eyes slowly get duller and duller, eyebrows knitted and lips crooked into a frown. He doesn't understand, why were you doing this?
after another good 5 minutes, you turned around and started taking off your underwear, and so he decided it was best to get out of the room.
He ignored that specific event and found himself getting more and more fixated on finding you. Whoever or wherever you are, he'd find you. So, he put on his big boy pants and asked those closest to him if they'd ever heard of such things happening. But it was to no avail. In fact, none of them saw anything strange with his bathroom mirror. No matter how many people he asked, no one could see the 'window' he saw.
He spent every day trying to find any kind of identification you had on you, so he could somehow find you. Every time you leaned onto the sink with your phone in your hand, he'd try to see your username in every single social media you opened, but once again, it was to no avail.
Soon he started to pay less attention to your identity and instead paid more attention to you. Your hair, your choice of fashion, your sense of humor.
He found your laugh soothing, so he loved it whenever you found funny videos somewhere and started laughing. He also loved it when you suddenly furrowed your eyebrows whenever some strange statement was thrown by whoever it was you were watching on YouTube.
He learned your daily schedule and would try to be there whenever you usually go to the bathroom. Especially whenever you did your morning and night routine, because you usually spend more time on your phone and you stay dressed. He loved how you light up so easily. He loved your messy bed head in the morning. He loved everything about you. But who exactly are you?
No matter how many times he tried to peek onto your phone, he couldn't see your username anywhere. It didn't help that most of the time, you watched content in English, which, he isn't really as fluent in as you are.
It wasn't until one day, you were smiling so widely as you stared at your phone. He kept his eyes on you as your eyes lit up when he heard a voice from your phone.
His own voice... could it be that...?
He'd be lying if he said he wasn't freaked out, he was even convinced he misheard it for a second. Even as you proceeded to repeat the video several times, he still doubted his deduction. But then you turned around, leaning onto the sink, and he saw the clip you were watching. It really was him. But, in the form of an anime character. This confirmed his suspicion.
He was never going to find you, even if he traveled to the ends of the world, he would never be able to reach you. Because you belonged in a different reality, one he wasn't even sure was real. Even if it really is true, why had he never heard of such things' existence? Could it be that he stumbled upon a hole between realities? Or was this some sort of a curse taking effect? The answer to your whereabouts only confused him more.
Even though he knew it was no use, he tried talking to you still. He would sit on the floor, eyes staring at the 'mirror', waiting for you to show up. And he'd look at you intently, wondering what you'd be like if the two of you were to spend time together. What would your conversations be like?
He noticed how you'd always take your phone with you and avoid looking at the mirror whenever you didn't have a shirt on. He knew it could be a bit uncomfortable to look at yourself, but why does it seem like you hate yourself so much?
After months of his 'research' on you and the phenomenon, he noted how recently, you've been doing body checks more often, each time he'd see your eyes go dull and almost lifeless. He'd see you pinch here and there, sucking your stomach or pulling at the skin of your face, almost as if you were picking at every single imperfection you had.
"Why do you do this?" he whispered.
You sighed, pulling away from the mirror before taking off your underwear, and he left the room once more.
He wanted to jump into your world, to tell you you were beautiful and that there's nothing wrong with you. Imperfections are what make people unique and beautiful. He'd dreamed of crossing through the mirror, he'd thought about smashing it. But the thought of the possibility of not being able to see you again once he does is enough to prevent him from doing so.
That is until he saw you locking yourself, tears streaming down your cheeks and your back on the door. Your eyes flickered to the mirror before you quickly looked away. But mere seconds later you started body checking again, pinching here and there again, tears running down your cheeks again. He saw you sob, walking backwards until your back hit the cold wall. He flinched, don't you feel cold?
Your legs gave out, and you slipped down onto the floor, pulling your knees close to you. He watched you break down in front of him, unable to do anything.
The desperation in his eyes, as if begging the universe to let him speak to you. To let him comfort you. His hands were on the cold surface of the mirror as he was so close to smashing the mirror, so close to just risk it all to be able to hold you and tell you it's alright, and that there's nothing wrong with you, that you were beautiful.
"You're perfect."
His soft voice came out as a plead. Though it didn't change anything. He still couldn't get to you, and you still wouldn't stop picking out your insecurities. It was the multiverse's cruel way of toying, it seemed.
Eventually, you stopped crying, only letting out little sniffles every now and then. He watched you sit there for a good half an hour before standing up and turning on the shower. His hands were still on the mirror, eyes on his sink as he leaned his forehead onto the mirror. Wishing the universe would let him get what he wanted for once.
For right now, he wanted nothing more than for you to understand your own beauty.
Warnings : mentions of death, bloody Megumi GIF, that's it?
Summary : You were gone. And they mourned for you -they still are-, but then you show up, alive and well.
//Okay I don't usually write HCs but I thought I'd give it a shot. Also, I have like... 8 stories in my drafts that I haven't posted, either because I think they're bad or I haven't finished them "^_^ gomen! I've been super busy lately. Anyways, hope you enjoy this one! Also, I made this as gender-neutral as possible, pls do comment if you find a pronoun I slipped in by accident!
1. Satoru Gojo
Stops for a second. Like literally STOPS.
This man never shuts up, let alone freezing in the middle of a fight.
Doesn't believe it at first, but his six eyes told him nothing but the truth.
It was you. You were alive.
Honestly, he was pleasantly surprised. Usually, he was the one bringing people "back from the dead".
Would finish up the fight ASAP so he could check up on you.
You've quite a bit to explain.
Gojo was used to it. Losing people, that is. The worst anyone's ever seen him was after his best friend left him and became a curse user.
Or that's what they thought was the worst.
When you were declared dead, he refused to believe it. He started going on more missions to fill in his time as if he wasn't busy enough. But, the worst part of it all, is that he has no one to blame but himself. He can't avenge you either because the cursed spirit is dead.
You were a strong sorcerer, so he didn't really worry too much when he asked you to accompany his students on a mission. In fact, he thought his students were safe under your care.
He wasn't wrong about the latter.
When the cursed spirit showed itself, the students practically froze in fear. You were the only one who managed to move and land a quick attack before pushing Yuuji and Megumi back. You wouldn't let the damn cursed spirit hurt your boyfriend's precious students.
So you told them to run. To go find Kugisaki and run. Of course, Yuuji refused to, but Megumi dragged him. You fought the cursed spirit the best you could, maneuvering to avoid his attacks and landing your own blows. But, you could only do so much damage. It was more like a battle of endurance. And with every second, you were getting slower, your attacks became less violent, and the injuries you sustained were getting worse every second.
At last, your body gave up.
They never found your body and assumed you were destroyed in the fight between Sukuna and the cursed spirit. Or that you were probably consumed by one of the cursed spirits.
So when he tore down the curtain and he felt your cursed energy, he looked your way and froze. He didn't believe it at first, but when he noticed the way you look up at him and grinned, he returned the grin with his own.
He's definitely finishing this butcher and tree as fast as he can.
"Care to explain where you've been, Y/n-chan?"
"Well a certain someone taught me a thing or two about defying death." You smirked.
The tall male smiled widely as he scanned your figure. You were about to explain that you were alright -and that you awoke your ability to use reversed cursed technique- but before you could, he pulled you into his arms.
"Guess I don't have to worry about you getting injured or dying so easily anymore."
2. Megumi Fushiguro
Would definitely think you were a cursed spirit or a curse user with a technique that allows you to transform.
Is probably stunned for a second before his emotions get the better of him.
Will not hesitate to attack after you say something.
How dare you impersonate the love of his life?
Looking exactly like them was offensive enough, but to act and sound like them too? Now that's just unacceptable.
But when he realizes you weren't a fake, he would stop to look at you, not believing his eyes and his heart.
Then proceeds to pull you by the wrist, forcing you into his arms and completely breaking out of his usually cool, calm, and collected self.
