Β‘! β all my feelings are
scattered
in pieces *ΰ³ΰΌ
taylor price
d e v o n

tannertan36
we're not kids anymore.

Product Placement
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
sheepfilms
Jules of Nature
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Game of Thrones Daily

Love Begins

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Acquired Stardust
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I'd rather be in outer space πΈ
almost home

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Andulka
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@lemongularly
Β‘! β all my feelings are
scattered
in pieces *ΰ³ΰΌ
SOLD AGAIN?
running a curated thrift isnβt easy work, especially when ur co admin is the human anatomy of a fashion freak and keeps bagging clothes that are meant to be sold. but maybe youβll let it slide this time when you see a familiar user trying to buy some clothes
pairings; ex!martinedwards x petty!reader. reader kinda hateful as hellπππ
part 1, part 2
ACAI
your cafe just added a new food in the menu, and its killing you. while youβre miserable about it, canβt say the same to the rest
pairings; acaicrazy!eom seonghyeon x cafeworker! reader
part 1, part 2, part 3
i come in peace okayβ¦
okay*β’+
in which loving can be hard
pairings* ex!ahn keonho x ex!reader. inspired by the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mindπππ
cortis masterlist Β‘
martin edwards
-sold again?
james zhao yu fan
-incoming
kim juhoon
-incoming
eom seonghyeon
-acai
ahn keonho
-okay
CATALOGUE π½
-STRAYKIDS
-TXT
-ENHYPEN
-CORTIS
Falling in love with your older brotherβs best friend certainly wasnβt one of your summer resolutions. Actually,Β meetingΒ him wasnβt even part of your plans. But someday, you happened to have no other option than to appear unannounced at his little pottery shop in Seogwipo. A stray kitten in a pet carrier, and asking for a place to stay. And well, you couldnβt help butΒ do (both things).
β° a summer romance divided into two parts
PAIRING: older brotherβs best friend!Jaeyun x fem!reader
WARNINGS (for this part): mentions of alcohol, even more art references, smut, virginity loss, unprotected sex multiple times, fingering and oral (f. receiving), handjob (m. receiving), reader overreacts once and Jaeyun yearns, but yes, they are in their lovers era, and i am not saying that thereβs a scene where he paints the reader naked, but i am
PART TWOο½28.2Kο½STORY MASTERLIST
By the time you woke up, the house was wrapped in a silence so thorough, it almost felt like a dream. The usual soft rustle of dishes echoing, drawers opening and shutting before finally the smell of bread browning and eggs hitting a hot skillet was taken by such a stillness that you had expected Jake to have already gone to the shop, starting his day ahead of you. But as you padded barefoot to the kitchen, you found him there. Sat slumped at the dining table β his coffee long gone cold beside his limp hand as his head rested against the wooden surface, his hair tousled, and lashes resting peacefully against his cheeks.
You sat in the chair by his side, carefully mirroring his slumped posture by resting your head against the dining table. The year had just reached that one point where the days had an impossible glow. When the curtains moved with the breeze, beams of light rolled across Jakeβs sleeping form, catching on his skin and picking strands of his hair, turning everything into gold, and you couldnβt help β perhaps because of the dreamy glow of the day, perhaps because your body simply couldnβt help but seek Jake. But you reached for him, stroking a few strands of his hair with the tip of your fingers, moving it away from his forehead, and drawing it to the back of his ear. Yet as gentle as you had been, it made Jake wake still, his eyes opening, a bit confused and fuzzy with sleep as the sunlight caught them too, melting the dark brown into gold, and you felt your breath catching in your throat.
βSorry,β he whispered. βI was going to make breakfast but I fell asleep.β
βI am the one sorry for making you stay up last night.β
βYes, you are the one to blame,β he laughed, but he didnβt raise his head β instead, he reached for you too, tracing your features with the delicacy you imagined artists devoted solely to their masterpieces. And for a moment, there was no time, just one breath after another, and Jakeβs fingers on you.
Years from now, someone was going to ask you when you fell in love with Jake and you wouldnβt know how to reply. You never knew the exact moment when your heart decided that the next beat would be for Jake, you only knew that it had been built for you pretty much as the summer came to Seogwipo, the flower withering almost imperceptibly day by day, leaving only the greenish tone of the warm season until it was inevitable and you wondered how havenβt you noticed the small changes before. And then, you would remember this moment. Golden eyes on you, and artsy fingers trailing through your hair. Because it was the moment you admitted that it already happened β you were in love with Jake.
You turned the thought in your mind, over and over again, expecting that every time you uttered that small secret, it would feel smaller, something you could hold in the palm of your hand and hide within your pockets without anyone noticing. But instead, the more you turned it over the more it seemed to take over you.
You were in love with Sim Jaeyun.
βHow are you feeling?β he asked then. βNauseous or something? I was searching for a hangover soup recipe, although I am not sure if hangover is the exact term after being drugged.β
You halted for a moment, forcing yourself into that odd state of full awareness, methodically examining and testing every part of your body. But aside from the flush of warmth rushing through your body with the realization of your feelings towards Jake, and the small headache that could very much be dehydration, everything seemed alright.
βI am a bit tired, but overall, I am fine,β you said.
βThat makes two of us.β
Somewhere over the surface of the table, Jakeβs phone started to ring, a soft tune you are almost sure the developers named it after a tree, the rustling sound of when the breeze hit it, and maybe thatβs why none of you moved, not even when it went to the voicemail and started all over again.
βMaybe you should pick up,β you said, and Jake hummed at you. He definitely should β no one would casually call him on a Sunday afternoon if not in an emergency, but despite the distress about it, he took a little longer to let you go, lingering on the warmth of your skin for a moment more before he reached for his phone.
You saw his eyes widening a bit, a slight curse forming on his lips as he straightened himself in his chair, but before you could ask who it was, the front door was thrown open.
You knew it wasnβt a real thing, but you could swear your heart quailed, a tiny gap forming where a heartbeat should be at the view of your brother.
βIf it isnβt the two people I have been looking for,β Jongseong said. He was smiling, but you quickly realized it was those types of smiles people gave in the middle of annoyance and not because they actually thought the situation was funny.
Jongseong pressed something on his screen, immediately making Jakeβs phone start ringing once again. βAnd oh β look, their phones do work.β
β
It was a dream β it had to be. Perhaps you were still intoxicated in the bathroom of that dirty bar close to Jeju City because there was no way your brother was standing here. Jongseong belonged to your life in Seoul, your parentsβ minimalist house, and the Michelin restaurants. He belonged to the fancy attorneyβs gathering and champagne in crystal flutes. The mornings filled with pollution clouds, and the nights buzzed with the traffic on the avenues, but not to Jeju β not to your Seogwipo. It was silly and you knew it. Your brother had known this place before you β he had come here before you, some week after their graduation to help Jake move in, but you suddenly felt overprotective over the place, as if he was going to take it away from you β or take you away from it, actually.
There were no greetings, hugs, or smiles, as you would have expected upon seeing your brother after so many weeks. There was just him walking to the kitchen and standing as tall as he could in front of you and Jake.
The house was starting to get hot and drowsy by the approaching afternoon, the July sun streaming directly at the table and onto your back as you watched your brother sigh and then sigh some more.
You didnβt need to tell him about the landlord, the summer storm, Jeonchae, and the half deposit. Jongseong had discovered everything through the landlord himself when he went there early this morning.
βHe was really unpleasant,β Jongseong said. βBut have you ever thought about calling me? Fuck, Baby. I wouldnβt tell mom and dad if you didnβt want me to, but I could have helped you.β
βHow did you even come here?β Your brother asked out of the silence. You werenβt really sure about what he intended to get with his question, but still, you replied, your voice coming smaller than you remembered it ever being as you told him that you had taken the bus.
βDo you even know how to take a bus?β he asked then. It had been just words β unconcrete things that shouldnβt weigh anything, but they did, and the heaviness of it made something within your chest hurt and burn in embarrassment. Honestly, you didnβt know how to take a bus. Your parents had made sure you never needed to use public transportation, always being free in the morning to take you to school and, after that, to doctor appointments, extra classes, and wherever you needed to go. You had asked at the terminal, a gentle lady who ended up questioning your age when she noticed how confused you were. But to admit would only worsen the situation, and so you didnβt
βThatβs it, I am taking you back to Seoul.β
βJay,β Jake called, his voice cutting through the small gasp you released. Jongseong stopped, all together with you, and you took the opportunity to turn to Jake, watching as he pushed himself from where he stood against the window, countering the table, and coming in the direction of your brother. A single hand rested on your brotherβs shoulder and you werenβt sure if Jake was assuring him, or holding him. βLetβs talk for a second.β
βBaby, go to the shop for a bit for me, will you?β Jake asked. It wasnβt the request that got you moving, but how Jake delivered it β the words directed at you when nothing on his body was. His eyes remained fixed on your brother, not even blinking. And so, you merely rose from your chair, already taking the familiar path to the front door, and stopping only to take the key at the entrance table before you stepped out.
βShe calls my parents every day,β Jongseong said, his voice coming so perfectly through the wooden door that instead of going to the shop, you stood still, hearing them through. βDay and night.β
βI have heard a few times,β Jake said.
βAnd she hadnβt said anything about the landlord β she didnβt say anything about coming here.β
βMaybe she just didnβt feel the necessity.β
There was a pause, none of them saying anything and you knew your brother all too well to know he was using this to shoot Jake a pointed look.
βOh please,β your brother murmured then. βShe thought it was better to come here and bother you rather than calling me?β
Bother. The word felt like a slap on your face. Your heart pounded in surprise, a flush of warmth spreading through your cheeks and suddenly you didnβt want to hear the rest β but because you couldnβt move, you did. You heard your brother rambling about how you turned Jakeβs life upside down, taking the settled routine he so laboriously built and making it into a mess. You had even brought a kitten! Jake didnβt like kittens, he was a dog person for Godβs sake.
βStop,β Jake said. There was no anger in his voice, no unfairness. He said it just like he had called for your brother earlier on, that voice that could never not be listened to, and once again your brother turned silent. βYou are being unreasonably rude. Baby is not bothering me β actually, she has been helping ever since she arrived.β
βOh, is she?β
βShe helps me with the market, and the food,β Jake said, and you really hoped he meant you went to the market with him, and prepared the food, because never once had Jake allowed you to pay for anything β not even a few nights ago when you told him you were getting ice cream from the convenience store and he ran after you, catching you on the sidewalk. He took your wallet from your hands and replaced it with his credit card, a minion printed on it that immediately made you laugh because, of course, Jake would have those printed credit cards. βShe helps me in the shop,β he continued, and that one felt more like a lie than the rest. You did stay in the shop with him, occasionally cleaning the shelves and placing new pieces in the vacant places of just-purchased ones. You also packed for him, but help felt too deep for those stupid acts
βYou are just mad because she didnβt call you as she is used to,β Jake concluded.
βBecause she didn't call me?β Jongseong echoed, his voice rising with disbelief. He sounded like he was talking partly to himself, that particular tone of shocked realization people give when confronted with an uncomfortable truth β Jake being good at seeing not only the nuances of your being but your brotherβs as well.
The silence that followed was longer, and when it ended it came with the sound of cabinets being opened and closed, their soft rustle making it too hard to get the words and by the moment you noticed someone was approaching the door it was too late to leave causing Jake to walk straight into you, stopping for a single second before he closed the door behind him. You would have thought he was going to pretend you werenβt there if he hadnβt smiled at you, and what a smile Jake had. Just at the sight of it, your heart tethered itself. Not completely, but enough to stop quivering so much.
βJake, I-β
But he only shook his head then, silencing you by cradling your face. His warm palms pressed gently against your cheeks as his thumbs moved in delicate arcs, cleaning the tears you hadnβt even realized you had shed.
βHe wants to talk to you. Wait a bit before coming in,β he whispered. βI am going to the market for a bit, alright?β
You nodded, leaning on his touch. You didnβt remember the decision of doing it, only that you did, inclining your face in his palms as if it was the most natural thing to do. Although you didnβt shed any more tears, Jake rubbed his thumbs on your cheeks once again, immediately making something stir inside of you, rapid and warm. But nothing compared to how you felt when he hugged you the second after, pulling you into his chest as his mouth pressed at the top of your head. Everything about it so overwhelming that it took you a long second to notice you had never hugged each other. You had placed your arms around him while riding the motorcycle a dozen times and as he carried you out of the bar last night, but never had you held each other just for the sake of holding each other. It was too intimate. You could feel the way his skin was warm beneath his t-shirt as you twisted your fingers on it and God β it didnβt matter if you felt like your body was close to coming undone, you could stay there forever if it were ever allowed. But Jake was stepping away then, leaving you to watch as he crossed the garden, pulling his hands on the front pockets of his jeans as he tilted his head up to the sky, letting the sun bathe his skin, his hair, beams of light simply not being able to not reach for him. And once again you were reminded of how Jake belonged in this place.
The afternoon was utterly quiet β that one Jeju silence that seemed to make everything a little bit heftier. You could hear your brother inside the house, opening another cabinet and then closing it, and you sighed, taking the knob in your hand.
By the time you stepped inside the house once again, abandoning the shop key back on the entrance table, Jongseong was rubbing a hand over his face, his anger completely burned out by itself. He opened his arms to you in a silent yet clear invitation for a hug, and it was enough for you to rush through the house, curling your arms around your brotherβs shoulders.
βI am sorry,β he whispered. βJake said I was mad just because you hadnβt called me for help, and yes, he is right β throughout the whole way here, I kept wondering why you didnβt call me before doing anything.β
βI guess it was my fault. I was too harsh on you when you said you wanted to spend your summer alone, but what I genuinely meant was that you shouldnβt do anything alone, you got me, Baby β you always got me.β
Your heart ached at his words because you knew it β you knew you never had been truly alone. Not even when you stood in front of the apartment complex in Jeju City, the kitten in a pet carrier, and Jakeβs address on your phone. You knew that if your immediate plan didnβt work, you could just call them β your mother, your father, Jongseong. They would find a way for you. You had never needed to be truly afraid. There would have been the aftermath, of course, the small complaints, but there would always have been another hand to catch you, or at least to hold you as the things scrambled eminently.
βI donβt think I want to study law,β you whispered, it was so sudden that you could hear the uneasiness in it, the truth being finally put into words. Your brotherβs grip tightened on you, bringing you so close to him that you felt his tiny exhale.
βI know, Baby,β he said. βMom and dad know too.β
For a moment, you didnβt understand what he meant β the realization taking too long and weighing your body through the seconds that followed.
βWhy do you think they allowed you to come to Jeju alone so fast?β he asked in the midst of your silence, moving away from you only enough for you to see his face. βI know β we know you have it in you that you have to live greatly to not be a deception for mom and dad, and itβs partially my fault, but Baby β we are so rich, and I am not talking about money, but love. Whatever you decide to do mom and dad will support you with the only thought of you being genuinely happy about it.β
And that was another truth. Because despite their disapproval of Jongseongβs passion for music, your parents had been the ones who eventually supported him completely, gifting him enough guitars to build up a collection β not to mention all the expensive pedals, amplifiers, and those small customized guitar picks with his initials engraved that your brother still kept in his wallet. They had even converted the guest room into a soundproof studio when the neighbors started complaining about the noise.
βListen,β Jongseong said. βMaybe it wonβt be so easy to live with this, but you already got the good grades, and the school awards I failed, you finished the extra classes I dropped, and you carried all the expectations they could have had for us during school time, so let me carry the expectations they could have for after it.β
βThe worldβs always going to need lawyers, but itβs always going to need whatever you choose to do too. Find your way,β he said. βItβs not that bad, look at Jake β you know about his family, right?β
You hummed at him.
βI have to say, I was quite worried when I left him here after our graduation, I couldnβt imagine what it would be like to live without the support of our parents, but he seems alright.β
βHe is,β you said. Not sure how much true it was, he ate only lamen by the time you arrived, and although you had never seen him drinking aside from that one night when your prepared beef and he said beer was the best companion to it, there were way too many beer bottles inside of the fridge, but somehow you believed that if he wasnβt, he was getting there.
βDo you want to stay here?β Jongseong asked then.
You moved closer to Jongseong once again, resting your cheek on his shoulders as you looked at the living roomβs window. Outside, Seogwipo was as halted as it had always been, the sound of the bushes hanging tiny and fragile in the summer air, and you felt your chest aching.
β
Jongseong didnβt ask for you to call your parents, but you knew β it was something that had to be done and so you resolved to do it after showering.
It wasnβt easy. Your heart thumped against your ribcage as you stared at your phone screen, thumb hovering over the video call button. Although you had pressed it countless times throughout the summer β from casual updates about your day to sharing glimpses of Jejuβs scenery β this particular call felt too huge. And so, you breathed in deeply, closing your eyes for a few steadying seconds before you finally called.
Your father picked up on the second ring, holding the phone at possibly the worst camera angle imaginable as he shouted, Baby Park!
Your mother appeared right after, pulling her glasses because four degrees of presbyopia made it hard for her to see from up close and it was enough to make you start crying again.
