LifeInNannying

The highs, the lows, and the WTFs of being a professional nanny

[lifeinnannying]

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

My almost step daughter was about to go out to lunch with her dad today. Her braids were falling out and I could see a mega knot had formed between them. Let me comb your hair out first I told her and we went to the bathroom to begin carefully teasing the Gorgon's knot out. I had never seen a knot like this one: hair sticking out in all directions. When it finally submitted to my ministrations, imagine to my surprise a huge clump of hair fell into my hands. And another. And another as I finished combing the rest of her hair. At the end I had a deeply perturbing solid handful of blond locks.

Now I begin to panic. We just switched shampoo two nights before. Or maybe, after a week at our house she was succumbing to malnutrition because there's only about half a dozen non-junk foods she'll eat. Then my brain reined itself in as I stared at the hair. Not a single strand came from her scalp and they were almost uniformly the same length.

"Sweetheart did you...did you cut your hair this morning?"

"No," she says firmly. "But the tag in my pajama shirt was bothering me so I cut it out,"

"With your shirt still on?"

"Yep...Oooh," the truth dawns across her six year old face. "Maybe next time I will ask an adult to cut my tag out"

"Yeah. Definitely ask,"

[tombipetty-deactivated20170425]

interesting how so many people will agree that “mothering is the hardest/most intense/most important job in the world” but the people who perform the work of mothering for money (daycare workers and nannies) are payed shit wages and nobody cares. it’s almost as if we glorify motherhood to convince women to have children but actually consider the gendered work of caretaking to be worth next to nothing.

[theonion]

WAYNE, PA—Knowing what she was in for within minutes of meeting the 5-year-old, local babysitter Hannah Leeds told reporters Wednesday that she could already tell that Jackson Keller was the kind of kid who suddenly gets naked for no reason. “Yeah, I know the type—the second you look away, he’ll have his pants down to his ankles and be zipping across the living room, just wait,” said Leeds, adding that she’d babysat enough kindergarteners to know which ones were likely to stand on the couch and, apropos of nothing, proudly display their genitals. “You can see it in his eyes. He’s just biding his time until the mood strikes, which could be now or in 10 minutes or when I think he’s asleep. But mark my words, I guarantee he’ll be peeling off those pajamas and making a break for it.” At press time, Keller had begun to doubt her instincts before seeing the fully nude child bolt out the front door and race down the driveway.

[thriveworks]

Tweets from Parents (see 15 more)

[gif87a-com]

[lifeinnannying]

When you suddenly realize it's waaaay too quiet.

[boredpanda]

Dad Of 4 Girls Tweets Conversations With His Daughters, Proves Parenting Is Fun

[sourcedumal]

Lmfaoooooo children will roast you. Truly

[amuzed1-deactivated20241106]

The 5-year-old is SAVAGE. LOL

[thislifeshitistrash]

“I read her the instructions” 😂😂😂

[fozmeadows]

Watching my toddler figure out how to language is fascinating. Yesterday we were stumped when he kept insisting there was a “Lego winner” behind his bookshelf - it turned out to be a little Lego trophy cup. Not knowing the word for “trophy”, he’d extrapolated a word for “thing you can win”. And then, just now, he held up his empty milk container and said, “Mummy? It’s not rubbish. It’s allowed to be a bottle.” - meaning, effectively, “I want this. Don’t throw it away.” But to an adult ear, there’s something quite lovely about “it’s allowed to be a bottle,” as if we’re acknowledging that the object is entitled to keep its title even in the absence of the original function.

[legit-writing-tips]

Another good post to read for those writing small human characters. 

[jennytrout]

My son was about three when he came to me in the middle of the day and said, “Mommy, there’s a knight behind the bush.” I thought he meant a toy knight or something. So I follow him outside and he goes, “Listen. Do you hear it? It’s night behind the bush.” It was a cricket. A cricket was standing in the little patch of shade under the bush, chirping. So, my son saw this dark area with accompanying nighttime sounds and decided, okay, well, that is a night right there. Their brains are incredible.

[deleted20211121]

My little bean knows she’s two, constantly saying proudly ‘I’m two!’ And the other day she saw this very frail old lady who looked one foot in the grave, pulled a face and said ‘oh shiiiit. She’s three.’ I almost screamed.

