āYour mind is a garden and your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers, or you can grow weeds.ā

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@logsofephemera
āYour mind is a garden and your thoughts are the seeds. You can grow flowers, or you can grow weeds.ā
our comfort series these days is THE MIDDLE. feel good, big laughs, plus weāre taking notes given na in a few weeks or days, weāre meeting our baby. somehow relatable din for us because we were once nonchalant children and angsty teenagers too.
i recently stumbled upon the term INTERNALIZED LABELING. and there were several episodes in The Middle which demonstrate this process. something clicked and we found our brains altered kasi may tawag pala dun.
during our dating season, weāve been reminding each other that words are powerful. that what we call each other becomes a manifestation of our identities. but while we are aware, there were several arguments that made that awareness fly out of the window. now that weāre getting more mature and more open about our tendency to become manipulative as far as calling out is concerned, weāre trying to be more sensitive again to each otherās feelings.
this year, weāre facing a major shift in our lives and lahat ng aspects, apektado. before we decided to try again, it took us 5-6 years... in those years, we were confident that we were doing the work of tending to our childhood & teenage wounds, facing our shadows, opening up about the differences between our upbringing, and forgiving and reparenting ourselves and the people who caused us pain and planted seeds of distrust. still, as it becomes more and more apparent that weāre gonna have to be more responsible to care for a new life real soon, injections of doubts come and go. each wave, nakakalula upuan kasi halos lahat, first time namin pinaprocess.
back to internalized labeling, may argument kami nitong linggo lang and nakakatawa kasi yung series na pinapanood namin yung nagsalba samin para hindi tuluyang mag-escalate.
given na i am almost on my last stretch for this pregnancy kaya hindi ko na naman maintindihan yung emotional outbursts ko, while yung asawa ko naman, stressed out kasi naiipit sa work politics tapos late na naman kami nainform na may hindi naasikaso yung HR niya about benefits (ito yung nilakad namin personally sa philhealth)... olats talaga. weāre both all over the place.
we called each other names... often excusable or something to be easily shrugged off, but we recognized that itās not something we naturally say to each other because we know, we. are. not. that. caught in a heated argument, mas lalong nagkainisan kasi napunta dun sa part na we were defending ourselves kasi bakit nauwi sa personal attack yung misunderstanding? the essence of what we were arguing about was lost.
for a day, we decided to take a pause kasi imimeet namin yung family ko and ihahatid yung sister ko sa airport. and we both hate time outs during these instances. it was so fcking hard to just go with the flow and act normal in front of other people knowing that we hurt each other that morning. but we powered through... sure.
when we got home, we were talking, but somehow still distant. we slept that night not mentioning what happened earlier... but the following day, over one IG reel and an episode from the series, weāre finally both ready to talk, and we really did talk š„¹ we calmly backtracked saan galing yung remarks and why we acted out the way we did the day before at ang simple lang pala ng pinag-ugatan š we cried and apologized and these days, weāre back to being conscious again sa pakikipag-usap sa isaāt isa when things go sideways.
and lord... please ito rin sana yung maituro namin sa anak namin. we are not that confident pala that we can do everything accordingly. for sure, mahuhurt and madidisappoint din namin siya in many points of his life... but may we never lose sight of what truly matters. may we continue to be humbled and be reminded that we still have a lot to learn and apply ourselves.
pregnancy update: 37 weeks and ang lala ng pelvic pressure/pain from every move i make. simpleng pagbangon, pagtayo, paghakbang, paglipat ng puwesto... masakit o kaya uncomfortable.
i also noticed na pababa na rin talaga yung position ni baby sa tiyan ko. good thing naman na after galaw, wala na rin naman yung sakit.
kaso, paano at saan ko ididirect itong nesting energy ko??? ang dami ko pa gustong gawin š
one of our May 2026 highlights: we brought Lilly to Philhealth SM Aura! š„°
coming from our house in Taguig, we booked a ride to BGC. ang usapan pa nga namin ni Lance, hihintayin na lang nila ako sa labas because as far as we know, bawal si Lilly sa loob. it was only 9am, the mall hasnāt opened yet, but there are benches outside the office center where they were supposed to wait. and since weāre confident na mabilis lang ang process as i take the priority lane, weāre settled. gusto lang talaga namin ipasyal si Lilly and to take grab rides for pet kasi yun yung hindi available samin sa Cavite.