βBaby?β your mother asked. βWhat happened?β
You told them everything. Not only about Jeonchae, the landlord, and Jake. But everything. Starting from memories you werenβt sure how you had. You told them about phrases that landed wrong and weighed more than they should. You told them about how you always feared doing things and disappointing them, and again, it wasnβt easy. But it wasnβt as hard as you had thought it would be all those years because Jongseong was right β you both were so rich.
β
When you stepped into the living room again, Jake was just arriving from the market, a plastic bag so small in his hands that you knew without knowing that he had been wandering around just so to give you and Jongseong time. But you couldnβt relish on his kindness for much longer because your brother started complaining as soon as he spotted Jake, hadnβt I told you to sharpen your knives when I left, Jake? And these pans were still your grandmaβs? I-
Jake seemed to be only half listening as he handed Jongseong the plastic bag. His gaze completely focused on you, and you were glad that you had changed, making yourself more presentable after the shower by trading your dress from the previous night for a pinkish set, the tone matching almost too perfectly with the color of the tip of his ears.
βNaturally annoyed,β you mouthed. And Jake laughed β only once as he tried to cough out the rest, but then, you were laughing too, and your brother demanded both of you to go somewhere else because you were annoying him.
You both were still laughing when you stepped into the garden, taking the side path and stopping in front of the shop. In the hurry of leaving none of you took the key to the shop where you had left it, and Jake showed you the flower pot where he hid the extra keys underneath it.
βThe biggest one is for the house, and the smallest for the shop.β He didnβt look at you as he said it, his head still tilted to the small flower pot, allowing a few strands of his hair to fall over his forehead. A smile tucked at the corners of his lips, and he seemed so young like this β so pure. The words Jongseong had said twirled through your mind, and you didnβt know what had been on your face, perhaps the sadness of not knowing how to tell him he was doing alright and that you were proud of him, but when Jake looked at you a frown took up the space between his brows.
βWhat?β he asked.
βI called my parents while you were in the market,β you said. You didnβt notice how still Jake had become until he averted his gaze from yours, preferring to stare back at the flower pot.
βYou are going to stay, right?β
βMay I?β
βOf course, Baby,β Jake said, his words being uttered so softly that the breeze nearly destroyed them. βI like having you here.β
βBut about Jeonchae-β you continued.
βDonβt take to heart what your brother said,β he asked. βI never had a cat, but that doesnβt mean I donβt like them β actually, I have been thinking about adopting Jeonchae β if you allow me.β
βThere would be no better home for him.β
It was alright, honestly β until it wasnβt.
Jongseong cooked and cleaned as if it were a task. He asked if your room was alright and if you needed him to buy anything because he could get it delivered to you. And when you said that you didnβt think that things worked like that in Seogwipo, your brother seemed about to retort, but in the silence that followed he understood what you meant. There were no traffic sounds to fill up the gaps between your conversation, no machines or reform noises, it was just the breeze of the sea stirring and shuddering the bushes on the other side of the street and nothing else.
βBut tell me if you need anything,β he said. βI can find a way.β
βI know,β you whispered.
After dinner, the three of you spread on the greenish grass of Jakeβs garden, something you didnβt really know how you hadnβt thought of before. The moon was beautiful this time of the year and the grass was warm against your skin, the peak of summer giving you its all, and turning into a great memory for the next day, when another summer storm finally broke in, making the downtown buildings steadily dripping as you made your way to the restaurant Jongseong had chosen for his last night on the island.
Nangpoon Babsang or the oldest restaurant on the island as the sign advertised, and perhaps the reason why there was a line over the curb, forcing the three of you to wait outside until the night had completely settled, the sea breeze picking up and almost giving you the awkward decision of choosing between your brotherβs jacket or Jakeβs β but as your brother only extended his jacket at you, Jake was already draping his over your shoulders, pushing the collar up to your cheeks despite its already growing warmth because it smelled like him.
Jongseong looked at both of you, but if he meant to say something, he didnβt as his attention was taken by the arrival of a message saying you were the next to enter.
Although the outside of the restaurant seemed to have undergone a significant modernization to fit the evolution of Jeju City, the inside gave meaning to their advertising and remained faithful to the traditional Korean aesthetics. There were no walls to subdivide the room, but it had been split into diverse small sections by a bunch of folding screens, their surfaces displaying a host of artworks, and giving each table some privacy underneath the low light of the hand-crafted paper lamps.Β
You werenβt surprised that your brother had been the one to choose it, although antique, it felt fancy somehow.
βYou know what?β Jongseong asked as he took the chair in front of you. βI am glad you both met β my beautiful family is finally reunited.β
βWhat?β Jake asked. βIs Baby our love child now?β
βNo. I meant that my sister is your sister.β
There was a lost moment, a second where you should have released the air from your lungs but you didnβt, and it passed with it stuck in. Jake, regardless, laughed β out loud as he reached for the cup of water he had just filled, swallowing the whole thing before he placed it back onto the table, but he didnβt deny β didnβt say he didnβt see you like this. Instead, there was a small sound of agreement, and the topic died between both of them, leaving you as the only one still stuck on it, chest aching because you seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.Β
And it didnβt help that when the waitress approached your table, Jake went completely rigid, his shoulders tensing as his fingers tightened around the cup he was still holding until his knuckles had turned white with the effort β it didnβt help that when her eyes met his, she halted as well, lips parting slightly as she whispered his name like she couldnβt quite believe it and was trying to convince herself.
She was somewhere between your and Jongseongβs age. And a piece of art. Her wavy hair was being held by a dozen pins β not the goldenish ones you kept in your jewelry box and which perfectly matched all your other accessories, but colorish ones β pink and blue pins holding her hair, and keeping them away from her freckled cheeks. Her necklace was made of beads just like a string she kept on her belt. She was the embodiment of the children who were born in Jeju and were proud of it, and if you stopped to think about it carefully, she was completely Jakeβs style. Artsy and free.
βJake,β she called again, stronger than before and it was your brotherβs turn to halt, curiosity sparkling over him as his eyes rushed through her name tag. Sun-hwa. It brought you no memory, but it seemed to do to Jongseong because when he looked back at Jake, the corners of his mouth were tucking up in an accomplice smile.Β
βI didnβt know you were in Jeju,β she said. βI guess itβs just for the summer as ever?β
βNo. I have been living here,β Jake replied. Sunhwaβs eyebrows rose in surprise then, and you could swear she was blushing β although it was hard to see underneath the low light.
βOh, I had no idea,β she said.Β
The silence that followed hung in the air, thick and still. But even there, you werenβt able to wrap your mind around all the thoughts rushing through, and you felt suddenly thankful when Jongseong cleared his throat, drawing everyoneβs attention to him.Β
βSo, what do you recommend?β your brother asked. βAside from Jake, whoβs almost a local, we are all city people here.β
Sunhwa blinked as if he had asked the strangest thing she had ever heard, taking a moment too long to remember herself and reply, βJeju Black Pork is the most traditional Jeju dish. Tourists tend to choose it to try the local cuisine.β
βThree Jeju Black Pork then,β your brother resolved.
βAnything to drink?β she asked.
βBeer,β Jake said.
βMake that two,β Jongseong added with a smile. βAnd a tangerine juice for our little sister.β
Sunhwa nodded as she wrote the order on her notepad, her eyes flickering back to Jake one last time before she resolved to walk away.
βSo, Sunhwa?β Jongseong asked. βAs your first love, Sunhwa?β
And that was it. Something within you hurt with your brotherβs question, a sharp twinge that you wondered if it was what people called heartbreak.Β
Jake was a good guy, and you knew it β you had spent enough time watching as he smiled at strangers, presenting them with so much kindness that it made it impossible for anybody to be uncomfortable with him. You had listened to him talk enough to know he truly cared about people and wouldnβt have a second thought before helping anyone in need β But that was the problem. Jake was a good guy, careful and kind, but you had misread your relationship. There was nothing special about you and if there was β it was because you were his best friendβs little sister, not someone he could be attracted to β Sunhwa was the type of girl he was attracted to β someone with that artsy spirit that belonged to this place as much as he.Β
The realization made you burn in embarrassment, a warm flush creeping up your neck as you felt too childish, too small. A girl laughed somewhere over the restaurant, the sound of it ringing against your ears β all together with the other voices, and perhaps the air was still too sticky and humid due to the rain β perhaps it had been due to Sunhwa, but you felt like everything was too much β too overwhelming and you were suddenly dizzy and in need to go anywhere else.
βI need to use the restroom,β you announced, hurling from your chair so hastily that Jakeβs jacket fell off your shoulders, but you didnβt halt to take it back β even when you felt your skin tingling, already missing its warmth β you couldnβt come to a halt.Β
As you made your way to the entrance, you spotted the restroom tucked halfway, mercifully without a line, and allowing you to slip in. The air inside was too thick and stale, a stark contrast to the bustling exterior, but that was exactly what you needed.
β
You werenβt sure how long you stayed in the small room, pacing against the tiled floor as you tried not to cry, but by the time you stepped out of it, Jake was leaning against its wall, his jacket draped around his shoulders once again as his hands fidgeted with the pickup keys.
βI was considering whether I should rescue you from the restroom once again,β he said. A smile tucked at the corner of his lips as he referenced what happened two nights ago. But although you had acknowledged his attempt to lighten the mood, the ache in your chest made it impossible for you to reciprocate the gesture. βWe decided to make it a to-go. Jay is paying for us.β
His lips parted upon your lack of reply, the space within them widening with what he meant to say next, but whatever it had been was forgotten as Sunhwa appeared at the end of the hallway, their eyes catching.
βJake,β she called. βWe should talk.β
None of you moved β not even her, and you took the opportunity to reach for the pickupβs key in his hands, murmuring something about waiting there.Β
It seemed to take both of them out of the haze. Jake finally strayed his eyes from Sunhwa, and you were pretty sure that there had been a reply, but you were already walking to the front door.
The weather had cooled down even more, another sparse of rain threatening to fall as you walked to where Jake had parked Beomseokβs pickup. The vehicle supposedly had a back seat, but the place was so small and cluttered β there had been no particular discussion before you had been the one assigned for it on the drive here, making Jake push the driver seat forward, and rest his hand at the sharp edge of the roof, so you didnβt hurt yourself as you jumped to the back. But you might not have paid attention enough at how he had done it because it didnβt matter how you tried to push it forward now β it didnβt seem to come in.
A curse was already escaping from your lips when you heard Jake, his shoes whacking on the sidewalk as he raced towards you.
βBaby, wait,β he asked. βYou are going to hurt yourself like this.β
You halted at his concerned tone, everything within you ceasing long enough to make you feel empty inside of yourself.
You always thought that the most embarrassing thing that could happen upon falling in love was to be fiercely rejected, the I donβt like yous you had heard so many times through the schoolβs hallways, and still β made you flinch every time, too sorry for the person rejected, but no β no. The most embarrassing thing was to be let down easily, that soft caress when the person did love you, but not as much as you loved them.
βBaby,β he tried again, rushing his fingers through his now disheveled hair. He seemed frustrated. But you had already given the final push, and the driverβs seat finally surrendered, giving Jake just enough time to place his hand at the sharp edge of the roof so you didnβt hit your head, but this time you didnβt thank him.Β
Jake didnβt follow you inside. He remained there, leaning on the driverβs door as if he understood that you needed space and was willing to give it to you. But when your mother called asking if you wanted to take the flight tomorrow with Jongseong and you replied with a way too sincere I donβt know, he seemed simply unable to not turn to you. Your eyes caught through the glass window, and you hated it β hated the way the air hurled out of his lungs as if you had just physically punched him. You hated the way the sound of it hung in the air within the two of you, heavier than the humidity clinging to your skin and making your heart swell because you could do anything to make him feel better.
β
It had already been two nights since Jake had slept in your room, but you could swear β everything was smelling like him.
You lay there, telling yourself to sleep, but instead, you found yourself standing up, tearing the sheets off the mattress, and tugging them into a small ball. It was impossible to put the washing machine to work this late at night without disturbing the whole house with its screeching sounds yet the simple idea of doing something made you feel better, and so, you continued, but as you stepped out of the bedroom, there he was.
Even before your eyes had adjusted to the new light, you had felt him. A piece of warmth in the middle of the cold night.
Jake looked up at you, straying his gaze from the cup of water in his hands. His eyes were painfully soft beneath the yellow lamps, and you felt your heart aching at the view. You wished you could truly hate him, turn all this mess inside of you into simple repulsion so you could leave without a second thought β but you couldnβt β that was just how silly you were for him.
βCouldnβt sleep?β he asked, but you only hummed at him, already starting toward the bathroom.
You took your time putting the sheets inside the machine, loading everything as if you would start it because you expected that when you stepped out Jake would have already gone back to his bedroom. Yet, he didnβt, preferring to walk after you, leaning on the door jamb as he shoved his hands inside the pockets of his sweatpants.
βBaby,β he called. βDonβt leave β at least not until the end of the summer β not like this.β
You scoffed, a sound that tried to mask the sting you felt β that sticky upset and dread that gnawed at your throat as you looked back at the idle machine.Β
Itβs not like you wanted to pack your luggage and leave Seogwipo tomorrow, but you were suddenly feeling awkward with Jake. You suddenly didnβt know where to put yourself in his presence β much less how to fill the silence within the space of your conversations β and it was the worst part of everything. It had always been so easy to be with Jake.
βShe cheated,β he said.
You could swear that the air halted then, the world around you suddenly tensing, or perhaps β it had been only you. Jake had said it as a matter of fact β but it weighed on your shoulders. Not only because of the nature of his confession, but because heΒ knew his ex was the cause of your distress.
Jake removed his hands from his pockets, choosing to fidge with the hem of his worn-out t-shirt instead, and you had spent enough time with him to know he was about to tell you some long story. And in any other moment you would have loved to earn another piece of Sim Jaeyun, take it within your palms and save it like a talisman. But not now β not about this.
It was already terrible enough without the full story.Β
βWe met in the summer of my senior year-β
βJake,β you cut.
βListen to me, Baby,β he said. βPlease.β
And it might have been the way he asked it β the tone that said without really saying that he needed you to know it, but you stopped then, closing your eyes as you clutched onto the washing powder box because once Jongseong had said you were too see-through. You could never hide your feelings as they were always there β one look away for those who cared to search. When you disliked something it settled heavy in the corner of your lips. When something saddened you, it took over your eyes, and honestly, everything was already humiliating enough. You didnβt need to cry in front of Jake.
βI was really young and stupid. My parents were forcing me to study medicine and not only it β I had to enter a university in the mainland,β
βSunhwa always disliked my parents and always incited me to rebel against them, but when I didnβt and decided to follow the path they chose for me, I made her promise that she would come to the mainland with me, get into a university there,β he said. βAnd she did, but not in Seoul β it was a few provinces down, and for some time we made it work. I would drive there every weekend and holiday.β
βBut I felt it β as the months passed, she was getting farther and farther away. She said she was tired of it all β she didnβt like the mainland, and I was too different there, and quoting her β always relying on my parentβs money and opinion.β
Your eyes snapped open at his saying, the indignation taking the best of you and you couldnβt help but turn to Jake, your eyes catching in the low light.
βI tried to explain it to her β all the things I told you on the roof, but I donβt know β she is not like you. She couldnβt understand.β His voice cracked slightly, and you had to resist the urge to reach out to him. βShe came back to Jeju just a few weeks before my grandfather died β a month, actually. I told her about it and she just said she was sorry. Never mentioned going to the funeral and I should have noticed, but I never knew we had somehow already broken up β you know? She never said that.β
βSo when I came to his funeral, I went to visit her, but she was with someone else. A new boyfriend β some type of fling, I donβt know.β
A wave of protective anger washed over you, and your breath caught as you pictured Jake, grieving and alone, having not only to deal with the loss of the only family member who ever supported his dreams, but as well being abandoned and cheated on like this.
You blinked then, not really surprised when tears blurred your vision.
βJake, thatβs horrible,β you said. Your voice had come higher than you intended, showing all your disbelief, but you couldnβt come to stop. βShe simply left you when you needed her the most. How β how could anyone do that to you?β
βShe is a-β you halted, swallowing hard to control your rushed thoughts because Jake was shrugging his shoulders.
βI donβt know what she wanted to tell me tonight,β he said. βAnd I donβt care anymore β I was a bit shocked to see her. I have been here a whole year and it never happened, but that was it β so please, donβt be mad with me because of this, Baby.β
βI am not mad because of this?β you snapped. It had sounded like a question, but it very much felt like the answer he had been seeking the whole night because he smiled then β faintly before he composed himself, but not enough for you to not notice how his eyes were gleaming, and in the rush of the moment you started toward your β his grandparentβs old room, trying to step past him, but he caught your wrist. The sudden contact startled you so much that you would have fallen if Jake didnβt catch you, moving you until the low of your back met the kitchen counter.Β
If the soggy tiles and the scent of his floral soap flinging from the bathroom werenβt a great indication that he had barely left the shower, the water droplets still clinging to the edges of his hair were. Rivulets dashed down his jaw, moving into his throat and making it even harder to look at him.
God β this whole day was a huge mistake.