He would hug you so tight as if you were going to disappear if he lets go.
That damned curse user. He's been at it for a while now, no matter how much Megumi attacked, none of his offenses seemed to bother his opponent too much. He was getting frustrated. Every single nick and cut on his skin made him even more pissed.
He had to win this. Even if he had to die in the process, it's fine. As long as he manages to avenge you. As a matter of fact, he wouldn't mind dying after he killed the curse user. Because he'd be able to join you. He grinned slightly as he slumped onto the floor, blood dripping onto his palm.
Hope you're waiting for me up there
He stood up, each foot planting one by one. His hands clasped as he readied himself to summon his shikigamis, but then he stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn't even move. He blinked once, twice, thrice. The figure was still there, looking away from him and blocking his view of the curse user he was facing. That's when it hit him.
It wasn't you. It must be the curse user's technique. Otherwise, how could you be there? You died just over a month ago, he'd used the past month to train, go on missions, and track the curse user down. And now he's pulling this stunt? He's going to kill this wretched being.
You turned around, facing him. You let out a sigh of relief before pulling the edges of your lips into a content smile as you saw the lover you'd left behind for the past month. It's not like you chose to, to be honest. It was because of your darn sensei. He forced asked you to stay 'dead' and help Nanami train Yuuji for a couple months. You were about to tell him when you heard pads behind you, along with a soft and unsure growl.
"Megumi, it's me." you said hesitantly, eyes going back and forth between him and the divine dog behind you.
"Shut up! Don't say another word. Stop it."
You parted your lips to say something, but pressed them into a thin line before lifting your right arm, you open your palm and sparks appeared. The same little sparks you made to calm him down when you were kids.
His expression fell, and he stood up straight, making his way with unsure steps. His eyebrows furrowed slightly and his eyes were filled with silent pleads, almost as if he's begging the universe to tell him this really is real.
"It's you." He let out. And you nodded in response.
He reached for your wrist and pulled you into his arms, head buried in the crook of your neck. His arms were around you, and he squeezed you ever so slightly.
You couldn't see it, but he was absolutely breaking. His eyes leaking tears, lips quivering, and jaw tense as he tried to convince himself this is real.
You pat his back with, returning the hug. Humming a tune as your other hand ran through his hair.
Summary : Yuuta has had a long day, a tiring one. And he dreams of you, his comfort character. In a world where you're the fictional one.
Word count : 0.5k words
Audio Version (Fanfiction Reading) Here
"You're back." He whispered as he felt your fingers brush his eyelids.
He was sitting on the floor, leaning onto the bed with his head just slightly tilted onto the bed. His feet were both still planted on the ground as he rested both hands on his knees.
"Hmhmm, you must be really tired. Did you miss me?" You asked with a smile on your face, hands brushing through his hair.
"I missed you so much." He said, followed by a long sigh.
You let out a small chuckle as you moved, lying on your stomach with your head right beside his ear. You planted a soft kiss on his ear and his neck before burrying your face in his shoulder.
"Don't push yourself too much, Yuuta."
"I'm not pushing myself too far."
"You're tired. You need to rest, you know? Even special grades need a break every now and then." You said as your arms made its way around his neck, hanging right in front of his chest. He grabbed your hands and gently pat them, holding them before kissing your fingers.
"You know, it's getting dark. You haven't had dinner, have you?" You asked.
"That can wait." He said as he pulled your arms, so you'd hold him tighter.
"Yuuta..."
"Don't. Just let us enjoy the moment."
"I love you, you know that, right? You really need to take care of yourself better."
He let out a hum of acknowledgement, but kept his eyes closed as he enjoyed the sensation of your hair brushing his neck and cheek, your face burried in the crook of his neck, and your arms holding him close. He never wanted the moment to end. Ever.
"Open your eyes, Yuuta." You whispered.
Yuuta opened his eyes, you were right, it was getting dark. He straightened his back and felt his sore muscles, he'd been sitting on the floor for too long.
He looked up to his desk, a poster stuck on the wall, right above his mini collection of mangas. You were there, smiling brightly. He couldn't help but smile as he looked at you. You were someone he'd protect with his all, someone he'd love with everything he had. If only the two of you existed in the same universe, he'd make sure your life was beautiful and safe, far away from the troubles you had to go through. He'd make sure you never had to cry alone from those painful events in your life.
And you'd do the same. You'd comfort him everytime he had a bad day, and you'd remind him to eat or clean up. You'd hug him tightly and run your hair through his hair. You'd be the perfect lover, and so would he.
"I wish you were real, Y/N." He said, mostly to himself and the empty room he called his home.
I wish we live in the same universe, where we'd be able to love each other and have our happy ever after. He said in his heart, not letting his mouth speak those words aloud.
"In another life, We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world."
Pairing : Ryomen Sukuna x Reader
Warnings : Character death, ANGST, minor Shibuya Arc spoilers.
Word count : 3.1k words
Audio Version Here (Fanfiction Reading)
P.s. IK I skipped thru some of the lyrics, it's just so it makes more sense to the story :D
He knew. He knew from the day he met you that you'd be a curse in his life. You were a fearless sorcerer, and he was the king of curses. Your relationship was exactly something anyone familiar with jujutsu would call despicable. Yet there you were, working as a sorcerer by day, and coming home to him by night.
Every day felt like a gamble. But neither of you were willing to let it go. The sacrifices you needed to make weren't easy, such as continuously distancing yourself from your comrades and family and having to kill your own friends, from both sides. You even had to kill your partner after he found out about your relationship with Sukuna. But what else could you have done? If your relationship was brought to light, both of you would be executed. Not to mention you were the golden child of the L/N clan, with your innate technique being the most prized one in the clan.
But, when you stood there with your comrades, a talisman between your pointer and middle finger, Sukuna knew this is when it's goodbye. Because he won't have the heart to fight you. As your comrades attacked Sukuna, you stuck the talismans on the ground around Sukuna before pointing upwards, a bright pentagram was drawn onto the floor. As you looked at him with teary eyes, for a split second, he looked at you with a sad smile. His eyes looked at you with content, they were soft, as if saying it was alright.
You just had to burn the last talisman, the trigger, to activate the technique and your lover would be paralyzed. You held it tightly in between your fingers, letting yourself move as slowly as you could, postponing the inevitable fate of your lover's demise. You didn't care that your comrades were sliced one by one, you just wanted to have these last moments to yourself.
You finally burned the talisman, golden strings tying themselves around Sukuna's torso, sucking up all the cursed energy he radiated. You gazed at him apologetically as you both tried your best not to show your fellow sorcerers that you knew each other. He knew his time with you was up, but you deserve to have a long happy life even after he was gone.
What neither of you expected was your execution. Somehow, the elders knew of your little relationship and wanted to make a statement, to show others what happens to those who act out of the norm. And they wanted to make it a show for Sukuna as well.
Sukuna was horrified when he was dragged into the execution room to see you tied up, talismans stuck onto you, and a rope holding you tight. He trashed, trying to get himself out of your golden threads. You felt his energy radiating from the very same threads, and you smiled. Even though you couldn't see him under the blindfold, you gave him a smile. The smile he loved so dearly.
He was the one they were after, you were the one who managed to take him down, so why the hell are you getting executed? No, he won't let that happen. He couldn't. Yet, as the seconds passed, he noticed how futile his attempt was. Your threads were too powerful, it sucked up all the energy exerted to break it, making it even harder to break with every movement he made.
"Any last words?" The executioner said. You recognized him as the limitless and six eyes user of the Gojo clan. You looked up to the source of the voice, giving your cockiest smile before laughing.
"I'll be back." You said, a smirk still on your lips.
Sukuna froze, eyes glued onto you. A smirk made its way onto his face, mirroring you. He'd always known you were fearless, but seeing you like this? He couldn't think of another way you'd die and leave him in awe. Yet, even so, he couldn't help the anger and sadness growing inside him as he saw the executioner land the killing blow.
