Tornado season has violently started in the u.s already so take it from a hardened Midwesterner who has been on the highways and interstate when the radio starts doing the RRRRRRRNGH. RRRRRRRNGH. RRRRRRRNGH. BEEEEEEEEEP thing:
DO NOT TAKE SHELTER UNDER AN OVERPASS. EVEN IF YOU CLIMB UP THE HILL THING. CONGRATS YOU JUST ENTERED A WIND TUNNEL DURING A TORNADO. DON'T DO THAT
Most farmhouses out in the middle of nowhere have windbreaks, aka, a long line of trees. Use this to your advantage. Head towards the trees, see if there's a house. People will let you shelter there in a tornado. It's the Midwest. We're nice.
STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ELECTRICAL POLES AND SHIT THAT CAN FALL ON YOU. TREES BAD IF NO HOUSE. TREES SO BAD IF NO HOUSE. TREES ARE SHRAPNEL GENERATORS. IF YOU DON'T SEE A HOUSE STAY AWAY FROM THE TREES.
Stay the fuck away from pivots, while we're at it. You can get electrocuted from yards away.
If you're heading out of a town and the sirens go off, turn the fuck around. Go to the nearest building or business or house. Shelter with them.
And remember, a large percentage of tornados are rain-wrapped. This means that the sky doesn't even get dark. It just looks like a rainstorm. A normal one.
If the sirens are going off, that means there is a tornado that is on the ground in your immediate area. Go to fucking shelter. I don't care if it doesn't look like a tornado outside.
If there is a warning, that means there is a tornado on the ground in your county. Go to shelter. I don't care if it doesn't look like a tornado outside.
If there is a watch, this means that there is no tornado right now, but they're expecting some. Go about your business, but keep your phone charged and on you, and listen for sirens.
If a tornado looks like it's standing still, it's coming towards you. Down stairs. Now.
If the sirens suddenly cut instead of winding down, if the drains start sucking, if your ears pop, or if you hear a train, dive for cover like your life depends on it because it does.
A downstairs bathroom without windows, in the bathtub, covered by a blanket from head to toe, is the best place to be. On the ground, away from windows, covered by a blanket, with as many walls as you can between you and the outside, is good enough.
Can confirm, if there's a tornado bearing down my basement is for everyone. I'll shove it full of strangers if I have to. Just knock and look panicked and we'll Get It.
Everyone says a tornado sounds like a train. It does. But it sounds like the chug-chug-chug of a train on the tracks, not like the train horn. It's a much lower tone than the high pitch Choo-Choo, and it comes with a sense of foreboding so intense you feel it in your bones.
Once you've heard it for the first time, you'll know. Or at least I did.