βI have spent the whole night trying to see things from your point of view, Baby, but I am having a very difficult time here,β Jake admitted. βThe other option would be because of what Jay said then β because I didnβt reply β but what could I have said to him?β he continued, the words now coming so hurriedly and blurted, almost as if all he wanted was to simply get it out of him. βI couldnβt tell him the truth. I couldnβt simply say no, Baby is never going to be a sister to me because I think I have fallen in love with her β Jay would have taken you out of that restaurant in the same second and caught the first flight back to Seoul, and every time I think of you leaving, I feel so uptight β hell, I feel so-β
His hands slipped from your wrist, folding his fingers through yours and bringing your hand to the back of his neck as he pulled forward β or moved himself in. You werenβt sure what was happening anymore. Everything inside of you was humming and making it difficult for you to think, but his forehead was resting against yours and when he spoke again, it came as nothing but a hush of breath, the softest gust of air against your lips.
βArenβt you going to say anything?β he asked. But you couldnβt say anything β not when your heart was cracking open under the weight of everything. You could feel his plea in every centimeter of his body, the despair in the soft breath unfurling against your mouth and it was too much β too much.
Β βPlease, tell me that I didnβt get this all wrong and I am being creepy right now.β
The sound of a door being opened filled the space where your reply should have been and Jake moved back, his hand falling away and making your skin tingle, already missing his warmth.
βDo you always stay up until this late?β Jongseong asked.
βYes,β Jake replied β so hastily. You would have believed it if you hadnβt seen him knock out at the couch right after dinner for a couple of nights, you having to gently tap his shoulders so he could recollect himself and walk to his bedroom.Β
βItβs terrible for your health, you know?β your brother asked then, but none of you replied β you werenβt sure if you had even breathed as Jongseong walked to the fridge, taking a bottle of water before he walked back to Jakeβs room without any other word.
But as the door clicked shut again, you turned back to Jake pushing yourself on the tip of your toes, hands finding an curling on the front of his t-shirt for support. He was trembling β or perhaps you were. You didnβt give yourself another second to consider anything before you placed your lips on the shell of his ear whispering, βI am in love with you too.β
Before Jake could hold you again, you had already gone β slipped out of his reach and the kitchen, rushing to your room and closing the door as you leaned on it. Your heart beating against your ears β but not loudly enough to miss the way he laughed on the other side.
On the morning of the next day, Jake went to Beomseok to ask for the pickup once again and the three of you climbed it, taking the road to the airport.
The drive was surprisingly quiet. None of you spoke through the whole way up the island, the sound of the wind coming through the open windows and the radio being the only things filling the space. But then, an old song came in, something about a country road and going to the place the singer belonged, and Jake was the first one to murmur the lyrics, Jongseong following suit, their voices turned a pitch lower to match the singerβs tune and you couldnβt help but laugh.
In the rearview mirror, you caught Jake looking at you, your eyes locking for a quiet second before you felt the tip of his fingers against your knees. He had dropped his hand between the driverβs seat and the door β purposefully out of Jongseongβs sight β palm up and fingers stretched. You reached out for him, pinching the tip of his fingers, and he might have been satisfied with this small gesture because he withdrew, putting it back on the wheel.
βJake, the exit!β Jongseong snapped.
βOh shi-β Jake steered in a hurry, passing through the raised pavement markers and causing Jongseong to reach for the handle above the door, the same curse Jake failed to complete fleeing through your brotherβs lips and stealing another laugh from you. But this time Jake didnβt look through the rearview, his heart was already seconds away from bursting.
β
βWe are here,β Jongseong said, eyeing the airport for a split second before he turned to Jake.
βDonβt you want us to go inside?β he asked.
βItβs alright,β your brother replied. βItβs not like I am taking a long flight β thank you for the ride, and everything. I am leaving a great responsibility but feel free to just call me, I can come pick her up if you grow tired.β
βDonβt worry about it,β Jake said, extending his hand to your brother, that friendly handshake followed by a bump of shoulders guys loved to do, and then Jongseong turned to you. It was hard to hug, but you pushed yourself through the middle of the seats anyway, arms curling on your brotherβs shoulders as he hugged you back.
βTake care of yourself, alright, Baby?β Jongseong whispered. βAnd call me if you need anything.β
You nodded, feeling that one lump in your throat that seemed too close to tears. βThank you, Jay.β
He gave you one last squeeze before freeing himself, opening his door, and jumping out of the pickup. He hauled his carry-on from the trunk with no effort, a small smile on his lips before he turned around, and walked to the airport.
βHey,β Jake whispered, his hand rubbing against yours. βSince we are in Jeju City, why donβt we do something over here?β
β
You had already heard about the art museum of Jeju β walked to it during the week you stayed in the city. The immersive digital exhibition had been listed as one of the must-go spots on the island by diverse tourist sites, but the sight of a group of friends arriving made you step away β too awkward to go inside and wander through the rooms all by yourself.
But today β today you had Jake.
The first room was a forest, red flowers hanging on the trees as their petals twirled through an imagined wind.
βDo you have an artsy explanation for this?β you asked.
βWhat do you mean?β
βOnce I went to an exhibition in Seoul with a classmate β lights and something was the name. I spent the whole exhibition just appreciating its beauty, and then in the last room there were points of light imitating the pattern of birdsβ flocking, that was when a woman appeared. She was with her son, and then she started giving a whole explanation about how birds never stray away from each other, always sharing their difficulties to reach a common goal, and how that was what the artist wanted to show,β
βEver since that day, I kept wondering if artists always intend to give deeper meanings to their creations than just beauty.β
Jake tilted his head back, red petals projecting on his face as he watched the exhibition going on. You knew they werenβt concrete, just a projector streaming images on him, but when they slid through his cheeks, you had that odd desire to reach for them. But he looked at you then, leaning in, his eyes flickering beneath the lights, mischief glinting as if he wanted to tell you the most beautiful thing he had ever known.
βI personally think itβs just pretty,β he said instead, and you laughed at this, head thrown back, the sound so carefree and soft. Your laughter seemed to be coming easier now and it was impossible for him not to smile back at you. βBut if you want a more scholarly answer I would say: because art is an expression of personal perspective it is subjective. Their meaning and even what it makes others feel. Someone might come here and just think itβs pretty like me, but someone else might come here and feel like this field is speaking to them, a whisper from their childhood, a secret memory of their first love, or even a sign for a future decision. Art will never strike everyone in the same way.β
βOnce a Spanish painter said you can look at a picture for a week and never think of it again. You can also look at a picture for a second and think of it all your life,β he continued. βOr something like that, the point is-β
βSome things leave no impression, meanwhile others become a life mark β there will always be the before and the after,β you said.
βYes.β
The next room was a maze of paper lanterns. A couple of siblings ran in between on a game of tag, and when the boy rushed past you, you had to step closer to Jake, tucking on his jacket for support and being completely unaware of how he melted there. But if anything, he just slid his hand on yours, interlacing your fingers and guiding you through the rest of the exhibition.
There were more fields, and mountains projected on idealist sunset skies. There was an empty room in which flowers grew wherever you touched, and when you brought it to Jakeβs attention, drawing a tiny line of flowers against the wall, he pulled you through the room, your finger leaving a trail of flowers behind.
But it was the last room that genuinely made you stop β waterfalls of golden, electricity blazing and pulsing and cascading down around you like fallen stars.
βItβs beautiful,β you whispered. βLife-changing beautiful.β
βIt really is.β
You turned to him, but he had his gaze already fixed on you, his eyes gleaming, lips curling. He had no embarrassment in letting you know he had been looking at you for the whole while.
Jake used your connected hands to pull you to him, and suddenly he was so close and the air was stuffy. When he reached for a strand of your hair, he smelled like clay, that earthy scent that had already turned into your summer redolence and oranges.
βAm I too late to be your first kiss, Baby?β Jake asked.
The moment seemed to take forever. It seemed to take no time at all. Your simple you are unfolded slowly, blending with the echoes of the world very β very softly, and perhaps it was what prevented his heart from breaking there.
βBut I donβt mind forgetting it,β you whispered. βPretend it never happened.β It was just the echo of his words on your lips, but he was smiling then, his hand leaving yours only to cradle your cheeks, holding you as he leaned over β his mouth hovering over yours, parted lips brushing on a kiss that wasnβt a kiss. And you knew you had told him you could forget your first time, but when his hands slid further into you, fingers tangling into your hair and angling you up so he could pinch on your bottom lip, it was hard not to forget it. You knew without knowing that no one would ever kiss you the way Jake did. He seemed to want to relish it, feeling you through each passing second of your connected lips. He seemed not to want to let it go, memorizing you through each heartbeat as he just grazed his mouth against yours, catching his breath before he kissed you again and again and again.
Someone cleaned their throat, immediately making both of you part, lips swollen, and causing you to bury your face in his chest, but Jake only laughed β the sound echoing through your body as he reached for you again, an arm curling around your waist as the other sized for the top of your head, tangling his fingers on your hair as he held you to him and murmured an apology to whoever it had been.
βWhat do you say about us getting some milkshakes before going home?β Jake asked then, lips falling on the shell of your ear as if it was just another ordinary day β like you were still Jake and Baby from a few hours previous, and that the taste of his smile wasnβt still lingering on your lips. But that was the greatest thing about being with Jake: he made everything easy. And when he stepped away, holding his hand out for you, you took it without a second thought, allowing him to guide you out of the museum and back to the pickup.
β
βWho was it?β Jake asked.
βWhat?β you asked, straying your gaze away from the milkshake in front of you.
Jake had stopped at a dine-in halfway back to Seogwipo, a small parlor just off the interstate that advertised the best milkshakes on the whole island! and made you both order not only two β one for each of you β but four, lining them in the middle of the table and sharing.
βYour first kiss,β Jake clarified. βWho was it?β
You werenβt sure if it was the sugar getting into your system, the euphoria of having kissed Jake, and having him sitting across from you, pinkish ear, and ankles resting against yours but you still took a moment too long to comprehend the question.
Was he really asking it or was he testing what you told him at the exhibition?
You pushed the strawberry milkshake back into the line, buying yourself some time.
βYou?β you tried.
βNo. I meant for real,β he said. βWho was it?β
βIt wasnβt even that important,β you said. βIt was a game of truth or dare. I didnβt even like him, but I guess he did as his friend seemed pretty invested in getting us to kiss. He was kinda cute β had this wavy hair and had swimming classes in the afternoons, so I didnβt mind.β
βDid he ask you out after?β
βYes, asked me to go to one of his swimming competitions.β
βWas he your first boyfriend then?β Jake asked. He wasnβt looking at you anymore, playing with the milkshake he had first chosen with his straw and you could swear, there was a hint of something in his tone, a covetousness about this particular topic.
You reached for his milkshake, pulling it back into the line and giving him another one. It took his attention, but you didnβt look back at him.
βNo. I refused him,β you said, immediately stealing a laugh from Jake.
βYou kissed him and then refused when he asked you out?β he asked. βWhat a heartbreaker girl.β
βI was such a terrible person, right?β you said. βBut in my defense, I was always too invested in my studies to really think about my romantic life. I barely could fit my lunch between school and extra classes, imagine a boyfriend? And there is also the fact that my mother always said that dating should come only when you are responsible enough, before it is stupidity β I didnβt want to be stupid to her.β
βCan you fit it now? Wouldnβt it be stupid, right?β Jake asked then. You looked up at him, immediately receiving a raise of eyebrow, shy yet flirtatious β that amusing combination he was, and when he took your hand in his, bringing your wrist to his lips, shivers scattered through your skin before he had even continued. βI promise I will be a good first boyfriend.β
βYes,β you whispered. The word squeezed out of you, coming as nothing but a tight exhale, but Jake smiled at you then, that one twist of lips that took over his whole face. βIf itβs you.β
β
You wondered if it would be awkward then. If the silence would start to stretch on too long, and the spaces between words would be filled with awkwardness β none of you knowing how to deal with this new thing between both of you. But later that night, when you encountered Jake on the space within your bedrooms doors as you walked out of the shower, it was easy to curl your fingers on the front of his t-shirt as he cradled your face.
It was easy to part your mouth, heavy breaths and gasps blending as he captured your top lip with his, his tongue licking over your own, slipping past and tasting like the cream milkshake you shared lastly and the sugar from the cookies you had ordered to combine with. Everything about it so sweet, you couldnβt help but pull him closer, a little bit meaner as you demanded more, but if anything Jake smiled at you, squeezing his fingers into your skin, his thumb pushing over the corner of your mouth, and coaxing you to open wider, but then, he stopped, abruptly and all at once stepping back.
βI am going to take a shower,β he informed, his voice coming tighter and pressed as he pulled his hands on the front pockets of his jeans β adjusting himself.
You didnβt know what to do with yourself then. You hadnβt lied when you said you never had a boyfriend, and your lack of experience made it difficult for you to know what to do with the fact that you had just made Jake hard. And so, you simply stood there, body too warm, and the hallway seeming to shrink around you as your heart pounded loudly against your ears.
βI am going to take the trash outside,β you blurted out. Jake nodded at you, already turning around and walking to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
You stared at it, taking another moment to steady your breathing before you managed to move toward the kitchen, reaching for the trash can and stepping outside, immediately being shrouded by Seogwipoβs summer.
The stars seemed impossibly bright tonight β as it hadnβt been in days. And couldnβt help but linger there as you dropped the bag into the bin, tilting your head back to take it in before the sound of footsteps made you turn, spotting Euntaek walking in your direction, his shoulders lower than he used to, and his fingers tapping the tray you swore to have sent back to Mrs. Choi this morning.
βHi, Baby,β he said.
βHi,β you said back β softer than you wouldβve if you hadnβt noticed his unusual posture.
βI was going to come earlier, but Grandma saw a city boy arriving, and I guessed it was your true brother so I imagined it would be better not to,β he said. βBut this morning Beomseok commented that Jake needed the pickup to go to the airport-β
βNews runs here.β
βItβs a small place,β he said. βOnce I dyed my hair red, and my grandmother knew even before I had left the hair salon.β
βItβs a small place indeed.β
βHow are you?β he asked then.
βGood.β
βI am sorry about the other night β and Arin,β he said. βShe has this thing of asking for horrific shots as a joke but none of us expected she would give it to you β at least not without a warning,β
βMinji argued with her,β Euntaek continued. βArin first said you seemed to stiff so she wanted to loosen you a bit, but then she said she just switched the cups β anyway, I am sorry.β
βIf we could another day-β
βI am with Jake,β you cut.
Either the night had suddenly turned warmer, or your body, every part of you reacting to pulling those words out to the world β you were with Jake.
Euntaek halted for a moment, his eyes widening slightly before he smirked at you. He didnβt seem disappointed or annoyed. If anything, he seemed to be bemused β more with himself than the whole situation.
βI see,β he said. βWell, that makes sense.β
βGrandma baked an extra tray,β he continued, extending the tray still in his hands. βSo-β
βThatβs really kind of you,β you replied. βPlease thank your grandmother for me.β
βSure. Goodnight,β he said, already turning and walking away. There was nothing vulnerable about Euntaek right then, and you doubted there would ever be. But you couldnβt help but feel a bit sorry as you watched him walking alone. All his dreams of Seoul, of music, of something bigger than this island and this small-town life that might never be enough for what he imagined for himself.
When he drove you to the bar near Jeju City, he had told you that his whole family was against his dreams. If he were to move to the mainland it should be to study administration, finance, something usual and concrete β something that would help them in the island once he got kicked out of the mainland because everything was too fierce for him there.
And once again, you couldnβt imagine how it felt to have everyone against you.
How was it for you, Jake? you wanted to ask. Would a single phrase made it better for you?
βEuntaek?β you called.
βYeah?β
βGood luck β with the band thing. I hope you manage to go to Seoul someday. Get cast in a big company.β
βWould you go to one of my concerts, in Seoul?β he asked. You thought about telling him that Seoul was no longer your home. That you would never truly go back there β not before the beginning of the semester at your university or later. But perhaps it had been your awkwardness with strangers and the amount of explanation it required, perhaps it simply had been the string of sympathy you were still feeling for him, but you nodded then, earning the most genuine smile you had seen Euntaek ever give.
βIf Arin isnβt there,β you said.
βOh, Arin is never leaving Jeju, believe in me.β
He waved at you, only once before turning to leave, and this time for real.
You stood for a moment, your gaze moving up at the stars one more time before heading back inside, placing Mrs. Choiβs tray on the dining table.
When you turned around, Jake was already walking out of the bathroom, his hair still damp from the shower, and allowing the soft glow of the kitchenβs light to catch at the droplets still clinging to its ends. A loose t-shirt clung slightly to his not-quite-dry skin, and you had to remind yourself to not stare.
βMrs. Choi passed by?β he asked.
βNo, Euntaek did.β
βAh.β The single syllable held more weight than it should, and you crossed the kitchen toward him, closing the distance between you in slow, deliberate steps. His gaze followed your movement, softening slightly as you reached up to a damp strand of hair that fell across his forehead before you allowed your fingers to trail down to his cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin against yours.
You heard his breath hitching as your forearm came to rest against his shoulders, his pulse quickening because suddenly you were too close again, and the whole house felt too small, too warm, the air between you too stuffy.
βBaby,β he warned. βI donβt want to scare you again.β
Your brows furrowed at his saying, your confusion settling heavy on your face, but then, it dawned on you β hurriedly and making you gasp, Jake thought he had scared you earlier on.
βYou didnβt scare me,β you said. βI just β I meant it when I said I never had a boyfriend, so I never-β
βDonβt worry, alright?β he whispered. βWe go on your time β always.β
The shop was busier today.
