Humans are Space Orcs “Oxytocin”
So, I had a rather interesting and hysterical idea earlier thinking about human hormones.
Forewarning, this one is super goofy and also super weird, but I thought it was fun.
I have established, in my earlier stories, that it would be interesting if human hormones could be used as drugs for other alien species who do not tend to possess the chemical routs that humans do, hypothetically, supposing that they can still be affected by those same chemicals. My example as dopamine being used by aliens as the new heroin.
However, my other thought shifted to Oxytocin and how it can be used to battle depressive symptoms. As a fact, petting a dog or cat is known to cause feelings of good, well-being, and boost mood. New mothers need it to bond with their children, and fathers who have more of it show increased bonding with their children as well. That train of thought brought me to an article I read a couple years ago about how there are people out there who practice “Professional cuddling”. As in you hire a random person to spoon with because your lonely or whatever.
Be interesting if humans aren’t the only ones who suffer from mental illness like depression, and somehow, in some way they figured out that human Oxytocin is effective in combating those feelings in certain alien species. However, it isn’t right to just go in a harvest the hormone from humans, we sort of need it. A cheaper and more cost effective option is to hire a human to (A) pack bond with them, and potentially become a sort of emotional support human or (B) hire a human for a session a week.
When humans first joined the galactic assembly, their heightened predator traits and excessive survival instincts made the entire galaxy apprehensive. In essence, they were a species of paradoxical extremes. They were soft and squishy missing a hard outer shell, but they verged on almost impossible to kill. They thrived in stressful environments, but were brought to their knees by “Stubbed toes”.
All at once they were aggressive, passive, loyal, backstabbing, serious, fun-loving, adorable, dangerous, unbelievably smart, and potentially the dumbest creatures to have ever wandered the cosmos. They were more than useful to have as a crewmember, and the products they introduced to the galaxy were revolutionary.
Over time, Humans, themselves, grew in popular demand around the galaxy. Human hair was known for its tensile strength, teeth were a desired fashion accessory (see the human tradition using shark teeth), distilled urine can be used in explosive production, while both underground dopamine and adrenaline markets have caused the largest drug craze in galactic history, and the largest drug crisis, as both have adverse side effects in large doses. Adrenaline/epinephrine itself being poisonous in excessive quantities.
The human craze had taken the galaxy, a tide of human products, cinema, and entertainment had fundamentally changed the universe.
Numerous medical advancements have sprung into place simply from studying the immune systems of these class A deathworlders. Not to mention the surprising discovery of human hormone release through contact which is a known treatment for depressive symptoms in class Alpha-Iota species.
This discovery was both revolutionary and complicated. The human pituitary gland is deep within the brain, and hormone extraction is both difficult, inadvisable and unethical. However, from our understanding, we learned that the human brain released this hormone (called Oxytocin) through contact with other members of their species, and, as we learned, members of other species from their planet.
Steps forward from here were hesitant and exploratory, but the humans seemed surprisingly willing and interested in helping. Their empathy was unfounded and overwhelming. Many who understood the struggles of our most desperate clients enthusiastically agreed to help saying “If we can’t cure ourselves, we can help cure you”.
Our first steps were faltering, but the humans were enthusiastic and our patients were desperate. Months of research culminated in the discovery that simple contact with a human for at least thirty minutes a day could reduce depressive symptoms by 65%. In less severe cases, the occasional session with a human was enough.
Steps were awkward at first. While humans are known to be a social group, many other species aren’t, and facilitating close physical contact like “hugging” or “cuddling” was difficult, but results are results, and soon enough the first official clinic had opened.
Humans working there full time were at first disbelieving and amused taking to calling themselves “Cuddle buddies” to satiric effect.
Following the success of the facility, others had cropped up over the galaxy. Soon enough independent human agencies were hiring out their own humans on roving ships of “Freelance cuddlers.” The galactic Assembly eventually put laws in to place requiring licensing for such work, but that did not stop the humans.
As I understand, humans consider the job a quick and easy cash-grab. It is not unknown for members of a human crew to have a professional job, but also possess a cuddle license for quick access to extra, lucrative work.
Some humans are employed full time by ships for just such purposes. The success of such arrangements jumps to 75% once the human is successful pack bonded with the crew.
It should be noted, however, that while humans are often willing and helpful in certain situations, they are very sensitive to being used. It is advised to treat a human with friendship and respect. If a species is known for backstabbing behavior, or has a history of mistreating other species, it is inadvisable to hire a human. Even those who are licensed to cuddle are deadly, and will not hesitate to kill under certain circumstances. It must not be forgotten that humans are an Apex predatory species, and still retain some of their baser instincts.
Off to the side of the bridge, Krill looked up from that months subscribed transmission of Galactic Medical Weekly, to glance over at Captain Vir, lounging in the captain’s chair shamelessly perusing an colorful magazine krill had come to know as “comic book”. The human was large, muscular, with front facing eyes, a mouth full of glittering teeth, and sharp plates of keratin at the ends of his fingers.
Krill had trouble picturing the man picking up such work on the side
“Captain?” He asked catching the human’s attention.
Captain Vir glanced up from his Comic one eyebrow raised, “Yeah? What’s up?”
What’s up, one of those human phrases again. Krill held up the article “Have you heard of these…. Cuddle licenses before.”
The captain let off a bark of laughter sharp teeth glittering predatory eyes twinkling in merry amusement, “Who the hell doesn’t?” The rest of the crew, still on the bridge, laughed in unison, and together they reached into their packets withdrawing intergalactic passports.
Captain Vir held his out for Krill to see pointing to a small annotation in the far right corner, “Licensed in 53 quadrants.” He snapped the passport shut, “In fact, it was my first job after losing my leg in the war to the Drev.” He laughed again, “Matter of fact the first client I worked with was one of the Drev officers. Poor guy kinda lost it after losing the war, seeing all those humans showing back up missing half their limbs.”
Krill felt his innards churn, “Why would you do that. What if he had held a grudge. He could have killed you.”
The human gave a shrug, “He was too out of it for grudges, and I felt sort of bad for him. Although, ever tried spooning someone ten feet tall with six arms and an exoskeleton like steel, it isn’t easy.”
The captain held up a finger, “We are still good friends to this day. The trick is to have absolutely no shame. The career isn’t for people worried about embarrassing themselves.”
A crew member chuckled, “You must have felt right at home than captain, seeing as your fine with showing your face here every day.”
The captain gave a grin, “Hey, don’t knock it. It is an admirable profession, and it earned me enough credits to buy this ship.”
Krill shook his head in wonderment, the universe must have a sense of humor. No way it was a coincidence that one of the best treatments for melancholic symptoms was to cuddle with an apex predator.
Out there in the universe, some cosmic being was laughing.
As always thank you for reading, and I would appreciate any new ideas.