[cantnotknope]

I live in Korea and have a lot of international friends, and the same is true with language barriers in adults. 

*Looking at a bowl of pears* “Can you please pass me the… apple’s friend?” 

[masterofbirds]

OH SHIT SHE’S THREE

[thriveworks]

Brutally Honest Notes from Kids (see 6 more)

[rockhardgeologist]

[tastefullyoffensive]

“So, do you like stuff?” (via Daniel Gardner)

[bootsnblossoms]

Tweets from Parents that Perfectly Summed up Parenting

[chonkychickenlady]

This is parenting.

[autistic-goblin666]

I lost it at the haunted toothbrush xD

[bakerssmurf]

Omg-some of these are so true it’s like I’m living them!

[faithbhumandisaster]

things you say to kids when you're a nanny that you also say to drunk friends:

-how did you get that in your hair? -are you sure you don’t have to go to the bathroom? -okay, no more for you. -no you can’t eat that. -it’s okay, accidents happen. -i’m sorry, i don’t have pizza.

[tastefullyoffensive]

#Art (via timurse)

[happygoldfish]

Adding a picture of the building so you can see how high that star is off the ground. How the hell did the artist even do this.

[robotlyra]

“Is this the People’s Republic?” “NO, THIS IS PATRICK”

[nicoleluvspink82-blog]

[uglydyke420-deactivated20170714]

nicoleluvspink82:

DIY Kenetic Sand 😮

[starstims-blog]

For anon!

[sidethots]

when a little kids telling you a story but you can’t understand them

[myownfashiionbook]

😭all the timmmme

[ace0fspade-deactivated20170930]

^^ lol

[saito-91]

Nah more like 

[jazlynthethoughtdaughter]

I be listening like it’s important

[thathighguy]

What else?!?!

[thegenerationofus]

Then when you’re actually paying attention & they start switching shit up

[barelyfittingin]

Lmao

[fatandbougie]

once you really start paying attention you start to understand what they’re saying even though it don’t make sense half the time.

[pinkgliitter]

You gotta listen tho. You have to, it will make their whole day

[chick-fe-latio]

they get so excited

[pr1nceshawn]

Tips That Can Save Your Kid’s Life.

[hiddlesherethereeverywhere]

THIS IS IMPORTANT 

When I was a child, from the time I was about four and could understand things, my mom told me and my brother that we should have a secret word. That way, if we were ever in trouble or felt unsafe and we didn’t want the people around us to know we needed her to come get us, we could let her know. So she let us pick the word and my brother and I chose the phrase “peanut butter cups.” (I’m happy to share the phrase now since both my brother and I are adults now). 

I used the phrase twice in my life. Once, I was at a friends house when I eight years old. Her dad got really drunk and was throwing things against the wall. I was really scared and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself on the phone when I called my mom to come get me because I didn’t know if he would get more violent if I asked her to come get me. So I called her and was calm and after a couple minutes I asked “Hey mommy, did you get me those peanut butter cups from the store?” And she said “I’ll be right there.” And she came and got me within minutes. 

Second, I was a teenager spending the night at a friends house. Her brother and dad were drinking and they started talking about things that made me uncomfortable - ie: what they liked to do to women. My friend didn’t seem perturbed and said that was normal for them and that I shouldn’t worry. But I was worried because they were really drunk and I was 15 and the only ‘woman’ around that wasn’t related to them. I went in my friends room, told her I needed to call my mom and say goodnight. Before I hung up with her I asked “Next time we go to the store, can we get some peanut butters cups? I’ve been craving them.” And she came and got me, just like that. 

Two incidents, one as a young child, one years later as a teen. Don’t discredit this stuff, it fucking works. My brother used it a few times too. Let your child pick the word and no never, ever, ever, ever get mad at them for using it no matter what it is. 

[sixpenceee]

These are hilarious and adorable. Kids are so dumb. I remember I cried when i was a kid because I couldn’t see my eyes move. I got these from here. What are some silly things you did as a kid?

[queefodillas]

four year old me had a six hour meltdown when my grandma asked me to keep my “eyes peeled” looking for something