If a fantasy world has an ancient tree of wisdom, that means it must also have young trees that are dumb as shit. Just giving terrible advice like, "the evil wizard is kinda hot"'
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@lesbiulmo
If a fantasy world has an ancient tree of wisdom, that means it must also have young trees that are dumb as shit. Just giving terrible advice like, "the evil wizard is kinda hot"'
class in middle earth is so weird because a hobbit is like. the archetypal peasant. the literal Little Guy who lives in a fucking hole. and yet all the hobbits who actually matter to the story are a.) landed gentry/aristocracy or b.) samwise gamgee, who is honestly treated like a kind of noble savage. sam’s single virtue is class-appropriate Loyalty To His Master, which is so great that it elevates him above his station despite his apparent lesser incapacity for the kinds of complex thoughts that let frodo and other gentleman characters do things like empathize with gollum. like tolkien clearly loves sam but it’s in such a condescending and classist way lol.
it’s less obvious in the hobbit partly because it takes the setting less seriously but also because bilbo is rubbing elbows with kings and princes and his status as Not That lets him see through their bullshit. the fact that he’s an aristocrat among his peers is not especially relevant to his role in the story as the pragmatic outsider who thinks these scions of ancient bloodlines are acting like stupid babies.
#tolkein is one of those british people of that time who clearly lowkey conceptualize the underclasses as a whole different type of person #like you can See the 'underclass as a race' stuff in his writing of Sam. imo #look I really like elf hell I have read all of it many times it's a rich text #and also! part of why it is a rich text is. this stuff. much of which is not strictly flattering. to the author. #and that's okay. (via @creekfiend)
do Ents reproduce by sexual intercourse or by pollination
But if they reproduce through pollination how can they be sure they no longer reproduce? Maybe they’re anemophilous and are wind-pollinated and if they stand in a strong enough breeze an Entwife, somewhere, conceives an Entseed.
oh my god maybe the Entwives were bees
you are a mad genius
Ok, so, we have a few options:
1.) Ents reproduce exclusively through sexual intercourse, or something close to it
OR
2.) Ents reproduce via pollination and...
a.) are dioecious, with Ents producing only male flowers and Entwives producing only female flowers, and pollinated either by wind or by animals (or by hand?)
b.) have bisexual flowers, but which are so specialized that they can exclusively be pollinated by one specific species of pollinator...
The Entwives left the forest so long ago that the Ents no longer remember what they looked like. Treebeard says the Shire sounds like the sort of place they would have loved, with its gardens and flowers and agriculture. Hobbits have folklore of giant bees, named after bumblebees. Certain flowers only release pollen to “buzz pollinators”, like bumblebees.
Could it be that the Ents—who notoriously do everything slowly—failed to evolve quickly enough to compete with agricultural crops for the time and attention of their only pollinator species? Did the Entwives dump the Ents to evolve into regular bees faster than the Ents could even consciously process? DOES SAM GAMGEE THE GARDENER’S BOY KEEP ENTWIVES?!
I think we’ve done it. I think we’ve cracked the code. (Shut the fuck up, Jirt, no one asked you.)
It’s only in the movies that the Ents cannot remember the Ent wives. In the books they’ve described as having golden hair, red cheeks, and eyes like the Ents. Meaning the Entwives probably resembled the ents in appearance.
Likewise in the books the Ents were basically tree like giants instead of giant trees. As seen below
Peter Jackson reimagined the Ents as being giant trees instead of tree like giants so returning to the original question I propose a compromise:
Treebeard from the movies reproduces through pollination by the Ent Wives who are giant bees.
Treebeard from the books fucks. 
“Golden hair”?
“Red (butt) cheeks”?
Sounds like a rusty patched bumblebee to me.
Saruman tuning into the Merry and Pippin show
gandalf would not use french
treebeard and the hobbits
you can get a print here
Concerning (things about) Hobbits: Meeting the Big Man
One of the most important characters in Lord of the Rings is someone you like and trust. You quote him often, remember him fondly, and rely on his word.
You don't know his name. Fanart is nonexistent; there’s no Ao3 tag, no breakout film portrayal, no Amazon money-milking series for this character. You know his voice, have memorised his words; you've probably never read any meta about him.
I'll bet I’m the only person you've seen on Tumblr who really talks about That Fucking Guy, and I hate that man with a cold academic passion. (I also love him. He's my blorbo. He could be yours.)
I think you shouldn't trust him as much as you do.
Here is why.
