Bitch, I'll sue you

fuck it, spending your time on worthwhile pursuits is overrated.

[magpiedragon]

Ok but Jonmartin stealing a Breekon&Hope delivery van and mad maxing it through the fearscape recruiting all the avatars who are not super into this either.

[magpiedragon]

"Jude, we talked about this, roll down the window when you want to smoke"

[kansasjustgotgayer]

Martin, from the passenger seat: um... so, so does anyone want any snacks or-or something-

Jon: that arent people

Martin: that arent people, yes

[meadowmines]

Jon: ...Jared? What did you just absorb?

Jared: ...................spine

Jon: whose

Jared: mine now

Jon: whose was it before

Jared: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Max Mustermann [slowly sliding out from under the seat belt and into the floorboard]: wheeeee haha no it’s cool I’ll grow a new one later

[meadowmines]

Listen it’s been a whole day and I can’t stop cackling over the idea of Jared Boneturner and Musty Max being Fearpocalypse Van Bros and grossing everyone else in the van out with their freaky Silent Hill bullshit and at some point Jon and Martin hearing, from the back of the van... 

Max: uh. hm. I don’t think I’m doing this right.

Jared: lemme see.

*gross boneturning noises*

Everyone else in the van: *eyes forward, no reaction, they know Jared thinks it‘s funny to get a rise out of them and they are not going to give him the satisfaction*

Jared: yeah, you got too many vertebrae. 

Max: ...are you sure? 

Jared: yeah, s’posed to be 33. See, like--hey miss, lemme borrow your--

Daisy: *lupine growling*

Jared: what, I’ll give it right ba--

Daisy: *bass boosted lupine growling*

Jared: yeah all right fair enough

Max: weird, I thought Dr. Elliot said 35? Then again... I don’t think he was feeling well the day we did bones so maybe he got mixed up. Hey, Archivi--

Jon: *pained beholding noises* thirty three

Max: ok cool thanks :D

Jared: you want this back or

Max: nah, I’ll just start over

Jared: k.

*more gross bone noises*

Jude *lights cigarette*: as soon as this is over I am going to kill everyone in this van 

[radishnt]

which one of u was going to tell me that tea tastes different if u put it in hot water?

[mothman-misato]

y- you were putting it in cold water?????

[boimgfrog]

Radish. Answer the question radish.

[radishnt]

yeah??? i thought for like. 5 years that ppl just put it in hot water 2 speed up the tea-ification process didn’t realize there was an actual reason

[boimgfrog]

You dont have the patience to microwave water for 3 minutes???

[catsnraincoats]

[ID: Tags reading “u think i have the patience to boil water wtf ?????” /End ID]

why are you. putting it in the microwave to boil it

[boimgfrog]

Do you think I have the patience to boil water on the stove

[catsnraincoats]

Its takes less than a minute

[boimgfrog]

Bestie is ur stovetop powered by the fucking sun

[catsnraincoats]

How long does it take you to boil a cup of water on the stove

[boimgfrog]

Like seven minutes

[catsnraincoats]

Just stick the mug on top of the stove on medium heat n it boils in like two minutes… less than that is u use a saucepan…

[boimgfrog]

Crying you’re putting the whole mug on the stove ???? On medium heat???? Ur stove is enchanted

[pidoop]

Every single person in this post is a fucking lunatic

[silverjirachi]

Yet another post that reads like four shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief

[wizardlyghost]

(Enter RADISHN’T, MOTHMAN MISATO, BOIMG FROG and CATS'N RAINCOATS, stage left. They are having a HEATED DISCUSSION.)

RADISHN’T: Prithee, which one of you had planned to tell

Of diff'rent flavours gained by simple act

Of brewing tea with water hot, not cold?

MOTHMAN: Egad! you poured the water cold? Wherefore?!

FROG: An answer from you, Radish, I must beg.

RADISHN’T: Indeed I did, dear friends - why does this shock?

Without the guide of others I assumed

That heat was merely added for the sake

Of expediting this solution’s brewing!

Half a decade I have spent, or more,

Not questioning this worldview I had made.

In fact, I am myself a bit surprised

That you might think that I, your dearest friend,

Might have a patience of sufficient stock

To wait until a pot of water boils.