A group of foreigners had come in the morning, wishing to learn how to do pottery, and ever since you had been standing there β watching Jake.
He made a little gesture at his chest, curtsying and gentleman-like as he bowed at a compliment one of them had conveyed to him. The sun had changed through the last hours, flooding through the tempered glass strongly with the setting afternoon, and when Jake straightened himself back, it caught on his face, painting his eyes in that golden tone that never failed to make your breath catch β perhaps too loudly this time because Jakeβs gaze fell upon you, the gravity of his world suddenly centered on you as the echoes of his smile were still tucking at the corners of his lips, and the force of it made you spun around, skin warmer in a way that you knew it wasnβt the afternoon heat setting in.Β
You had stuck a stray brush in your hair to keep it up, allowing the breeze to sooth the back of your neck, but as Jake approached you from behind, he took the brush away β just so he could pull it up again, threading his fingers through your locks before he set the thing again and leaned in, curling his arms around you as he breathed into your skin.
βWhat do you think about closing the shop early?β he asked.
βI think you are not taking your shop very seriously,β you said. You didnβt even need to look at him to know he was pouting then, his bottom lip being poured out as he tightened his hold around you.
βCβmon, Baby,β he whispered. βIt has been a few days since we last took something from your list,β he remarked, but what he truly meant was that it had been a few days since you had only been making out on his couch, and when his hands slipped beneath your pajamaβs shirts, splaying his hands on the bare skin of your waist, he suddenly stopped, laughing it off and kissing you sweetly before saying you should go to sleep. βMaybe we could go to a bar as I had promised?β
β
Jake rode you up to the island at the sunset, the traffic turning thicker and thicker as you approached Jeju City with its busy avenues, flashing lights, and more people than you had seen ever since you had gone out with Euntaek.
And so, when Jake held the barβs door, gesturing for you to go in first, you had braced yourself for a darkened room, the intoxicated air, and a forced retreat to that night a week ago and its hazed fear, but instead, you were greeted by neon lights and an electronic chime humming beneath that old summer hit that everyone knew. Machines lined the walls, from the old Pac-Man to VR games cramming side by side to make room for the tables, and the wooden bar.Β
Somewhere a group of friends laughed and you couldnβt help but to do the same. Surprise and relief burbling out of you. Jake smiled down at you, the machinesβ lights making him glow peach and tangerine as he held his hand out for you.
Β Jake guided you to the bar where he traded two fifty-thousand won bills for some coins that he insisted were just enough for you both to have some fun, taking turns at the machines, being lit up by the flashing lights and the shimmer of it all. Your hands brushing and your bodies close together.
Outside Autumn was already approaching, pressing itself against the late July nights and making it chilly things, but here β it was summer, warm, and heavy, making Jake remove his jacket, rolling the sleeves of his gray button-down shirt absent and carelessly just below his elbows as you bet over the games. A drink over Pac-Man, and baskets of fries over Pinball. And when you said you had no idea how to play a shooting game, he stood behind you, his hands above yours as he guided you through β just as Jake always did whenever he taught you something, but this time, you allowed yourself to lean on his touch, pressing your back against his chest and feeling the solid warmth of his being.
βWill you give me a kiss if I get you to break the record?β he asked as if you havenβt been stealing pecks the whole night β as if you didnβt know the taste of his lips better than anything by now. But the proposal made your skin tingle, the night being too blazing, too sweet, and you caught yourself nodding at him.Β
When the game ended, requesting you to spell your name as Jake got the highest score, you turned to him, the same peach and tangerine light gliding his skin, and it suddenly felt too strange to be in the middle of all those people. You werenβt sure who pushed first, but both of you were rushing past the tables and back into Jeju Cityβs night. Streetlights glinted off the hoods of parked cars, and the stars hung prettily above β the layered beauty taking you anew. But you only got a glimpse of it before Jake used your connected hands to pull you closer to him, leaning on and bottling you into the darkness of his height. You tilted your head up. Just enough for your top lip to catch his bottom. And he made it soft and sweet, languid and still tasting like the whiskey of the bourbons he kept on asking whenever you lost and the strawberries you always rewarded him from the bottom of your cocktails.
βShould we go home?β He asked then.
And that was what both of you intended to do, but half an hour until you got to Seogwipo, Jake had to stop at a tiny town that consisted only of an artificially bright gas station and a convenience store to fill his motorcycle.Β
You wandered inside the store as he took care of the motorcycle, almost feeling his gaze on you when you stopped at the cashier and paid for a package of cookies and two ice creams without his minion card. But when you stepped outside he didnβt say anything β Jake only shouldered off his jacket, spreading it on the sidewalk, and gesturing for you to sit down on it as he took the space by its side.
It was quite mesmerizing how your bodies already knew each other. When you sat by his side,Jake soundlessly shifted his arm, pressing his palm on the pavement so you could lean on him, your head resting on his shoulder, and when a breeze came a bit harsher, Jakeβs proximity was the only heat in the night. It warmed you, starting from your arms brushing against his until it filled your whole body and you pressed yourself to him, eyes fluttering to the sky. Even as you sat close to the streetlight nothing seemed enough to obliterate the stars. They kept shining above you, creating streams of silver and purple against the darkness.
You couldnβt tell if it was very late or very early. The hours blended on a moment itself and you didnβt want to leave, not in a few weeks, not never. Not because of the fear of what was going to happen but because you loved this place. And the sincerity of your own thoughts struck you. Your mother once had told you about a night from her youth years: she was right there β surrounded by her friends in the place she loved, and she knew, even as the years passed, she would always remember and miss it and how lucky and doomed she had been for noticing it while she was still there. Now, you finally comprehend her sentiment. You were still here, but your chest ached at the idea of losing the thread of this night β of losing Jake. You felt yourself saddened by the simple idea of someday that summer becoming just a memory of your youth years.
βI wish I was an artist β a painter,β you blurted out. βSo I could paint this sky β this place, hold it forever.β
In your periphery, Jake tilted his head, following your gaze to the sky. He barely gave himself a moment before he said: βI can teach you β how to paint. I can teach you.β
β
And that was how you found yourself in Jakeβs garden in the middle of the night, a stack supporting a tiny canvas as he spared tint cans over the greenish grass, studying each color with such a deliberate passion that you couldnβt help but wonder how he was as his grandfatherβs pupil β at the university, all those layers you wish you had seen.
βJake?β
βYes, Baby?β
βHm, what was your favorite subject?β you asked. βIn art school.β
βPainting,β he said, not even giving himself a moment to think about it. βI like painting landscapes and anything about nature. There are some weekends that I would drive out of Seoul only for it, but also there was this one semester that we had to do peopleβs portraits as our grade project β I have to admit I didnβt like it very much.β
βPortraits?β
βYes, I painted your brother.β
βMy brother,β you echoed, the corner of your lips pinching to come upwards. βWas it that bad?β
βMaybe he wasnβt just the right muse,β he said, and it was impossible to hold any longer β you laughed. The idea of your brother not only having to pose at Jake, but being considered a muse β even if as a possibility β was simply too comical. You threw your head back, closing your eyes as you allowed the sound to whistle through the night. When you straightened yourself back to look at him, he was watching you, eyes all soft. βBut I would like to try again β with you.β
βI would let you,β you said, feeling your cheeks warmer than before and in the rush of the moment, you kept talking. βBut you know β I thought pottery would have been your favorite subject.β
βI thought so too, but it reminded me too much of my grandpa, it was hard to sit in the universityβs studio and not sorrow not being here.β
βI am sorry,β you said, but Jake only shrugged at it, moving his attention back to the paint cans as if it was nothing. Yet, you could see the slight bow of his shoulders, the weight of the mourning always lurking in. He once had said that grief never truly ends, it just gives people breaks, and you couldnβt imagine how it was to live always one step away from breaking.
You knew it was not a matter of deserving it or not β losing someone was one of the only certain things in life, but it made something within you ache, your nose pinching in that telltale of upcoming tears because you didnβt want Jake to live like this.
You really wanted to make things better for him.
Jake passed you a brush and a water cup, and when he stood to meet you, you were already stroking a great amount of water on his cheeks. His skin shimmered too prettily beneath the night sky but he only gasped at you, a momentary thing before his lips twirled on a smile, and it was worth it, even when he reached for another cup, falsely throwing it at you.
He ran when you did, feet a little clumsy on the greenish grass of his garden but neither of you really cared about what you were doing. The peals of laughter made it worth it, the rush of summer night on your face, but then, you were tripping upon an uneven part of his garden, being saved only because Jake finally had reached you, his hands sprawling onto your hips as he brought you to him. Both of you tumbled into the grass, Jake beneath you, and your legs tangled in a way that you were already used to by the amount of times you had made out on his couch.
Your hair fell on him, and he tucked it behind your ears β a useless act, honestly, because it kept sliding and falling, tickling his cheeks all over again. But Jake didnβt mind doing it again, again, and again, the tip of his fingers brushing against your forehead, taking their path towards your ear until finally β he decided to simply hold it there, his palm resting against your cheeks as his fingers twined in your hair, bringing you closer to a kiss.
A soft kiss. Your lips pressed against each other and stayed, stretching the act as if neither of you wanted to be anywhere that wasnβt here β but then, you pinched at his bottom lip, and Jake shifted both of you, rolling your bodies so you were the one pressed against the grass then. The full weight of him upon you, but you didnβt really complain β if anything, you parted your legs a bit further so he could fit better within the cradle of your thighs.Β
You shuddered as Jake moved further, the solid length of him pressed against your core, and making a moan escape within the moment your body failed due to the contact with him.Β
Jake halted at the sound of you, pushing himself up on his arms, but the distance he created had been so minimal. You could tell that he didnβt really want to let you go β and neither did you, if you were to be honest. So you reached for him, palm splaying through his neck as you held him still, your fingers sliding to where his shirt hung loosely around his neck as your thumb trailed down to his cheek.
You heard his breath catching in his throat as you traced the delicate contours of his lips, mapping every curve and dip with the pad of your thumb, yet he didnβt complain β he didnβt even say anything. Jake just gave you as much time and space as you wanted β whatever you wanted. Jake always seemed willing to give you whatever you wanted.Β
βJake.β
βTell me what it is, Baby.β
You were thankful for the lack of light outside because you could feel yourself blushing β not that flush of shyness spreading through your cheeks you had already grown accustomed to feel whenever you were too close to Jake, but something heftier, a fervor crawling down to your neck, your shoulders β spreading to your chest and then,Β lower, taking everything and making something within you hum β not really sure how to say you wanted him in the most bare and vulnerable way one could want.Β
βRemember when β remember when you said we would go on my time?β you asked. But despite the ease with which you shaped the question, you were suddenly too anxious to stay still. Your whole body felt too restless with the topic now hovering in the summer air, and you needed to do something, playing with his mouth once again, allowing your thumb to follow the curves of his lips with a concentration so deliberate that it couldnβt go unnoticed by him β not when Jake was always too good at diving all the nuances of your whole being. And perhaps that was why he pinched at your pad, his teeth biting your skin in a sweetly impulsive gesture that broke through the tension coiling in your chest almost instantly and made you look at him, finding that soft gaze that always made you feel alright.
βI do.β
βWhat if I say that I am ready? β that I want it to be with you?β
βOk,β he whispered. βOk.β
You almost expected him to laugh it off for tonight, let it go as all the other nights because when he stood up, bringing you with him, he only turned around, placing his hand behind his back to encourage you to catch up and grab it. You held hands across the garden and into the house, letting go only as you sunk yourself into the entrance seat to remove your heels, but Jake was already bending on a knee in front of you, his own fingers fumbling through the straps of your high heels and removing them, one at a time. And when he was finished, he didnβt let you go, curling his hand on your ankles and bringing you to him.
Your knees parted for him, creating a slot that he took with no ado, allowing your thighs to straddle his ribs as his hands traced upper and upper through your legs, taking the hem of your dress and hiking it up until he found the curve of your hips and spread his fingers through.
βHold on me,β he whispered. βWill you, Baby?β
Thoughts felt irrelevant as you finished molding yourself into his chest, arms curling around his neck as his fingers sunk onto your skin, holding you so fiercely that you wondered if he was afraid you could simply fade away within the small moments he took to carry you to his bedroom and sit you at the edge of his bed.Β
It was far more gentle than you ever imagined it would be β worshipful even.
Jake kissed your forehead, then your cheeks β hisΒ lips pestering over your face with soft pecks before he moved lower, discovering that one sensitive spot underneath your jaw, and when you shivered, he smiled, taking it as an incentive to move to the column of your neck, his mouth parting as his tongue slipped out in a tiny tease that got you gasping softly β almost silently, hands closing at the shoulders of his shirt.
βAnxious?β he asked.Β
βA bit,β you admitted.
Jake moved back then, and for a second you were afraid he was going to end it all, assume that you should give it more thought, but before you could try to assure him, he cradled your face within his palms, holding your gaze. In the dimly lit room, his eyes seemed brighter somehow, sparkling with the shafts of light filtering through his curtains, all sincere, earnest, and with that softness that never failed to make something within you break loose. βWe donβt need to do anything you are uncomfortable with, alright? You tell me to stop, and I do, no question asked.β
You nodded at him, and the smile on Jakeβs face was like the whole summer. Everything about him was warm, soft, absolutely intoxicating and yet β you couldnβt get enough. You shuddered as Jake reached down at you, his hands slipping beneath the hem of your dress once again, but this time going further than your hips, brushing through the contours of your ribcage as he drew your dress up and up β until he could go no further, and you had to lift your arms so he could slip the piece off you and into somewhere over the hardwood floor of his bedroom.
You would have felt embarrassed sitting there, chest bare and panties of a simple cotton that matched your skin tone because your dress had been just too thin β if Jake wasnβt sighing then, reaching for you as if you were something an idealist painter had created in a dream. His fingers traced patterns along the smooth expanse of your clavicle, following the subtle angle of it before they glided down to the inner curve of your breasts, staying there for the while of two heartbeats before he lowered himself, trading his fingers for his mouth and giving you a kiss.
βYou are beautiful, Baby,β he said, his lips still against you. βSo β so beautiful.β
You couldnβt reckon a moment when you had felt so aware of your body as you were at that moment. Even his lightest moves felt overwhelming. You could feel each centimeter of your skin tingling as he inhaled again, giving himself a gush of air before his mouth parted to place another kiss, and then, another β subtly moving lower and lower until he found the front of your panties. His fingers followed suit, fumbling through the edges of it as he looked up at you, his eyes bringing the question instead of his voice, and making you nod at him once again, your hands closing at his blankets as you moved a bit further into the edge of his bed in reply, allowing him to slide your last clothing piece off you.
As much as you knew it was the moment when you should come truly conscious, you couldnβt β not when Jake was being so gentle with you, so unbelievably gentle. Everything was so willful and unhurried, almost as if he meant to store every little piece of you into his memory and sculpt it out of clay at a later date β but perhaps he was genuinely going to because there could be no other explanation for the way his hands felt adoring as he hitched your panties down to your legs, deifying when his fingers dug at your ankles, lifting them to his lips and giving them a kiss.
βJake,β you called, not because you needed to say something, but because you couldnβt hold it anymore β your chest was swelling then, big enough to break open with love for him. And perhaps, he had felt it too β heard it in your voice, this sickening desperation, because he moved into the space between your legs, his stomach pressed to the mattress as he brought the back of your knees to his shoulders.
βIβm here, Baby,β he whispered. βIβm here.β
Jake leaned against your leg as if he meant to prove the point, his mouth brushing against the skin of the inner of your thighs before his lips parted, moving further into you so slowly, unhurried, and taking you completely by surprise when he suddenly mouthed over your folds. You moaned at his actions, your back falling into his mattress as your hands faltered at his blankets and causing him to lift his head to you. An appraisal that you were glad that he came to an answer all by himself and demanded nothing from you because you doubted your brain was currently a functioning thing β even before he continued, his tongue seeking and finding your clit as he stretched out onto you, slightly folding you over the mattress β you doubted you were thinking straight.
Your clitoris started to awaken as Jake lapped at you, his tongue moving from the base of your cunt to that tiny little bud, circling and sucking it lightly, and then β circling it again, a twirl all around its edge before he gave it a kiss. A long, tender kiss.Β
You looked down to him, and your gazes caught. His eyes were sparkling with something you would come to learn as a telltale, a small sign through the fleeting moment he took to avail everything before he decided that it was alright to push you further into your edges, this time suckling at your clit and making your back arch.
The pleasure felt so sharp, your hands flew at his hair for some leverage, weaving your fingers in it in a manner that should have been painful. But if anything, Jake groaned beneath your hold, giving you another suckle almost as if he wanted you to have the same reaction. But it was your legsβ turn to move on their own accord, ankles locking on his back and bringing him impossibly closer, yet β he seemed as satisfied as he continued, mouthing over you like he wanted nothing more than to taste you, licking the entrance of your body again, over and over a hundred times.Β
Something within you pulsed against his mouth, coiling until it couldnβt twist and tighten any more. Every nerve felt exposed then, and he found every exposed nerve and touched it with the tip of his tongue, touched and touched as you trembled and shuddered.Β
βYou taste so good,β Jake said. βI could stay here β I could stay here forever.β The warmth of his breath against your entrance felt so overwhelming already that you almost missed the faint presence of his fingers hovering over your labia, applying a tentative pressure before he stuck a finger into you. You clenched around him, and he let out a soft noise, a moan, perhaps, almost as if he didnβt mean to, lifting his head to look back at you, his eyes sparkling once again before he pushed one more finger in.
