Ordinariest

I’m Kris! Twitter's Possum Parent. Gray Jedi. Spoonie. LDS. No one describe me as a tireless advocate—I'm exhausted. Ace/Enby. they/them

[nerdygaymormon]

[krisis86]

It has now been a week since I was in a hospital and over a week since I last rode in an ambulance and this is a record for August 2021 so everyone please clap. (And no it was not for COVID reasons) 

[nerdygaymormon]

[krisis86]

Also no form of celebration 

[squishydabinchi]

As a member of the church who has been through the temple and is endowed and has since come to the conclusion that I am Asexual, while not the same as being any of the other LGBT+ identities and dealing with those same problems. I am still a part of that community and hurt for my siblings who are directly effected by the things church leaders say. I empathize with you on this as I can very easily see how if they wanted they could start aiming hatred towards those on the Ace spectrum more directly. “Like not wanting to multiply and replenish the earth?! How dare, that is Gods greatest commandment.”

My point to all of this is the fact that I’m endowed and questioning my faith in the leaders of this church.

I trust that God did call them, but they are just as human as I am and make mistakes. God’s revelations come as people are ready for them and though I cannot say he’ll “ordain” anything besides a man and a woman as marriage I do know that he has more in store for us and better explanations as to why we feel certain ways than, “it’s just your trial for this life.”

“Men are that they might have joy.” Pain and suffering is inevitable but God has a reason for every little thing he does. He created each and every cell inside of us and he created us as ourselves. I cannot honestly say that a Heavenly Father would create someone with such a “flaw” that they cannot experience in any capacity the love he must feel for our Heavenly Mother. He has his reasons for why we are all the way we are and the reason has yet to be revealed to the world as a whole as they aren’t ready for it.

Questioning my faith in the church as an organization and wondering if I truly can answer those questions I have been asked before, in order to receive a Temple recommend, honestly is a struggle. Inside the temple is the closest I have ever felt to my father in heaven and I have no doubt about the things they teach in there. That truly is God’s house on earth and knowing that if I stopped supporting the church as an organization and stopped being able to sustain the prophet and apostles that I’d never be able to go back inside a dedicated temple is crushing to me. And all of this is because even if they are trying I do not feel that the church leaders understand how to “love one another” as Christ loved. Saying we are not to be who God made us and that we are not welcome in Holy places for something we have no choice over isn’t how you love someone. I don’t care who you are but that is not how Christ would treat me. He would see me flaws and all and pull me into His arms and hug me and I’d have to think that in the arms of the Savior is holier than a temple no matter how beautiful.

[hornraven]

I can feel…the serotonin and dopamine dropping…i need to make…Crafts

i must make…

b e a d l i z a r d

[radioactivedelorean]

B…

B e a d l i z a r d

[msillzie]

I have seen these things for years but never knew how to make them so I must thank op for this new knowledge

[calysto1395]

op has given me the best gift possible

ive been making them for four days

[smugsackofstraw]

Am… am I back in the 90’s?

[cheeseoneveryfudgingthing]

Bead animals were my JAM in the 90’s!! And you don’t have to limit your creativity to lizards, either! With a few adjustments, you can make anything!

AND with a little practice, you can even make them 3D shaped (especially with the smaller beads and wire, though you can make them with the bigger beads and string, to an extent) 

[elodieunderglass]

These connect powerfully to some locked-down memories

[krisis86]

I had a bad accident at home on July 31, passed out in my house, and no one found me for 2 days since Toby was at Nate’s house. (Thankfully Nate was the one that found me.) I spent a week in the ICU and then 2 more weeks in the general part of the hospital. If Nate had been even an hour or two later than he was to check on me, I would probably be dead.  As it is, I have hearing loss from low oxygen and am still on antibiotics for sepsis. When I woke up in the ICU, my brother told me he talked to my boss and let her know what was happening so I didn’t need to worry about my job.  Turns out he did not, in fact, talk to my boss. So when I went in for work today I was there for an hour before I was fired. Even though I have doctor’s notes and they say that I did not have access to phones or computers. Even though my boss said if I came in today then my job would be safe, otherwise I would have to resign.  I kept my school as updated as I could and my best work friend kept them updated and visited me in the hospital and reported on my condition, but it didn’t matter.  That job meant so much to me. It kept me going on the darkest days post-divorce. I have been looking forward to going back all summer. I had nothing to do in all of July--why couldn’t my accident have happened then? I am devastated.  And I’m frustrated as hell. Since I woke up I have gotten conflicting information from my family and from my healthcare team constantly. My sister in law told me I took over 150 pills in one day--a week later the hospital gave me back 110 pills, and since I’d had the prescription filled a few days before I passed out, it’s not like I took 40 pills in one day. My family told my best friend that my blood alcohol content was at 4.0, but I don’t drink. It was my body preparing to die that gave a false reading. So now she thinks I’m a secret lying alcoholic. Someone told the ER that I “doctor shop” in an attempt to get medicines to overdose on. I have seen the same doctors for 14 and 5 years, and they’re all in contact with each other. And i do not try to plan for an overdose. I haven’t been suicidal since top surgery in 2019 (with the exception of the weekend Nate walked out and dissolved our 14 year marriage with an email.) (Nate is engaged, btw. Our divorce was finalized March 24 and he proposed to his fiance on July 29. The man is an absolute horndog and I don’t miss being groped at--or worse--constantly.)  anyway today has sucked and august, which has always been my least favorite month, has sucked the most.

