[John Mulaney voice] "The HORSE is a PEDOPHILE!"

Love Begins
trying on a metaphor
Mike Driver

if i look back, i am lost

Discoholic 🪩

Andulka
hello vonnie
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation

shark vs the universe
taylor price
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

JVL
todays bird

Janaina Medeiros
h
Monterey Bay Aquarium

JBB: An Artblog!
sheepfilms
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@littlepringlescan
[John Mulaney voice] "The HORSE is a PEDOPHILE!"
age of ultron never would have happened if steve rogers was breeding his omega the way he was supposed to……..middle aged and still not pregnant so u have to build ur own robot child and he turns evil 🥀🥀🥀 he should have been nesting with his pups……
this is how tumblr feels sometimes
what is their problem like actually
THE HEELS😭😭😭
actually i think marvel needs to realize that most rdj stans want him to stay the fuck away from the mcu especially when it’s being helmed by the clown brigade (russos and m&m)
( @grumpycakes On the occasion of her birth, the start of a story about birthdays, and getting everything you want, even though it's nothing you know how to ask for. Happy Birthday, Mel!)
-Another Year Around the Sun-
“Are you- Are you going to get that?”
Tony squinted at the schematic floating in the air in front of him. “Does it look like I’m going to get that?” he asked, taking a careful sip of his coffee. It burned the entire way down, and he exhaled on a cough. “Jesus, this is foul.”
“Yep.” Bruce gave him a slight smile from behind his safe, boring cup of tea. “Just like you like it.”
Tony saluted him with the cup. “Just like I like it,” he agreed. His phone stopped buzzing, and he gave it a look, nursing his coffee along with his grudge. As expected, it started vibrating again a moment later, shaking against the top of the workbench. “Jay, put him on the block list.”
“He will simply call the main line,” Jarvis said, with the sort of infinite patience only his AI could manage.
“And I expect you to hang up on him,” Tony said.
Bruce leaned across the workbench. “It’s-” He glanced up at Tony, his brows drawing up tight in an expression of concern. “Are you, I mean, is there-”
Tony took another sip of his coffee, letting the cup hang in front of his face as he punched the surface of his phone with one finger. The call connected, and there was a single second of silence, and then-
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BIRTHDAY BOY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUST TO YOU,” Rhodey howled into the phone with the sort of glee only a long time friend could muster when doing something unforgivable. On the other side of the workbench, Bruce rocked back on his stool, his eyes going wide with shock. “WE HEAR THAT YOU’RE THE BIRTHDAY BOY, SO WE’RE SINGING LOUD AND TRUE, EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT YOU’RE A SPECIAL BOY, IT’S THE LEAST THAT WE COULD DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-”
“Die in a fire,” Tony said, and hung up on him.
Bruce was clutching his tea with both hands, his shoulders up around his ears, his expression horrified. “What was-”
“There was a diner down the street from MIT,” Tony said, making a minute adjustment to the schematic with a flick of his fingers. “And they sang that hellish ditty if you told them someone in your party was having a birthday.”
“Okay,” Bruce said, drawing out the word.
“Yeah, well it turns out that if you pre-tip the staff a twenty, they’ll sing it any time you ask. Such as every Sunday morning. When you’ve dragged your hungover, barely functional best friend into said diner with the promise of pancakes and coffee, and instead betray him with singing waiters who are just enjoying seeing him suffer.” Tony took a sip of coffee. “It was my birthday every single Sunday for two solid months.”
Bruce put down his cup. “Okay,” he repeated. “Why did you continue-”
“Honestly, I probably wanted the attention,” Tony mused. “And the pancakes.” His phone rang again, and he picked it up, putting it on speaker with a flick of his thumb. “How did you pass the military psych evaluation? In that you are clearly a sociopath?”
“Happy birthday,” Rhodey said, his voice full of glee.
nada me pone más patriota que una mención a la patria en un fic
Still thinking about the SHIELD profile for Tony.
Focusing on his languages: English, Spanish, Italian and Dari
I'd like to think Tony speaks fluent Italian because of Maria. And Dari after Afghanistan and Yinsen. Spanish would be really useful when he's at California.
It's not included there but in Iron Man 2 he understands and speaks French (speaking with the police before going to see Vanko).
In comics he can speak Japanese, Russian and some Urdu. I'd like to think mcu tony learned those, too. Japanese for business, Russian from Natasha (later it'll be useful with Bucky) and Urdu from Rhodey.
And additional headcanon, I think Tony can do perfect British accent thanks to Edwin Jarvis.
And if not fully fluent, at least he'd know some Hungarian curse words from Ana Jarvis.
He also speaks Spanish in iron man 2! When he buys the strawberries he said “hi, sir” (hola, señor) and “how much” (cuánto cuesta) :D
I was doing homework and then I thought about 4th of July, that Sufjan Steven’s song and how I could make it about Howard and Tony and boom I made myself cry
