Untitled @larrythepistachio - Tumblr Blog

having 40 minutes to leave the house is terrible because 40 minutes is basically 30 minutes and 30 minutes is basically 20 minutes and 20 minutes is basically fifteen seconds. but 50 minutes? 50 minutes is an hour, and an hour? ooobh thats plany off time

nyctosaurid

i dont know how people handle the world without looking at pictures of little tiny mice sitting on wheat

nyctosaurid

powerful…

dark-magician-girl-meets-world

Fortuneteller, turning over the Death card: Don't worry. It isn't literal. It simply refers to some form of change. Me: Phew Fortuneteller; turning over the Gets Eaten by the Fortuneteller While Trying to Leave card: That can also mean many things

nondelphic

you say "that sentence is grammatically incorrect" i say "it sounds like the internal monologue of a man unraveling in a fluorescent-lit hallway and that’s the point"

wyrmicelli

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

valencians

fantasy: the kingdom has been ruled by one family for 10,000 years

science fiction: a new species evolved in 30 years

carolsturka

i could never leave here

the-big-mood

During a high speed car chase pursuit, the FOX 11 Los Angeles helicopter had an unexpected moment when they spotted a rooster and a chicken casually walking down the sidewalk right in the middle of the pursuit.

apas-95

uooooogh the christian God is actually deer skull and raccoon salmon in pickup truck ooooooooooooooo and She (god) (usually refererd to as Male but im Queering it) talked to me in parking lot and said uh h Life Is Decay Anr Rotting and Sunlight is actually the souls of deer skull and i was like woah but im just little old me from somewhere in the contiguous USA and She (god) (Queering it) said being Yourself is th e most important thing and that i should Vote

achillesinhighheels

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things ?

gallusrostromegalus

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

starathsbunker

#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus

I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious

gallusrostromegalus

A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)

Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.