Queer NSFW heaven

30 | Queer | Lila Was originally a space for me to explore my polyamourous side. I’m now happily polyam.

[badassdemonsword]

Heated rivalry shouldve been about 2 ugly old guys that play mahjong then maybe id consider watching it

[krownest]

i don't remember them playing mahjong but they do other old man things like going to the wet market together and drinking soup and taking walks. anyway go watch suk suk / twilight's kiss

[krownest]

"ok but where's the old chinese lesbians" go watch all shall be well. it's by the same director and the old chinese lesbians are also at the market

[sandersstudies]

“Kids shouldn’t have to know about that.”

Okay so actually letting a serious topic be vague and confusing is much more scary for a child than explaining it in calm language they can understand.

[sandersstudies]

When you are in a safe place, explain the serious topic in a way the child can understand.

The fire alarm went off at school today because of a mistake, but your teachers did the right thing to take you outside to be sure it was safe.

Some people use wheelchairs because their legs don’t walk very well. It can happen because they are old and tired, or because they got hurt, or because they were born that way.

Your Uncle Jerod talked to mom and dad, and wants you to call her Aunt Kari now. We will call her Kari too, and we can all practice together if it takes some getting used to.

Anticipate age-appropriate fears the child might have so you can assuage those that are not a threat.

Yes, Kitty died at the vet, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not safe for Puppy to go to the vet.

Yes, Peyton and Jo are getting a divorce, but they are both still part of our family and love you very much.

Yes, Grandma has cancer, but cancer is not contagious, so you are not going to get cancer by visiting her.

Anticipate fears that are realistic, and give the child clear direction about what to do, and what happens next.

If someone asks you to get in their car without permission, find Mom, Mama, or a teacher and tell them right away. We will make sure you are safe.

If Sparky’s sickness makes him hurt very badly, we are going to take him to the vet and she will give him some medicine, and he will die, but then he won’t hurt any more. Because Sparky is very sick, we are going to spend some special time with him over the next few days.

If the fire alarm goes off at school again, follow the teacher’s directions. If the fire alarm goes off and you are somewhere alone, go outside, and ask a grownup to call 911.

Reassure the child that they’re safe and loved, validate their feelings, and see if they have follow-up questions. Give them the option to take space to process, or to stay near you to feel safe.

I’m sad about Sparky too. Do you think we could make his favorite peanut-butter treats, while we are spending special time with him?

I understand why Grandma’s cancer makes you feel angry. It doesn’t seem fair that people we love get sick. Would you like a hug?

You were worried about calling 911 if there’s not a grownup around. I wrote down some important things, like our address, and we can go over these together so you are ready if anything like that ever happens.

[sandersstudies]

These things are principally the job of the child’s parent or guardian, but in some cases directing the child to that caregiver is difficult or impossible (parent refuses/confuses the child, parent is absent, child’s questions are specific and relevant to a situation their parent was not present for, etc.) so I think all adults should be prepared to have these conversations with kids.

[teaboot]

There's this thing I never realized I did when I was doing it that I like to think of as "Ownership of Space"

And it's that thing where you mentally place yourself as the second, auxiliary party to someone else that you consider to be "In Charge" of whatever space or occupation or responsibility you are assigned to

And when you are IN that mindset, it *feels* like you're being responsible. It *feels* like you're being respectful, and helpful, and contributing to the load.

But what you don't SEE- because it *feels* like deference- is that the other person who you're seeing as The Authority you report to- by being assigned that role, has also been assigned the invisible load of BEING YOUR MANAGER.

This is by FAR most commonly seen in husband-and-wife relationships, where the man says, "just tell me what I can do to HELP- you don't have to do it all by yourself, but it's like you won't even tell me when you NEED help. You just do everything and then get mad at me for not doing it first. I can help clean. I can help with the kids. I can help"

But I also see it- and am guilty myself of doing it- at work, at school, in public- that mental, "this is THEIR space, and i will be respectful and helpful to THEM"- without realizing that subservience in this manner isn't actually a good thing. That it actually shifts the burden of responsibility to the other person. That aspect was totally invisible to me.

I didn't understand that when I was told, "if you see something that needs to be done, just DO it", or, "take the initiative", what they ACTUALLY meant was, "I am not above you", or "you have equal say in what kind of environment you want to live or work in", or "I do not want full control over what happens here, I do not want to order you around, I do not want to be in charge, what I WANT is to co-command WITH you"

Being in The Assigned Authority position NOW, that is all so much clearer.