As the golden threads around him started losing their glow and the other sorcerers holding his second layer of restraints tighter, he lets out a laugh. A laugh so horrifying even the elders had goosebumps. He swore he'd come back, and he'd be back with you on his side, to bring the end to the jujutsu sorcerers.
He knew his words were just wishful thinking, but he wanted to make your deaths memorable to all of them, if they wanted to make this a lesson then he'd make sure it was a terrifying one.
So thousands of years later, when he awoke in the body of Itadori Yuuji, he was ecstatic. He could finally bring about the end of the jujutsu sorcerers. He'd be able to avenge you.
Even as he spent months stuck inside of the body of some kid who was able to control him, he continued to plan your vengeance. He'd make sure they regret what they did to you. He had fun, being the king of curses in the flesh after being sealed for millennia was exhilarating. One of the highlights being how he killed thousands of people in Shibuya as he tried to exorcise the brat's friend's giant Shikigami. It all felt like a dream as he returned the body to Yuuji.
He stayed in the back seat as he was satisfied after some cursed spirit shoved his fingers down Yuuji's throat. His plan was going faster than he'd expected. He'll be able to regain his true form soon, the image of the jujutsu headquarters left tattered and the brat's friends' dead bodies made him feel euphoric.
But all his anger and hatred melted as he saw you there, in all your glory, standing next to a male with immense cursed energy. He wasn't expecting you to be reincarnated at the same time he was able to get a vessel. Neither did he expect you to be a jujutsu sorcerer again. He enjoyed the view as you and Yuuta chased Yuuji. You had better control of your technique, not needing a talisman to throw threads at him, and you could use the threads to pull yourself. He smirked, that's the love of his life. Still as fearless as ever.
He made sure Yuuta's stab didn't kill the brat. He had to say hi to his lover after thousands of years, after all. Maybe not as soon as he'd like, but soon enough, he'd make you remember everything. He'd make you his queen, and the two of you will watch the demise of Jujutsu Sorcerers.
He stayed quiet, even as you slowly fell in love with the brat he was stuck in. He knew you've forgotten who you are, and who he was. You've forgotten everything the jujutsu society had taken away from you. And you've forgotten the love you shared. He'll remind you, he will have you back.
You looked peaceful, eyes shut, breathing slow and deep. You were deep in your sleep, and he took over Yuuji's body as the boy's consciousness was asleep. He caressed your face and pulled you close, kissing the top of your head. He held you tighter as he felt you squirm in his arms.
"Yuuji? What is it, baby?" You said in a groggy voice. Sukuna lowered his head so that his mouth was right beside your ear.
"You can't differentiate your soulmate and this pathetic boy toy of yours?" He whispered into your ear. He felt you tense up under him before reaching down to get the talisman you hid beside your bed. He stopped you, pinning your hands down onto the bed as he pulled the talisman out and threw it across the room.
"Oh, how I've missed this." He smirked devilishly. Feeling violated, you fought against his grasp, trashing under his grip.
"Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll make you remember soon." He said before giving you a kiss on the cheek as he returned the body to your boyfriend, causing him to slump on top of you. In a shock, you pushed him off before standing up and stepping out to the balcony.
You felt your head spin, along with a stinging pain that felt like someone had stabbed you through the head with a metal rod.
"Not this again..." you whispered to yourself as you saw glimpses, flashes of things that never happened. His face was always there every single time this happened. Perhaps that was why you were so attracted to Yuuji, because of how similar he looked compared to the man you kept seeing in the fractured visions, or whatever it was.
"It's probably just your childhood memories." Gojo used to tell you.
"Don't worry about it, sometimes we imagine things we heard in stories when we were kids, and our minds couldn't comprehend what's real and what's not." He said, leaning back in his seat.
"But, Gojo-sensei, they keep happening. And every time, I feel like I want to kill you." You explained, worried that someone had cursed you and that one day you'd kill your sensei. He laughed it off, saying you couldn't possibly kill him. You thought so too, but the raging emotions you felt were enough to keep you on edge.
"Childhood memories... right." you whispered to yourself in the cold night. Though it didn't ease your heart. To be born with the same technique as the person in the stories parents would tell their kids as a warning felt like you were cursed. Maybe Gojo was right, the number of times your family had told you the story was ridiculous. You practically know the story word by word by heart. So it would make sense for your child self to imagine those things so often they almost felt real.
"Who was she?" You asked, a talisman gripped tightly in between your fingers. Your eyes bore into those of the runaway curse inside your ex's body.
He had taken over Yuuji's body a few days before his execution was due, and just a day after he broke things off with you. You knew he did it to ease the pain for the both of you, so you respected his decision, but made sure to spend every living moment with him. Until you woke up to see Sukuna running off, Yuuji obviously unable to take back control.
"Who's who?" Sukuna asked, innocently raising an eyebrow as if he didn't know who you were referring to.
"The sorcerer you fell in love with. The one with the same technique I have. The cursed spirit in the story was you, wasn't it? It makes sense now, why no one's ever spoken of how they sealed you or why no one knew the name of the sorcerer who fell for you. Now tell me who she is and why I keep having visions of her memories." You said, pulling the talisman towards you.
Sukuna winced slightly at the tightening thread around his torso. He was amused and impressed. Who would've thought you hadn't reached your full potential back then. He snickered.
"I think you already know the answer to that, Y/N. She was the golden child with the precious innate technique, the one who swore to come back. The one who brought down the king of curses."
"I know the story. We've all heard of it, but it doesn't give me the answers I need."
"Don't you think it's weird? Why there are multiple Y/Ns in your family, but none were alive at the same time? And how every single one was born with the L/N's innate technique? It was the curse we bestowed onto your clan. So that only L/N Y/N could have the golden thread technique. Similar to the Gojo clan with their precious six eyes and limitless and how only one user can live at a time." he explained.
"And by some twisted fate, I happen to get a vessel at the same time my lover was reincarnated. The perfect chance. I swore to take revenge for her, for my L/N Y/N. But now, we could take revenge together."
You froze at the mention of your name. Doesn't that mean they killed you for loving him? No, why did you even love him in the first place? He was, and is, the king of curses. The one who slaughtered thousands. And you were a jujutsu sorcerer, one who swore to rid the world of his kind. It can't be true.
"You're lying."
"Ask anyone. You think their eyes widened at the mention of your name because you've got quite the reputation? No, it's because they know the name in the story. They all simply hid it from you in hopes to tame you, to use you."
Pissed off by his attempt to provocate you, you tightened the thread around his torso once more. He lets out a groan and jumped up slightly at the discomfort.
"You can't fool me like that. Even if I was your lover in the past life, I would never, ever, help you destroy everything I know and love."
Sukuna scowled, you've gone soft. Or at least that's what he believed after what you said. You remembered the things they did to you, but you refused to make them pay for it. Why?
"They might've done horrible things back then." you said quietly, not meeting Sukuna's eyes. "But, they're my friends in this life. They're my allies. They saved me multiple times and we care for each other. Even after knowing what jujutsu sorcerers did to me in my past life... even after feeling the burning rage in me... I cannot overlook how much they mean to me. So, I won't let you hurt them." You said as you deactivated your golden threads.
Confused, Sukuna raised an eyebrow as he stood up straight.
"If you want to destroy the Jujutsu society, you'll have to walk over my dead body."
Sukuna was stunned. He had plans on top of plans of what to do when something is hindering his revenge. But he never thought you'd be the obstacle. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. You were his weakness after all. The only one who could bring him down.
A loud crash was heard from above you. He tackled you over and the two of you rolled on the ground, avoiding the falling debris. You looked up towards the hole in the ceiling, one look at the black flying figures and you immediately knew who it was.
"Mei Mei-san! I've got it under control, don't attack!" You shouted.
She jumped off the roof and into the empty room with the two of you. Sukuna was on top of you with his arms around your torso and a hand holding the back of your head. You whispered to him to let you go, and he did.
