what ominous form could a cursed item take that would absolutely trick you into picking it up. for me it's definitely an old doll or a button-down vest
âWomen have another option. They can aspire to be wise, not merely nice; to be competent, not merely helpful; to be strong, not merely graceful; to be ambitious for themselves, not merely for themselves in relation to men and children. They can let themselves age naturally and without embarrassment, actively protesting and disobeying the conventions that stem from this societyâs double standard about aging. Instead of being girls, girls as long as possible, who then age humiliatingly into middle-aged women, they can become women much earlier â and remain active adults, enjoying the long, erotic career of which women are capable, far longer. Women should allow their faces to show the lives they have lived. Women should tell the truth.â
â Susan Sontag, âThe Double Standard of Agingâ (1972)
do you have any tips for dealing with dysphoria without transition? pls have a good day!!
Hey there! I do have some tips! Hold on, this may be a long post. Iâll summarize at the end.
First off, Iâm gonna give you a quick outline of my personal theory about dysphoria, just so weâre on the same page, then Iâll go into detail on how I personally have dealt with dysphoria during and after my transition:
What actually is dysphoria?
I see dysphoria as a collection of negative feelings about oneâs sex and gender, the cause of which â for one reason or another â has been attributed to the self. That is, you feel bad about yourself, and you blame yourself for feeling bad: with gender dysphoria, you blame your body and sex-specific body parts for the bad feelings. And thus the reason transition seems so appealing; you feel like if you got rid of those parts, then the bad feelings would go away.
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The thing is, dysphoria isnât caused by some innate brain problem, and the problem isnât really located in your body/body parts. Thatâs a really seductive idea because technically the solution would be simple; just get rid of those parts, or change them, and boom, dysphoria = gone! But unfortunately, itâs not that simple. There can be a lot of reasons why you end up fixating on your body parts as the cause of your bad feelings. One huge reason I started to feel a lot of physical dysphoria was just because of the emphasis on hating your body that is widely spoken about in the trans community. I had dysphoria prior to getting involved in the trans community, but it wasnât until I was really immersed in it that I started to feel discomfort with my (sex-specific) body parts specifically.
Being surrounded by people encouraging self-hatred and dissociation from your body isnât good for you. They may mean well, but itâs not healthy to fixate on what you perceive to be wrong with yourself â whether you ID as trans or not.
Dysphoria can involve feelings of unreality and feeling dissociated from your body; like your body is not yours. When youâre feeling really dysphoric, youâre really âin your headâ, worrying and ruminating and feeling frozen. You can get trapped in these thought patterns especially when you are surrounded by other people who are echoing the same dysfunctional thought patterns.
So, how do you deal with these distressing thoughts?
Itâs going to take a lot of time and patience to retrain your brain away from these patterns into more healthy ones. So first off, you need to recognize this is an ongoing process of learning to notice when you are having unhealthy thoughts about your body and yourself, and patiently & gently correcting those thoughts with healthier ones. And you are going to need to get back into your body and start to feel comfortable in it again.
So, my first suggestion would be to get off of all social media. Get off of /r/ftm or /r/mtf, get off of trans youtube, get off of trans twitter, get off of instagram, just get off of social media. If you are young, I know that may sound like an impossible prospect. Give yourself a time limit then if thatâs too intimidating; commit to at least one month off of social media, or three months, or longer if you can stand it. I think six months is ideal, personally. During that time, get a journal, and every time you feel the impulse to get online, start writing in your journal instead. Donât censor yourself, just let the pen flow and write down whatever youâre feeling. Even if your thoughts scare you or disgust you or make you really sad, write it all down. Donât share it with anyone; itâs just for you to get to know yourself without an audience. Notice how you feel about not being on social media. Do you feel better/worse? Do you feel more or less self-conscious? Do you feel more or less relaxed? Write it down in the journal. Fill it up and get a new one. Draw in it if you like. Make your journal your new confidante. After your time limit is up, reflect on your experience being off of social media, how it made you feel, if you're nervous about going back, if you want to go back at all, how you might change your habits to make you feel safer/more comfortable online, etc. (Note that you don't need to be on social media at all! You still exist even if you are not online.)