I am the senior member of my team at work, and now, every time I train a newbie, every time I finish catching them up to speed and giving them a list of everything that needs to be done, my next big hurdle seems to always be, "now take pride in the space when I'm not around". "Now don't assume I'll tell you when something is due or what orders to plan things in".

Now, having been on both sides of the struggle, I can appreciate the sticking points here

TO THE PERSON "IN CHARGE": The person deferring to you doesn't understand the invisible labor you're doing. They genuinely believe you know more, you WANT more, you see things they don't, and that they are being respectful and good by staying out of your way and waiting on your orders. THAT is the bit that's not clicking.

TO THE PERSON "WANTING TO HELP": "Help" implies that you are providing assistance to a problem that belongs to somebody else. Stop thinking like that. Understand that the problem belongs to BOTH of you equally, and consider what kind of shared space you BOTH want. What is your SHARED GOAL? Not THEIR goal, but a goal that belongs to you too. Own your space.

This is not a Commander-Lieutenant problem. This is a Partnership problem.

You Are Co-Commanders On This Ship

[radiqueer]

Human relationships are not transactional but they are reciprocal, which I think many of you with your ‘i don’t owe anyone anything’ shtick are too happy to forget

[aromanticduck]

Transactional: everything has to be exactly 50/50 all the time, pay me back for the £5 sandwich or buy me something worth exactly £5, I refuse to make an effort for you if there’s nothing in it for me

Reciprocal: you were there for me when I needed help, and I’m going to do the same for you, it doesn’t matter if one of us needs more or is capable of less, because the point is not equivalent exchange but mutual care

[knucklecurve]

the core of the fujo fantasy being the externality of the penis

[knucklecurve]

for those who live in a day-to-day world of can’t-find-the-clit, i think there’s something really alluring about the visible immediacy of a hard cock. both in the sense of “the stark clarity of the boner as a barometer of want” (James Frankie Thomas, Idlewild) but also in the (portrayed) comparative ease of casual gay sex acts like frotting and handjobs. your desire is easily known and seen (in the dickprint) and it is easily quenched (with a quick wad of spit and a few pumps). compare this to the torture nexus of the average cisgender woman’s experience of heterosexual intercourse, and also to the less torturous but factual reality that satisfying sex (for anyone!) requires some amount of communication and trial/error. the fantasy is that your needs are immediately known and met without having to ask or direct. the fantasy is that the clit becomes unmissable and unignorable!!!

see also: extreme focus on precome/wetness, ass eating as literary pseudo-cunnilingus, the prostate as a literary pseudo-g-spot, the general glossing-over of bottom prep

[mctreeleth]

#and the ‘narrative inconvenience’ of bottom prep #bc you want them to fuck spontaneously #the second biggest ‘inconvenience’ after bottom prep is multiple orgasms but refractory periods can also be glossed over #omegaverse basically takes all this and makes it text

(tags by @transfemmbeatrice)

[snowkissedmonsters]

Obsidian - Part One (sfw)

In blissful 1950′s suburbia, you are content with your life surrounded by friends and family. But one bleary night, a sour deal with a mysterious man may change your life forever…

Content Warning: 1950′s era-expected misogyny, toxic friendship, toxic relationship, chubby reader, unplanned pregnancy, deal with a demon, conservative values, blood mention, self harm (kinda? A character cuts their palm to summon a demon idk if that counts)

Words: 3k~

Part 1 (sfw) Part 2 (nsfw) Part 3 (nsfw) Part 4 (nsfw) Part 5 (nsfw)  [Part Six]  (nsfw) [Part Seven] (nsfw) [Part 8.1]  [Part 8.2]   [part 8.3] [part 9.1]   [part 9.2]  

_________________________________________

You and Alice had been best friends since you were in diapers. And you loved her. Unreservedly, you loved her. You could not remember a single happy moment in your life that didn’t star her, center stage. She coloured every memory you had.

You were born only three days apart, and grew up as next door neighbours. Your fathers went to war together. Hers came home alone. Two years later, a lengthy illness took your mother. You had no other relatives, and as you had just turned 18, the state had no obligation to house you. Alice’s parents adopted you without a second thought, and though they could not replace what you had lost, it was as natural as breathing to call them “Family.”

You’d been sisters long before the adoption paper legitimized it. And, like sisters, the relationship dynamic you forged in your early years carried forward into adulthood, and solidified into the way you viewed one another. Parts of it may have shifted and developed, but at its core it remained constant. Alice liked to be the focal point of attention, and you were more than happy to accommodate that by supporting her from the sidelines.