"Y/N-chan. Well well well, the elders were right. You really are interesting. Didn't your parents tell you the story of the jujutsu sorcerer who fell in love with the king of curses?" She said as she walked slowly towards you, her scythe glimmered under the moonlight that resembled a spotlight.
"What? I wasn't-"
"Well, no matter. The elders paid me handsomely. Now, die." As soon as those words left her mouth, a flock of birds hurled towards you and Sukuna. You took a stance, pulling out your talismans to create a barrier, but you weren't fast enough. You braced yourself for impact. But, before it reached you, they were all torn apart.
You glanced behind you to see Sukuna smirking. Eyes locked on Mei Mei. He lifted his right hand, ready to activate his slices again. Horrified, you blocked his line of sight with yourself.
"No, Sukuna, don't!"
He immediately lowered his hand, frustration evident on his face.
"How many times do you need to fall into their hands before you learn how despicable they are? Do you not see what's going on?" He stated harshly.
"No! This is just a misunderstanding. I know some of them are less than honorable, but the others are better than that."
"She's right." Another voice said behind Sukuna. "Some of us know better and are better than others." He continued.
A puff of white hair appeared behind Sukuna, and a slash of wind was heard behind you. You turned around to see Maki holding a sword to Mei Mei's neck.
"You always sell people out for money, don't you, Mei Mei-chan?" Gojo said in a sing-song tone.
"I told you, I'm on money's side." Mei Mei said calmly, with a smile on her face.
You walked towards Sukuna, talisman still at hand. You looked at Gojo, asking for an order. Though, he ignored you. You took the initiative to pull Sukuna behind Gojo, the only thing you could do at this moment was to play the part. This is your chance to clean your clan's name.
But isn't it your chance to run away? To live the life that was taken away from you? You looked into Sukuna's eyes, he simply looked at you with a pleading look. As if he was silently asking you to say it. All he needed was for you to say 'Let's run away' and he would take you, he would keep you away from them, he would go from one end to another end of the world to keep you safe. So the two of you could fulfill the dreams you once had.
But those words never left your mouth. You couldn't.
"I'm sorry, Sukuna. I can't."
He smiled, letting out a small hearty chuckle.
"You've always been a loyal one."
Though the words that left his mouth felt wholesome, his heart was aching. He knew you had your reasons, and he couldn't blame you. All he could think about is how cruel the world was to always tear the two of you apart. How very cruel it was to give the two of you another chance only to snatch it away once more.
But he was glad. Because this time, you chose to sacrifice the life you could've had for the greater good. Not because some cowardly elders made the choice for you. And even though Sukuna was bound to either die or be sealed once more, he didn't regret not escaping.
He regretted not telling you everything sooner.
He regretted not hugging you tighter.
He regretted not kissing you.
But none of that mattered. All that mattered is that you were safe. Even if the two of you were not meant to be, he managed to change something in this life.
"In another life, I would make you stay. So I don't have to say you were the one that got away."
Pairing : Akabane Karma x Reader, a bit of Asano Gakushuu x reader(?)
Warnings : slightly fluffy angst, SPOILERS, also some sudden things cuz I didn't want this fic to be too long (I legit cut off 2k words out of this fic where I was developing the relationship between Y/N and Asano).
Word Count : 3.65k words
When you first got into 3-E, you were angry, to say the least. You didn't do anything wrong, so why did he send you to the worst class? You were in the top three, always head to head with Gakushuu and Karma. You never skipped classes or missed an assignment. You were childhood friends with Gakushuu, his own son.
However, when your eyes met those of your other rival, you figured it had something to do with making sure his son's rivals fall.
You were never one to make a lot of friends unless it brought you some sort of merit. You'd rather use your time to study and make sure you get good scores to keep your scholarship, even better if you can ask for a recommendation letter for your university in 3 years.
But as each day pass, you find yourself slowly melt with your classmates. With each assassination attempt, you find yourself enjoying their company. Day by day, you find yourself getting used to new daily occurrences. Nagisa's reactions to Nakamura's teasings, Kaede's friendly good mornings, Karma's mischievous smile.
That last one sure is something you look forward to seeing each day.
You didn't think he'd ever think of you that way, when he flirts with you, you figured he probably did it to everyone. So his little confession was honestly the most surprising and sweetest thing you thought he could ever do. It was a mess, especially with Koro-sensei's painfully obvious hiding spot as he and the others watch the whole thing.
They planned a 'romantic' lunch in the shades of the forest, but obviously, it didn't go to plan. Someone accidentally set the trap you'd set to catch Koro-sensei, causing Terasaka to fly up and falling onto the neatly-set picnic. Even though the whole thing was a huge failure, the two of you walked home as an official couple that day.
Two months later, you were called into the main building. You knew why, it was almost that time of the year. The national science Olympics. And the principal is definitely not going to waste his gifted students. Yet you were ready to turn it down. He threw you out to the 'end class', so why would you win and hold the school's name with pride?
"I trust you know what's best for you, Y/N. Winning the Olympics means your scholarship is practically guaranteed for the rest of the year."
"I'm sorry, sir. I just don't think I'm the right one to send, I'm in the class they dubbed the 'end class'. Maybe you should send someone from the A-class instead." you said, trying to keep your intonation as respectful as possible.
"I see. Well, if you beat either Asano or Akabane in this year's Olympics, I'll let you go back to 3-A. I'll make sure you stay in the A-class throughout high school, and if you stay in the top 3 each year, I'll make sure to personally write a recommendation to your dream university."
Your eyes widened at the generous offer thrown at you. Having a recommendation from one of the most elite schools in Japan meant having a golden ticket to a scholarship. You could go to college without burdening your parents. And they won't have to spend a single penny on your high-school tuition either.
"Akabane and Asano are also competing, don't you think the last member of the golden trio should be there too?" he smiled.
You furrowed your eyebrows. You knew Karma too was upset after being sent into 3-E. So there must've been some sort of a proposition, just like this one. What was it? Surely you weren't the only one who grew to love the class. Did he really want to come back to the main building and leave behind everything in 3-E? The thoughts of your friends flooded your mind. Would you really leave them behind?
"Would you allow me to stay in 3-E for the rest of the year and let me come back to the A-class next year?"
"If that is what you wish." He replied.
You walked out of the room, eyebrows still furrowed at the thought of Karma accepting the offer. You stormed down the hall to get back to the 3-E building, but you were stopped by a certain redhead.
"Did you accept the offer?" Asano asked.
"Why do you care? It's not like I could beat you anyway." you spat as you pushed his hand away, continuing your determined stomps to get out of the building as soon as you could.
You saw the other redhead waiting for you right outside, leaning on the wall right beside the exit door but you chose to ignore him. Not out of anger, but more of confusion. You were still trying to make sense of everything you've been offered, if this works, then you can still go back to your class for the rest of the year. This is perfect. Too perfect. Something is definitely not right.
You heard Karma call out for you but you didn't really pay attention. Instead, giving him hums of acknowledgments. After a while he let you be, knowing you were probably processing something. Karma walked behind you, his hands on the back of his head.
"What did he offer you? Why did you accept? What's the catch here?"
"Nothing, I just thought it was a good deal."
"Don't lie to me, Akabane." you spat, intentionally using his last name.
"Ouch, I'm not lying to you Ms. L/N. I simply think there are some things you'd consider more of a personal thing."
You clicked your tongue, knowing there is no point in pushing him to give you an answer.
You knew that even though there might be some sort of ulterior motive under the Principal's generosity, having the title as the winner of the national science Olympics would give you a larger chance of landing a scholarship. So you studied and studied and studied. Every day, after school. Several times a week with Karma.
"You know, we both are definitely landing the first and second place." Karma said confidently.
"I wouldn't be too confident. I'm not as smart as Shuu nor you." Karma cringed at the mention of Asano's nickname.
