[leftist-bitch]

sometimes life is about going to your uncle's house, getting tipsy, and eating meat on a stick while watching the tonys

[deja-b00]

somehow it comes up that troy had a crush on shane and was going to ask for his number. and after troy gets ribbed by his teammates and ilya makes a big scene, shane is like, “well i never would’ve gone out with you lol.”

and troy smiles, “right, because you were with roz the whole time.”

“i mean, yes, but also because you and dallas kent spent years calling me and jj ‘rush hour’ and asking hayden if his wife was his beard to cover up his big gay relationship with me.”

the rest of the centaurs blink. harris puts his head in his hands and groans.

and troy’s like, “oh. right. sorry about that :/“

[mayjuvac]

some amazing additions from the tags

[soupandcats-deactivated20241014]

Sondheim on the subway

[lesbianshepard]

Current twitter drama is Europeans confidently declaring that they don't need to drive or use overpriced public transport to get to the MetLife stadium for the World Cup; they will simply walk down the highway to get there. Girl it's New Jersey. They're gonna splatter you for fun.

[lesbianshepard]

If you manage to get on the turnpike before the cops stop you, a soccer mom is gonna do the Jersey slide in a RAV4 and turn your entire group into a wet speedbump

[bunjywunjy]

this? you want to walk down this????

please say sike

[bunjywunjy]

IT'S NOT A FUCKING STREET IT'S AN 8-LANE SUPERHIGHWAY THAT GOES OVER A SWAMP

[hylianengineer]

I sure fucking hope the public safety people in World Cup cities and even nearby cities are planning for this. They probably are, I know a lot of other things they ARE planning for, but traffic safety is not my area or even close enough that I'd hear what the traffic safety people are up to.

Traffic safety public health professionals please save us. This is terrifying. Even with planning some people are probably going to die.

Dear Europeans, this is a country where road maintenance workers, who have the right of way and neon vests and like a million signs and flashing lights to protect them, still regularly die working on and beside highways. You are not better than them. If you think you are, you very well may die.

[mathsbian]

Europeans trying to walk places here get picked up by strangers when they get seen wandering in shock beside a highway. I’m recalling a specific story of a woman trying to walk from her hotel to the location of a meeting in Texas, where the highways criss-cross through every major city and make it impossible to walk anywhere. The hotel desk clerk ended up sending someone after her when she hadn’t returned to the hotel after 5 minutes of seeing what she’d have to walk through. She was terrified until this stranger pulled over and told her to get in the car.

Jaywalking is a thing here. Car companies lobbied for it so they couldn’t beheld liable over pedestrian deaths, and now we hold pedestrians liable and thus un-payable when they get struck outside a crosswalk. You WILL get hit by someone going 90 in a 75, who will think it’s your fault. And the court will agree with them, so if you survive you will get no money from the driver’s insurance, and if you don’t survive, then your family is fully on the hook for your funeral.

And that’s before getting into what happens if a cop pulls over and talks to you! Fines, tickets, or even arrest. All of which means you have to stay here longer for your legal case to move through the court system.

NJ Is the Most Deadly State for Pedestrians, Data Suggests

Just-released figures sketch a bleak scene of street safety statewide, with walker fatalities hitting a chilling peak. The stats scream for

New Jersey Pedestrian Accidents explained. See how comparative fault affects your claim, insurance, deadlines, and next steps.

Is It Illegal to Walk on the Highway – The Legal Guide

[isisisak]

Shane can't help the smile when he reads the message on his phone. He leans against the kitchen island with his hip, while Ilya is putting away the last few pieces from the dishwasher.

"What is funny?"

"Hm?" Shane looks up, Ilya is studying him.

"Another message from Rose?" Ilya says in a way that Shane realises is meant to sound uninterested, before turning to put a stack of plates where they belong.

"All her messages so far have been about how things are going with you." He says with fond exasperation. They've had this topic twice already.

Ilya closes the dishwasher and mirrors Shanes lean against it, crossing his arms. Shrugs.