You excelled at different things. Alice was prettier, and you both knew it. She didn’t have to say it, you heard it in every, “Are you sure you want to wear that?” “I think I should do your hair today,” and “Why not have a salad instead?” You didn’t mind, you couldn’t begrudge her for being born insufferably beautiful. You were the better cook. She was the better seamstress. You were sharper in conversation, while she out-performed you in everything academic. You were an adult’s dream: Well mannered, dutiful, and eager to please. Alice’s magnetism lay with your peers: she was the brightest star at every party, the loudest laugh, the sweetest smile. Where you stumbled socially with boys your age, she had them following her like ducklings. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t envy her proficiency in reducing men to babbling fools. You knew she envied the praise and adoration her parents heaped onto you.

You told her that her parents might not compare her unfavorably to you if she only took a little more responsibility for her actions. She told you that you wouldn’t be such a clumsy, stuttering mess with men if you grew a spine and stopped being so masterfully introverted.

You know. Typical sister stuff.

Keep reading

[creatingblackcharacters]

Please delete this if you’re uncomfortable with questions like these but do you happen to have any resources on writing Black characters in smut/kink scenarios? I write a LOT of porn and I’ve included many Black characters in my works, and I know the basics of what to avoid that’s blatantly racist in terms of depiction and kink content, but would you happen to know of anywhere I could find some more extensive resources? I want to be sure that my characters are portrayed well and that any Black folk who interact with my work will be able to properly enjoy it!

I mean, I don't think that Black people have sex any differently than anybody else 😅 the only important thing is to understand the dynamics of how you're describing and depicting these characters, and that's still sociological and comes back to the regular lessons. But no, I don't have any resources myself. I'll leave this here.

[chilewithcarnage]

so imma take a crack at answering this. its important to be aware of the racial, gender, sexual politics and dynamics when creating such media as someone who's nonblack. its unfortunate fact but white supremacy, colonialism and american chattel slavery has impacted nearly every aspect of life world wide even on a deeper psychological/subconscious level. in terms of gender and sexuality as it pertains to black people, particularly black americans. there are so many tropes and stereotypes that sprung up from these atrocities of humankind and our continued oppression that morphed into other forms but all remain spiritually the same. The mandingo, the buck, the homothug, the YN, the nonchalant dreadhead. The jezebel, the sapphire, the mammy, the ghetto gagger, the beautiful mulatto, the fast girl, the bull dagger. We also exist in this weird double edged sword of dehumanization in regards to our gender, gender expression, and sexuality. All created to justify the systemic rape, murder and sexual assault we faced throughout history. These tropes are so pervasive, especially in regards to black manhood/masculinity its near inescapable in any arenas with NSFW content. These were the recommended questions i was suggested by ust searching on quora (a SFW site for posing questions) for firsthand accounts of black people with an interest in BDSM

Note the objectification aspect, not even to referring to any hypothetical black man as as man in this fantasy but simply cutting him down to his penis.

Simultaneously de-gendered and desexualized but also fetishized and believed to have an insatiable libido. We're incapable of being viewed as beautiful, handsome, sexy or worthy of romantic pursuit or attraction that isn't based in objectification. This all gets compounded more when you factor in fatness, queerness and transness. Its a very complex topic for sure and not every black person has the same ideals or opinions. Some black folks can easily engage with nonblacks no matter the sexual dynamic and see no issue with it. There are a myriad of black people out there, black women with white male partners and black men and with white female partners that may engage with certain sexual dynamics. To each their own. Its a hard topic for sure. On one hand if you consistently have your black characters being 'dominant' or 'aggressive' one you can run into racial stereotyping that regards black sexual desire as inherently domineering or violent. On the other if you have the black character being consistently submissive in a way it could read as wanting to see black people as subservient, especially when you through white people in the mix.

From the very quick research I did, I see a lot of black cis women with a casual interest in BDSM have a desire for submission whereas mostly the women who do it professionally are dommes. It really depends, some black women see being submissive not just a representation of their sexuality but also an affirmation of their femininity and womanhood. They may not feel comfortable being forced into a sexually aggressive/dominant role because it mirrors the jezebel/sapphire trope of black women being angry and domineering, beliefs that led to again justifying their degendering and dehumanization. To regard black women as not really women, not feminine enough, not worthy of protection, not worthy of help and doting on etc. Additionally some black cis women prefer to be in a dominant role, especially involving white or nonblack partners. They feel that being sexually submissive/bound in scenes harkens back to ideals and imagery where black women were forced under sexual slavery and systemic rape, so they see being dominant as a reclamation of power from past subjugation.

