I have a strange feeling - something like a void and despair. What was it? Was it just a dream? Can I still deny the truth, the knowledge I gained? Sure, I can't. But it was so unreal, so... oh, I guess I have to look back to realize all that happened to me and my world... with our world.
But what is the reference point? I guess it is the moment of my emergence in reality when my consciousness was just a little kernel in the void. There were no leaves, no petals, or stems - only a small kernel of "myself" wandering in the endless void, seeking an exit. A pure and hopeless creature with a dark present and a nebulous future.
And then I opened my eyes. It was the first time I saw this world, but at first, I didn't realize what it was or how it was. I grew up in a calm and peaceful time and didn't know anything about the war, like most of my peers. All we knew was about the far-off lands of Sharra, where there was a hundred years' war. We knew how hopeless, violent, and meaningless it was, but we had never seen it.
The people of our land, Inmaatel, lived in peace for a thousand years. That's what our teachers told us. It was not entirely true, but it was a fact that neither my parents nor I had seen the real war.
My town, Linma, was near the capital of Inmaatel - Saire. My town also had another name - Soama - which means "the land of the sun" because of the hot summer and warm autumn every year. Lanes and alleys with stony roads, small shops, street merchants, pubs, buskers, low houses, shining sky, and sea air. That was Saire, that was Soama.
There was nothing extraordinary about my childhood. I had a best friend named Tai-sho. He was one year younger than me. His parents were immigrants from the Eastern Republic of Niiroshio, but Tai-sho himself grew up in Saire and didn't even know the Niir language. Despite his eastern look, we were very similar, and some people even thought we were twins.
We had our own "Secret Kingdom" near the abandoned old railway station. There was also a river and a forest, and that was our refuge, our personal another world. We liked to play there, exploring and seeking evidence of the "lost civilization of Winged Squirrel People" and the "Great treasure of Nut Kingdom."
I can't remember anything dark in the story of our childhood. Those were cheerful days full of wonders. Well, maybe I idealize a little... Actually, there were some weird incidents. One of them was especially bizarre. Once we were playing a bit closer to the end of the railway line, and suddenly Tai-sho stopped moving.
When I asked him "what's wrong?" he didn't answer. He was standing there, without any movement or words, staring at the forest. He didn't react to my words, and suddenly, he started to go. His face was as if enchanted. He was only watching the deep forest and going there, like something was calling him.
I figured out that I couldn't do anything with him and just went behind him. The forest was dark and misty, inviting and daunting at the same time. Most of Linma's citizens were not there, and it seemed they pretended that the forest just did not exist.
So, it was the first time we went inside. When we entered the thick foliage, the sun disappeared, and there was mist and grave silence all around. Despite it being a summer day, there was a cold that crept into our bones. It was hard to see anything because of the fog, but it seemed like Tai-sho knew exactly where we should go.
I followed him, and time seemed to stop, stretching into eternity. It felt like we would never stop and that this road was endless. I forgot everything else; I was in a trance and didn't even realize that my friend was gone. I was completely alone in the cold fog, and I didn't hear any voices or sounds. Even when I tried to call out to Tai-sho, I didn't hear the echo of my voice.
The place was so cold and dark that I surrendered to despair. All I could do was keep moving forward because everything around me looked the same. The white mist and rifle-green foliage were all I saw. I don't remember how long I wandered, but suddenly I noticed a strange twinkle deep in the fog.
It only lasted for ten seconds before disappearing. After a few seconds, it appeared again and started moving. I followed it. That little twinkle was my last hope, the last piece of light in the forest full of darkness and cold. The fog started to disperse, and I saw something new and unbelievable.
The figure was surrounded by light, with long hair as white as early snow, wearing a ghost-like dress. She was a girl, beautiful and young, yet unreal. Although she seemed like a ghost, she was so full of life. A shining smile graced her face, but there was a slight shade of sadness. As I approached her, she turned to face me, and I felt myself falling into the abyss of her moon-like eyes.
"Lonely soul in the endless ocean of Rathai. What did you lose? What do you seek here in the Anneb?" she said.
Her voice echoed like silent water or a gentle breeze. I couldn't understand her words, as I had never heard of those names before. Her manner of pronunciation made me think of ancient languages. I had always thought it was just a legend, but in that moment, I heard those words.
"I am looking for my friend," I finally answered.
"Don't worry about him. He was just fascinated by the Laix. He will wander in the Anneb, but he'll find the exit eventually," she replied.
"What are you talking about? What is the Anneb? What do all these words mean?" I asked, still confused.
"The Anneb is the place where you are, where I am. It is the Grand Workshop," she said.
"Here is the Beginning of all things, here is the End, here is Life, Death, and Rebirth. Here is the core of Rathai."
"Your question is meaningless. Rathai is you, Rathai is me, Rathai is your friends, your family, your city, your country... everything. Just look around you, and you will see that all is Rathai.â
She spoke in a strange way that I didn't understand. She didn't give me straight answers, instead she spoke mysteriously.
"Follow me, Wanderer. I will show you the way," she said.
She didn't answer, she just turned and began walking. Her light was my only guide, my last hope of finding an exit. I submitted fully and followed her, completely under her power. Eventually, we arrived at a lake, and in front of us was a waterfall. She entered the water and reached out her hand to me. As I touched her graceful palm, I felt warmth spread throughout my body.
I forgot everything and didn't even realize how I fell into the water, or how she pulled me into the waterfall. My memories began to fade. All I remember is what happened after. Actually, there isn't much to say, because I can't recall everything that happened right away. Life resumed as normal for me and my friend.
I can't say that there was anything unusual that happened after that. I was growing up, my life was changing. I went to high school, and then to the Academy of Liberal Arts. It was there that I met Aya. She became my best friend, companion, and love. This black-haired, thin girl with a serious face and a tattoo on her neck was the only person so close to me, so like-minded.
At the end, she had become my wife and we started living together near the Aete River. That was my life: calm, silent, and usual. There were no wars near me, no tragedies, or anything like that.
So why am I here now? Why is everything vanishing and why am I wandering in the void? My memories are fading away, cracking like the sky now, like the buildings and homes in my town. And I am alone again in this misty wood, the only safe place left in this world. The sun has faded, but there is no darkness. I see ghostly fireflies flying around in this cold mist.
There is only one way. As the mist clears, I see the lake and waterfall again. It has not changed; it is the same as it was in my childhood. There is no way to escape, no other safe place left in this world. So, should I go into the waterfall again to see this nightmare? Or will I see something else besides the ruins under the black sky?
I don't know, but I still want to go there, and I will do it.
Epilogue
The full darkness and absolute void enveloped me, and I felt nothing. Neither pain nor joy nor sadness. Was I dead?
Suddenly, a bright light illuminated everything around me. What is this place? It looks like a massive library. No, "massive" is not a word that can describe this place. The roof stretches into infinity, and there seems to be no end to the bookshelves. And who is this girl? She looks so familiar, as if I met her in a distant past. She sees me too. She approaches me, and now the memories come flooding back to me. It is the shining girl from the forest. She hasn't changed; she is still as young and beautiful as she was in my childhood. This ghost from my past looks at me with her sad smile.
"Welcome back, my old friend."
"Yes, but then it was only for a moment. Now, this is your new home."
"What are you talking about?"
"The Rathai is renewing its cycle, as it ever was."
"There is the end of your world and its rebirth. The sun has faded, the sky is cracked, and all the earth is in ruins. The Grand Workshop is starting its work."
"You speak strange things to me..."
"Well, you have all eternity to learn a lot of things you didn't know before. I will teach you here in the library."