Talk to older trusted adults in your life about their experiences being young, growing up, and feeling insecure. Be brave! Thereâs nothing you can say that will spook them. Adults have more wisdom to offer than you think and have been through A LOT of shit. Youâll find that most of the adults you talk to can relate to your feelings of dysphoria. It helped me to talk to the older women in my life about my experiences with being sexually harassed, for example. It was something I felt a lot of shame about. It turned out every woman I talked to had similar stories and felt similar feelings (unfortunately). It made me feel less alone. I realized that my feelings of dysphoria werenât so different from what those women had been through, and they survived. Also, try to notice real women in real life â look around at women in the grocery store, for example, and notice how different they look. They don't all look like celebrities and instagram models. Notice that some wear makeup, some donât. Some have short hair, some have long hair. Some are more âfeminineâ and some are more âmasculineâ. Their bodies are all different shapes. They are all still women. Real women come in all shapes and sizes.
If you are female, consume media that was made by women. Read literature by women, watch movies made by women. Reading autobiographies and memoirs by women helped me a lot to see different perspectives and to realize that there are many, many different ways of being a woman that I hadnât really thought about before, because I had inadvertently been limiting myself to media created by men. Itâs easy to fall into only consuming media by men because that is what is considered default in our society, and the female characters are often very poorly written or completely absent. That gave me a really distorted view of the possibilities of what women can be. I had a really narrow idea of what futures were possible for me as woman because of the media I consumed. I didnât think that this was so, but subconsciously, my idea of what women can be/look like/behave was very limited.
I mentioned earlier about retraining your brain into healthier thought patterns. All of the above suggestions are about training your brain into noticing positive things, instead of fixating on negative ones. You are hurting and in pain, so give yourself some grace. If you cannot do it for your current self, imagine you are doing it for your Child Self. If your 7-year-old self showed up at your door and you had to take care of her, how would you do it? What things would you say to her? What movies and books would you show her? How would you speak to her? What do you think she needs to hear from you? Write in your journal everything you would say to your Child Self â and write back from her perspective.
I also mentioned dissociating and feeling like your body isnât real. This one is tough because it can be quite painful to get back in touch with your body and your feelings if youâve learned to stifle them for a long time. Physical activity is extremely important to reconnect with your body and is really effective in banishing dysphoric feelings. I donât just mean exercise, although exercise is awesome â even just taking daily walks can help loads. But physical activity also includes hobbies like baking, cooking, playing an instrument, drawing, painting, juggling, doing silly dances in your bathroom, singing, doing origami. Anything that gets you moving and using your body, especially your hands, is a dysphoria slayer! Try to be mindful when you move and notice how your body helps you do really cool things. Wear whatever clothing feels comfortable and whenever you start to notice your mind wandering and worrying about how you look, gently bring your focus back to the sensations in your body instead. Itâs even better to do these activities with a friend. Notice how good it feels to laugh and talk and be together with a friend. Get outside and go to the beach or sit under a tree and feel the sun and wind on your skin. Try to get outside a little bit every day; even for 15 minutes. Anything that makes you appreciate being alive and having a body that lets your experience these beautiful things.
To summarize (in no particular order):
Start a journal and start noticing and keeping track of all your thoughts, positive and negative.
Become a friend to your Inner Child.
Take advantage of the wisdom of your elders.
Find positive role models of your sex â fiction is OK but preferably real.
If youâre female, get acquainted with feminism and womenâs history.
Get off of social media and ground yourself in reality, away from echo chambers and predatory advertising.
Get your body moving and spend time outdoors.
Talk to friends and family and other people you trust âin real lifeâ about your feelings â have face-to-face conversations and donât be afraid to âget realâ. Cry! Get angry! Just donât hold it in and let it eat you up inside.
Over time, when you learn to notice more of the good, the bad becomes less of a big deal. Itâs not easy dealing with dysphoria and you never quite âget overâ it, but you can learn to live with it. You can learn to take your feelings of self-hatred and transform them outward into righteous anger at all the people and institutions that made you feel inadequate, worthless, and like your body is wrong. Dysphoria is not your fault; you are not wrong, your body is not wrong. Whatâs wrong is the way that society has taught you to see your natural self as incorrect! I can say with certainty, without knowing you, that you are completely fine and normal, exactly the way you are. You are tough! You are brave! You are worthy of love and worthy of a good life. Be patient and gentle and kind with yourself, and forgive yourself when you can't. Reach out to someone when you feel you need help and support. I wish you all the best. You will be okay. <3
Alright shitstains listen up because I just found god in a bottle.