FROG: Three minutes overtaxes patience so?

The microwave will beep when it is done!

CATS'N: My friend, this answer vexes me the more!

Can it be true that thou dost boil by nuke?!

FROG: Are you in turn, my friend, so shocked to know

That I have not the patience, like our Root,

To boil upon the stove our favour’d drink?

CATS'N: It takes less than a minute!

FROG: On what plate?

Perhaps your dinner cooks atop the sun?

CATS'N: How long can take your stove to fill the task

Of boiling but a single cup alone?

FROG: In minutes?

CATS'N: Yes!

FROG: I counted seven, once.

CATS'N: Perhaps you ought to have your timepiece checked!

If on a middle heat you place the cup

You soon will have the scalding drink you crave.

Two minutes, in a mug upon the plate

Or even less, if you should have a pot.

FROG: You cause me tears - is this how thou dost live?

You place upon the iron stove a mug?

A mug, ceramic, filled with water cold?

How do these flames, though medium in height,

Not shatter like a glass this fragile thing?

Surely, then, your kitchen is bewitched

With magicks far beyond the mortal ken!

(The FOUR realise they have wandered into the THRONE ROOM. The ROYAL COURT watches with fascination.)

KING: Ev'ry single person in this group must be a fucking lunatic, it seems.

[elodieunderglass]

[dustyxoverture]

I’m sorry but the THOUGHT that has been put into this, I actually CAN’T—

The fact that nearly every line is so metrically considered- near perfect iambic pentameter witb the occasional trochee for emphasis, but usually retaining a strong sense of rhythm nonetheless. And then the king comes in at the end, so wound in his disbelief that his response is reduced to prose.

And the even better thing about this is how easy it would have been to structure the king’s line into iambic pentameter: it is effectively already said as such because of the way wizardlyghost has phrased it, yet they haven’t!! They did not break the line, rendering what, by all typically of both Shakespearean canon and other periods context should be the character with the most command and authority in the whole play. If there was ever a more effective way to convey a genuine “what the fuck??”, I know of it not.

But it gets better!! Shakespeare regularly uses meter in order to represent class divide; the nobility usually speak in iambic pentameter, save for a few particularly chosen moments (e.g. Lady Macbeth’s descent into madness, Othello’s realisation of Desdemona’s “betrayal”) or just lines where Shakespeare needs to suggest high emotion or when a character is lost in thought. Supernatural characters like the fairies in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and the Witches in Macbeth usually speak in trochaic tetrameter, an inversion of iambic pentameter. Lower class characters, particularly those used for comic relief (usually under the influence of alcohol), speak with no structure at all: their language is plain prose. Therefore, if this is a conversation between these types of characters, as the prompt from silvergirachi suggests, why the hell are the characters speaking so eloquently???

Now, this is Tumblr. It is subsequently logical to assume that this may have merely been a humorous recreation (and a very good one at that) of the Shakespearean style in a way that is widely recognisable to an audience that may or may not have read a great deal of Shakespeare, which is understandable. However, logic is boring so I’m going to probe further into this to the point where future historians will look to this as an example of overanalysing.

The inherent eloquence of the characters here suggests an unusual subversion of the roles typically assumed in Shakespearean comedy. This could be interpreted along two major avenues: firstly, that the rhetoric displayed by the speakers is fundamentally representative of how truth can be expected even from the most seemingly pointless or ludicrous discussions. Furthermore, it could suggest that it matters not how well constructed your speeches are: if you talk bullshit, it’s going to sound that way despite your attempts to hide it.

This is similar but not identical to the second avenue of interpretation: there is the implication that the noblemen in the play are in fact the comic relief characters, therefore implying that the “common people” of the play are the ones whose influence, though not expressed in such a highly spoken manner, makes a lot more sense than whatever the hell this is. If this was a real Shakespeare play, I would call it a subtle exploration into the innate corruption of the rich and powerful. Well done, op.

Now, I doubt any of this is actually grounded analysis in any way, shape or form, but if someone else can take this to the extremes of writing a Shakespearean scene, why can I not analyse it as such? And where else to do so than Tumblr?