The feeling made you gasp, your mouth hanging open as your back arched off the bed, harder this time, so your head had been thrown back into the blankets that smelled like him, that perfect combination of flowery soap and oranges, clay and glaze. And just like that, Sim Jaeyun was everywhere around β everywhere inside you. When your body eased itself on the mattress once again, his fingers curled against your walls, taking guesses until he found that one spot that made your body flop, and he focused himself there.
Itβs not like you had never fingered yourself β you had, coming far enough times all alone, but Jakeβs fingers were much thicker and longer than yours, and the combination of them with his mouth was simply overwhelming. His tongue found your clit once again and never left it, sucking and licking in rhythm with the thrusting of his fingers until your cunt was clamping around him, and when you tried to press your thighs close, his free hand gripped on you, holding you open for him.
You could hear Jake slurping you up, taking all that he could over the sound of your heart pounding against your ears. And it was so messy β so dirty. You knew your fluids were dripping down on his palm by the sound it made whenever he pushed into you, and you wanted to hide somehow, pull yourself deeper into his mattress in a way that you would disappear β but you also wanted it to never end.Β
You wanted to stay with him forever.
βJake,β you called, his name slipping from your lips just for the sake of saying it, your small call for safety, and he moved deeper into you, giving you the one final pressure you needed for your eyes to flutter closed, your orgasm crashing through your body as your legs shook slightly beneath his grip. But Jake didnβt let go β working you through it and not easing off until you had become too sensitive, squirming under his mouth, pumping your hips, and grasping at him.
His fingers slipped out of you as he suckled at your clit once again β just so he could have your body trembling one last time before he placed a kiss on the inner part of your thigh.Β
You were thankful that he decided to hover back at you, allowing you to curl your arms over his shoulder, tightening your bodies so close together that when reality slowly snuck back in, there was nothing but the two of you.
Seogwipo had always been silent β no matter what time it was, but tonight not even the breezes seemed to be current. There was nothing except for your breaths mingling in the space within you and the sound of your heart slowly coming into peace.
βThatβs my Baby,β he whispered. βDid so good for me-β
βJake,β you broke in.
βYou ok?β he asked. He sounded a bit concerned all of a sudden, pushing himself up and away from you β his hands brushing over your body, caressing your sides as if to rub any pain.
You hummed at him, but the sound must not have been that convincing because he didnβt stop, his hands still working through your skin, watching you attentively.
βTell me what it is,β he tried.Β
You could feel that he didnβt care about coming, not really β not when you had given him the opportunity to make you fall apart on his fingers. Jake could deal with himself quite well later on in the shower just with the memory of it, and so, you were slipping your hands through his shirt, curling your fingers on the buttons of his shirt and bringing him closer to you.
βI want you,β you whispered, moving your knee just so you could graze at the front of his jeans. The contact was fleeting, barely more than a whisper of skin against fabric, but it was enough to draw a sharp breath from Jake, his hips bucking beneath your touch, almost as if he couldnβt help it. βPlease.β
You knew you were begging at this point, your voice trembling with a foreign desperation even to yourself. Yet you didnβt care. You wanted him β needed him β that was an utter truth, and perhaps that was exactly what broke him.
How could he say no to you? Jake could give you anything even if you never asked in a heartbeat β in the moment his body took to live from one moment to another.
Your hands met in the middle, opening all of his shirtβs buttons, and allowing Jake to hurl it out and onto his bedroom floor. The piece fell with a silent thud that matched the breathless gasp Jake released when you reached for him again, your fingers splaying through him, following the skin of his just-exposed abdomen until you had reached for his neck, curling it around the slope curve of it and bringing him down on you.Β
You imagined that Jake had far enough experience β a reasonable body count for a graduated university man β but it somehow felt like he was rediscovering himself with you. When you placed a kiss on his throat, lips parting against his skin and surely leaving a mark. He groaned as if it had never happened before, or if it did, it never had the effect you are having on him, and the thought scattered shivers through your spine, bold enough to make you push at the waist of his jeans, fingers slipping past the band of his boxers and plowing it far enough for him to only kick it out. It had barely hit his bedroom floor before his lips were on you again, his tongue pressing against yours and tasting like you.
βBaby,β he whispered, and you clenched at his sides with the endearing name, thighs closing, and holding him for a heartbeat more before he was sitting on his ankles, taking himself in his hand. His fingers curled around his length almost beautifully, closing and molding before he gave it a few hard plumps, and making it glisten beneath the low light.
You rose yourself up on your elbows, moving your legs further apart almost unconsciously as you watched him grinding his tip at your entrance, moving himself there but not quite pushing in yet β Jake wouldnβt dare, not without casting one last questioning glance in your direction and receiving your consent.Β
Your head fell back as he pushed the tip inside of you, a stung noise fleeing from your lips before you could hold. It had been quick, but Jake halted then, his brows furrowing with something between pleasure and concern.
βI need you to talk to me,β he said. βItβs supposed to pinch, but not hurt β am I hurting you?β
βNo,β you whispered. βYou arenβt. Itβs alright β you can keep going, itβs alright.β
βBaby, are you sure?β
βJake,β you whined. Jake snorted β snorted, his free hand resting upon the curve of your thigh, wetting the tip of his thumb with your fluids, before he found your clitoris, rubbing it in slow and deliberate circles that got you feeling just too good, hips moving up and down, welcoming whatever he was giving, and making him groan.
He wasnβt smiling anymore, and you never thought you could come to find an expression that you loved to see on him more than happiness β but the one he was wearing right now β it could come so close to it. His cheeks were flushed, and his lips had come apart, a breathless gasp continuously threatening to escape as he gazed down on your bodies, his eyes focused on where he was slowly pushing further into you.Β
The stretch wasnβt as bad as you had expected it to be, not as painful as you had heard about β not when you were so wet with his preparations, and still growing impossibly wetter, but β he was barely halfway in and you felt so full already, it was somewhat inane. You had to reach for him, your fingers curling and tightening against his arms until he came all the way in and you were suddenly comfortable.
βThere,β he whispered, the word leaving his lips almost as a pant, but he was smiling again, his fingers squeezing at where he had left them on you as a reassurance or perhaps a reward β although you had done nothing aside from being there. βYou ok?β
βPerfectly.β
βPerfectly, hm?β You could hear the flirt in his voice, a tiny tease that you really couldnβt feel shy about because Jake was bracing himself above you, his weight on his elbows as he kissed your lips, your neck, and then your throat β spreading pecks as far as he could reach and making you shiver.
Jake surely was loving to make you shiver.Β
βI kind of agree,β he said. βPerfect.β
It was slow at first, the same patience you had watched him having with his creations, slowly and tenderly shaping them up to his confident acknowledgment β and when he finally came completely out, he already knew exactly how to move back in, how to make you whine, and his name to escape from your lips a little bit more frantic.
You had expected sex to be something like this, bodies tightening and coming apart in a cadence that made something within your chest ache but it was more than that β more than anything you could imagine, actually. It was something like feeling your heart splitting at the stitching, and it was terrifying, raw β and yet incredible. It felt so good to gush around him, your bodies molding as a single thing and you couldnβt help but wrap your legs around his waist, holding him so close to you. Jake faltered, his head falling into the crook of your neck as his lips found that one sensitive spot that got you crying out for him.Β
βGod, youβre so perfect,β he murmured against your skin. βYouβre so fucking perfect. Do you even know what you are doing to me?β
You shook your head, not quite sure if it was the proper answer because your thoughts were slipping and escaping, your whole body focused on him.
βSqueezing me so tight β you like it when I talk to you like this, donβt you?β
And you wanted to tell him that you liked him, whatever he did to you would be alright, but you were approaching the edge once again. Your mind blurring as your whole body turned taut underneath him, your fingers weavering through his hair, and you forced yourself to at least hold it back β to not end it yet merely because you didnβt want to let Jake go. But he seemed to sense your impending release. His movements became more focused and deliberate. Each thrust of his hips was pronounced with a wet clash, obscenely loud with the slick dribble coming out of your cunt, and you could feel it pooling into the blankets underneath you.
βCome for me, Baby,β he whispered. βIβve got you.β
You grasped around him, and Jake shifted within your hold, coming up to his hands. He had his brows furrowed once again and was patting himself, his breath being almost torn apart from him at the feeling of how tight you were around him, molding and clenching down on his length until he went tense. The hands you adored so much to watch, tightened on the blankets in a death grip, making his veins bulge underneath his skin, scattering all the way up to his forearms because he could feel his own orgasm building up in the pit of his stomach and threatening to release.
But you were his priority and so, one of his hands moved between your bodies, reaching your clitoris once again β and you couldnβt hold it anymore, the orgasm hit you with a force so blinding and obliterating, you arched to him, your back rising off the mattress, but Jake only took the opportunity to kiss your chest, a way too sweet gesture for the way he was still thrusting inside of you.
Later on, when you analyzed the whole thing, you would be thankful for the fact that his mattress was placed in the middle of the room, no headboard slamming against anything to further mortify you because you were surely it would be slamming right now.
βThatβs my Baby,β he said. It wasnβt dirty talk anymore, but mere babbling, Jake losing himself on the way you were twitching around him, cumming and teetering on overstimulation and giving him everything to chase his own high. βJust a bit more β just a bit more, I promise-β
His hips pushed one final time against you, burying his length deeply inside you as he came, filling you beyond entireness β pouring out of you even as his hips kept moving, slowly towing your climaxes for as long as he could before he finally halted.
For a moment, time seemed to stand still, the two of you lost in the afterglow. And when he finally slipped out, moving to look at you, there were golden stripes painted across his cheeks, the sun rising somewhere over the horizon and casting the same soft light of when you realized you were in love with him, and suddenly it was too hard to let him go.
You didnβt notice a tear had escaped through your eyes until Jake was smoothing a thumb over your cheeks, all his features falling in worry, but you didnβt allow him to pronounce what was on his mind, catching his lips on yours, kissing him sweeter than it shouldβve been considering you were still naked in his bed, your bodies so mixed up that you couldnβt quite tell where you ended and he began.
βI am fine,β you told him. βI am.β
You just werenβt sure what you were supposed to do with everything you were feeling for him.
A murmur about staying like this must have slipped from your lips because Jake smiled down at you then, saying that it was ok, you could stay like this for as long as you liked.
He rolled you both through the bed, his back falling into the mattress as he brought you to his chest so you could lay on it, his heart slowly coming to peace underneath you. And you stayed β stayed until the room had turned orange and pink with the sunrise, and the particles of dust sparkled with the full sun. You stayed like this until Jake was hard again, and you swung a leg over his hips, kissing him to stave away any possible awkwardness as your fingers brushed and tangled over his length, guiding him into you.
You shuddered from the overwhelming sensation of having him so soon, but you didnβt let him stop. And so, his hands spread over your skin, holding you in place while he worked on you with slow, long thrusts, making you come in the morning haze.
When everything was over, you could feel him trembling with laughter, his shoulders fluttering underneath your touch.
Your palms flattered against his chest as you pushed yourself up to gaze at him, but you didnβt need to inquire what happened β he was already cursing and saying, βYour brother is going to fucking kill me.β
And it got you laughing too.
You woke up to the feeling of Jakeβs lips on your shoulders.Β
It wasnβt new, honestly. Ever since the night at the bar, you both had been sharing his grandparentsβ old bedroom, and to wake up to his kisses had already become an usual occurrence β what genuinely surprised you was the fact that the room was still indigo blue which for the standards of Jejuβs sunrises it was too early.
βBaby,β he called.
βWhatβs this?β you asked, reaching to him. βAre you ok?β
Jake nodded at you. In the low light you could see him closing his eyes, leaning onto your touch as he breathed a little deeper.
βI just need to go out for a bit,β he told you. βItβs my grandfatherβs birthday, and I would like to visit his grave.β
You blinked at him. Your sleepy state made it difficult for you to process what he had just said, but as his body moved to slip away, you held him.
βMay I go with you?β
β
Jakeβs grandfather had been buried beneath an enormous Japanese cedar tree at Hallasan mountain β high enough just for you to see the sea stretching and merging with the horizon in what Jake called a seamless blend of blues β painfully difficult to convey on a canvas.Β
He had already tried.
Wildflowers in most diverse tones dotted the grass surrounding the grave, moving gently in the morning mist still clinging to the lower slopes as you watched Jake pouring sake at the ground β sake, because the old man didnβt like anything aside from it, and although you and Jake had agreed it tasted like soju if chosen rightly, none of you mentioned it as he emptied the small bottle over the grave before sitting down. Although his hands were steady, there was some hesitancy in Jakeβs movements, something almost uncertain in the way his fingers hovered over each stem before he tore it out, rolling it through before he moved to the next and then, the next.
Jake looked younger than he usually did there, the years he had ahead of you being taken away β it wasnβt the first time it had happened, honestly, nor the second. You had seen him regressing uncountable times through his boyish happiness, but it was the first time you had seen it be taken away by his grief and it made something within your chest ache, your nose trickling at a telltale of tears.
βMay I say something to him?β you asked.
βOf course, Baby,β Jake said, already holding his hand out so he could help you settle yourself.
Your hand responded before your brain did, reaching to his palm as you kneeled by the space at his side. Because that was simply how your body worked β always seeking for Jake.
βHello, grandpa,β you said. βIt might come suddenly as we have never met, but I am living in your old house at the back of the pottery shop. Itβs a lovely place, and I canβt help but keep imagining how much love it has been built from β Jake must have been so loved there, so thank you so much for taking care of him.βΒ You could feel Jakeβs gaze on you now, the weight of his full attention making you suddenly conscious about what you were doing, but because you had already begun, you had no other option than to keep going, βI imagine you must be worried about him, but please, donβt. Jake is doing well β really well, honestly. You would have been so proud to see what a person he has become β I am proud of him myself and I only came to know him not long ago.β
βHe is taking good care of the pottery shop, and continuing your idea of allowing people to make their own pieces and receive them later. I have packed and dispatched a dozen already β to all corners of this world,β you paused βAlright, being extremely honest, he was not taking care of his health much. He was only eating ramen and whatever Mrs. Choi brought him β I guess you knew Mrs. Choi, right?β
Jake laughed at you then, the sound scattering and spreading through the morning air, and making it all worth it, βhe did, Baby,β
βGood,β you said. βBut well, back to my point, now I am forcing him to have all the important meals and an ice cream daily. So please, donβt worry about him and be at peace.β
A breeze whispered through the cedar branches above, their needles shimmering underneath the sunlight as you turned your gaze towards Jake, catching how his eyes had softened then, reflecting in that one golden glow you loved so much to see.Β
βItβs not fair,β Jake whispered. βYou canβt make me love you like this every day.β
Your body faltered then, suddenly weightless and threatening to break open. It was not the first time Jake had used the word love towards you. He had done it on the night he confessed his feelings, but there was a new weight to it now, a sense of permanency β Jake was no longer falling, he was right here β he was staying right here.
He squeezed your hand before his eyes strayed to his grandfatherβs grave once again.
βI have brought someone today, grandpa β I really wish you had met her while you were still here. She is something β I am telling you, she appeared at your old pottery shop in a Calvin Klein dress, and a Rimowa luggage in her hands. But I am not saying this because she is vain. I doubt she even notices how she carries herself around the world. If you ask her, she will be surprised that she is using another expensive piece today too.β You looked at yourself then, gaze falling into the silk camisole your mother had brought you from one of her trips to Milan and your shorts β this one from a local store β or at least, that was what your grandma had said. βShe is really humble, actually. She appeared at the shop because she had rescued a kitten and was kicked out of her apartment in Jeju City. Can you believe that?β
βYou really would have loved to meet her.β
βShe lit up my world β you always told me to find someone like this, and I finally did β or rather, she found me. I thought I was the one helping by allowing her to stay at your old house, telling her to fulfill her wishes and getting her back, but actually, she was the one helping me β I didnβt notice how lonely I was before she came. I wasnβt sad, thatβs not it. I never doubted choosing the pottery shop, I never doubted dropping med school, but I thought that it was it,β
βI thought that I needed to give up something to have another. I never imagined I could have someone to support me while being on it, and that it could be this good.β
βShe is right, grandpa, you shouldnβt worry β I canβt remember the last time I have been this happy β if I had ever been this happy. So please, rest well.β
Jake bowed at him, the act as solemn as one could do. And when he was finished, his gaze met yours for one last time before he used your connected hands to pull you closer and up onto him. His back against the grass, your limbs tangled, and your hair tickling his cheeks. He reached out β just so, he could brush your hair, warm fingertips moving through your forehead, following a path to your ears β but experience had him already holding it there, his palm cupping your cheeks as he kept it still.
βThank you for being here with me today,β he whispered.