it gets compunded even more when you take transness in regard. within transfeminity and trans fem sexuality there's a term called comptop, similar to comphet (short for compulsory heterosexuality, the psychological phenomenon of gay men and lesbians experiencing not genuine attraction to the opposite gender but this being a symptom of homophobia forcing them to deny their real desires) comptop being short for compulsory topping where a trans women/fem feels she always has to be the top in whatever sexual situation she is because of her assigned gender at birth. Additionally you add blackness with perceived maleness, and black trans fems are overwhelmingly expected to always act in a similar manner regardless of her own sexual desires (especially within the realm of sex work). Kat Blaque is a black trans women writer, activist, artist, public speaker and video essayist whom i've been subscribed to for at least 10 years. She also someone who is actively vocal about being polyamorous and and into BDSM. I do also know that her partners are nonblack and she is submissive and has talked before about having to navigate racial and gender dynamics in the relationships she's had.

This is not me comparing trans women to men btw, its just me noting the similarites in which Black AMAB peoples sexualities are regarded. Similarly, like i mentioned the homothug stereotype previously; black cis queer men are always expected to be aggressive/dominant tops. Even in content not made by or featuring black men, be it yaoi/bara/porn etc the darker skinned male character is always larger than the lighter skinned one and always the top. That is a symptom of antiblackness. Similarly, masculine lesbians/studs are also seen as hyper aggressive and expected to be the top as well.

Im gonna try to wrap this up cause this answer is already long answer thats all over the place. But TLDR, just go about it in a respectful way. Be aware of tropes. Also please dont use food as descriptors of black skin tones (coffee, cinnamon, chocolate, etc.) it always comes across as fetishtic when nonblacks do it im sorry. But lastly raceplay is 100% racist no matter what way you invoke it, so please do not engage lbs.

some further resources and writing that you can read to further educate yourself on modern racial dynamics in regards to sexuality and kink.

Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) BDSM Resources – Bound Together

We've compiled a list of some BIPOC BDSM resources, including BIPOC perspectives on kink and BIPOC BDSM educators who create great content.

Finding Freedom in Black BDSM

Black kink is about pleasure first and foremost. But it’s also bound up with freedom and empowerment

Three Black Dommes On BDSM, Intersectionality And Their Favorite Sex Toys

"Being a Black dominatrix to me, allows me to be my most authentic self. I get to be whoever I want to be, and I can revel in my Blackness a

Black Sexual Politics : African Americans, Gender, and the New Racism by Patricia. Hill Collins (PDF)

[inkskinned]

she is a princess and you are a dragon. she will be married tonight. do not keep standing outside of her room like that, go inside. go get her. that is what proper dragons do.

not that you have ever been a good or proper dragon. when you hatched out of your egg, your eggtooth was too smooth. the other dragons were rough with you, put little holes in your wings.

you were not bold. you were odd. you liked rippling water and the shine of chitin when bugs scuttle and of course the movement of the stars. those were all acceptable interests albeit maybe not traditional. perhaps you had inherited these through some great-great-uncle or something. certainly a dragon may be wise, or clever, if they are not bold.

yes, you have been a great deal of a puzzle to the other dragons. your body is smaller and rather more soft than it ought to be. so speed should have been yours, perhaps - your mother said it would be like fighting a shadow. if a dragon is not aggressive, it may instead be cruel, sly; a backstab. but alas your scales - so iridescent that they almost shine like the moon at night, a glow from within - you are not a shadow, you are a beacon like the flash of a knight's blade. your father has said at least you would make a fine egglayer, a nice mate to a good male. a dragon like you may still be a good mother perhaps; and that is a fine thing to be; although of course it would have been better if you'd been a trove-hoarder instead.

what a dragon must not be is kind.

you have watched her now for six moons. what a good and proper dragon would do is to go inside and to snatch her. a very proper dragon would have kidnapped her many times over, but you will be the delight of your brood to princess-snatch even at all. when you catch her in your jaws and bring her home, they will love you, then. they don't think you're capable of it, but you are, because you're a proper dragon. you can show them that. if you go in, now, right now.

you are rather too glossy to hide in the shadows, so instead you have learned how to appear flat and round, a puddle of light. (how your siblings would mock you! a dragon should be matte, to blend with the night). you dapple your flank with mud. you perch in odd angles atop of trees, scuttle like the bugs you love - hither, tither, frantic.

what you must not do is fly with your wings full-out. alight, you will be limned by the moon's corona. you will be a beacon. you must remember this when (not if) you snatch her.