"Y/N, you really are an idiot. Principal Asano chose you for a reason. Both he and his obnoxious son said we were gifted. And honestly, I agree."
You shook your head as you continued to stare at the problem you were trying to solve. The thought of you being as smart as them was just too unreal. They were both geniuses, and one was your childhood friend, while the other was your boyfriend. Neither of them liked sharing, and neither of them liked losing.
"Why won't you tell me what they were up to? There has to be a catch in the deal. What offer did he give you?"
Karma didn't respond. Instead, turning over his book so you could see what he'd written on it. You groaned in annoyance, he'd solved the problem while you were lost in thought.
"Don't think about that when we have the Olympics in a week. You need to focus." He said as he flicked your forehead.
You pouted and playfully shoved his shoulder, only to have him pull you by the wrist towards him. You instinctively lifted your other hand to protect yourself, and it landed right onto his chest.
"All you need to worry about is beating Asano and me." He said before giving you a soft kiss right where he flicked your forehead.
Soon enough the olympics rolled around. And Karma was ecstatic. It seemed as though he'd already won. Even though the results announcement won't be out until a week later.
You knew it was coming, and each day the curiosity was eating you slowly. Sometimes you were sure you'd landed on the top 3, other times you'd feel low and think you'd landed far from it. But no matter what, you told yourself you have to be ready.
So when the ranks were finally plastered on the information board, you were ready. And when you saw you were 3rd, you let out a sigh of relief. That is until you noticed the names above yours.
Akabane Karma.
Asano Gakushuu.
L/N Y/N
You weren't ready for the day after, when you were called once again. You looked at Karma with fear in your eyes as you packed your bags to make your way to the main building. The second you walked in, Principal Asano handed you a letter. A subject evident on its front side, right under your parents'/guardian's name. Immediate Class Transfer Notice.
"The deal never mentioned this. The deal was if I beat one of them, you'd make sure I stay in A-class throughout high school."
"And you can stay in 3-E for the rest of the year. If I recall correctly, you didn't beat any of them, therefore I'm allowed to transfer you to 3-A this year."
You scowled at him, your fists clenching, along with the letter in your hand. For once, you didn't try to put on the obedient student act. You were mad, mostly at yourself, for not beating Asano and falling right into his dad's trap. You were ready to just blow up and let your emotions take over.
"That scholarship of yours had a few conditions you need to meet, like not being allowed to join any school clubs, and not being in a romantic relationship, correct?" He continued.
Your breath hitched, you knew where this was going.
"You're dating Akabane, aren't you? Well, I can turn a blind eye, but there's no merit in it for me. If you were dating Gakushuu, maybe I would let it slide."
"Are you saying you'll be taking me off the program unless I date Shuu- Asano-san?"
"I never said so. But that sounds like quite a good deal. You get to keep your scholarship and date someone with higher quality."
The fact that you played his game and thought you were a step in front of him made you feel more foolish than you already felt. He planned far ahead, so that no matter what, he'd win. Even if you were to beat one of them, he could just use the same trick on you next year. Forcing you to break it off with Karma and date Gakushuu instead. Anger surged through your body, but as soon as you walked out of that room, you broke down in tears. Because you were powerless, you had no choice. The desperation weighed you down, your body felt like it was made of concrete, not a single muscle could move as you wept in front of the principal's office.
In a matter of months, you and Gakushuu had become the school's mascot. When he asked you out in front of a crowd, you couldn't refuse. As time goes on, you find yourself enjoying his company. You might've hated him, but little acts of kindness, care, and even those little rivalries made you slowly attach yourself to the boy.
By the time you graduated, you've hidden yourself from the eyes of 3-E. Some of them tried to get you to join them on that fateful day when they finally assassinated Koro-sensei, yet you couldn't bring yourself to open the door. Instead, you curled up on your bed, letting your tears flow as you felt your heart shatter. All of this was because of your own stupidity.
That was years ago. You were still haunted by your guilt. You didn't even get the chance to say goodbye to Koro-sensei. You weren't there when the whole class was kidnapped, neither were you there when they killed Koro-sensei. You were in the comfort of your home, safe and sound. The only reason you knew what happened was because of Koro-sensei's yearbook that he made specifically for you.
You're no longer the teenager you once were, you're now an adult. A freshly graduated adult. You're now engaged to Gakushuu, maybe the years you spent with him did make you fall for the boy. Or maybe it was because of how being with him felt like an obligation or a habit. Being a perfectionist with a tendency to stick to a routine surely is a pain in the ass sometimes.
You wandered around the woods where you'd trained in the short months you spent with 3-E. You spotted the bugs that used to scare you, the remnants of the 'pool' koro-sensei built, even the pile of... magazines you once used to trap koro-sensei. You smiled at the memories as they flew through your mind. What else would you have experienced had you chosen to stay with them?
Tears rolled down your eyes slowly, but non-stop. Cascading like a waterfall. You dropped to the ground near the bushes, letting the wind blow your sadness away.
"Wipe those tears away, you know I hate seeing you cry." You heard a voice say.
You opened your eyes to see a pair of shoes on the ground in front of you, and a white handkerchief right in front of your face. Your eyes followed the hand extending towards you.
"Karma? What are you doing here?" you said as you took the handkerchief and wiped your tears away.
"Well, the class bought the building. I was busy when they first went there to clean up, so I thought I'd come here today. Who would've thought I'd meet you here." He said, letting out a small chuckle, and you couldn't help but let out one yourself.
"I see you're Mrs. Asano, now? He asked, the smile never faltering, yet you saw his eyes flicker with hurt for a split-second.
"Not yet... we're engaged. And what about you?"
"Single as ever."
The small talks felt like they bore no weight at all, yet for the first time in years, you felt as though a weight had been dropped off your shoulders with every step you took with him. The two of you talked for what felt like minutes, but by the time you finished the conversation, you'd circled the building several times, and the sky was slowly turning orange.
"So... were you planning to invite me and the others to the wedding?"
"No... I didn't have your contacts." you lied. Truth was, Koro-sensei gave you their numbers and their addresses, in hopes you'd be able to reconnect with them someday. Yet, you couldn't bring yourself to face them, not after abandoning them.
"Still a bad liar, I see." he laughed. "We never hated you, Y/N. We knew you didn't want to leave us behind. But, we-, I can't understand why you didn't come back to us after he held no more power over you." he continued, bitterness laced his words.
"I... I wanted to. But, I can't bring myself to face you all. Especially you, after everything we've been through, I can't tell you I've fallen for him."
He let out a breathy chuckle, though his eyes were filled with hurt. You wanted to apologize, to say something, anything. But, it felt like you had no say in the matter. You didn't have the right to ask for forgiveness.
"Did you regret your decision?"
"Every day." you said softly. "You had to stay at the B class throughout high school because of what I did." you said with an apologetic smile.
"At least I didn't have to see you and Asano act like lovesick teenagers." He joked, and the both of you let out pained chuckles, neither being able to actually laugh.
"We were never meant to be, were we?"
"No... we weren't. If we were, we'd be unstoppable. The universe can't handle that." You joked. once again making him let out a breathy chuckle. The awkwardness in the air was getting thicker.
"Maybe in another life."
"Maybe..." You said as you slowly walked further and further. Once the sun had kissed the horizon, you bid your farewell. The boy gave you a smile that reminded you of those short few months of your life. A smile that reminded you of what your sensei had written into your book.
The few months we spent together, I watched you melt and grow. Like a flower frozen in the winter slowly growing back as spring comes. He wrote on the last page of the yearbook. You never read the whole thing, just parts of it. But that last part never failed to make you shed tears.
"I'm sorry sensei, But I'm not the flower you thought I was. I'm a weed in a field of flowers. I simply do not belong with them. I can't even tell them the truth." You whispered to yourself, letting your words fly with the wind, hoping the giant yellow octopus would hear you somehow. You smiled at the thought, how he used to get mad when you called him an octopus. You regretted not saying goodbye to him.
