our comfort series these days is THE MIDDLE. feel good, big laughs, plus weāre taking notes given na in a few weeks or days, weāre meeting our baby. somehow relatable din for us because we were once nonchalant children and angsty teenagers too.
i recently stumbled upon the term INTERNALIZED LABELING. and there were several episodes in The Middle which demonstrate this process. something clicked and we found our brains altered kasi may tawag pala dun.
during our dating season, weāve been reminding each other that words are powerful. that what we call each other becomes a manifestation of our identities. but while we are aware, there were several arguments that made that awareness fly out of the window. now that weāre getting more mature and more open about our tendency to become manipulative as far as calling out is concerned, weāre trying to be more sensitive again to each otherās feelings.
this year, weāre facing a major shift in our lives and lahat ng aspects, apektado. before we decided to try again, it took us 5-6 years... in those years, we were confident that we were doing the work of tending to our childhood & teenage wounds, facing our shadows, opening up about the differences between our upbringing, and forgiving and reparenting ourselves and the people who caused us pain and planted seeds of distrust. still, as it becomes more and more apparent that weāre gonna have to be more responsible to care for a new life real soon, injections of doubts come and go. each wave, nakakalula upuan kasi halos lahat, first time namin pinaprocess.
back to internalized labeling, may argument kami nitong linggo lang and nakakatawa kasi yung series na pinapanood namin yung nagsalba samin para hindi tuluyang mag-escalate.
given na i am almost on my last stretch for this pregnancy kaya hindi ko na naman maintindihan yung emotional outbursts ko, while yung asawa ko naman, stressed out kasi naiipit sa work politics tapos late na naman kami nainform na may hindi naasikaso yung HR niya about benefits (ito yung nilakad namin personally sa philhealth)... olats talaga. weāre both all over the place.
we called each other names... often excusable or something to be easily shrugged off, but we recognized that itās not something we naturally say to each other because we know, we. are. not. that. caught in a heated argument, mas lalong nagkainisan kasi napunta dun sa part na we were defending ourselves kasi bakit nauwi sa personal attack yung misunderstanding? the essence of what we were arguing about was lost.
for a day, we decided to take a pause kasi imimeet namin yung family ko and ihahatid yung sister ko sa airport. and we both hate time outs during these instances. it was so fcking hard to just go with the flow and act normal in front of other people knowing that we hurt each other that morning. but we powered through... sure.
when we got home, we were talking, but somehow still distant. we slept that night not mentioning what happened earlier... but the following day, over one IG reel and an episode from the series, weāre finally both ready to talk, and we really did talk š„¹ we calmly backtracked saan galing yung remarks and why we acted out the way we did the day before at ang simple lang pala ng pinag-ugatan š we cried and apologized and these days, weāre back to being conscious again sa pakikipag-usap sa isaāt isa when things go sideways.
and lord... please ito rin sana yung maituro namin sa anak namin. we are not that confident pala that we can do everything accordingly. for sure, mahuhurt and madidisappoint din namin siya in many points of his life... but may we never lose sight of what truly matters. may we continue to be humbled and be reminded that we still have a lot to learn and apply ourselves.
discoholicmusic
prguitarman
jacobvanloon
ellievsbear