____

you found her because of the lake. this lake in particular was your favorite - nestled deep in the woods, between two mountains. it is very quiet; there is nothing to horde there so no other dragon bothers you. a gentle waterfall spills over into a deep cove, and there are many mossy caves you've spent your afternoons napping in. while it is not proper for a dragon to prefer such things, you like to lay in rolling tenure just under the water. you have become excellent at holding your breath, can do it for hours. it is the easiest way to appear as a patch of sunlight.

she was not sunlight. she was the night's joy. the dark press of water. her face at first concealed by many diaphanous layers. her breathing quick and quiet.

she had pulled them back to drink from her water flask. and there she had been: a princess. your first very-real princess. right there, only the reach of a single talon from you. if you had simply lunged then, you would have been able to take her easily, in one single movement.

but you did not take her.

she had startled you a bit; you'd been daydreaming about music, which you'd just discovered, and rather liked. you'd heard it from a little house while you snuck in and stole their sheep.

but you knew the sound of fear, of being followed. you'd been chased too many times, you knew what it looked like. the rapid jolt of fear.

you smelled her then; cinnamon and onyx, and perhaps that was what had blinded you. perhaps your mouth was just watering. whatever the case, you waited until she had fled back into the forest; and then you waited a bit longer. in her wake, a garrison of men, their hands rough.

oh. so they were not knights. they were just men chasing a young woman through the woods. perhaps they did not even know a real princess had been running from them. well, that was a relief. you are not good at fighting with knights, who have swords instead of cudgels. these were just men, so you rose from the water in the quiet way you'd learned from the fish. they did not hear you coming.

and besides. proper dragons do violence so well.

___

once you had smelled her you could find her, although such things have always been easier for you than for the others. you spend a great deal of time studying things - it allows you to analyze them. you have tried to explain to the other dragons that sometimes it is best to slow down, but of course no dragon should be slow.

at first you did not understand the confusion of the people's umwelt. they relied so much on their communication (only words and actions!) and what they could see with their eyes. you and the other dragons did not use these as much; but you liked prying out the little sonic differences between hello that means "i like you" and hello that means "i don't like you."

so it took you a while to learn that you were responsible for what had happened to her. men had gone missing, and even bad men going missing makes a big fuss. (you know that if it had been girls missing, it would be okay. many proper dragons steal girls because it will not bring a knight to their door). for a while she had been trapped on the palace grounds. it was determined that it was no longer safe for her to be just a princess, she must undergo some human transformation and become a wife.

even so. you had gone looking for her (only to study, of course, so you may know how to snatch her best). but that night you saw her descending from the window of a castle, quick and agile, moving like a whisper, clad almost entirely in black. you could see her quite well of course, although you were not seeing her; but instead her heat and her smell and her sound and all the other sensory noise all humans give off.

you followed her, keeping yourself in a cloud so you appeared as if mist. she stole off into the woods. you were interested in that, and watched her scuttle - although of course you could have taken her then, you wanted to study your prey as best as you could. she did not seem to do much in the woods, only run around cry into her little hands.

she appeared to be looking for something. she did not get far that first night; scurried back to her bed. over and over this happened - she would run as far as she could, only to go back again. it seemed rather boring to you, but of course you had been free your whole life.

and then one night - finally, she arrived at the lake. she sank to her knees then, her hands pressing into the water. her head tilted to the sky. her dark hair spilling in a caught breath behind her.

this is how you heard her voice for the first time. when she came again the next night, she did so more quickly, more assured. straight to the lake, as if it had called her.

she had skipped a pebble over the surface of the water. this action was dangerous, because it almost hit the sail of your wing. you had structured yourself very finely to look like a rockslide.

"three months." her voice was like her: it was deep and smooth and dark, a low violin string. "they want me to marry that bastard in three months."

and then she cried into her hands again, and the sound of it almost broke you.

you followed her maybe more than a proper dragon should, after this. more than just back to the castle and her bed. you hid along her daily walks and watched her in the throne room and saw her out riding horses. she was good with dogs and nice to her people and very much a proper princess, although you had heard it said a proper princess ought not to slip out at night and run around barefoot through the woods.

you discovered she is terrible with directions. you have often had to make a path more clear so she could get home again. she cannot hunt better than an egg; you have had to kill fish and push them subtly up to the shore.

but she appears to love the lake as much as you do. you have seen her read by candlelight (how foolish. the entire woods saw her each time). you have seen her build little paper boats to float along the surface. you have seen her strip her many layers and dive in, have seen her lay with her belly to the sky, floating like she is suspended by the hands of darkness itself.

oh. so she loves the stars, as well, then.