(that is what happens when you give your local law student with a procrastination habit a ducking lot of homework I guess)
It seems reasonable to bring this back.
In case anyone is having a bad night:
Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found
Here are some fun sites
Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics
Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli
Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies
*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*
You’ll be okay, friend <3
i will reblog this everytime it shows up because any of my followers could have a bad night right now
All these links, besides the first, are broken. So here’s some more.
Here’s an emergency compliment
Here you can play 2048
Here’s a playlist of Bob ross
Here’s a website to watch movie’s and shows for free
Here’s a website to watch documentaries for free
Here you can to nothing for two minutes
Here you can break something. It’s good for anger
Here’s a button to press to make everything okay
Here’s a site to cut something up (TRIGGER WARNING)
Here’s a site that makes you a website depending on a song you choose
Here’s a gay comic. It’s adorable
Here you can spend Bill Gate’s money
Here you can draw your own island
Here you can learn about patterns website’s use
Here you can get your life stats
Here you can listen to the Tucker Zone (Headphones needed)
Here you can see how fast you’re moving
Here you can see the progress of time
Here you can see the future of the universe
Want some more?
Here’s the butterfly project
Here’s a snickerdoodle mug cake
Here’s a link to some free audiobooks
Here’s something to read when you feel like a burden
Here’s a secret
Here’s my playlist of some sea shanties
Here’s another secret
Here’s a link to some cool websites
Here’s a blog that gives you recipes for when you’re low on spoons
Here’s some Brony Headcanon’s
Some more? I’ve got plenty
Here’s 100,000 stars
Here you can control the weather (TW FLASHING IMAGES)
Here you can weave silk
Here you can make a castle of your own
Here you can make a kaleidoscope drawing
Here you can explore recursion
Here you can play a jelly block game
I’m back with some more!
Here you can draw with pasta
Here you can draw logo’s from memory
Here you can play this is sand, here you draw cool sand designs
Here you can play The Organ Trail
Here’s a customizable white noise website
Here you can simulate gravity
Here you can create your own guardian of the galaxy
Here you can make your own galaxy
Here’s a website you can get some support at.
to find later
Here you can split circles into smaller and smaller pieces (I found this really satisfying)
Here you can have images of people point to where your pointer is
Here you can paint someone’s nails
Here you can grow a garden across your screen (Audio included)
Here you can try out all kinds of mind illusions (Trigger Warning: Flashing Lights)
Here you can see how many miles you have scrolled
Here you can watch a website load forever, although you might be getting enough of this on Tumblr mobile
Here’s a rickroll
Here you can remind yourself that you’re awesome.
Here you can throw trash into a dustbin only for it to bounce right back out (Audio included)
Here you can make sand dunes using sand (Audio included)
And here you can generate more cool websites like these
pinning thissss
And yet more!!!
Here you can listen to a gentle rainstorm
Here you can make snowflakes
Here is a Line Rider feature film with relaxing music
Here is the entire script to the Princess Bride (many don’t need it but it’s fun to read anyway)
Here is an abbreviated script for the entirety of Book 1 of A:TLA that I made out of anger at the film that definitely doesn’t exist
Here is a playlist of the top 10 most relaxing songs ranked according to science
Here’s a site where you can make a dude beatbox with fun animations
I’m fully aware I will need this at some point.
steve rogers es un tonto pero lo amo tanto. es una perra barata y falsa, pero me encanta. ¿por qué? ¿por qué este idiota blanco? él no tiene dinero, no es inteligente, y yo no creo que sea muy atractivo, pero yo amo steve rogers.
i don’t know a lot of spanish but i do know that he is a white idiot i’ll give u that lolololol
he would probably call that handsome bastard something like “hijo de la gran puta”
Tony Stark on Seth Meyers (part of the superhusbands au; x)
JOHN MULANEY REFERENCE I SEE JOHN MULANEY REFERENCE I MUST REBLOG
English fandom: “This is the most dramatic scene of all” -painful crying-
Spanish Fandom: “This is how an Omega feeding his baby looks like, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
This is universal. This comedy transcends time and language.
Hes right
#my guy lost knife priviledges real fast
i hope you heal from the things no one ever apologized for
and I hope you heal from the things you don’t want to talk about
I hope you heal from the things no one else knows you went through
reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)
Do yourself a favor. Sound up. Enjoy.
This is a serotonin machine
I’ve probably reblogged this before, but I watch it every time it come across my dash because it’s just so joyful.
I literally watch this every time it passes my dash. They didn’t need to go this hard.
This is what they should mean when they say "boys will be boys."