@findingfeather
this is such good chewy analysts
That said I'm going to have to push back on "for context, it takes a good deal of work for the British Isles to lose towns", because it doesn't, actually? The are towns and villages named as recently as the 1700s which are not only no longer on the map, but very difficult to locate at all - and despite their technology levels, the Hobbits of LotR are implied to be centuries (at least) before that.
One of the things about Britain being crowded and densely populated is that it makes it easier to lose settlements, because part or all of a town is very quickly over-built by other stuff.
Which fits really well with the sense described here of big Men displacing and appropriating the land of Hobbits. Also brings in some really interesting parallels with the inclosure (/enclosure) of common land in the 18th and 19th century - perhaps Hobbits' traditional autonomy and rights were a casualty of something similar?
I have to climb on my soapbox, maybe just to shout a couple of lines but I feel like I am holding a puzzle piece here: It's the early writing of the Gypsy Lore Society (I can almost guarantee that Tolkien, as a linguist, would have read it) and every single thing said about the hobbits is also said about Gypsies in Scotland, Wales and England.
As the, uh, Hobbit in this situation, I'm talking in the context of the UK specifically here, which is where the GLS drew many of its first members from - It's an all-gorjer institution (or, was, for much of its existence) but the general thrust of its raison d'etre was:
- There are Gypsies in the woods, less of them today than in former generations. Your ancestors would have met them often and worked with them, but you will probably never see one.
- They look different now to in the past, they tell stories that they used to be beautiful and stately and descend from kings, but now they're a shadow of themselves.
- They speak a fascinating language which is degrading fast, and they see themselves as the last of their line.
- They and their way of life have been doomed by the industrial revolution, so they don't trust us any more and we don't trust them.
- They don't use machines more complicated than the fire-bellows or the accordion.
- They don't introspect, they don't know their own history, and they aren't involved in the academic chronicling of their own people - An academic researcher might know some Gypsies (Smart and Crofton, I am looking at you with the evil eye, I am spitting in your path) and talk to them regularly, but won't consider them an academic co-writer (EVEN IF THE ROM IN QUESTION WROTE THE WHOLE BOOK AND CROFTON JUST SAT AMANUENSIS, WESTER BOSWELL I WILL HAVE JUSTICE FOR YOU) and there is no chance of a Gypsy reading the paper, going to the university, etc.
- The tone is very fond and sad but of course these relics are dying out, it's just the way of the world, modernity eh?
- They previously left their mark on the landscape (atchin tans, horse fairs, etc) but those things are smaller now, lesser, invisible, scattered. Enclosure was part of that as @mangled-by-disuse points out (which destroyed a LOT of rural life here!) And also specific laws around trading, stopping, gathering, and use of public space by Gypsies specifically. Our architecture was of no use to Lords or railway companies or later motorway builders (even though we and Irish Travellers were employed in huge numbers to build the modern road network!) So we got demolished in the process of "improving transit".
- They are closely related to "us" (English people) but in an earlier age - This is around when both the Indo-European roots of Romanes and the theories around Proto-Indo-European really came to academic attention. As a linguist, the idea of a very "eastern" branch of the IE family being creoled (well, paralanguaged) with a very "western" branch, via a physical migration of people, is catnip.
- They don't study (magic? Anything!) But are very naturally skilled at some things to the point that it looks like magic (Graimengro, especially - who of course IRL learn their skills as soon as they can hold their head up on their necks - but also the association of Gypsies and "magic" in the real world is... Strong... And often especially in the early C20th and late C19th was contrasted with western occultism that was "more learned" - I think it's Leland who collected a lot about "Gypsy Magic" for a gorjer audience and he's a good place to start reading on gorjer attitudes to... All of that.)
I am wracking my brains but I feel like Concerning Hobbits DIRECTLY pastiches an individual GLS paper too... I'll probably remember in a few months.
Mea culpa @elodieunderglass I have written another essay about Gypsies in your mentions, this was not deliberate, I hadn't even realised it was you again!
I don’t mind! You might be interested in the material about the “Wandering Days” of hobbits - prior to settling the Shire, they “wandered” - and the commentary about them “forgetting” their native language.