[wizardlyghost]

im in tears i didnt think anyone would put this much analysis into this‚ thank you so much

[whetstonefires]

i also like that everyone else gets a version of their handle and then tumblr user pidoop is promoted to king

[writethebirds]

[petermorwood]

And now I want a cuppa tea…

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

[neopolitanfox]

This is especially funny because they aren’t even right. Foxes *ARE* dogs.

[trojanhorse8-2]

No they aren’t.

[supreme-leader-stoat]

yes they are. because they are fluffye.

[trojanhorse8-2]

OK yes they are.

[mr-deep-downer]

Dog

[jooshthepunished-deactivated202]

Dog

[utah-mountain-drifter-deactivat]

Different family, but same order as @pictures-of-dogs

[zarabithia12365-deactivated2022]

No, they are the same family. They are the same kingdom, phylum, order and family. They separate at the genus.

They’re a dog.

[birdsareblooming]

yeah they’re fluffye

[dacavendishtime]

theyre literally not dogs theyre not even fluffy. can we get science tumblr over hear or what!?

[birdsareblooming]

checkmate athiests

[ajarofpickledtears]

fluffye

[pa-pa-plasma]

okay but they literally are dogs, for those who are confused

[stele3]

If foxes are dogs, then so are wolves, coyotes, dingoes, jackals, and several other extant and extinct species.

Behold! A dog.

[lemon-badgeress]

of course it’s a dog you buffoon. it’s fluffye.

[findingfeather]

Why on earth would someone think “BUT IF THEY’RE DOGS SO AR -”

Like yes of course wolves are dogs, where have you been. Jackals are excellent doggies! So are coyotes. Why is this confusing.

[theknightlywolfe]

I love that this is literally two completely different arguments running simultaneously.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

That guy up there who said they’re not even fluffy was thinking of sharks

[thebelovedlion]

sharks are also dogs. ravenous water dogs, but still dogs

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Sharks can NOT be dogs they are SMOOTH

[porcupine-girl]

Tags via @jenroses

[gabyluvsxena]

sharks are smooth dogs

[grubby-gerblin]

BEHOLD, a SHARK

[bamboozled-bumblefuck]

17 clown car pileup 84 injured 193 dead

[lindentreeisle]

Sir, I'm....not sure what you were hoping to accomplish with this line of questioning.

[lindentreeisle]

Uh oh.

[lindentreeisle]

I think the birbs may have finally made the transition to living in the big cage. I didn't originally intend for it to take this long- at first, I wanted to give them a chance to practice moving around the larger space and be sure they were comfortable with it, since when I brought them home it was obvious they did not have the climbing skills they need to move around the larger space with clipped wings. Then, I was trying to encourage them to venture into the cage on their own because they aren't comfortable being carried yet and I don't want to do a lot of grabbing. I placed a perch between the cages and targeted them onto it to encourage them to realize they could cross.

It wasn't until a couple days ago, when it occurred to me that I could position the cage doors facing each other so there was a gap of only a few inches, that there started to be progress. Beep crossed the gap back and forth numerous times, but Duck was too intimidated. Eventually she figured out how to climb to the top of the small cage but she would still stand on the threshold hesitating. (In the second photo, Beep has crossed back over to encourage Duck.) Then it occurred to me to use that wooden ladder to create a more horizontal link between the small cage and a perch in the big one, and Duck joined Beep. They seem perfectly comfortable and are showing no apparent interest in going back to the small cage, so I've moved their water and food across and suspect they'll be spending the night.

Two more facts of note:

I've had a major setback with Duck. They started hiding from me when I came in the room, and I figured I must have done something to scare them without realizing. Then they started engaging in a weird behavior. Trying to figure out what a weird bird behavior means is like trying to diagnose yourself on WebMD, any individual behavior can mean anything from "absolutely nothing" to "go to the hospital NOW." Gauging bird health is a combination of zoology and copromancy, and it's difficult even when you've known the bird for years and are intimately familiar with all their behaviors. Watching Duck closely and trying to decide if this weird behavior combined with the hiding indicated A Concern, I saw a flash of reddish-brown when they stretched a wing that scared the hell out of me. Convinced I needed to be sure they did not have a wound on their wing, I caught them with my hand to check. It ended up being nothing, fortunately (apparently Duck has a band of reddish coloring across their wing feathers that is only visible with spread wings) but of course it shattered whatever trust we had managed to build. I will rebuild but it's frustrating to be back at square one and it makes me sad- having a beloved pet be afraid of you is such a terrible feeling.