Are you going to regret this whole thing again? No, no you will not.
Your legs stung as you made your way back towards the 3-E building, hoping to find Karma there still. You ignored the burning of your lungs as you continued to throw your legs forward in each step. You don't need another regret in your life.
Though as your eyes landed on the redhead, you didn't know what to do. What were you planning to do? What were you going to tell him? You were engaged to Asano Gakushuu, you can't possibly have both. Yet you didn't let your thoughts stop you as you launched yourself at him, arms open, engulfing him in a hug as you let your tears run down and wet his suit.
Surprisingly, he didn't fall. He caught you and hugged you back. One arm on your back and the other on the back of your head. He let you cry as you let out a plethora of apologies and regrets. And he listened to you, comforting you as you let yourself break apart.
"I never wanted to leave any of you. I never wanted to. I was happy with you, with the whole class too. With that stupid perverted octopus, the stupid blunt man, and the stupidly gorgeous woman we call teachers. I- if only I wasn't stupid. I wouldn't have waltzed into the trap. I wouldn't have fallen for him. And I would've still been with you."
Karma's eyes widened in shock as your body shook in his arms. He was mad when you first abandoned them, but as time goes on, he thought it through. He figured the principal forced you into it. Just like he coerced Karma into the Olympics. He never told you the deal he made, because he thought it was the most disgusting deal anyone could've ever thought of.
As the principal puts it, Karma's grades went up once he started dating you, so did your grades. He saw the two of you as mere numbers in a statistic. He figured Asano's grades should go up too if he were to date you. Therefore the deal was simple, if Karma were to join the Olympics and place somewhere in the top 3, he won't take you off the scholarship program. That was all there was to the deal, and the principal did keep his promise. He cursed himself for also falling into the trap.
"It wasn't your fault. We were just too naive. The principal was two steps ahead of us."
"Can you please forgive me?" you asked, unsure if you meant Karma or the whole class, and Koro-sensei.
"You need to ask the others that, not me. I forgave you a long time ago." He said as he gripped your shoulders and pulled away, eyes gazing into yours.
"Now go home, Asano is probably looking for you." He said as he ruffled your hair, reminding you of the middle school days you spent with the boy.
If you never left 3-E, would this be a day-to-day occurrence? You wish you'd get an answer to that, but the world is a cruel place and fate had pulled you away from the boy you loved. The boy who is now a grown man. Just like how you're now a grown woman, and this is when you need to act like one.
"Right... I can't leave my fiancee like that." you both chuckle bitterly. "I regret so many things in my life, and I wish I could change them. But, now I've made a choice and I can't just abandon it. I'm sorry, Karma."
"It's okay. You don't need to apologize for something you've chosen. Sometimes you have to sacrifice something. I'm just glad you made a choice you actually wanted this time." He smiled. "Now off you go, I don't want to be a homewrecker."
You nodded and turned around, making your way back down the hill through the forest filled with memories. Each one flashing through your mind like a slideshow of what you went through with them. How much you grew with them. And how much you wished you could've experienced firsthand with them instead of through the writings of your beloved sensei.
"Thank you, Karma. For everything."
He nodded in response, waving at you as you let one last tear flow down the side of your cheek. Unbeknownst to you, he too wanted to say a lot of things. But, he knew he had to be mature and understanding. You were engaged and if he were to interrupt with that... he wouldn't be able to forgive himself. These years he went through without you, he'd learnt a lot from it. That sometimes he can't get everything he wants, and sometimes things don't go his way. And most importantly, that sometimes he needs to let go.
Hello I am in love with “Belive me” the Levixreader! I was wondering if you can do a part two ,like Erwin asks you to give paperwork to Levi but when you walk into his office you see him having a coughing fit? Thanks so much!🥰✨
Say no more 👀 let us hurt ourselves with more angst! And I think this story deserves an actual ending so we can have the closure we need, even if it's not what we might've wanted *oops
Believe Me pt. 2 | Levi A.
"She's a lady, and I am just a boy."
Pairing : Hanahaki!Levi Ackerman x Reader
Warnings : ANGST! and a bit of angsty fluff, mentions of blood, regrets, I think that's it?
Word Count : 2.3k words
Part 1 Here
It's been a week and a half since you had the surgery. You felt great, physically at least. However, mentally, you felt like something was missing. That feeling bothered you, it was as if someone tore a hole in your chest.
Well someone did, but that wasn't why you felt empty. Or was it?
"Y/N, are you paying attention?"
"I'm sorry, sir. I got lost in thought."
Erwin sighed at your response. You felt yourself stiffen up, worrying the commander had finally had enough of you. Though, you felt relief wash over you as he let out a small chuckle.
"I hope you didn't regret getting the surgery. Even if it was done under Levi's command, I hope you understand why he did so."
"Of course, sir. By the way... where has Captain Levi been? I haven't seen him since the surgery. The whole squad is still here, so he couldn't possibly be on a mission."
"Most likely in his office doing paperwork. He had to fill in a lot, especially after his previous squad was almost completely wiped out."
You broke eye contact, you've been too focused on your condition that you hadn't really grieved for your comrades, your friends. You trained with them, fought with them, ate with them. They always had your back just as much as you had their backs. You missed them, and the realization that you haven't as much as shed a tear since you recovered from the surgery made you feel guilty. Had you been with them, maybe they would still be alive.
"Anyway, I was asking you why you wouldn't accept the promotion? You've been in the scouts for a while and you've proven yourself."
"I think I'm a good soldier, sir. But, I'm not a good leader. Besides, someone has to look out for the new members of the Levi squad." You smiled.
The commander returned your smile as he looked back onto the table, eyes scanning the papers laid carelessly all around the tabletop. He grabbed all of them and stacked them neatly.
"Well then, I guess I can take that as a reason to postpone your promotion. You are dismissed. Take these to Levi's office with you." He commanded. You saluted him before walking to his desk and picking up the stack of paperwork.
Each step you took put you deeper into your thoughts. Why haven't you checked his office yet? If you really were looking for him, why didn't you look for him in the most obvious place?
Could it be because you were afraid? Afraid of how empty you'd feel when you see him and not feel the butterflies in your stomach. Or how you'd be able to look him in the eyes and keep eye contact.
You wondered if Levi had been grieving on his own. The man had lost so many people in his life, yet he kept a level mind. You admired him for that. Yet you couldn't help but think about how lonely he felt after losing those closest to him all the time.
You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard something falling, followed by violent coughing. Without thinking, you immediately opened the door to your captain's office and stepped in. The sight you were met with was horrifying, blood splattered on the floor and on the handkerchief Levi was holding as he hunched over the side of the table. A trail of petals lined the side of the desk, along with stalks decorated with thorns that looked all too familiar to you.
"C-Captain Levi! Are you alright? What... is all this?" You said in shock, unable to thoroughly process what you've just seen. And he responded by shutting his eyes before straightening himself up.
"Is there something you need?"
"I, uh... I have these papers from Commander Erwin and- oh my God, Levi..." You continued as your eyes scanned the bloody floor.
"Did you hit your head and forgot my title? And where is the salutation?"
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, but stood up straight and gave him proper greetings along with your name and business. To which he responded with a nod and you walked over to hand over the paperwork.
"Captain, please go to the infirmary and have Section Commander Hange remove the infection."
He ignored you, instead, he flipped through the papers in his hand.
"These are Erwin's paperwork. Why did he give it to me?"
"I don't know, sir."
"Take these back to him." he said as his breath hitched for a second. He cleared his throat before handing the stack of papers back, but before you could take it, he started coughing again. He lifted his arm to cover his mouth with his handkerchief, though he was too late.
Blood, thorns, and beautiful petals spewed out onto your arm, hand, and the stack of paperwork. You panicked, mostly because of the papers which were most likely important. But then as it sinks in, you threw the paperwork onto the table and dragged Levi out.