“Hobbits came from nowhere and forgot their early histories - the silly things forgot their own language! And their diverse-and-distinctive-sounding names, hinting at strands of different internal cultures, were actually the Default Language they used in the absence of their own” feels like a really loaded series of decisions to make. And probably quite interesting in the context of how Tolkien would have thought about travelling peoples! I need to learn more about it, thank you so much
EDIT: should say in this case, which is a self-identified capital-G Gypsy in the UK (dykepuffs) speaking to someone in the UK who knows slightly more than average about GRTB+ politics, about those politics, it isn’t a slur (and don’t worry, it’s not a problem. Protect yourself if you have to, I know what it’s like in the Panopticon.) But fun fact: travelling people are very much a living political force in the UK!
so glad gandalf treats everyone equally ❤️❤️
@the-old-fashioned-girl
LotR using a translation framing device to get out of having to drown the reader in constructed languages for characters that are supposed to be mundane to the viewpoint, but also being written when it was from the perspective of someone who was genuinely handling translation at the time, leads me to the admittedly silly sentiment of "you couldn't write lord of the rings today -- because that's not how modern literature approaches the translation of proper nouns"
if tolkien wrote his books today, he couldn't have called him gandalf the grey!*
*: because it was obviously important to him that the books represent a translation of authentic texts from another world and another time, and while it would have been perfectly conventional in his time as an academic for books translated into english to find a way to represent the meaningful components of their names with equivalents that were likely to be more familiar to the reader, this convention has been largely phased out and replaced with a preference for transliteration. assuming he wrote the books today and pursued this same reflection of his academic interests in his creative ones, it would ring inauthentic to not represent the languages he describes in this way
You mean we would have the adventures of Razanur, Kalimac, Maura, and Zilbirâpha?
an adventure prompted by dear old G[no further components of gandalf's adûni name were ever confirmed] [see also: G is for Garden]
[Eagle Harbor, Michigan — September 2025]
So the reason you can't do a Channuka version of those hallmark christmas movies
is because they're christian conversion narratives. This is almost a tautology as the hallmark style movies are made by weirdo evangelicals but even with other classic "christmas" stories you still see it: A Christmas Carol, Dinner For One, A Miracle on 45th street, Trains Planes & Automobiles, David Cronenberg's The Fly, Die Hard, Its A Wonderful Life, The Irony of Fate, The Snowman, The Grinch etc... The crux of a "good" christmas story seems to be that:
usually over the course of a night, generally christmas night or near christmas,
someone or a group is changed as people by events outside their control,
which causes them to be transubstantiated into "good people" or at least "better" people (the cop in die hard learns to kill again, for instance)
This is one of those things that I end up thinking about during hanukkah because the concept of a "chanukka movie" has had a few dybbuks inflicted upon it in the form of the Adam Sandler movie "8 Crazy Nights" as well as the weird christian-media style "Channuka movies" that are produced with equal artlessness to any hallmark christmas movie, because you gotta trick grandparents desperate for jewish media into buying them. The standard model for these supposed chanucha movies has the exact same stupid christmas narrative of any overt christmas movie; someone learning "a lesson" and becoming a "better person" because of the holiday: again, basically a conversion story, and even worse in 8 Crazy Nights because Adam Sandler is in it.
But enough about just what a chanukah movie isn't, it's important to go over what Chanukha itself is and isn't: it's not a "festival of lights" (it's not really about the light, and I feel a festival of light by its nature tends to very specifically not limit the maximum number of candles involved) but it is about lighting things on fire and them burning, nor is it really a winter festival despite it's timing in winter, but it is about persevering longer than expected which works as a thing to have in mid winter. That persevering element also comes along with the sanctification/reclamation of a space that has been violated or threatened in some way... and also it's really a hyper-specific celebration of specifically the minorah itself. In theory there really should be some sort of nationalistic, militaristic aspect to the holiday but even if you try to focus on that as a core feature it collapses back into just a "resanctification/reclamation" because it's not really about the maccabi revolt itself (except for when minorah makers take liberties and put an elephant motif in reference to that one son of the high priest who got stepped on), it's much more about the revolt ending and the hasmonean kingdom beginning the rebuilding after the war. It's V-E or V-J day, not pearl habour or D-day.
So taking all that and condensing it down again and trying to apply it to movies, a hanuchah movie we should be looking for themes of:
A community or communal space suffering some sort of tragedy or threat
2. Survival against the odds (ideally over multiple nights) ideally through their own abilities rather than external forces
3. at the end of the story the community or space must be reclaimed or strengthened by the events of the story
This gives us some weird condidates: a lot of zombie movies work slightly too well for this, as do a lot of creature feature type movies... not Alien or Aliens on account of... the obliteration of the colony and the ship respectively (and alien is Thanksgiving movie because of the dinner scene), but Tremors and Tremors 2? WEIRDLY, yes, John Carpenter's The Thing brings a lot of flame, and while the research base is fucked, they save the world. By lighting more and more things on fire as the nights pass.