I've been playing music for the birds when I'm away, as I always did for Raz, thinking they might like the noise- they do seem more likely to chatter along if there's something playing. But I think I've discovered something interesting, which is that they are far more likely to respond to prolonged human speech than music. I do a lot of cross stitch (took it up just before last Christmas, and just now I'm working on a very large project) and I like to sit in the office and listen to podcasts or watch youtube videos. They seem to really enjoy narration...wondering if I should load some spoken word recordings or podcasts onto the phone I use as a music player for them.

[staff]

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[lindentreeisle]

I honestly have meant to be on here more, but it's honestly been hard to get back in the habit, haha. Also the state legislature is in session and I do a lot of legislative advocacy so to the extent I have slack time at work, I usually spend it on that.

The babies have settled in really well- they are very comfortable in the small cage and more and more engaged in playing with toys and exploring. The first time they (accidentally) ended up on the floor, they were terrified, but now they go intentionally and are delighted with the adventure. I'm still working on encouraging them to explore the big cage- I want to feel like they're confident and safe getting around in there before I move them for good because there's a lot of ground to cover in there.

Most importantly, at the beginning of last week I finally got their names. The white is Beep and the yellow is Duck. (Which is kind of ridiculous but I thought of it and knew immediately it was the right name.)

We are working on getting them to eat the dang pellets and not just the seeds in their food, and mixing in the pellets I use with the plan of transitioning them over (I have at least two more weeks of food from the breeder, she gave me a LOT). And while they are generally happy to come onto my hands in exchange for millet, after Duck suddenly got super hand shy again I realized I needed a different approach. Plus with them outside the cage more now, I need to work on step up so I can get them back in without grabbing (right now I mostly open the cage when it's near feeding time, so I can get them back in the cage easily by luring them into the food bowl and moving that).

So we've gone back to first principles and I'm doing touch training. Duck got it immediately (I would call Duck "highly food motivated") and Beep finally, FINALLY seemed to make the connection today (instead of just trying to figure out how to get to the millet directly). Starting to work with Duck on movement (following the target) and hopefully from there on to stepping on and off a perch. Working with two is turning out to be challenging in ways I didn't expect. They are bonding with one another and spend many happy hours squeaking and preening each other but are also more than willing to trample each other for a bite of millet.

[lindentreeisle]

Still working on names; and on taming. They were hand-raised so I'm not starting from zero, but they just met me so we're adjusting. Keeping them in the smaller cage at the moment ; they have both escaped containment when I was holding them (and then peeped unhappily for one another) but are not really ready for full-on out of cage time yet.

I am starting to see their individuality emerge as they settle in. White bird is bolder and quicker to examine new things- was the first to figure out how to get up on the cloth perch and the first to jump into the food bowl. Yellow bird is shyer of hands and more cautious at first, but absolutely goes for the gusto once they have assessed the situation- was the first to learn to climb the sides of the cage to get up and down from the dowel, and has a notable penchant for flinging themself off things and beating their wings to break the fall and land where they're aiming.

Both are taking frequent naps and snacks, the latter of which are always a production with much crunching, flinging of seed hulls, and crawling on top of each other in the food cup. I leave the cage on my desk by the window when I leave the room and I always come back to find a blast radius of food debris on my chair and desk, it makes me laugh. Both are making many happy squeebles and chirps; although prolonged chirping has so far mostly happened when I'm not in the room. I came home from work yesterday and could hear them talking to each other from down in the kitchen. I can't even tell you what a joy it was to be greeted by that sound again.

[depsidase]

[lindentreeisle]

Beautiful babies

I am considering names, have ideas but want to see if they feel right. It was a long drive home and babies are very tired. I expect there will be more chirping and curiosity tomorrow. :D

[lindentreeisle]

IT'S BIRBDAY

Everybody wake up we're driving three hours to meet a bird breeder

[writing-prompt-s]

A strange alien doctor stands near the unconscious body of Padme Amidala. “It appears she has lost the will to live.” A older man with a limp hobbles closer with the aid of a cane. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” says Dr. Gregory House.