__

you must go in. she will be married tonight. that is a human thing, but you have since learned what it has meant. she will go to somewhere else, and you will not see her again, maybe ever. and then how will you be a proper dragon? go!

you have made yourself in the form of a gargoyle, hiding in the white stone. you can see into her room; and the tapestries that seem unlike her. everything in her room is very bright, which is bad for a proper dragon. there are many knights in the hallways and in their rooms, and their smell is itchy and repugnant to you.

her dress is white, which does not seem like her. you have only seen her wear black. she is sitting at some kind of desk, and she is crying again. she smells of cinnamon still, but moreso of grief. you can feel the heartbreak in her as if it was inside of you.

you cannot watch her cry anymore. you have watched too often without moving. that is shameful.

you nose the door open. you can move quiet, because you are not very big. she is within a cave of you, then a wingtip, and then she is standing up, looking into your eyes.

"it's you." her hand on your jaw is warm. "i thought i was imagining you, you know. i turned around that day. i saw what you did to those men. i have been looking for you since. i told everyone that i had an angel to protect me. they locked me in here anyway."

you are not an angel, you are a dragon. you have to keep your wings locked tight or you would explode the walls of this place. it makes you feel big, suddenly. you are not used to that sensation. you do not like to be locked in a tower. you believe maybe the princess does not like to be locked in a tower either.

you take her in your jaws. she is very small, and does not resist you. although you are not a strong flyer, you must take off in a single push. any other movement would be too slow. you must also hold your breath so you do not smell her, the clove and cinnamon and little bird of hope. your mouth would water and you would drop her.

against the full moon, you do the thing that is impossible. you stretch yourself out all the way, a bold and beaming arrow, and you fly. you can hear them cry about you now, loudly. a banner that would strike pride even into your father: dragon. dragon. dragon.

on the eve of her wedding, you snatch the princess from her tower.

an arrow whisks for you, and then dozens, and then hundreds. you are not afraid of pain. you have learned long ago how to fly with holes in your wings. you hold her very gently still, and you push past the smell of your blood.

in the night you are a star. someone somewhere could look up and see you and make a wish.

there will be another lake, you decide. you can find another lake. somewhere very, very far from here. however long you must fly, however long you must hold your breath: you will take her home, because you are a proper dragon.

___

sometimes they come for her, your treasure. you have built her a little castle here, deep in the forests off the map. and of course for you: a silver round lake like the shift of her iris. you bring her books and she brings you bugs to study. you let her saddle you, and together you ride through the clouds and fog banks. she is a shadow on your back; a warm and velvet thing. she makes you music and lives the way she should; free in the night like a promise.

but they do come. you have stolen a real princess, and they do not want her to be a princess. they want to make her into a brood mother, or into bait, or into prey. they always look into the caves first; into the places proper dragons stay. they are real knights, not just men with sticks. they are loud and their smell still makes you itch.

but she has made you brave now, and cunning. if a dragon is not big, it should be cunning. and since you are a proper dragon, and since your treasure is your most precious thing, you lay in wait.

let them come. you will let the light drip off of you, and then you will pour through them.

afterwards, your princess will tell you a story around the fire. she will patch your wounds as she did that first time. she will sing to you.

and in that moment, neither of you will be a title nor a story. she will just be herself, and you will just be you.

[starqueensterlexa]

If you have ever known anyone with a kink for being hit, or beat up, or raped and you're okay with them, you also gotta be okay with the people who's kink it is to do the hitting, the beating, or the raping. At the end of the day, we're adults playing pretend, and that's it.

[starqueensterlexa]

With every single sub i have the first thing we ever do is establish the safe word (stoplight system), and the non-verbal safe word in case they can't talk for any reason. If I can't tell where the sub is at, I will ask them point blank what is their color, and if they can't give a response, we stop. The goal is to make the other person feel good, including pain, and the most important part us knowing your subs limits and LISTENING to them. I will *never* hurt a sub in a way that they have not explicitly expresssed interest in.

[steve-likes-robots]

Makes sense to me. The “getting hit” kink requires a “hitting” kink. It’s like Transformers. Megatron can’t exist without Optimus Prime.

[starqueensterlexa]

yes Steve, its exactly like Megatron and Optimus Prime from Transformers

[teathattast]

[naamahdarling]

Fuck you I was expecting comedy and now I'm crying?!

This is beautiful.

[demonprincex]

How Do I Become Less Obedient?

Autistic Advice#12: Noncompliance is a liberating social skill - but it must be developed.