Anyone who brings up Mad Max 2 or any other Mel Gibson movie is getting shot. Can't we all get beyond thunderdome?!?
On a brighter note, probably the best example of a movie that fits the bill for a khanucha movie is Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - you could object to it on the basis that the movie SORT OF is about the main characters being changed by the events of the movie but a christmas movie where the protagonists are all deeply traumatised at the end would form almost a negative image of a christmas movie. On the other hand, Gondor and the battle of Pelennor Fields? Survives longer than anyone expected. And what saves it? that's right, the beacons were lit, one after another.
And was not Denethor covered in oil? And did not Denethor burn longer than anyone would have expected?
#I'm mostly appreciating your commitment to never spelling the name of the holiday the same way twice (via @ducktoothcollection)
Thank you so much everyone for your kind comments on my Greek pottery inspired silm piece!! <3
Here's close ups of each of the scenes in their own post:
Central panel: Morgoth as Gorgon
Scene 1.1: Feanor Smithing
Scene 1.2: Feanor and the Silmarils
Scene 1.3: Finwe's death
Scene 1.4: The Oath
Scene 2.1: Beren Finds Luthien Dancing
Scene 2.2: Thingol's Ultimatum (Melian, Thingol, Beren, Luthien)
Scene 2.3: Luthien Ensnared (Celegorm, Luthien, Curufin)
Scene 2.4: Luthien and Huan
Scene 2.5: Finrod's Last Stand
Scene 2.6: Luthien and Beren Steal the Silmaril
Scene 2.7: Carcharoth
Scene 2.8: Luthien Pleads Before Mandos (Note: Namo's upside-down torch is a symbol of the Greek god Thanatos, which represents the flame of life extinguished)
Scene 3.1: Death of Thingol
Scene 3.2: Second Kinslaying (Curufin, Dior, Celegorm)
Scene 3.3: Third Kinslaying (Maglor, Maedhros, Elwing)
Scene 3.4: Elwing Jumps
Scene 3.5: Elwing and Earendil
Scene 3.6: Earendil's Star Rises
Scene 3.7: Maedhros and Maglor Attack the Host of the Valar
Scene 3.8: Fate of the Silmarils - Earth
Scene 3.9: Fates of the Silmarils - Sea
Scene 3.10: Fates of the Silmarils - Sky
You can see all my references here.
And for folks asking about scale, here's a pic of me holding the piece!
This bird experiences a world that we can barely interperet
somehow instead of saying "as a treat", I've started using the phrase "for morale", as if my body is a ship and its crew, and I (the captain) have to keep us in high spirits, lest we suffer a mutiny in the coming days.
and so I will eat this small block of fancy cheese, for morale. I will take a break and drink some tea, for morale. I will pick up that weird bug, for morale.
I'm not sure if it helps, but it does entertain me
We often eat pie at work...for morale.
"As a treat" implies a special occasion, a temporary state. "For morale" makes the joy essential, because you have to have good morale to keep going.
You have been brought before the ORC BOYAR.
The ORC BOYAR seeks entertainment; perhaps this will be your chance to impress the ORC BOYAR?
Perform a dance for the ORC BOYAR by selecting two DESCRIPTORS of the ORC BOYAR’s liking.
You perform a BONE MUSHROOM dance.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a CHEESE SPIKE dance.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a FAST BROTH dance.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a HOT CRUMB dance.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a DESSERT STONE dance,
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a LAKE MUD dance.
You feel TIRED.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a ROYAL PIG dance.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a CAVE TROUT dance.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a ANVIL BREAD dance.
Your POINTED JINGLE SHOES begins to show wear from use! Bring the item the TOWN SMITH to repair it.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a DOG MOSS dance.
The ORC BOYAR seemed slightly interested.
You perform a DOG DOG dance.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a MOSS MOSS dance.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a MOSS DOG dance.
The ORC BOYAR was not impressed.
You perform a DOG MOSS dance.
The ORC BOYAR was sent into a rage.
ORC BOYAR: I have already seen DOG MOSS dance. Away with you!
A FERAL HOG appears to your LEFT.
A FERAL HOG appears to your RIGHT.
A FERAL HOG appears to your FRONT.
The FERAL HOG attacks you!
The FERAL HOG attacks you!
The FERAL HOG attacks you!
You have DIED. The world has been thrown into chaos.
Tip: The ORC BOYAR was once heard to have inscribed his favorite dance on a HIDDEN STONE in the DARK DWELLING.