He ignored you the whole time the two of you made your way to the infirmary, though he didn't resist. When you walked in, it was empty. You reckoned it was lunchtime, and the ones tasked with guarding the infirmary were probably in the dining hall with the others. You dragged Levi onto one of the beds and made him sit while you look for a throat soothing medicine.
"I'm sorry." you started. You were once again met with silence, so you decided to continue. "I should've believed you. I wish I did, and I wish I still had my feelings. Now I'm alright while you're like this."
"Captain Levi, please respond." You pled.
"There's no use. What's done is done, your feelings are gone, and as far as I know, it's never going to come back."
"Then why not get the surgery?"
He stopped talking once again, instead, he lifted his legs onto the bed and leaned onto the wall. Eyes closing as he crossed his arms, allowing him to avoid answering the question.
He too was confused as to why he was so reluctant to tell Hange. He wondered if this feeling he had was the way you felt before you had the surgery. That even though it feels helpless, you just don't want to give up the fuzzy feeling, the little butterflies, and random thoughts. He thought he'd be alright if he postponed things, just a little, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, you'd love him again.
Had he mentioned how he truly felt, then the two of you might notice just how alike the two of you are when it comes to processing feelings. The thing is you're much more open about how you feel compared to Levi. And Levi, he knew when to shut up and just let it all play out without acting on it. Something he hoped you'd do.
"Captain, I know this is my fault, so please let Section Commander Hange-"
"No. That's final."
"Fine."
In a rage, you put the throat soothing medicine on the table next to the bed Levi was on before giving him a quick salute and marched out, aiming for Erwin's office. Maybe this was a good time to be promoted. Erwin had been proposing the idea of making you a section commander for a while, and if you did, then you'd have the jurisdiction to order the surgery on Levi.
"Stop." Levi called out, this time you were the one ignoring him.
"I said, stop, Y/N." He said, a little firmer.
"God, damn it. Stop right there, cadet. That's an order."
You unwillingly stopped. You were so used to being his obedient little underling, it was ridiculous. You heard him stand up, he took a step, then another. Each one made you shiver in fear. For a second, you forgot he was humanity's strongest, and your squad captain, your superior. For now, at least.
Turning around, you made sure you didn't show any kind of emotions on your face. Instead, you looked straight at the wall behind him, refusing to meet his eyes. He sighed before leaning over, losing his balance. You instinctively ran to hold him so he doesn't fall. Only then did your eyes meet once more. You didn't know it, but at that moment, Levi's heart stung. Those eyes that used to look at him with such glimmer and love now looked at him with worry and pity.
"All you had to do was believe me..." He said as his eyes glued themselves onto the floor.
"I know. I'm sorry, captain."
"Levi."
"You really need to stop being hot one second and then cold a second later." you joked, letting out a chuckle. While Levi simply cracked an amused smile.
"I mean it, call me Levi. I'm sorry, I was still... angry. It's just that... we could've had our happy ending." He stated, eyes glazed as he tried his best not to show how much this has been bothering him. Though it failed as another fit came and he coughed out what seemed like a whole flower head.
You couldn't hold yourself any longer, at that moment nothing seemed right or wrong. You felt the guilt weighing your body, you felt guilty for not feeling the butterflies you'd usually get when you made eye contact with the man. You felt guilty for not believing him while all he did was love you. So for once, maybe doing this may be acceptable.
You leaned in, pulling his face close, eyes landing on his lips. He was still trying to catch his breath after the fit, but he was quick enough to stop you.
"You don't have to do that. We both know you don't love me."
You ignored him, instead, you leaned in once more. Even if you didn't have those butterflies anymore, even if you didn't have feelings anymore, this was something you've wanted to do for a long time. And even if it's not as magical as it could've been for you, it was still just as magical to Levi. And so once your lips met, his resolve melted.
The kiss was full of longing, from both sides. Though you weren't sure if this was the right thing to do. You kept convincing yourself this was for Levi but were unable to completely disregard your own wish, one you still held onto just over a week ago. You tasted tears, not knowing if it was yours or his, but you didn't care. Neither did he. All the two of you wanted was to savor this kiss. Because you both knew this was the first and the last kiss the two of you will ever share.
You pulled away, mouthing another sorry before you sped walked out before he could throw another command. Each step added to your determination. If you can't love him again, then you can do this to save him.
Once you arrived, you didn't knock. You knew the act was somewhat impolite but your commander had probably gotten used to it by now. Once you walked in, both Hange's and Erwin's eyes immediately shot onto you. They seemed to be talking about something trivial since neither was in a formally serious pose, and both were somewhat smiling.
"Y/N? Is there a problem?"
"Sir, I accept the promotion offer. Please promote me to section commander as soon as possible."
"What? Y/N, what made you change your mind?" Hange asked, obviously taken aback by your sudden decision after postponing it for months.
"Please accept my decision, sir."
Erwin nodded, immediately pulling out a file from his drawer. One that he'd been hoping would finally be signed. You took every step convincing yourself you'd be able to handle the responsibilities. Once you reached Erwin's table, you looked at the paper and the pen next to it. Without letting yourself think any more, you reached for the pen and signed your name.
"Congratulations on your promotion, section commander Y/N. We'll break the news tomorrow on the morning assembly." Erwin said as he gave you a smile.
"Thank you, sir."
The next day, you were officially removed from Levi's squad and now held the spot of a section commander. The first order you gave was for Levi to get the surgery. And at that very moment, both Hange and Erwin understood why you finally took the promotion. Because even if you no longer loved him romantically, the love you had for the man never truly diminished. For when one loves truly and wholeheartedly, nothing could truly erase it.
"I'm sorry I couldn't give us the happy ending we could've had. But at least we can still stand next to each other as comrades." you whispered to Levi's unconscious body.
"Thank you, Levi. For everything." You said as you stood up, nodding to Hange before making your way out. Your horse was waiting for you, along with the two squads assigned to accompany you to your new headquarters.
The two of you might not have been destined to be together, or stand hand in hand as lovers, but this is enough. To be in the scouts and stay alive for this long is already a blessing. Being able to stand with each other is enough. At least that's what you told yourself.
"It's enough, right. Levi?" you asked the wind as you rode with your comrades under the setting sun. You felt your heart ache as you thought about what you had done to him. And soon tears followed. You thanked whatever God existed because no one could see you cry while you're here. Tear after tear dropped as you went further and further away.
Warnings : ANGST, and a touch of fluff, mentions of blood, insecurities, trust issues.
Word count : 2.1k words
Audio Version (fanfic reading) | Part 2
The air felt cold, or was it the loneliness? Why wonder any longer when all you could do was convince yourself it was alright. That your condition was fine. You didn't need help, you just need to stomach it until maybe, just maybe, he'd love you.
Who are you kidding, of course he won't. You were merely a newbie. A brat, as he said. You were nowhere near his tier, you knew that, yet you still fell for him. How stupid. Had you chose to just join the garrison regiment, or even the military police, you wouldn't be in this position. You only joined the scouts because you wanted to be a hero, didn't you?
Deep down, you knew that was a lie. But you believed that it was probably true.
"You're an idiot, you know that? Why won't you just get the surgery?" Levi asked. You simply turned away, looking out the window, refusing to see him.
He scoffed at your gesture, while Hange's eyes flickered to him with worry. They offered you the surgery, yet you chose to turn it down. You knew the corps was having a supply shortage, and you didn't want them to use their medical supplies on you when you can still hold on without it.
Had there not been a shortage, would you really have taken it into consideration? Maybe yes... but you were a coward. That's why you didn't want to get the surgery, right? Not because you were still hopeful that the man would ever look at you the way you look at him.
"Fine, then at least tell us who it is."