βYou donβt need to thank me.β
βI need to,β he said. βI need to thank you every day β for finding me and saving me when I didnβt even know I needed it.β
Your lips parted with the intention of another retort, but Jake was already pulling forward, placing a tiny peck over your mouth and silencing you.Β
βLetβs go home, Baby,β he said. βI want to cuddle you through the rest of the day.β
β
Yet you should have known β it was rare for your plans with Jake to go exactly as you both wanted them to.
It had been easy to forget about Sunhwaβs existence when she had become just a moment in the past, but as she stood in front of Jakeβs door, it all came rushing to you.
She had traded the pink and blue pins for a single cherry red one, its deep color matching her tee almost as perfectly as it matched her sneakers, and if you thought that she seemed artsy and free with the restaurantβs uniform, you couldnβt come to find the right words as you looked at her there β without a single restriction between her and herself.
Sunhwaβs gaze plunged into you, and you felt it like a real thing β skimming through each piece of your being before it found your hand still laced with Jakeβs, and her full attention weighed on your lungs, making it impossible for you to breathe.Β
βWhoβs this?β she asked.
βMy girlfriend,β Jake replied, giving himself not even a second to linger on it. And in any other circumstances it would have gotten your heart leaping, that one unreasonable loverβs foolishness, but Sunhwa was raising her eyebrows then, her eyes traveling over you as if she hadnβt done it just a second previously.Β
She didnβt need to speak her thoughts. Her feelings toward you were already visible by the way her nose wrinkled then, but still β she seemed to relish her mind so much that she had to, βI guess it makes sense,β she said. βShe is all built on daddyβs money too, makes your type.β
βHey,β you shouted, thrown by the anger in your own voice. You had never been the one to initiate a fight β actually, on a better reckoning, you had never been in a fight. The closest perhaps had been some disagreement with Jongseong, mean words thrown and halted with no real damage β but it wouldnβt be the case of this one. You could already feel the cracks forming within your bones.
The offense hadnβt been directed towards you β you knew it. Jake had told you that the fact his family had money was one of the reasons for their constant fights on the mainland, but the understatement that she was trying to hurt Jake settled worse than if she had directly cursed you.
βHey?β she echoed. βHow old are you to speak like this with me?β
βYou are out of your mind if you are genuinely expecting me to treat you with respect right now,β you said, cheeks suddenly warmer because you had never been good at hiding your emotions, and of course β of course, your anger would be no different β you just hoped that it wouldnβt be the type of feeling that made tears come up to your eyes because this would be truly embarrassing. βRespect should be reciprocal. From the moment you fail, I come to care less how old you are or who you are. You disrespect Jake, and I wonβt stand still.β
βDo you even know me?β she asked, her Jeju dialect coming as thick as Mrs. Choiβs due to her anger. βI came here to talk with Jake, not you.β
βI told you β I donβt care,β you said. βYou thought you were going through a hard time, but you never cared to check if Jake wasnβt. It was all about you β just like right now. You insult him and expect him to still listen and agree with you.β
βGet some decency,β you continue. βIt genuinely hurts me to think Jake once relied on you and believed that you were the only person at his side β he deserves so much more.β
Sunhwaβs expression twisted as she launched herself towards you. The movement had been so hasty that you didnβt notice it until Jake had already moved, taking the space between the two of you and protectively arranging you behind him.
For a moment, the world seemed to halt β for the first time ever since you had spotted Sunhwa, you could hear the branches at the other side of the street stirring and shuddering through the sea breezes.
βThat wonβt do,β Jake said. βYou should leave now, Sunhwa β I told you in the restaurant, and I am reaffirming it now β we have nothing to talk about. What happened, happened. Letβs leave it as a regret in our past.β
Regret.
Jake might as well have slapped her. The word stung like a handprint on her cheeks β harder than anything you had said and made her linger, too stunned to move as he stepped past her β pulling you along with him.
For the first time you were thankful that he never bothered to lock the houseβs door during the day, allowing you both to slip inside with no further ado, you tumbling into the entrance stool as Jake kneeled in front of you.Β
βYou are shaking, Baby,β he said, gently reaching for your free hand and holding it as well β his palms enfolding you into his warmth as if your tremor was just coldness and not your nerves threatening to break open.
βI am sorry,β you whispered. βI-β
βYou have nothing to be sorry for,β he said. βI am the one who should be sorry for putting you in the middle of this.β
βJake-β
βWhen you arrived here β I couldnβt stop thinking about how cute and small you were. I had heard enough of you from your brother to have an idea of you β but to see the reality of it,β he shook his head. βIt hurt me to see you carrying so much on those tiny shoulders. I wanted to hug you β take you within my arms and tell you that it was alright to let it go,β
βSo I am sorry,β he said. βPlease, donβt take it for you.β
Something suddenly lodged within you, burning your throat with an indication of tears. Jakeβs words had landed with such genuine care β you couldnβt come to form a response, much less a retort, and so, you only nodded at him, earning the tiniest peck as a reward.
βNow let me cuddle you as I intended to.β
You hummed at his request, and Jake wasted no time in taking you in his arms, his hands slipping from yours just so he could spread them through your thighs as he carried you to his old grandparentsβ room and settled you on the mattress.
Jake hovered above you, a small smile tucking at the corner of his mouth before he leaned over, pinching at your bottom lip and coaxing you to open up to him, allowing his tongue to dip into your mouth before he retreated and then pushed again β teasing you until you were whimpering at him, hands wavering through his hair and holding him still.Β
But the act made you both laugh, the sound meddling and blending within the space of your bodies as he pushed himself up to his elbows. And it was happening. You didnβt know what caused it, but as you looked up at him, you could feel your heart swelling in a threat to break open.
You loved Jake.
You loved Jake so much that you didnβt even know what to do with it aside from telling him, allowing these three words to roll from your tongue and materialize into the summer air, making him halt.
Itβs not like he didnβt know. Over the past weeks, he had seen it in your eyes, tasted it at your lips, and felt it through every one of your touches. Yet, the impact of how you worldly confirmed you loved him, seemed to lance through his body. He looked at you like you were a dream to him β and perhaps you were. You could hear the slight tremor in his breath when he exhaled. And the words that came later ached within you.
βI love you too β I love you so much, my Baby β sometimes I feel like I am going to die because of it.β
Your hands found the back of his neck, bringing his forehead against yours at the same time he grabbed one of your thighs, pulling it around his hips.
βDonβt die on me,β you whispered.
βI am trying very hard, believe me,β he said. βBut I canβt help, you have this effect on me.β
The storm hadnβt been forecasted or expected, a monsoon rolling through the last day of July and catching both of you unprepared from your trip to the convenience store for ice pops.
A gasp escaped through your lips, but you couldnβt confide if it was because of the sudden raindrops kissing your skin or the way Jake pulled you through the rest of the street, using your connected hands to rush you through the side path from the shop to the garden, and into the house.
You laughed as you tripped over the shoes at the entrance hall, but Jake was fast on catching you, leaning you against the wall in order to prevent you both from falling. One of his hands pressed over the curve of your lower back to push you further into him, the line of your bodies pressed together, as the other tangled through your hair, the tip of his fingers finding your nape.
βI want to paint you,β he murmured β blurted out, an admission you werenβt sure he intended to confess, but you caught yourself smiling at him. His voice was all fondness and appreciation. βCan I paint you, Baby?β
You already knew the answer, but you decided to draw the moment a little longer, tilting your head as if you were considering it. And Jake leaned on you, his lips brushing through the column of your neck, interleaving kisses and pleads, tiny please that went down to the neckline of your top, his knees already ready to bend as he planned to go further, but you reached for him, touching his neck, right where his hair grew above the collar of his shirt.
βAlright,β you said. βYou can paint me.β
β
βHow do you want me?β you asked, immediately stealing a laugh from Jake.
His room was no brighter than the whole house, the rainy clouds making everything a bit grayish and dim. But he didnβt care about turning the lights on before he reached for a blank canvas prompt on his desk.
He turned back to you, taking that small sliver of skin between your skirt and top, grazing his fingers there for a quiet moment before he passed through the hem of it, rushing up to your ribcage. Your whole body trembled as he brought you closer to him.
βItβs a dangerous question, Baby,β he whispered, lips brushing through yours. βBut anything you give me, I will take it.β
You werenβt sure what it was about Jake that caused you to find yourself doing everything you normally thought impossible, but you reached for the back zipper of your skirt, tugging it down until the piece got loose from your waist and fell, pooling onto your feet as you pulled your arms up.
Jakeβs breath hitched and stammered, his surprise taking him for a full moment before finally he allowed himself to push his hands a bit further, drawing your top up and out of you too before unclasping your bra.
You sat on the hardwood floor of his room, his sheet barely wrapped around your waist, and still leaving a lot of your skin to be bathed by the dim light of the afternoon as you watched Jake giving the first strokes β the same satisfying, and controlled strokes that somehow made the act of painting an art itself and you loved to watch so much.
Jake looked back at you, and you knew he had noticed how closely you were watching him, gaze following the familiar way his fingers curled around the brush, the way he knew the exact amount of pressure he was supposed to use only to make his stocks fluid on the canvas.
βI am starting to regret it,β he sighed.
βWhy?β
βYou are too pretty. Itβs highly distracting.β
Your lips parted to retort, but whatever words you had chosen slipped and slid as he abandoned his brush, reaching for you instead. One hand molded to the lower of your back as the other chased for your neck, the tip of his fingers weaving through your hair, and bringing your mouth to his.
His lips parted too, heavy breaths blending as he caught your bottom lips with his once, twice β just enough for you to feel comfortable enough to lick over him, slipping past his lips, and tasting the cherry ice pop he had chosen earlier in the convenience store and the rain still pounding against the windows and resonating with the rhythm of your heart.
Your hands snuck down to his sides, fingers scraping down to the waist of his jeans as you tried to end a distance that didnβt exist anymore. You were too close already, bodies so tangled you werenβt sure which one of you was shivering, but Jake seemed to understand your urgency as his fingers dug into your skin a little harder, pressing you to him, and when you grind against him, he groaned, the sound doing something to you that you couldnβt explain.
βJake,β you murmured. βWait.β
βI am sorry,β he said, hurling away from you. His back met the legs of his desk fast and in a heap. βNot today?β
βThatβs not it,β you said. βI mean-β
βYes?β
βI want you to teach me how to touch you.β Although you didnβt give yourself enough time to doubt the wisdom of saying it, you had to take a breath before you spoke, inhaling summer, rainstorms, and Jake β just Jake, making the words come a bit weakly, almost too silent for your own ears, and for a moment you doubted he had heard you. But then, Jake stopped, a sharp swallow going into his lungs. It seemed to take him a long time to make sense of your sentence, and when he finally did, you could notice it took every ounce of him to not simply rumble you through the floor, kneel before you and touch you β eat you, make up for all the gentleness he had with you on the first time.
He laughed then. A bright burst that would have gotten you burning, if his hands werenβt already finding their way back to you, the tip of his fingers brushing a stray lock of your hair to the back of your ears as he moved closer again.
βHow can I say no to you?β he asked. βAsk me anything and I will give it to you.β
βAnything?β you asked, making Jake hum, leaning in so his nose brushed against the column of your neck.
βAnything, Babyβ
βI just want you.β
βI am yours.β
You pushed your fingers underneath his t-shirt, rippling it with goosebumps at your bare touch, but if anything Jake only reached for the collar of it, helping you hurl it out and to the great mess his room was.
You could feel that Jake was overwhelmed, desire and lust lying right next to each other in his heart, each sharpening the other, but he allowed you to take your pace nevertheless, leaning himself against the legs of his desk once again as he watched you β burning you with affection and fondness as he accompanied every move you made. From the way the tip of your fingers followed the lines of his abdomen to how you finally reached for his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them, pushing them down to his thighs together with his boxers, and revealing that he was already erect and glistening at the tip.
It wasnβt the first time you were seeing Jake this bare, but it was the first time you felt like you could stare, and so, you did β taking him in completely.
Jakeβs lips parted in a soft gasp as you reached for him, tentatively brushing through his extension. Starting from the already flushed tip and moving to the prominent veins all over him and then, all the way back, receiving an almost imperceptible buck of his hips in response.
You glanced up at him again and saw him watching you β waiting for you.
βJake?β
βAlright,β he rasped, taking your hand on his, placing your palm right against his shaft before he folded you over, pressing slightly. The gesture felt familiar somehow, the echo of how he guided you against the clay many weeks ago faintly there, all together with the way he taught you that shooting game in your date at the bar, but then, he pulsed against your touch, and something tightened on your stomach. The room was suddenly thick with tension, the air heavier against your shoulders, but you knew that whatever way this ended, whatever happened next, it was going to be worth it.Β
βStart slowly,β he whispered, moving your hands down to his bottom and up again, applying just enough pressure to make his breath catch.
βLike this?β you asked.
βYes, just like that, Baby,β he said, his eyes fluttering shut momentarily before he reopened them again, following your hands. βYou can grip a little tighter, if you want to.β
You did as he said, tightening your grip slightly as you stroked him. The change in pressure made Jakeβs breath hitch, a soft groan escaping his lips as his hand faltered above yours, but then, he pressed again, taking the lead as he showed you how to twist slightly near the tip before moving down.
βDonβt stop,β he mumbled.
So you didnβt β even when his grip on you loosened completely, and his hand fell against the hardwood floor as if he could weave his fingers on it. You didnβt stop even when he threw his head back, pulse jumping in his neck as his hips started to move in rhythm with your strokes, because you knew you were getting him there, and you were surprised to notice that you loved it.
You never thought that giving someone pleasure would feel so self-satisfactory, but you caught yourself loving to be the reason behind each one of his reactions, and you suddenly understood why Jake did everything in his power to unfurl your first night together β never letting go until the last possible moment.
You knew that you didnβt need to ask if you were doing it right, his whole body was telling you that you were. You could see that he was flushed, even in the low light, and his hair was sticking to him with the accumulating sweat, but you asked still, leaning on him so that when you asked your lips brushed softly, sweetly, and nothing like you were still touching him.
βI feel like you are trying to kill me, but yes, Baby,β he breathed. βJust like that.β
The desk creaked as he shifted, his body following you with an unmistakable need as his hands cradled your cheek, a single thumb tracing the curve of your bottom lip before he leaned forward and kissed you.
βJust like that,β he repeated, wild, and unraveled in a way you had never heard him, but it only made you smile at him, pressing the softest peck to his mouth before you slowed down, raising yourself on your knees.
βJake,β you called. βMay I-β
Perhaps it had been the way you were already hovering above him, but Jake was fast to catch you, a hand molded to your waist as the other slipped between your thighs, fingers hooking into the lace of your panties, and pulling it to the side so you could line him to your entrance, his tip pressed against where you need him the most.
His breath hitched when you came down on him, whispering your name, pronouncing it with the same deliberate slowness he always had and you couldnβt help but moan at the whole feel of him, palms spreading at the lower of his abdomen, head a bit thrown back and barely giving time before you started a slow, hard grind on his lap, lifting yourself up and down, dragging your cunt against his pelvis, his length buried deep enough inside you that the base of him caught your clit.
A spasm scattered through your spine with the contact, pushing down into your thighs. And you braced yourself, your hands slipping up to his shoulders for some leverage before you did it again.
βThere is no way,β he murmured. βItβs your first time doing it.β
βWho else could I have done it with?β
βSome stupid swimmer back in Seoul.β You werenβt sure if it had been because of his saying or your surprise when he rolled both of you through the floor, but you were laughing β laughing so hard that Jake stopped, his hands still hooked on the back of your knees but not quite bringing you to him as he intended.
βYou are my only one,β you said.
Only one β not only your first but also the last one to come.
You looked up at him, catching a flick across his face as though he didnβt quite believe it, but he also didnβt care. He was your only one at that moment, and it was enough.
Jake hitched your legs around his hips, holding himself carefully above you as he took your lips, kissing you so when he pushed into you once again, you could feel how much he wanted you in every sharp breath.
His moves were careless this time, gone on all your previous teasing, yet still β he managed to make you tighten around him, fingers curling on the hair of his nape as your mouth parted against his, his name coming so softly from your lips that he couldnβt help but bury his face into the crook of your neck, eyes squeezed shut, hoping and praying that he could always remember the way you felt coming around him.
Jake whispered your name, a small call that you tried to reply to, but failed, hiccupping and gasping out a laugh when you realized and you didnβt know you were crying until Jake moved back, his thumb pressing against your cheeks, the tip of it barely brushing through your skin as he dried your tears.
βIf you cry every time we have sex I will start being concerned,β he said. βAm I hurting you?β
βNo, thatβs not it,β you said.
βSo whatβs it then?β
You felt your lips parting to reply, your body reacting faster than your own mind, but when the words once again didnβt come, you stopped, another hiccup coming through instead.
βBaby,β he called, his voice softer than before. βRemember your first night here? When we went to the roof and you trusted me with all your concerns? I said you could rely on me and I mean it still. Just because I am your boyfriend now, it doesnβt mean you canβt share your stuff anymore. I want you to trust me like you did back then. Can you?β
βI donβt want to leave,β you confessed. βEvery time we are like this I catch myself a bit sad because β I just donβt want to leave for the United States or Seoul. I just donβt want to leave you.β
Jake breathed in, a sharp intake that made your cheeks burn, suddenly too embarrassed to even look at him, but as you turned to focus on the canvas leaning against his walls, he reached for you, fingers spraying through your chin and angling you back at him.