and then!!! to our surprise, Lilly was allowed in! nagbakasakali lang naman si Lance magtanong sa lobby guard. the next thing we knowāweāre already inside the elevator. with Lilly! š
ang mas nakapagpakilig pa sa amin was that even inside the Philhealth office, nobody minded that we had our furbaby with us. pinaalam muna namin and then we were given a go signal... fuss-free!??? huwaw. ang saya saya ng waiting time because we had our bebi dawg with us the entire time š„°ā¤ļø
š° after completing what needs to be done with philhealth, we had our breakfast inside the mallās foodcourt. we both had a set meal from Saboten and because we missed Jamba Juice, we ordered peanut butter mooād, fave drink ni Lance. and as an always-banana-something girlie, it was my first time to try it and i loved ittt!
š° i also had a quick trip to Fully Booked to buy volume 2 of Under The Oak Treeās novel. i was hoping to find the comics as well but it seemed unavailable in this branch.
š° checked out a few baby items inside the department storeās Baby Company. weāre almost set na talaga with our baby stuff š„¹ā¤ļø
š° after accomplishing errands in the mall, we left SM Aura and went to my old office building. after leaving my former employer, i was able to retain my payroll account. the only problem was, i remained single and the account was still under my maiden name. but everything changed that day kasi finally!!! nakapagpa-update na ako after 7 years lol. higpit kasi before, kailangan talaga yung original marriage certificate and valid primary ID with married name. easy lang din naman yung process. had to fill-up and sign forms, answer a couple of questions and had my photo taken.
š° while i was at the bank, Lance and Lilly hanged around Net Park. it was still 2pm when i finished. while the park was shaded, we decided to cut our BGC escapade short kasi sobrang alinsangan. parang nalusaw kami bigla at tinamad na maglakad outdoors.
š° i rushed to Wildflour first because this pregnant momma need restroom breaks more and more these days. now that i am almost early term, grabe yung pressure palagi sa bladder ko. i can really feel my baby gradually pushing my organs away that leaves me to uncomfortable places š i also bought some pastries for me and vietnamese latte for lance (hayyy miss ko na mag-coffee!!!).
š° booked a ride back home in Taguig and after that, nagpahatid na rin kami pauwi sa Cavite, thanks to my Tito N.
what a productive and memorable day āØ
ang hirap din pala maging radio silent sa social media kasi ngayong may urge ako to share my ganaps for the past two months, tinatamad naman ako thinking where and how to start.
wala naman akong plan to opt out completely, pero sadyang nitong mga nagdaang araw, i prefer both the calm and chaos of being intentionally present.
april and may 2026 encapsulate one heck of a core memory for our family
now that both my dad and my sister are back to their ofw daily grind, itās very obvious how much we made the most of our time together as a complete familyāsomething we werenāt for a long while. i guess maybe even for most of our lives.
and i realize that i am not feeling any bitterness around that fact anymore. because for the span of time that they were both here, we saw and felt that each one of us did our best to truly appreciate every waking hour of being together. going back, it seemed like a far-fetched dream. i gave up on that wish, matagal na matagal na. kaya siguro ganun na lang din yung emotions ko tied to these moments... my heart is simply happy.
tonight, my father said sorry.
i thought we were just casually saying our goodbyes kasi magkikita pa naman kami on the day of his flight. i was caught off guard as i accepted his invitation for a hug, then he hugged me so tightāalmost not wanting to let goāhabang humihikbi siya. in my head, i think this is the first time i experienced this with him. or maybe at least as an adult.
he said sorry, thanked me, and told me he is proud of me.
pause muna lahat ng pinuproseso ko about his entire stay here in the ph. the night is long and i might spend it crying over this one interaction for a while.
i was practicing african flower then gagawin ko sanang small table mat. kaso itong si lilly trip maging velcro baby today. edi next time na lang pala ako magcocrochet.
a win from an impulsive buyer whoās learning to be a more intentional spender
galing na akong ikea two weeks ago. na-achieve ko yung goal ko na kung ano lang yung nasa listahan ko, yun lang din yung naiuwi ko. yay! āØ
PERO, ilang araw na nakalipas, may bagong listahan na ako ulit. hahahaha.
buti na lang pala hindi siya ganun ka-accessible sa amin. next ikea run na lang ulit. mga next year???? lols.
nakakahiya yung mga lider ng taguig. disgusting.
nung huling stay dito ng family ko, my brothers, my dad and my husband assembled together the drawer we bought.