"Tell her amazing. I am the best at sex and you can't get enough of me. And that she can talk to you in october."

Shane snorts and shakes his head. I did tell her the first bit. He doesn't add that.

"It wasn’t Rose. It was my dad."

Ilya stands up straighter instantly, arms uncrossing.

"Oh."

"What, no joke how he can't be funny because he's boring?" Shane doesn't fight his smile.

"I like your farther, he drinks good vodka. What did he say?" The serious tone of his voice makes Shane move closer, wrapping his arms around Ilya's middle and squeeze him a little with his next words.

"He said he thinks my boyfriend is a good egg."

Ilya pulls his head back, to look at Shane better in surprise. There's a hestitant smile but he's also frowning.

"Egg?"

The smile on Shane's face grows wide and soft. He nods. "Mhmm."

"Is good thing, yes?"

"Yes." Shane leans in for a short kiss. Just a peck. Then two more because Ilya has this proud little smile on his face now.

"So, they don't hate me for you."

It's said as a statement, but Shane answers it anyway, to make sure Ilya hears it.

"They don't hate you for me." With a single nod.

The following kisses are hindered by the wide grin on Ilya's face.

---

Ilya googles the saying later in bed, with a sleeping Shane beside and half on top of him. The warm feeling that spreads through him when he reads the words makes him press closer to Shane and too giddy to sleep for a while. Repeating the explanation he found in his head on a loop. Shane's dad thinks he's a thoroughly good, kind, and reliable person.

[nsync-bi-bi-bi]

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

@seesfunbucks you can't leave this in the tags

[telomeke]

[ID–

Video shows some taxidermied (or life-sized model) animals, four fish and one possum, mounted on wall plaques or table-top stands. The creatures have been rigged up with animatronics, and are miming to N'Sync's "It's Gonna Be Me". As each fish on the wall sings its line, its head turns toward the camera while its mouth mimes the lyrics. The possum is mostly immobile except for some lip movement, but it proudly embraces a disco glitter ball throughout the performance nonetheless. The fourth fish is positioned vertically on the tabletop in front of a microphone stand, looking more like a standing, anthropomorphized singer than the other fish. As it mimes its line, one fin dramatically pulls the mike closer to its mouth. The subtitles, however, caption it as singing "It's Gonna Be May".

The image below the video is a Tumblr tag that reads:

#No way.... finsync...

End ID.]

‌

[flower-of-the-desert]

Love thinking about an AU where the relationship reveal with Yuna and David happens because something overwhelms Shane into a panic attack/breakdown, maybe they're at some NHL show or event, maybe it's just been a really long fucking day, maybe suddenly Shane feels just completely overwhelmed by the lights and the noise and all the fucking people wanting to shake his hand or slap his back or tell him how much they like his fucking play.

Yuna notices something is wrong because of course she does and together with David they herd Shane into some private empty side room hoping it will help him calm down. But it doesn't. He wont stop shaking and his breathing is too fast and he flinches at their voices even tho nobody is speaking loudly. Won't let Yuna come close to hug him or rub his arm.

Maybe Yuna is starting to panic a little herself, her heart aching as she watches Shane wrap his own arms around himself, hates that she cant do anything when her son is so clearly in distress, hates that she can't seem to think of anything that will work-

When suddenly the door bangs open and Ilya Fucking Rozanov??? strides into the room with quick steps, makes a beeline directly for her son, eyes locked on him like he doesnt even register her and David in the room as well and Yuna opens her mouth to cuss him out, tell him to fuck off and not bother Shane right now, she can feel her body moving already to stand in front of Shane protectively when David grabs her arm because-

Because Rozanov is pulling Shane into his arms, one hand on the back of Shane's neck, guiding his head to press into the crook of Rozanov's neck and Shane isn't fighting it, doesn't flinch from his touch. He goes where Rozanov arranges him and let's himself be held and rocked back and forth gently as Rozanov presses his mouth to Shane's ear and starts whispering something so quietly that Yuna can't really make out the words but what she can see is Shane's shaking subsiding, hands fisting tightly into Rozanov's shirt, his breathing going slowly back to normal because - oh. oh - her son is syncing his breaths with Rozanov who, Yuna realises, is taking very exaggerated deep slow breaths of his own so Shane can match them. And then Rozanov turns slightly while still rocking them both back and forth and Yuna sees Shane's face where it's smushed into Rozanov's neck. Sees the look there.