If you’ve never been all that disobedient before, you can and should start really, really small. For example, you can wear the slightly revealing or gloriously trashy-looking garment that makes your mom roll her eyes and sigh despondently every time she sees you put it on. You will feel judged and disapproved of when you put it on, but that is fine. Your goal is to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and continue with your desired behavior anyway.  Saunter down the steps in that highlighter-yellow Garfield crop top with your chest hair flowing over the neckline, and harness as much courage as you can muster. It’s okay if you feel like a beacon of sin. Just keep it moving. Your emotions are not the target here. Your behavior is. You can feel however you are feeling in the moment so long as you keep acting like you’re free.  Do you have a favorite TV show that a partner or roommate vocally hates? Try watching that show around them without apologizing or defensively joining them in mocking the program. At first, you probably won’t be able to enjoy the show while in their presence. You’ll feel self-conscious about everything they find annoying or cringe-inducing about the show, and so focused on their reactions that you can’t relax. That’s okay. Allow those feelings of embarrassment and guilt to exist and pass through you without giving up. In time, you will be able to ignore these reactions more, and enjoy the activity.  You want to see the needle of discomfort moving down just a little, like Link’s body temperature meter in Tears of the Kingdom when he puts on a breathable outfit in a hot climate. You’re not gonna go from roiling hot to frosty cold in an instant. But after a certain point, you won’t be actively in pain anymore. Things are just gonna slowly suck less, bit by bit, until they are finally okay. That’s true of most major life adjustments, I find.  Probably the best way to develop self-advocacy skills while growing in your distress tolerance is simply by telling other people no. Do this without explanation or hedging. Nitpicky aunt wants to hear all about your dating life? “No, I don’t want to talk about that.” Unreliable ex-friend wants you to do them the tiny favor of moving their entire home gymnasium into a new third story walk-up? “No, I’m not available.” Manipulative shift supervisor wants to cajole you into sticking around for another three hours to close? “No.”  As many advice columnists smarter than me have already intoned, “no” is a complete sentence. “No” requires no explanation. “No” is not subject to debate. “No” can be repeated over and over like a broken record if a disrespectful person acts like they can’t hear it. And you can walk away at any time to make your “no” physical and impossible to argue with, when someone has proven they don’t respect your boundaries. 

you can read or listen to the full piece for free here

[demonprincex]

Feeling unsafe is not the same thing as actually being under threat — and if we mask and people-please reflexively, we are likely treating many completely harmless situations of disagreement as if they were mortal threats. It’s important to learn to distinguish between a situation where you have no freedom to speak up, and one where you can live authentically as yourself, and simply get more comfortable with not pleasing everyone. So in any situation where you are free to, try saying “no” and riding out how scary it might feel.  When you first say “no” without explanation or apology, you will feel anxiety. That’s okay. In fact, you should pat yourself on the back for reaching the borders of your comfort zone. It is in this area of unfamiliar, slightly scary, yet possible action that we are able to grow.  You might panic the first time you tell your spouse you’re not cooking dinner every night anymore, and he’ll have to figure out the meal planning himself, or the first time you let a call from a manager go unanswered while you’re off the clock. Great! You are training your body to recognize that nothing bad happens when somebody is a little peeved at you. You’re detaching your sense of safety from another person’s feelings, and tearing apart that enmeshment hurts the way ripping off a band-aid does. 

[demonprincex]

#this article made me finally understand what distress tolerance is and why it would make sense to train it#but i have absolutely no idea how to apply this to my own life#none of the examples would work for me#i don't even mask well anymore i just go on autopilot when asked questions like ''is an 8 am appointment ok'' and say yes 😭

My recommendation for you would be to slow down the process. If your instinct is to automatically say yes, just don't say anything for a second. It's okay if the moment feels awkward. It's not a weird thing to stop for a moment and think. You can even say "I need a moment to think about that." when someone throws you a question or recommends a course of action that you aren't sure how you feel about.

If those options fail, and you still reflexively say yes, you get to change your mind! You can call back and say "I need to change the time for an appointment." You can text your friend and say "Actually, I decided I don't want to see that slasher movie, sorry." You are allowed to speak up after the fact! That is just as legitimate! If you can't access your feelings in the heat of the moment, give yourself some time and space, and then do what you wanna do.

[stabbyflower]

You can also practice! If you have a trusted friend, you can ask them to help you get better at saying no or "I have to check my calendar" or whatever, until you have the habit in you to not immediately agree to everything you're asked.

Best to ask your least obedient people pleaser of a friend, though, maybe.