first time ng tatay at mga kapatid ko mag-assemble ng item from IKEA. pareho kami ni lance na may pagka-OC kaya nakakatawa na one of the first things he reported to me when they left was that merong maling butas sa likuran na part. lols.
but when i asked how the overall experience was for him, he said that he had so much fun š„¹ā¤ļø lalo na raw nung nanotice nila yun when they were about to seal the drawer already, tapos dun pa lang nakita. it was easy to feel frustrated about it but he had no time to entertain yung scratch sa utak niya because of that mistake kasi he was so busy having fun doing boy job with the men in my family.
and i just love that for him, sobra...
it was a first for lance. now we canāt stop imagining how much fun heās going to have once our baby boy is able to join him (or play pretend) every time thereās a boy job in tow for them to accomplish š„°
The art of noticing āØ
first motherās day ko kahapon with a bump (and still carrying my baby with me). but it wasnāt my first time celebrating and being celebrated as a mom...
my first baby, our angel, gabriel. thanks for making me a mom. we miss you so much.
in my memory, si joyjoy lang yung nag-iisang family dog namin. she was an aspin, but was 100% allowed to roam around freely in and out our childhood home owned by our grandparents. ang set-up ng bahay na yun eh hati-hati sila ng kuwarto magkakapatid (mom and her two other sibs who chose to stay in taguig). unfortunately, when my lola passed, our dearest family dog followed suit because lola was her hooman. we didnāt adopt another dog since then... siguro dahil sa lalim ng heartbreak mawalan ng pet na napamahal talaga sa buong pamilya. a replacement simply can never fill that void.
today, in this family my husband and i created, we adopted lilly. sa side ko, first time ulit na may mag-alaga ng dog and we are touched by how loved lilly is despite us hearing some reservations from my relatives during the first couple of days...
now that lilly just turned one, i love how my family feels comfortable to tell her how much they love her. nakakataba ng puso.
lilly healed us in more ways than one. and weāll eternally see her as our beautiful and sweet baby ā¤ļø
happy bark day to our dearest baby boop āØ
ā some family photos we took especially for lillyās 1st birthday
Once, we found ourselves in the season of waiting. And then that one time was followed by another one, then another... and countless more. Weāve been praying and waiting for numerous signs of sincerity and certainty. Of our hearts to be slowly honed and prepared to hold one of the greatest blessings we oh so dearly hope to receive.
And now that youāre almost here... Everything feels real but incredibly surreal at once.
This marks one of the happiest seasons of our lives. See you soon, our little one š
little life update: marunong na si lilly mag hop sa bed while kagat niya yung fave toy niya š„¹ napansin ko na ito two weeks ago, but i assumed it was lance who brought her toy up. this morning ko lang nakita in action and i am sooo happy.
+ where did the time go? š this bb used to be so ismoool
a family of five...
nakakahiwaga lang talaga how grief works. no matter how your life keeps moving, a part of you stays in a certain space and time.
soft copies of our self-shoot photos were sent to my email yesterday.
and for a second, i had a good cry. my second pregnancy has been a mix of happiness and sadness. and after accessing our photos, from the looks of it, we literally are a family of four.
but for us both ni lance, we are a family of five. we were supposed to be five. siya, ako, si gabriel, si lilly, and now our rainbow baby inside my tummy. i do not mean to have that badge that immediately points out we lost one family member. itās just that we keep thinking about our invisible child and the could have beens.
when we went to sm megamall for the baby fair, we passed by aventās pop up store and ended up not buying anything. lance asked if we could still use gabrielās feeding bottles for our second child. the ones we werenāt able to use at all... but i just couldnāt bring myself to consider it because for me, those are some of the actual proofs that my first baby existed. i saw how he instantly understood what it meant so we shrugged off the idea immediately.
we didnāt reach the nesting phase with gab and those were the only things we can call his own. while i am open with using hand-me-downs, those baby bottles were filled with sad and painful tears. i recall how i held on to them tightly during the first couple of days of losing gab, and parang hindi kaya ng puso ko to pass them down. to this day, theyāre all safely tucked away after all these years...
i hope i am not being selfish about preserving the tangible memories i can still hold on to...
today, we had our first self-shoot experience š„¹āØ
iāve been eyeing this nearby cafe + studio simula nung unang taon ng paglipat namin, pero today lang namin napuntahan. sobrang happy kami sa prints!!! currently waiting for the soft copies š„°