[dogposts]

Just using the dog’s ear as a blanket..

[mayakern]

[kingpin-of-steel-act3]

[electricnerd]

Please, for the love of God, unmute this

[kingpin-of-steel-act3]

[electricnerd]

Please, for the love of God, unmute this

[deadbeforedeath]

He no like vegetals 🚫🥗

[deadbeforedeath]

Part two: Chikin

[the-worm-man]

THERE’S A PART TWO??????

[candiikismet]

I love this

[krisis86]

yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my top surgery.

my life is drastically far from where i thought it would be 2 years ago. my scars are stretched and not subtle. neither my body dysmorphia nor my gender dysphoria went away. 

and yet i am so grateful i was able to have top surgery. it has changed me so much and most of those changes have proven for the better.

[wizened-beanie-baby-moved]

“everybody hates me” factoid actually just a statistical error. The average person doesn’t hate you, especially not your friends. You, a person who sits in your room experiencing self loathing every day, are an outlier adn should not have been counted.

[mommacomms]

Today is Mother’s Day... Guess what my bishop asked the speakers to talk about today?

Hint: NOT. MOTHERS. OR WOMEN. AT ALL.

My RS president told me that there’s a new policy of ignoring Mother’s Day but good God my bishop really went the OPPOSITE DIRECTION.

It’s a good thing he didn’t ask me to speak lmao I would’ve ignored the direction and been like “you know who else holds Priesthood power? HEAVENLY MOTHER. In this essay I will - ”

[mommacomms]

Okay so to be fair, I know Mother’s Day is hard. But you can talk about women and Heavenly Mother without equating our worth to our uterine capabilities. But you’d think on Mother’s Day, HEAVENLY MOTHER would be important!

But no. My bishop went “no we are ignoring it”. And I know his wife well enough to know that she is down and this is basically kicking her while she’s suffering and I am ANGRY. And it’s not like we don’t know anything about Her! There are SO MANY things we know about Her! There’s a whole freaking scholarly study that’s been endorsed by the First Presidency!

AAAAAAAAAGH.

At least the last speaker put in three or four “happy Mother’s Day” comments and acknowledged how the sealing covenant connects him to women, but STILL.

[krisis86]

what nonsense is this! The new policy must be in this specific stake because it’s definitely not church-approved. our brand new bishop and his wife spoke. His talk was good, but hers was beautiful. she spoke a LOT about Heavenly Mother and itw as soooooooooo good.

[honestmormonblog]

Today on Facebook one of my friends posted about the church’s decision to oppose bathroom privileges for trans folk. 

The immediate next post on my timeline was this quote by Thomas S. Monson:

“If we would keep the commandment to love one another, we must treat each other with compassion and respect, showing our love in day-to-day interactions. Love offers a kind word, a patient response, a selfless act, an understanding ear, a forgiving heart. In all our associations, these and other such acts help make evident the love in our hearts.”

… … … 

…… there’s something supremely hypocritical about supporting discriminatory policies that would put thousands of innocent people in danger of assault or murder, and then turning around and talking about love. 

The church is wrong when it believes that “religious freedom” can exist in a society where the most vulnerable can be exploited and killed with impunity. The church is wrong when it thinks that Christ would oppose civil rights protections. Trans people have every right to exist as full and free members of society, and that right is based in their fundamental identity as children of God.

[nerdygaymormon]

How is denying someone to use the bathroom at school that matches their identity a religious freedom issue? (Oh, right, BYU)

[nerbert]

The Christ I follow would personally escort a trans man to the washroom, this decision by the church is inconsistent with everything we know about Christ

[krisis86]

IMPORTANT

alert alert i adore @nerdygaymormon  that is all 

[remade-joan-burned]

Can’t get over the prominence of the story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac in my childhood. Can’t get over the prominence of the moral of God above family and friends in my childhood. That always tore me apart.

[leave-it-all-behind]

I remember asking a staff member at my camp “how do you have faith like Abraham, I want to believe I could trust God that much, but I don’t think I could”. I felt so guilty for not fully trusting God.

[jesuschristopus]

Yeah, it was pretty wild to go from, “you only need faith as small as a mustard seed,” to “you need to have so much faith that you would kill a family member for god’s shit and giggles.” 

[pickledchickenetti]

Look y’all I know that’s how that story is taught but literally that is not the moral of the story, Abraham failed that damn test, and I will stand behind this interpretation until I die.