[gwenthebard]

-Keeps Padme on life support despite DNR, somehow this ends in him getting punched by Obi-Wan

-Immediately starts putting her on every treatment known to man

-Walks over to Wilson’s office, which is the only part of the entire ship that just looks the same as it does in the show

-Homoerotically complains about how stupid Jedi are, then makes a bet with Wilson on whether Obi Wan is gay or the father of Padme’s twins (Wilson wants House to believe people can be faithful)

-Padme almost dies again. Turns out the treatment’s not working

-“if the dark side nearly killed her, maybe it can save her”

-House uses force lightning to restart Padme’s heart

-Gets brought into Cuddy’s office and told off for using an experimental treatment, and the power of the dark side, in her hospital

-House is taken off the case and foreman is put in charge of the case

-Padme is unexpectedly doing better, but Cuddy refuses to tell House or else he’ll be using the dark side to save all his patients

-House watches on as Wilson tries seducing a relieved Obi Wan while he paces in the lobby. Doesn’t seem to work

-House interrogates Obi Wan about his relationship with Padme, insinuates it’s Obi Wans Fault. Gets in a struggle and once theyre seperated it’s revealed he ripped out some beard hair

-Padme is getting released from the hospital but crashes again with obvious signs of infection. Everyone blames the dark side of the force

-is put in intensive care again, everyone thinks she’s going to die, House is brooding.

-House meets Bail Organa and talks to him, Bail mentions how he was so worried about her the last time she was in a hospital, and this seems much more hopeless

-“what time she was in the hospital?”

-House marches in as they’re about to pull the plug, rolling Padme’s unconcious body over to point at dark spot on the back of her neck

-Foreman looks disapointed, “it’s a bruise house, her husband nearly snapped her neck.”

-“Our princess’ boyfriend here failed to mentioned she was scratched by a Nexu on Genosis years ago. Nexu claws are known as a vicious poison.”

-“it would have killed her years ago”

-“unless a small chunk of claw stuck in her back, working into the muscles near the nape of her neck for years. The little prince of Darkness chokes her, pressure and muscles spasming lets it work into a blood vessel. It’s why the force lightning only was a bandaid, it vaporized what was in her bloodstream but broke up the rest of the claw and let it enter in her bloodstream. Start her on dialysis, she’ll be fine by tomorrow afternoon.”

-Next day Padme’s wheeled out of the hospital with her two children, bittersweetness. House watches from balcony before going back to his office

-Wilson enters with his shirt unbuttoned and a few bruises on his neck, declaring, “the Jedi is gay. I win.”

-House holds up a paternity test, “he’s bisexual, it’s a draw”

[lindentreeisle]

Long shot

Does anyone still following along happen to know anyone who breeds (American) budgies in one of the east coast states? It's so damn hard to find a breeder, there's no money in parakeets so mainly people who breed them are doing so for the love of the game which is rarer all the time. Raz's breeder got out for health reasons, another person I found may be ghosting me, and I'm just getting frustrated.

(Yes, I know several orgs I can adopt from and I'm considering that too. But I'd rather a breeder so I can be better assured of health and age- I won't feel guilty for wanting the best possible chance to have a good long time with my new friends.)

[mihai-florescu]

"college is the best years of your life" "college is for meeting new people and expanding your mind" wrong. college is for discovering new types of grief. also the timeloop

[lindentreeisle]

In my experience, college is for spending 4 solid years in your dorm pirating every piece of intellectual property in the English language and then discovering at the last minute that you have crippling social anxiety and depression.

[windows-in-art]

Portrait Of An Enemy.

Lucia Heffernan

[jollysunflora]

#I love this so much omg

[tiny-werebear]

Oh my god. That is delightful, what an idea! Love the fuzziness (idk if that’s a good way to put it) of it all. The completely natural colors and style and then a completely unnatural (we hope) action… Absolutely wonderful.

[everythingfox]

Fast on their little legs