And that's how Yuna realises her son is in love and the man - his years-long rival - he loves must have left in the middle of his award-winning show to come here and pull her son out of a panic attack like there was no place he'd rather be than right here with Yuna's overwhelmed panicked boy in his arms, soothing him until Shane's body relaxes completely into that hold, mumbling that he's fine yet not pulling away and Rozanov makes no move to let go either.

Oh, Yuna thinks again, gripping David's hand tightly. It's not just Shane. My baby is in love. And he's loved back.

[micro-usb-deactivated20230625]

[virginshane]

the fuckboy you all talking about….. this is his sexual fantasies

[virginshane]

@significant-lover so real

[pisshandkerchief]

i must not kill myself . killing myself is the myself killer

[angel-derangement]

this post has been in my head so here is a pinterest quote version of it thanks op

[quasi-normalcy]

Overcome by my suspicion that even seemingly mundane things in the natural world still have important properties that we don't even know about, either because we don't know how to detect them yet or we haven't observed then yet under the right conditions or because they somehow don't lend themselves to the reductionist framework in which science operates.

[quasi-normalcy]

New property of light discovered

A team of researchers affiliated with several institutions in Spain and the U.S. has announced that they have discovered a new property of l

Like how long have people been studying light? And then just a few years ago, they discover a whole new property of it that wasn't even suspected.

[justforyoujustforme]

[imsodishy]

One thing about the Hollander men; if you hit them with a social situation they don't know how to react to, they will straight up leave ✌️

call that the Hollander Goodbye

[snail-mail-33]

okay okay so, because of Yuna "slut him out" Hollander, the whole world already thinks Shane is a hot mfer but Ilya, whilst obviously an attractive man, has not had the same exposure. Like he's done interviews shirtless and posted things on insta that made enough people feral so he has a small but determined army of stans, but it's not like a universally accepted fact that he's hot af. Most people only see him almost completely engulfed in hockey gear being an asshole.

So when Hollanov is revealed, there's probably a bunch of outrage about how Shane could do better etc. Ilya is not too bothered about this (because he agrees) but Shane is fuming. So he sets Yuna on the case who gets him a very horned up Ciroc advert and a joint Calvin Klein campaign and the entire world is like omfg my bad good pull Shane lol #beefcake4beefcake

[lexicanons]

Post-TLG Hollanov are woken at an ungodly hour by Shane’s phone. Shane answers and Yuna tells him to put her on speaker phone. Shane does and she tells them not to freak out but someone put a hidden camera in their hotel room when they were last in St. Louis, and the video is now on the internet. Yuna is working to get it taken down, but it’s spread like wildfire. Shane and Ilya are like “oh shit” and start to panic because the last time they played in St Louis a really bad snow storm rolled in, so they were stuck there for an extra day and spent the whole day fucking. An unauthorized Hollanov sex tape hits the internet. Half of the fandom is like “don’t watch it, respect their privacy” and other half is giving play-by-play commentary and writing essays about the video. #ProRiderShane, #ServiceTopIlya, and #TwoBigDicks are trending. Shane wants the earth to swallow him whole while Ilya tweets out “Damn, we look so good together” and Shane takes Ilya’s phone and flushes it down the toilet.

