Partners who tell you how to speak, feel, dress and interact with other people do not like you. They do not respect you. They do not care about your happiness or wellbeing.
"But when it's good, it's good—"
It's oftentimes not actually good. You just have someone paying you attention. That's all. Humans need attention and it's very easy to trick oneself into believing attention = quality social interaction. (This is not always true, but these people also will often mirror your interests and personality.) And even if it IS good:
When they start controlling how you behave and express yourself, that is the truest and MOST VALUABLE expression of how they really feel about you. Listen to it!
When a partner starts telling you "don't make dirty jokes", "don't wear that low-cut top", "you aren't allowed to drink or smoke", "don't swear", "don't talk to other men/women/etc", RUN. THE. FUCK. AWAY. No amount of capitulating will turn this into a healthy and valuable relationship.
Boundaries in relationships do not control you. Boundaries control how THEY react to YOU. If their "boundary" is that they don't date women who swear or wear low-cut tops or have male friends, it is THEIR responsibility to take THEMSELF out of YOUR dating pool.
You are not responsible for someone else feeling jealous or insecure. Get out. Talk to a friend. Look up emotional and psychological abuse if you can't talk to someone. If you can, write down the behaviour that is bothering you and apply it to someone else. If this was happening in someone else's relationship, completely removed from your understanding of your partner, would you think it's acceptable behaviour? What would you tell them to do?
We often accept terrible treatment from the people close to us because we feel that we "know" them, thus they cannot possibly be capable of knowingly or unknowingly hurting us. We ascribe abuse to dark figures who will be easily clocked as soon as they enter your sphere. This isn't true in the slightest. We are all capable of perpetuating abusive behaviour, knowingly and unknowingly.
I think people get too stuck on the fact that "my partner doesn't actually want to hurt me, therefore it isn't abuse". It doesn't matter what they WANT. It matters what they are DOING.