[memewhore]

[2urban2fantasy-deactivated20241]

Woman murders man in broad daylight

[theknightinslippers]

[halorvic]

[no-one-offical]

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[crypticgoose3]

beautiful like to reblog ratio on this

[drtanner]

That's because people are reblogging it every time they see it. Like I'm doing right now lmao

[ryebreadgf]

my yearly struggle

[3liza]

here is my gift-buying advice,. it NEVER steers me wrong. i got it from an episode of News Radio where andy dick buys Bill Gates a ball of twine. if you have someone to buy a ift for who doesnt need anything and hasnt ASKED for anything:

dont buy them what they want. people want garbage. you want garbage,. and then when you get it you dont like it. dont ask them what they want either, they dont know. you want to get them something they will not buy for themselves

think about what they would actually use. this can be a replacement for something they used to use that broke, but not an 'upgrade' unless they have specifically expressed wanting a new one. do not buy anything that could be construed as you criticising their way of doing something. if tthey are currently doing something the wrong way and are aware there is a right way but dont do it, there's a reason

think about what they have room in their space to store. when you give someone a gift it becomes an obligation to them regardless of how much they like the gift. they have to store it, look at it, and interact with it, they have to thank you for it too. keep this in mind. small or flat and non-fragile items are best. for example if someone expresses a desire for a houseplant, i will often give them a clone of one of my impossible to kill grandmother plants and then tell them go ahead and kill it, there's plenty more where that one came from and the mother plant doesnt care. never give someone an obligation or strings attached to a gift unless you hate them. do not ask them if they like it or if they're using it afterwards, either. they'll tell you if they do. if not it's better to let it slide

think about situations where they coudl easily and pleasantly use this gift but which they have not thought of themselves. for example your straight male roommate probably doesnt have a fucking bathrobe

think about things they already choose to spend time on and enjoy. for example, my mom said she was starting to think about her novel but didnt know where to start. i bought her a pack of really nice index cards and told her about Nabokov's method of writing sentences and then freely arranging them. index cards are good for everything, not just novel writing. theyre cheap, flat, dont expire, and are visually neutral, and cheap. plus she likes stationery a lot anyway. GREAT gift.

keep it cheap (again this is for someone who doesnt want/need anything). expensive gifts are too much of an obligation for everyone involved and usually more stressful than helpful unless someone needs something specific (like a computer or phone)

do not buy them anything decorative. decorations are way too personal. the expectation is that they have to display it in their house forever or you might get your feelings hurt. bad gift

"i really liked this item/product/tool so i got one for you too because you have the same use case that i do" is a really good gift if you know this is the situation. for example maybe you and your sister have the same skin tone and you found a blush that looks great on your skin. maybe you and your friend both like fountain pens and you found an ink you really like. maybe you and your mom both get migraines and you found an icepack you really like. etc.

SUMMARY: buy them something they havent thought of themselves, wont buy for themselves, but have a pre-existing use case for. you will look like a genius and get lots and lots of thank yous. keep it small and inexpensive and easy to throw away/store/hide in case they politely do not like it. that's my method and it has never failed me since ive started doing it

[delilahmidnight]

[bluebandedagate-reblogs]

[farewell-to-lorien]

Talking to Ghosts, by Sienna Gonzales.

[flamingkorybante]

My friend worked with the People With AIDS Coalition in 1990 and found this while cleaning out some old folders. I can't stop thinking about it.

[sandersstudies]

I think a great way to improve communication with kids (and adults) is to make every yes or no question a this or that question.

I started doing it when after brain surgery my husband had trouble forming responses to questions for a while, and realized that the habit was helping my students engage more truthfully with me.

Some examples:

Yes/No: “Did you clean up your room like I told you?”

This/That: “Did you clean up already, or do you still need to do that?”

Yes/No: “Are you going to sit quietly?”

This/That: “Are you ready to sit and do our quiet activity, or do you need some time by yourself first?”

Yes/No: “Are you doing anything fun for your birthday?”

This/That: “Are you having a party on your birthday, or are you going to relax?”

I think many children (and adults!) are averse to telling adults “No,” especially when a command is implied. (“Did you clean your room?” “Are you going to sit quietly?” Hmmm if I say ‘no’ I will be in trouble with the adult.) So they are actually pretty likely to just lie and say what they think you want to hear.

Presenting a this or that question provides an alternative to lying, a ‘no, but’ scenario where they are presented with the reasonable consequences of a No (“if you’re not ready to sit quietly, you cannot do our quiet activity with us yet.”)