βI wonβt ever tell you to stay,β he said. βNot because I donβt want you to, or because you canβt. I still feel uptight just with the idea of you leaving. But I donβt want to take this decision away from you. I donβt want you to look at me in a few months β in a few years, who knows, and say you should have gone,β
βTo study abroad is a great opportunity. You have worked your whole life for it although it wasnβt your dream, I donβt even know which university you got in-β
βHarvard β itβs the best for law.β
βNo way, my baby is a genius,β he said dramatically and immediately stealing a smile from you. βBut that only proves my point, itβs a great opportunity to have it on your curriculum.β
βBesides, whenever you want to come back Seogwipo is going to be here,β he continued, his voice so soft beneath the rain. βI am telling you from experience.β
βWhat about you?β
βWhat about me?β
βAre you going to stay here?β you asked. βItβs just β Seogwipo doesnβt seem the same without you.β
βI will,β he replied. βI will stay here.β
You reached for him, a single finger tracing the soft lines of his lips before you allowed it to slip to his neck.
Jake closed his eyes, leaning in, just a bit further so that when he spoke you not only heard his words but felt them. βI will stay here β I will stay here waiting for you.β
And just like that July melted into August, summer coming closer and closer to an end, but neither of you ever spoke of it. Not in the mornings when Jake started to linger a bit longer before going to prepare breakfast for both of you, his fingers following the lines of your body as if he was well aware that he had you memorized but still β was afraid of someday forgetting. Not when you both stayed at the shop, Korean tourists becoming a less common occurrence and leaving only a few foreigners to remain. And on the nights when he hugged you from behind as you stood in front of the stove, he kissed your shoulders as if he wasnβt sorrowing that another day came to an end β as if the last week hadnβt come yet and the date printed on the reservation ticket you kept hidden on your luggage wasnβt coming closer and closer.
You could feel that there was a get it out of the system energy hovering around you. A desperate desire to somehow make it more bearable once the day of your departure came, but the fact was that none of you could get it out of your systems. It never mattered how long he hugged you while you both were in the shop, or how many times he made you come during the night, as the morning came it started all over again.
Jake stopped behind you at the kitchen counter, his hands slipping beneath the hem of your shirt, gathering the piece on his forearms as he sprayed his fingers on your waist to push you further into him. You could feel his breath, the soft hush of air as his lips parted to say something to you, but whatever it had been was stolen and forgotten as the front door was pushed open, your brother releasing a full curse. Jake stepped back, his hands slipping away from you, and allowing your shirt to fall back into its place, but not fast enough for it not to have been noticed.
βWhat the fuck is this?β
βJay,β you called, but it was already too late. Jongseong was rushing through the house, grabbing Jakeβs t-shirt, twisting the thin material between his fists. He didnβt seem to think about the consequences of his actions β he simply did it, using his grip to push Jake away from you.
They tripped over the house, falling on the small space in front of the maroon couch, your brother above. The sound of their bodies collapsing against the floor was almost imperceptible beneath the sound Jake released when the punch came.
You stopped in the midst of a complaint, but Jake couldnβt blame you. He always imagined what was a fight, the throw of punches all drove in the heat of feelings, but instead, there was just a moment of deadness, his blood rushing to the point where Jongseong had punched him and nothing β absolutely nothing. Even the breezes seemed to have stopped outside.
βJay, thatβs enough!β you screamed, finally reminding you body to lung forward, but in the midst of the chaos Jake raised a hand at you, silently telling you to stay still.
Your brother was quivering. Not from his shock, like you or Jake, but from some chained emotion, so Jake stayed still, even when the second punch came, his lip splitting open, a trickle of blood running down his chin. He stayed still as Jongseong curled his fights on his t-shirt once again, hurling him from the floor and back into it once, twice β enough times for his anger to start to burn out.
βShit Jake, couldnβt you choose someone else to hook up with?β he asked. βThere arenβt enough girls on this island so you had to go after my sister?β
βJay, stop it.β
βStay away from this, Baby,β your brother grunted at you. βActually, even leave the house for a bit.β
βDefinitely not.β
βJay,β Jake called then, making Jongseong look back at him, and it suddenly felt like every other argument they ever had, and Jake knew they could counter it. βI am sorry.β
βShe is my little sister,β Jongseong said, his tone coming not mad, but tired. βShe is so young.β
βI didnβt mean to make it a secret,β he said. βI am serious about her, and thatβs why I wanted to tell you in person,β
βItβs true that she is young and you may think that she will need me more than I need her, but you know? Thatβs not true. I thought of it in many ways, but I always came up with the same conclusion. I need her more than she needs me. I didnβt realize how lonely I was until she was here, bringing a stray kitten that keeps messing things around, and filling every single hour of my days β hell, I love her, Jay, so please,β Jake said, his genuine feelings slipping like a breath through his lips. He had pronounced love so β so unconcerned, he didnβt even need to think about it before. And maybe that was it that ceased the last flame of fury on your brother, making him hurl away from Jake, throwing himself on the couch instead.
Jake sat up too, a bit slower due to his growing bruises, but you remained still.
βHow long has it been going on?β Jongseong asked.
βAlmost a month,β Jake replied.
βShit, it was on the night of the restaurant, wasnβt it? You both were acting so weirdly.β
βYeah, and it was thanks to you that I finally told Baby what I was feeling,β Jake said. βSo thank you, bro.β
βDonβt make me punch you again,β he hissed. βWho the fuck is your bro?β
Yet despite the harsh choice of words, your brotherβs tone had a bit of a joke on it, something only best friends acknowledged. Somehow they had gone from such a terrible place to a joyful one. And you felt an extraordinary rush of relief.
βBut you better know where you are going, that girl has been spoiled ever since she was born,β Jongseong said. βShe wasnβt even a year and dad was already putting a gold bracelet on her wrist.β
βHey!β
βI know,β Jake said. βAnd I can handle a spoiled baby.β
βSo itβs already come to this β do as you feel like then β I guess,β Jongseong said, standing up. βI am going to take a shower. Get me a towel and some clothes, I am too lazy to deal with my luggage.β
Neither of you moved until your brother had already closed himself on the bathroom, the water cascading stealing the sound of the breath you shuddered out of you as you rushed to Jake.
You took his chin with the tip of your fingers, tenderly angling him to the living roomβs light. The wound was worse than it seemed from afar, bleeding as a darker bruise started to form, and immediately making you frown, eyebrows knitted, lips pressing into a thin line. You reached for it, the tip of your fingers wandering through his skin as if you could erase them with your bare touch.
βI am sorry,β you whispered.
βWhy are you asking me sorry? Itβs your brotherβs doing,β he asked, tilting his head into your palms.
βExactly, if it wasnβt because of me, Jay wouldnβt have punched you.β
βJay was mad just because he simply wanted to be, you arenβt the one to blame, Baby,β Jake said, but you didnβt seem convinced, so he reached for you too, arms curling around your waist as he brought you closer to him. βDo you think your father will react better or worse than him?β
βRemember when I said I never had a boyfriend before?β you asked. βI guess we will have to find out together.β
He chuckled at your statement, it was a minuscule sound spreading through the night but it seemed to loosen something within both of you and he allowed himself to lean on you, his cheek resting against your hairline.
βJake?β
βHm?β
βI love you too.β
β
Later on that night, Jongseong grasped at your door, his knuckles against the wooden piece before he opened a small sliver, just enough for him to catch sight of you.
βIs the small flurry ball here?β he asked.
βJeonchae?β you asked, gesturing to the kitten guarding the crochet blanket at the foot of your bed. βYes, since you are allergic to cats, we had to close him here.β
βSo can you step out to the garden for a bit?β he asked. βI want to talk to you.β
The air had turned misty with the humidity, the grass still damp from the amount of days rain had been washing summer away, so you both only leaned against the wall, heads thrown back as you watched as the clouds raced by.
βDo you want to go?β he asked then. βTo the United States? Do you still want to go?β
βI never truly did.β
βWell, yes,β he sighed. βBut there was a time that you accepted it. How are you now?β
βI donβt know,β you admitted. βJake indirectly told me to go. He said it is a great opportunity and I know it is, but my heart breaks whenever I think of leaving him and this place. I donβt want to leave, I donβt want to study law, but I havenβt called mom and dad saying this because I also know I β I canβt simply stay and build my whole future around Jake, not because I donβt think it will work in the long future, but because-β
βYou need to be a person of your own?β Jongseong tried. You werenβt sure if it was the best way to put it, but because you couldnβt find other words you nodded at him.
βI should get a degree, right?β
βYou put it in a weird way,β he laughed. βI donβt think itβs something as necessary as breathing if thatβs what you are implying. Ever since I started working at dadβs office and taking a few cases, I met a lot of people β good people who donβt have a degree and are happy with their lives, and it is what matters in the end, isnβt it?β
βI think so.β
βAs Jake said, itβs a great opportunity to study abroad.β Jongseong sighed then, reaching for your hand and giving a slight squeeze. βAnd I personally think that giving up before even trying wonβt do it. Nothing is permanent, Baby. Life is so full of possibilities. You can go to the United States and study law, you can go and change your major β or you can go and simply come back in the middle of the semester. Restart in Seoul or even here β there are universities here too. Jeju is a small island, but itβs not the end of the world β the edge perhaps, but not the end.β
βDid you search for Jejuβs universities?β you asked.
βDid you not?β your brother teased. βWell, it doesnβt matter. My point is what I told you back when I found out you were here β whatever you decide to do, you have our support, mine, momβs, dadβs, and now Jakeβs-β
βWhat still feels a bit weird to me,β Jongseong concluded. βI feel disturbed whenever I stop to think carefully about it, but at the same time, it kind of makes sense β you and him. You both are made of the same impossible and adorable stuff.β
You werenβt sleeping.
Previously Jongseong had called Jake to his room, forbidding him from spending the night in your room as you both were already used to. But it was your last night at Seogwipo, and your body knew it was a loss to simply let the remaining hours slip into a slumber, so when you heard the faint sound of your brotherβs snore, you stood up, padding barefoot to Jakeβs room.
His door was ajar, as it often was, a bare sliver that only gave you the idea of Jake sitting at the end of his bed. You didnβt need to say anything, gesture anything. With a single glance at your brother, Jake stood up, stepping out of the room and closing the door, and you were already on him, pushing yourself on the tip of your toes, arms curling around his shoulders as you brought him to you.
βI know Jay told you to stay there, but I donβt want to spend my last night away from you,β you whispered.
βI guess it makes things a bit more exciting, doesnβt it?β he asked, but you didnβt reply, giving him a slight push as you let him go, cheeks burning and body suddenly too warm.
It was more frantic than you remember it ever being. You moved at the same time, a push and pull of two bodies meeting in the middle. Fingers in hair, hands cupping necks, open-mouth kisses that got you dragging on each other cheeks for breath as you both made your way to your room. The moment the door was closed, Jake was already reaching for the collar of his t-shirt, hurling it over his head, and taking the single step you had given to reach the bed.
A final tug and both of you fell onto the mattress, Jake above you. He barely gave it a moment before his hands were moving over your body, finding the hem of your pajama top and curling on it to slip it off you.
βI need you to be quiet for me, Baby,β he whispered. βCan you?β
You nodded and his hands splayed over your sides, fingertips moving up through gaps in your ribs before he smoothed across your bare skin, grazing a thumb over your nipples, and leaving it all hard for his mouth to take, his tongue swirling and sucking β intended on his task. Jake closed his eyes as he drew the nipple and aureole all the way into his mouth, making it impossible for you to hold a moan.
You placed the back of your hand against your lips, but not before you had received a warning from him, his teeth pinching you as his fingers hanked deeper into your skin, and making your back arch.
βBaby,β Jake called, but his voice was so chaotic, almost as if he was actually hiding his own moan, and you doubted he really cared about you being loud because he was already slipping further into you, kissing the path down to your lower abdomen as he had already done so many times before. He curled his fingers on the waist of your pajama shorts, pulling the material down your leg and throwing it away. But as he took your panties off, he put them in the pocket of his sweatpants instead.
βAre you keeping this?β you asked. Jake hummed, already leaning back on you. βI want something too.β
βAnything you want.β
His fingers molded into the back of your knees, lifting your legs over his shoulders, and when he kissed the inner of your thigh, you had to halt yourself, recollecting your thoughts. βA t-shirt?β
βI will let you take all you want in the morning.β
βWhat about your leather jacket?β
Jake smiled, giving you another kiss. βFine.β
βYou?β
βDo you want to put me in your luggage?β he stopped, looking up at you. And although it had been him that brought this possibility you couldnβt find yourself agreeing β not even as a joke. Jake belonged to Seogwipo, to the greenish hills and the breeze that always smelled like the sea. He belonged to his grandfatherβs pottery shop with its everlasting earthy scent. He lived it, and you could never ask him to let go of something so vital to him.
βNo. I want you now β in me.β
βThis one is easier,β he agreed.
You didnβt get a chance to reply before Jake was bringing his mouth down on you, a wet press over your folds, his tongue prodding gently until he found your clit between them, licking and sucking your sensitive bud until you were shivering of pleasure, and you couldnβt help but reach for his hair, your fingers weaving on it, pulling it on its roots. But if anything he stayed there, his fingers stroking your inner labia before slipping two fingers inside β poking and prodding around, testing it.
βJake,β you called, but you didnβt need to finish your thoughts. He already knew β moving away only to hover over you, one forearm on the pillow by your head as the other worked to push his sweatpants away.
βI needed to prepare you,β he justified.
βI am.β
Jake laughed at that, but he didnβt reply β his full attention on taking himself in his hand, and giving a few hard plumps before he pushed into you.
It took every ounce of you to not moan too loud, fingers dug into his back, parted lips against the skin of his neck, and tongue wringing the sound into a sup, but it only proved useless as he was the one groaning then, the whole feeling of you being too much for him.
Jake gave you both a moment, his hand dropping to your waist, the curve of your hips, trailing down to the back of your knee, catching his fingers underneath as he hitched your leg to his hips, slightly changing the angle.
And when he finally moved it was slow β not with the learning of the first time, your bodies trying to understand the new shape of each other, but it was slow with nothing but the simple unhurriedness, none of you wanting to be nowhere else but here β the night where you were still together and the parting was just a possibility.
Jake pulled all the way to his tip before he pressed all in again, and when you arched to him, he took the opportunity to slide a hand over the small of your back, holding you so close to him that you couldnβt tell where your heartbeat ended and his began. And you couldnβt help it anymore, couldnβt stop. You didnβt want to cry, not again β not this time. But when Jake leaned on you, pressing a love you into your lips, you did.
βAh, Baby,β he whispered, reaching for the stream of tears as he always did in the aftermath.
βI am sorry,β you hushed. βYou didnβt-β
βI know,β Jake said. βI donβt want you to leave either.β
βI can come back, right?β
βWhenever you feel like it.β
βNext summer β no matter what happens, I will be here next summer.β
βNext summer,β he agreed.
On the morning of your departure, you stood on the curb in front of the pottery shop as your brother and Jake briefly bickered about the presence of the taxi.
βI could have driven you both,β Jake said as he closed the trunk.
βI know,β Jongseong replied because it had been your idea, actually β the taxi. You couldnβt bear the thought of making Jake drive all the way back to Seogwipo alone, dragging this longer than you knew both of you could handle.
You watched as they gave that friendly handshake followed by a bump of shoulders before Jake turned to you. The same washed jeans he had been using the whole summer, a white t-shirt, and the morning sun softly bathing over him. Only that now he got a vivid hickey on his neck, pretty much for your brotherβs dismay, but although Jongseong seemed close to giving Jake another punch this morning, the bruise on the corner of his lips remained the only one.
You held your hand out at him, and he took it as if he was already waiting β wanting it, giving it a brief kiss before he brought it to the back of his neck and pulled you forward to him, the line of your bodies pressed together, your noses bumping.
βI guess thatβs it then,β he whispered. And you sobbed at it because it sounded too much like the end, like a closure.
βJake?β
βYes, my Baby?β
βThank you for everything, I-β you started, but the words stammered and stumbled, too small for all the feelings inside of you. You had been trying the whole morning not to cry, but the moment he curled his arms around you, he once again broke the thin thread keeping you from falling apart, and tears flowed through your eyes, straining your cheeks.
βAh, Baby,β he whispered, pressing his forehead against yours, and all of sudden you could smell him, although he wasnβt smelling like clay, it made your heart ache, that sickening sadness that felt bigger than you.
How are you supposed to step away when it feels more like home than anything in this world?
Your tears seemed endless, and it took you a while to notice it hadnβt been only your tears rushing through your face, but his.
βI am already missing you,β you confessed.
βI am already missing you too.β
βDonβt you dare accept another hopeless girl with a stray kitten,β you said.
βThis is something only you could do, my Baby,β he laughed. And God β you wished you could grab the sound, place it inside that one deformed vase Jake had given you this morning, and take it away with you. βBelieve in me, but even if it happens, you are my only one β you and Jeonchae are my only ones.β
Although there was a hint of entertainment in his voice, your answer was solemn, βYou too,β you said. βYou are my only one.β
βYour first and only,β he said, and you smiled at him. You didnβt need to confirm, both of you knew. βNext summer, right?β
βYes. Next summer.β
From Autumn to the end of the Spring of the next year, you lived in an apartment close to your universityβs campus. It was an odd thing that surely wasnβt worth the price. Although the windows caught the streams of the sun from morning to afternoon, the place never seemed to get light enough and never felt exactly warm. The air inside was always soaked with the smell of the never-changing humid weather and the chocolate cookies your door neighbor baked for extra cash.