[a-stray-thief]

The internet's favorite part is the extended cut TM which shows the evening before when both of them get in tired from a long game that went into OT and Ilya tries to talk Shane into blowjobs but Shane's like you took a brutal hit and you can barely keep your eyes open we are not having sex, we are sleeping and Ilya gives him the cottage blowie on the phone eyes so Shane makes him a deal: if Ilya can stay awake until Shane's done with his bathroom routine, he'll blow him and Ilya fucking Rozanov, Terror On The Ice, gives his husband the biggest pout because you will cheat Shane and Shane is like I've never cheated once in my life asshole, and Ilya says, outraged, you will take extra long so I will fall asleep! Just like you wear your glasses when you want me to clean up my socks. That's not cheating that's an incentive, Shane shoots back and is so pissed about the cheating accusation he actually goes to the bathroom even though he was half a second from caving because he does really want to blow Ilya. Anyway you can see on the video how Ilya fucking Rozanov, one half of the league's sleep paralysis demon duo is trying stubbornly staying awake playing something on his phone and then just nods off. And then Shane comes back, not even three minutes later because that man is weak and that was not his full bathroom routine in any universe, but Shane just smiles softly and takes Ilya's phone and puts it on the nightstand. And then he gets a water bottle and puts it there too and then he gets into bed with him and even half asleep Ilya throws and arm over Shane and wiggles half on top of him. And when the gifs of that go viral Ilya finally crashes out and orders Yuna to hire ten more lawyers and find those fucking thieves because that moment was for no one else but him, fuck them Shane that is huge invasion of privacy Shane I will murder them!

[littlemissminu]

hmm i will maybe touch you but i am not committed

[littlemissminu]

Full Metal Touch You Bitch

[wannabetonthat]

I was half asleep daydreaming and I came up with the most cracky idea

Shane has been in face offs against Ilya for years, even if they didn't have their thing of the ice, he knows his face by memory. Which is why he notices when a mole in the underside of his jaw gets bigger.

It's the 2015-2016 season, middle of the hookup era, and he is trying to get this motherfucker to see a dermatologist, but nothing he says works. Ilya either distracts him or dismisses him with some stupid denial like russians don't get melanoma.

But the mole keeps changing and now its not even the same consistent color and Shane has googled the signs so he says fuck it, I'm gonna make him.

Shane uses his barely active public account to tweet a list of Boston based dermatologist and tags Ilya in each one.

This of course goes crazy with the fans because what the hell? Shane Hollander? Tweeting at Ilya Rozanov? Doctors? This is a very advanced very strange chirp? Is he calling his moles ugly?

The next time the Boston Raiders have a game the media scrum doesn't even try to pretend they came for another thing, they want to know about the Dermatologist Thread.

Ilya, at this point frustrated because his moles are fine, they're perfect, why is this a problem, so he answers.

"Hollander should mind his own businesses, he wants me to visit stupid skin doctor because he sees mole. I have lots of moles, always had, there's no problem here, it's normal mole!"

And Shane is getting out of his own game a few hours later, prepares himself to answer about the fumble in the second period when the media comes, and it's surprised when, instead, he gets shown a clip of Ilya's earlier interview. Now, this fucking reckless motherfucker, Shane explodes.

"You fucking asshole! You want to die by driving a Porsche into a wall be my guest! But you're gonna die of the most stupid thing in existence! A MOLE! A mole you decided not to check even if it changed size and color and it's in your fucking face where we can all see it every fucking face off with arena lights shining right into it! Why? Because you're stupid and you don't want to go to the doctor and you don't respect the sun. You're gonna die from a perfectly preventable thing and then what am I gonna do? I'm gonna be the best hockey player in mi generation with 10 cups and Harts and Conn Smythes and no competition because you're gonna be in the history books as that one promising dude who died from a mole. A mole! Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen."

That one goes viral. That one breaches containment and goes internacional meme viral.

Shane Hollander Skin Cancer Awareness King.

There's "Go to the fucking doctor and use your fucking sunscreen" T-Shirts.

Shane Hollander angry sneering face with the text "RESPECT THE SUN" under it.

Ilya Rozanov gets bullied relentlessly about it, everyone asking if he has gone to the doctor yet. He doesn't answer. Eventually, he appears with a new scar in his jaw where a wonky mole used to be.

A new meme begins, Shane Hollander has saved Ilya Rozanov's life. From a malignant mole.

[thickness-protection-program]

Dang rip America

[karlyboyyy]