Once again, you simply responded with silence. Until you felt the itch and pain in your lungs, forcing you to cough. Soon the small coughs turned to a coughing fit. You couldn't stop as the petals continued to spill out. Once they stopped, you immediately closed your mouth. You tasted metal, and you didn't want the two to know it's gone this bad.
"...Can you give us a minute?" Hange said, surprising you. They were probably going to beat some sense into you.
You heard the door click open and close, and you assumed Levi walked out. You didn't say a word, instead, picking up the petals that were on your bed. You noticed they were dry, and they were beautiful.
"Is it Eren? Connie? Reiner? Who is it, Y/N? If you don't want to get the surgery, then let us help you with the second option. We can't have you on the battlefield like this."
You recalled the other day, when you had a fit while you were helping Mikasa and Levi take Eren from the female titan. You were doing great, all you needed to do was slash her eyes once more to make sure she can't see you again. But then you started coughing, and you felt something stab your chest. You couldn't control yourself as you swung, blood started spewing up your throat and into your mouth, but you held it in, not wanting the others to notice. Soon you hit a tree, and the female titan caught you. The next thing you knew, you were being carried by the captain.
"I'll be fine. I can still go on." You responded bitterly.
And so you did, you kept up with the day-to-day tasks. Even on the mission to capture Annie, you were there. Levi had forbidden you from doing so, saying that it was a stupid way to die. But you snuck out anyway. You made it out alive, though, by the time Eren had taken her down, you were limping towards Hange before coughing out blood again. Your knees gave out right as you reached Erwin and Levi.
"I knew you were a good-for-nothing brat, but this is getting out of hand. You're too stupid for your own good, now tell me who it is, or I'll knock you out and have Hange perform the surgery whether you like it or not." He spat. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed on his chest, visibly frustrated.
"Even if I say it, it's no use. He won't ever look at me that way. And I don't want to waste the medical supplies, just let me be."
"Tch, listen here you little shit. We'd very much rather use up medical supplies to perform 1 surgery rather than have you continuously pass out and needing to be tended every 1 - 2 days."
You pressed your lips into a thin line. Maybe he was right. Were you just being selfish and wanted to keep these feelings? This is the corps after all, there's no room for romance. Maybe you should take it. But.. what if it's possible?
"I'll... take the surgery."
"Good, I'll tell Hange-"
"But, before that. I need to know for sure that there's no chance. I don't want to regret anything." you stated.
He pressed his lips into a thin line before nodding the slightest bit. You noticed how his eyes never left you. And so you put on a brave face, and stood up. You looked straight at him.
"Stay in there, I'll get whoever it is, just tell me the name." He said as he took a step towards you.
"He's already here." You said, trying to keep your eyes on him, but failing. Your eyes met the ground for a little while as you thought you'd die if you saw the horror in his eyes. But then, you realized you didn't say it aloud just to cower away from the closure that was promised. You painted a smile on your face as your tears started to leak from the sides of your eyes before looking up at him.
Before you could look at him, he was already in front of you. Somehow, he looked a lot taller and intimidating than usual. You were prepared for whatever painful words he was going to throw at you. But instead, he gripped your shoulders tightly.
"Why didn't you just tell me?"
"Because I knew I was out of my head, I'm sorry, I know I'm in no place to feel that way about you, nor am I anywhere near qualified to stand by you. So, please tell me you won't ever feel the same way so I can get the surgery without any regrets."
"You really are an idiot. I'm not letting you get that surgery."
You look up at him, finally meeting his eyes. And for the first time, you saw them show emotions. They weren't the cold and bored look he'd always thrown at you and your comrades. No, this one was different.
"Now go to bed, you should be fine now, right?" He asked. Though it was more like an order, or a rhetorical question.
You stared at the ceiling the whole night. What was that supposed to mean? Did he just say that he liked you too? That can't be it, right? Of course not, the captain would never like you back. He was out of your league. If he was a royal, you were a peasant. He couldn't possibly love you.
Just as the thought passed your mind, you felt the itch and burn come back. You coughed once and before petals came out, blood spurt out. This is bad, you need that surgery soon. Or maybe you could just die tonight, that would also be a good alternative to losing medical supplies.
The next day, you were told to stay in the room. Several soldiers stood outside your room to keep you from going out, and no one visited you. You expected Hange or Levi to come back, had Levi really canceled the surgery? Did he want you to die for liking him? It wasn't your fault you grew feelings for him.
You cursed yourself for liking him. Why couldn't you have fallen for someone in your league? You started coughing again, more and more blood started spewing out. In the middle of the fit, you heard someone enter with the click of the door opening and closing, but you couldn't acknowledge them, not until your fit was finished.
"Y/N, why are you still coughing petals and blood? I thought it would stop if your love interest reciprocates your feelings." He asked as he stood a good feet or two from you, avoiding the spurts of blood on the floor. You didn't answer as you struggle to breathe in, the pain of thorns ripping the lining of your lungs and throat stung as you turned on your back to lie back onto the bed.
"... You don't believe that the feeling's mutual, do you?"
You shook your head weakly, you felt the sweat on your forehead start to flow the sides of your face. You felt lightheaded after the constant coughing.
"Was I not clear enough yesterday? Y/N, I like you. Listen, I'm not one who's good with words but what I said is true."
You let out a breathy chuckle, you didn't know what came over you, but you weren't hesitant to say everything in your mind at that moment. Maybe it was because you were practically at death's doorstep, but you couldn't care less.
"You don't need to lie to me, Captain. I know you know the sickness would go away if I believe so. And I know you're saying that to get rid of the disease. It's okay. I don't need the surgery."
"At this point, I'm starting to think you've been spending too much time with the suicidal maniac. I can't tell if you've become a suicidal maniac yourself or if you really are an idiot."
"Maybe I'm both." You joked before you felt another fit coming. Soon the coughing started again, and you spewed out a lot more blood and petals, along with its thorn-littered stalk.
"At this rate, you'll die, Y/N. Is it so hard to believe that I do think of you and look at you that way?"
"No, I want to believe it. But this little devil in me keeps reminding me there is no way you'd want me. And that I'm no good for you. I'm sorry, captain."
"Levi."
"What?"
"Call me Levi."
Once again, you let out a breathy chuckle. Your captain really was determined to make you believe he was in love with you. You wished it was true, and that he truly did want you. But you can't stop thinking about how you're nothing but a lowly, good-for-nothing brat to him.
"Are you going to kick me out of the team before I die here? That way you don't need to take care of the body." You joked again. You heard the man say something in response, though it sounded distant. The world felt like it was spinning, so you shut your eyes in an attempt to stop the headache. But to no avail. The spinning felt like it was getting faster and faster. Soon, you felt your head drop onto the soft pillow.
You opened your eyes to a bright light coming from the window. You felt the stinging pain in your throat, but it was a lot better than it was before you fell unconscious. You tried to stand up, only to feel another stinging pain, this time from your torso. You groaned as you slowly laid back down.
"You need to stay there for another day or two, Y/N. Then you can rest in your own room until you recover." Hange said from her table across the room.
"Did you-"
"Captain's orders. I'm sorry, Y/N. But, I agree with him, you needed the surgery. You were almost dead."
You looked straight up to the ceiling, felt like a deja vu. Though, this time something was gone. A longing that was no longer there. An itch that no longer itched. A warmth that was now gone. Maybe this was for the best. You can go back and be your best self on the battlefield once you recover.
You wondered why Levi ordered the surgery. Perhaps that little devil was right all along, he never loved you. It was all a scheme to make you believe your feelings were reciprocated. Otherwise, he wouldn't have made Hange get rid of the infection, along with the feelings you had for the man. That would hurt him horribly if he truly did have feelings for you. You were glad it's all over now, he doesn't have to act anymore, and you don't have to cough up blood or worry about your feelings. A win-win ending for the two of you, right?
While you were lost in thought, on the other side of the castle, Levi was wiping chin with his handkerchief, which was now stained red. He chuckled bitterly before spitting out whatever was left inside his mouth.