If youâre a nerd like me your bodyâs probably riddled with a few nerd tattoos yeah? Some of âem in some pretty obvious places? Maybe you work in a professional environment that frowns upon body ink? Maybe youâre a cosplayer and you have some revealing outfits that you need to cover up for, yeah? Tattoos that you canât afford that $30 Kat Von D Tattoo cover up because youâre a cheap broke shit?
Story of my life bud.
Now I have a pretty obvious Squad 11 tattoo, because Iâm a Bleach nerd and Zaraki Kenpachi is my husband, and honestly itâs difficult to hide it in some of my cosplays because itâs bright and black and right smack dab on my shoulder. Poor planning on my part but hey, squad represent.
You see that glorious miracle up there? Thatâs Mehron Tattoo Cover. You see those pictures underneath it? Tattoo? What fucking tattoo?! Itâs gone!!!! Vamoosed!!! Like I never got the ink in the first place!!!!
This shit is durable, and I mean durable. Itâs completely waterproof and that first picture of my tattoo is actually what it looked like after scrubbing at it with two makeup wipes. TWO. Itâs not going anywhere
And the best part?Â
IT COMES IN DIFFERENT SKINTONES. BAM. WHAT.
I mean itâs not phenomenal but hey at least itâs not just âpale as fuckâ.
And you wanna know the second best part?
Itâs only 12 bucks on Amazon
Yeah. $12. Not $30. Because $12 is much more reasonable than $30.
As for size reference, thatâs how big it is in that third picture right there. Itâs honestly the best investment I could have made and everybody should know about it.
Go forth and conquer with your newfound knowledge. Youâre all welcome.
As someone who used to chair a stage makeup department, Mehron and Ben Nye are going to be cheaper and better than whatever concealer/orange eye shadow/green lipstick whatever weird tutorial you found or expensive-ass luxury concealer.
Why you ask?
Because Mehron and Ben Nye are stage makeup. Theyâre meant to give thick, full coverage in one layer that can stand up to cameras and stage lights. Blend it out, powder it, and youâll never look back. Plus itâs cheap enough that you can buy 2 and mix the perfect shade.Â
Iâve watched people not get jobs at places I work even though their personalities and experience levels were exactly what we were looking for purely because of personal adornment (tattoos, piercings, etc.). So to anyone who might need a product like this, I hope you see this post.
Captions: Some of you are just chomping at the fuckin bit for a woman or person of color to be conservative enough for you to take out your belief system on without consequences. Like, some of you people just get so fucking excited when a hot woman is conservative because it means you can finally sexually harass her as much as you want. You can say what you really believe about women and you can call it based, you can call it like a sick leftist moment to comment on all her photos about how you want to suck her mommy milkers. Like itâs never ok to sexually harass women, unless that woman in question makes a specific point of saying how much she values her modesty. Then itâs funny. Get it? Do you guys get it? Itâs the same thing with Candace Owens, like some of you people said the most racist shit towards Candace Owens and it doesnât suddenly become okay because âshe sucks!â Men in the movement are always complaining about how leftist women donât trust them, but when I have to see you tweeting week after week about wanting to fuck Abby Shapiroâs tits, all youâre showing to me is that you think sexual safety is a privilege women earn by agreeing with you. Seriously you guys are the fucking worst.
When writing always remember⊠a character flaw is only a flaw until becomes useful.Â
Is your protagonist manipulative? Well thatâs awful⊠until they manipulate the antagonist into making a decision that saves the lives of their friends.Â
Is your protagonist a skeptic? Well thatâs not good⊠until someone tries to lie to them.Â
Is your protagonist overprotective? That sucks⊠until someone they love is in danger.Â
Is your protagonist remorseless? Well that makes them pretty unlikeable⊠until a hard decision has to be made.Â
Your protagonist is honest? Thatâs good⊠until their survival depends on them being able to lie convincingly.
Your protagonist is brave? Thatâs good⊠until they foolishly run headlong into danger without a thought for the consequences.
Your protagonist is forgiving and able to see good in everyone? Thatâs good⊠until they continually forgive someone who doesnât deserve it, and get taken advantage of because they canât fathom that some people just suck.
Your protagonist is funny? Thatâs good⊠until they piss off everyone around them because they donât seem to be taking the situation seriously, and they keep avoiding dealing with their problems by hiding behind humor.
Most personality traits arenât inherently good or bad. Itâs all about context, and how far they go.
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