Your father said you could find a better place and move, he could afford it β he surely could afford it. But the thing was: you knew that it wouldnβt matter. One call to Jake and you knew β this odd apartment or luxurious one, no place would ever make you feel at home like his house did.
βSoon,β Jake whispered every time. βSoon you will be back home.β
And you did. Three hundred forty-nine days later β according to Jakeβs count, but you did, and Seogwipo was the same as you remembered.
Exactly one hour and seven minutes away from Jeju City, the bus stopped just a few streets away from Jakeβs address β the same pretty road running along the South Sea and that made it easy to stroll along the sidewalk, nothing but the sound of your luggage against the pavement, and the waves, softly crashing against the basalt rocks.
Mrs. Choi gasped as she caught sight of you, immediately standing up from the stool placed at her bakeryβs door. She rushed at you, her arms curling as she pulled you in a hug. It was weird that you had gotten closer to her after your departure, almost every other day receiving her audio messages through Jakeβs phone as she stopped at his house, leaving just baked bread together with some side dishes and telling you she was taking care of your boy. She also occasionally told you about Euntaek, finally getting his life straight and entering a university on the mainland β Busan, which was not his dream goal, but he was at least closer than when you came to know him.
βJake said you were only coming by next week!β she exclaimed then.
βI decided to surprise him.β
βYou are going to give him a heart attack, he was counting the days, and telling everyone you were coming back for the summer,β she said, affectionately hitting your shoulders. βBut hurry up then, I donβt want to keep you both away. Do you need help with the luggage?β
βNo, itβs alright,β you smiled. βThank you.β
Just as the rest of the island, Jakeβs shop remained unchanged. As you looked through the beveled glass you caught sight of the pottery pieces, the same earthy tones you had engraved on your mind, the same table and pottery wheels. There was only one difference: the canvas you had painted after switching your major were displayed, leaning on the shelves with a tiny sign informing it wasnβt for sale although you had told him you wouldnβt mind.
βI do though,β he had said. βYou painted them for me.β
A fluttering of crystal and bells clanked against the door as you pushed it, allowing the summer breeze to rush over the place, the earthy, and pond-mud smell, taking over your senses as Jake turned to you, a polite smile playing on his lips.
Falling in love with your older brotherβs best friend certainly hadnβt been one of your summer resolutions.
Actually, meeting him hadnβt even part of your plans. But someday, you happened to have no other option than to appear unannounced at his little shop in Seogwipo. A stray kitten in a pet carrier, asking for a place to stay. And you couldnβt help but do, standing in this pocket of the universe β looking at this exact man without knowing he would become your life mark, forever branching out the before and the after.
βBaby,β he gasped, barely giving himself a moment before he rushed to you, his arms involving your waist in a familiarity that made you ache. Jake swirled you, just once β pulling you out of the ground as his nose buried at the side of your neck, breathing you as if he was trying to inhale every little detail he could before he put you back on your feet and drew himself away, just enough to encounter your gaze.
βSurprise,β you whispered.
Jake shook his head, his smile now taking his whole face. And you couldnβt help but reach for him, a single finger tracing the soft lines of his lips before you allowed it to slip to his neck. His skin was hot beneath your touch, summer and sunshine always stuck on him.
βWelcome home, my Baby,β Jake whispered, and the word rattled through your chest, filling you together with the scent of soap and oranges, clay and glaze. Everything about Jake β just Jake.
Yes, you surely were home.
hello, my loves! βΛ βΉ thank you so much for reading until here and accompanying me through this cute little journey β‘ i hope you have enjoyed it as much as i did! donβt forget to tell me what were your thoughts upon the conclusion (if you feel like, of course!) i will love to read it!
(β‘) special thanks to my girls once again for giving me the courage i didnβt have anymore :(
i was literally gna release a park jongseong fic soon my first enhypen fic and hybe dropped the bomb on me like damn son i was alrd strugglin now u pullin the trigger highk
are you down? (whatβs up?)
pairings: chronically online!han jisung x minecrafter!reader, strangers to lovers, smau, theyre so stupid ur honor
summary: a lil mishap on roblox! happy mistakes amiright?
a/n: happy new year!! (Im a few days late wyv) NEW POST FOR DA NEW YEAR HOPE U ENJOY PLZ NICE THANKS MUAH
are you down? (whatβs up?)
pairings: chronically online!han jisung x minecrafter!reader, strangers to lovers, smau, theyre so stupid ur honor
summary: a lil mishap on roblox! happy mistakes amiright?
a/n: happy new year!! (Im a few days late wyv) NEW POST FOR DA NEW YEAR HOPE U ENJOY PLZ NICE THANKS MUAH
you were beautiful,
pairings β*β lee minho x reader, reminincing, angst, heartbreak flashbacks
summary; sometimes for the better, you have to give up what u have already
A long smoke dragged out as i hit my head against the window of my apartment. staring up the night clouds that painted the dark sky, my mind stayed restless despite the calmness surrounding me.
they said there were steps on moving on, different calculated. you beg to differ.
every step, every emotion that was supposed to be calculated was mushed up together into one whole mess. perhaps its just me unable to regulate my own emotions.
loss, regret, anger, despair. all the overwhelming feelings gathered into to suffocate me in one go.
βstop im busyβ a small pout was formed on minhoβs face as you swerved your head away from his kisses.
he ignored your warnings, pulling you into a back hug. βpay attention to meβ, he whined.
you sighed, turning around in his grip. a small smile formed on your face slowly as you examined his face. his eyes staring down at you with so much affection, like you were the only one that mattered in the world.
falling in love with him was inevitable. his cold but soft personality, his silent but loud ways of caring. it was unavoidable to ignore someone who captured your attention in differing ways.
at some point, he even started to know you better then yourself. how your face falls slightly when you get tired, your hand fiddling with your earlobe when nervous, biting your lips when your deep in thought.
it felt so full. felt so contempt with being so understood. and for a second, you could see it. a life with him. a forever. someone to have as your own. it was a scary thought, but it was comforting.
it was comforting to think about how you could be with someone with eyes that stare up at you like you captured the stars. smiles that curve up softly at the corners. hair that falls softly that constantly needs to be pushed back by my fingers. a dream that felt real.
but
not every dream gets fulfilled.
βplease understand where iβm coming from min,β you begged him as he slowly pushed the chair behind to stand up.
his voice was shaky, βi- i really canβt do thisβ.
you followed him suit, standing up and walking closer to him. his head was facing down, unable to show face. you cupped his face with your two hands, searching for his eyes.
it was red, swelling. his lips trembled as he looked at you. his hands made his way to grip on your arms with such force, as if afraid you would let go.
it had always been his dream to be an artist on stage. while dancing got him close, you both knew there was something bigger behind him.
maybe it was your selfishness or his, but you both ignored the risks. maybe it was being foolishly in love but letting go was the last thing both of you wanted.
but at some point, decisions need to be made. choices needs to be picked. it was either you, or his career.
βim coming between your future minho. you have so much going for you, youβre in a company, you have a group. i cant come between you and your futureβ
βbut you are my futureβ
that was the last conversation you both had.
life is cruel in many ways. despite it being three years ago, you head plays every memory like a broken record, unable to pause it and coming at any time.
even the billboard across your apartment building seems to like picking at you. constantly, advertisements of him, his group played. even now as you are sat down at the balcony of your apartment, the image of him was playing on the screen.
it felt weird seeing his face this big and plastered near you constantly. being somehow so near to him but so far. but you knew that if you ever had to made the choice again, you would still do the same for him.
CLASSIC LITERATURE
pairings β*β collegestudent! kim seungmin x collegestudent! reader ; brother's bestf to lovers, fluff, a lil angst, they're just kinda stupid
summary; seeing his brother struggling for his life for an elective he never took, wonpil sought out the help of his trusty friend to save his brother's grade. you just didnt know that extra would soften ur heart at the grumpy individual.
part 1
tagged!
@binthecloud @seunghyoverse @thisisnotjacinta
CLASSIC LITERATURE
pairings β*β collegestudent! kim seungmin x collegestudent! reader ; brother's bestf to lovers, fluff, a lil angst, they're just kinda stupid
summary; seeing his brother struggling for his life for an elective he never took, wonpil sought out the help of his trusty friend to save his brother's grade. you just didnt know that extra would soften ur heart at the grumpy individual.
part 2
彑why can't i hate you?
pairing' young k x reader
genre' angst
warnings' good relationship gone bad, reminiscing about past relationship, reader is still in love with younghyun, flashbacks written in italics, based off of "i loved you" by day6
wc' 1.6k
a/n' i listened to "i loved you" at least forty times back-to-back yesterday, so i decided to write a fic about my bias based on the lyrics π is anyone gonna read this? ofc not. am i still gonna post it? yes ofc
You hated him. God, you hated him. If your mother had heard you say that, she wouldβve scoffed and told you, βHate is a strong word.β But you thought it wasnβt strong enough. Scrolling through the Google drive he had sent you on your last anniversary that was filled with all the old pictures and videos he'd taken of the two of you on his stupid vintage film camera, you could only think of all the things about him that you hated. You hated his stupid hair that you used to run your fingers through at night, his pointy nose that you used to kiss in the mornings before you left for work, his calloused hands that used to hold you with such warmth, his pretty lips that once told you that he couldnβt imagine living without you, that he would love you till the day he died. The same lips that told you he didnβt love you anymore.
βI justβ¦canβt do this anymore.β
You stood still in the kitchen of your apartment, your hands frozen as they still held the potato you were peeling as you prepared dinner for yourself and your boyfriend of six years. It was Friday night, which meant that Younghyun had come over for dinner, as he had nearly every Friday for the past six years- barring the times heβs been on tour. When heβd arrived at your apartment, you could tell that something was off. Youβd just assumed that heβd had a bad day, or was just tired. You never would have thought that heβd be telling you this. Not after youβd discussed engagement rings just last week.
βWhat are you trying to say? Youβre just breaking up with me? Did I do something? Did I say something?β
He shook his head with his face in his hands as you rambled on, questioning what couldβve possibly made him say these things to you. He looked up at you, both of you looked a wreck, tears in your eyes and noses running.
βItβs not that. Youβ¦You didnβt do anything.β
βThen why? What happened? Why now?βHe took a deep breath as he took in your disheveled state. The tears from your face had fallen onto your pretty powder blue sweater, and he fought the urge to smile at the thought that even after all the years youβd been together, all the fights youβd had, all the times youβd seen each other at your worst, you still tried to look pretty for him. But as sweet as that thought was, it still couldnβt change how he felt.
βI donβt know. I justβ¦I donβt know how else to say it. But I justβ¦β He took another breath to steady his shaking voice, βI justβ¦Donβt love you anymore.β
You hated how he never gave you a reason. Even after crying and begging, he couldnβt tell you. And maybe you said some things that you shouldnβt have, maybe telling him to leave, that you never wanted to see him again was going too far. And maybe it was a lie.
After he left, you found that heβd blocked your number, your socials, everything. Just like that, he erased you from his life. You resented him for that. After he left, you went numb for a few weeks. It was like your whole world had ended, like everything had lost all its meaning. Your mom came by almost every day to check on you, and of course to tell you that she never really liked Younghyun, that she just wanted you to be happy, and youβd be better off without him anyway. You hated how she talked about him.
After a while, you decided to pick yourself up and go about life as if he never existed. You threw out all the things heβd left at your apartment over the years, including the plant heβd given you as a housewarming gift when you first moved in. You tried to forget him, forget the time you spent with him, the trips you went on, everything. It was hard when your coworkers and friends would ask about him, when your cousin asked if you were bringing him to the upcoming family reunion, when the little old lady that lived in the apartment next to yours knocked on your door to ask if he could carry her new coffee table up to her apartment.
You were doing well at forgetting his existence. It had been almost three months, and your apartment had been scrubbed clean of any trace of him, all his photos had been deleted from your camera roll. But while you were sitting on your computer in your home office, scrolling through your Google drive to try and find an old work project that you needed to reference in a new report, you came across his last anniversary present to you. You couldnβt stop yourself before you clicked on it. Looking through all the old photos and videos of the past six years, you felt nothing but resentment as you saw his smiling face in the thumbnails.
You must have been scrolling for at least half an hour before you stopped at a certain video, the thumbnail bringing up a particularly harsh memory. You hesitantly clicked on the video, and the sound of your own laughter flooded from your speakers.
Heβd really outdone himself this time. When heβd asked you a month ago what the number one place to go on your bucket list was, you immediately told him βViennaβ. Youβd wanted to go ever since you were a little kid and youβd heard the BIlly Joel song of the same name coming from your dadβs record player. Little did you know that heβd take you there as a surprise for your fourth anniversary.
You giggled in glee as you looked out across the beautiful river that youβd always longed to see. You turned to see Younghyun pointing his camera at you, grinning as he observed your reaction.Β
βAre you filming me?β
βHow could I not?β He laughed as you playfully swatted at the camera, pulling the neck of your sweater over your face so he couldnβt film it. βYouβre just so beautiful, I canβt help it.β
You stilled and smiled as he reached one hand out to grab your own and drag it away from your face, the neck of your sweater falling back into place at your collarbone. He pressed your knuckles to his lips before turning the camera so the both of you were in the frame. You wrapped your arms around each other, his arm that was not holding the camera coming to rest across your shoulders. You reached one hand up to grab his hand that rested on your shoulder, while your other hand went to the back of his neck, your fingers lazily playing with the soft brown hair that you loved so much.
The two of you smiled at the camera for a moment, listening to the river lazily flowing as the sun set behind you and the crisp autumn air blew through your hair. Younghyun turned to look at you, his eyes scanning over your features, smiling lazily as you turned to meet his gaze.Β
βWhat?β
βNothinβ. I just love you.β
You grinned as you bounced on your tippy toes to leave a quick gentle kiss on the tip of his nose. βReally?β
He shifted his arm that rested across your shoulders downwards so it wrapped around your waist, his hand playing with a loose string at the bottom of your sweater. βYeahβ¦You know, I canβt imagine living without you.β
You blushed and buried your face into his shoulder, his hand tightening around your waist. βYounghyun, you canβt just say things like that.β
He grinned and pressed his lips to the top of your head, βItβs true, though. Iβm gonna love you till the day I die.β
You pulled away briefly to look up at his face, which was smiling warmly down at you, his eyes filled with nothing but fondness as they met your own. You narrowed your eyes at him, looking up at the camera and back to him.
β...Youβre not about to propose to me are you?β
He let out a laugh before bringing you in closer, pressing another kiss to the top of your head before burying his face into your hair. βNo, not yet. Itβs coming, though.β
You looked up at him again, the look of love on his face told you that he was telling the truth. βIβll be waiting.β
You didnβt feel the tears that had been cascading down your cheeks until the video had ended. You hated him. You resented him. You never wanted to see him again. So why were you crying? Was it because you wasted six years of your life? Was it because you felt lied to? Why were you wasting your time crying over a man that didnβt love you? Over a relationship that was never meant to be? Why did it hurt so much?
You hated him. You hated him. You hated him.
But as your tears started falling harder and soft sobs escaped your mouth, you knew the truth. You didnβt hate him. You never hated him. You loved him. You knew deep in your heart, that you really did love him. You loved him so badly, it made you hate him all that much more. No matter how many times you tried to erase him from your memory, or how many times you tried to forget the love that he gave, or the time you spent with him, you knew you never could. Because you loved him. And deep down, you always would.
γππππ ππ (ππππππ πππππ’ πππππππππ)γ
β₯ Ex/Single Dad!Minho x Reader (f) β 9.8k (~37 min. read)
β₯ Exes to lovers, Angst with fluff frosting, Mutual Pining, Smut with a disgusting amount of feelings
β₯ The author chooses not to issue tags for everything that takes place in this work to preserve some element of surprise where applicable. By continuing, you accept to proceed at your own risk.Β Read full disclaimer here.
β β A painful breakup, mentions of previous toxic behavior, explicit sexual content.
β₯ He loved you deliriously, but it wasn't enough to keep him from letting you go. Years later, you run into each other again.
He's a dad now.
This one-shot is a spinoff from the universe of THE ZONE β Events take place much later than Minho's arc (unreleased as of July '23).
βIβm fucking poisoning you, arenβt I?β
Cavalier. Presumptuous. High-and-mighty. Show-off. A trainwreck. A goddamn fucking know-it-all.Β
Lee Minho.
You had found him at his worst all those years ago like a little stray cat drenched in rain, hissing at everybody who dares to come close just to make itself look intimidating. He had lost a friend and he was hurting a lot, making his defenses taller than The Great Wall. Made of iron, impenetrable almost.
You had fallen in love with his full moon smile hidden under layers of midnight brokenness.
βDo not say such things!β
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γΒ© 2024, cb97percent Β· No translations, rewrites, or reposts permittedγ
this is so good bro
UNDENIABLY
kim seungmin bf texts
summary; he loves u more then he lets on, undeniably