[prismatic-bell]

That’s not how the story was taught at all at my shul.

Not only does G-d never speak to Abraham again, Torah tells us he came down from the mountain ALONE.

The price of him not questioning was the loss of his son in a totally different way. The bond was broken. He completely and utterly failed on all counts.

[dino-nugget7]

Damn I wish I could show this interpretation to my mom. I know she wouldn’t get it, but like, maybe if she could, she’d understand how deeply she hurt me when this conversation played out about her not being willing to accept my transition.

“What would I tell my pastor, huh? That I’m fine with letting you turn away from God’s will?”

“Who is more important to you, your child or your pastor? Because I don’t understand why you’d lose either of us, but if it did come down to that, who are you here for, me or him? Are your children not the most important people in your life?”

And she responded in a way that left probably a permanent scar even if she does ever come around. “Im here for God. He made you a woman and I respect His path for your life over the ungrateful one you’re trying to set for yourself.

And I think in her heart she believes it is the moral choice to place honoring what she thinks is God’s wishes over her childrens’ wellbeing.

But this interpretation says No. Don’t persecute your children in the name of God!

I’m not even religious, but damn if this interpretation didn’t put some salve on that scar of mine.

[prismatic-bell]

@dino-nugget7 also worth noting is that Isaac made the same mistake with his children, pitting Jacob and Esau against each other, and for his pains he was stricken blind at the end of his life and couldn’t see either of them. Torah has A LOT to say on this subject. So does the Christian Bible: Colossians says “fathers, vex not your children, lest they become disenheartened.”

Your mother, full stop, was wrong, and so is any “church” that taught her this was the way to go.

[prismatic-bell]

You know what? I’m not done.

Torah shows us an act of gender transformation. When Eve is created, she comes from a man. There’s nothing shameful or unnatural indicated in how she comes to be. And in Tanakh, in the psalms, we have “you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, how well I know it.” If G-d made and knew you before you were born, then he knows what’s up and what your soul is like. “Man looks at the outward appearance, but G-d looks at the heart.”

Tanakh makes it clear. If your heart says you’re a man, and G-d knew and created you to have that heart, then so you are, and that was intentional.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

If anyone’s interested in some resources for more on the topics explored in this post…

Check out this post by @wild-desert-highway​ “It was for Hagar” for a similar take on the story of Abraham’s failure in the sacrifice of Isaac story.

“…And then God turned to Abraham and said your turn. Take your son, your beloved son, Abraham, the promise for your future, and take the life from his lungs. You had no remorse to do the same thing to Ishmael - Ishmael, your son. …”

I highly recommend trans Jewish scholar Joy Ladin’s The Soul of the Stranger: Reading God and Torah from a Transgender Perspective. In that book, you’ll find:

various characters in the Torah (including Abraham and Sarah) as “gender failures” according to their cultures; 

and more figures (including Jacob) whose stories can be read through a queer lens

stuff about Adam and Eve when it comes to gender constructs – the “origin” of gender, of gender roles, and then of patriarchy 

God as the ultimate stranger

I’m also gonna promote some of my own stuff like a dork but it relates to this post’s content, plus i draw from both Christian and Jewish sources.

A section of my website blessedarethebinarybreakers.com features a “timeline of gender diversity in – and pre – Christian history.” It’s written from my own Christian lens, but I did my utmost to make the page on the Tanakh (Hebrew Bible; the “Old Testament”) reflective of Jewish views as well, with much of my citations coming from Jewish authors. On that page you’ll find: 

the first human (ha-adam) as a genderfull or genderless figure who becomes both Adam and Eve (rather than being exclusively Adam to start with), and what that means for how we can interpret Genesis 1-3 in terms of gender and sex

Sarah and Abraham as intersex

Joseph read from a trans lens, with the famous colorful coat being translated as a “princess dress”

Trans look at the eunuchs of the Hebrew Bible

I have a sermon that focuses on Abraham called “No Good Patriarchs” that wrestles with another uncomfortable part of his story – his abuse of the enslaved woman Hagar 

And another sermon that continues that previous sermon’s themes called “Jacob and Esau - Imagining Beyond Ourselves” that reads Jacob as an underdog as one assigned secondborn at birth who fights the oppression against him only to assimilate into the structures that once oppressed him…

[gryphonablaze]

please correct me if I’m wrong, but is the tl;dr of this that;

in the jewish version, god is testing Abraham’s critical thinking,  but in the christian version it’s interpreted that he’s testing Abraham’s faith?

[prismatic-bell]

@gryphonablaze you are correct.

And @blessedarethebinarybreakers, thank you for your sources and post.

[covington-shenanigans]

To add on to resources for queer and trans folks who may want to read at least one religious story that affirms our existence, I wrote this: https://maggidjoey.com/adam/

@prismatic-bell I think you might enjoy this