Welcome to my blog! Here... have some pie... @lokissoldier1983 - Tumblr Blog

yorgen-sh

winterweary

This made me laugh out loud

76ello

Reblogging in honor of the first day of baseball season.

ceruleanfuckup

The pitcher that exploded the bird is a photographer now, this is his logo

lokissoldier1983

I remember watching that game when Randy Johnson threw the ball so hard the bird exploded with my grandma. We both laughed our asses off, because how hard do you have to throw a damn baseball to make a bird explode like that???

academicssay

alexaloraetheris

I am printing these words out and gluing them backwards onto my forehead

pragnificent

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years.

If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life.

thingsamylikes

I reblogged her late last year and my 2024 has been very satisfying work-wise and (secure enough to not stress out) money-wise so far. Money Snake is wise and good.

harostar

Even if you don’t reblog, the Money Snek brings you good tidings!

cute-catts

I could watch this for hours 🐈🐈

fexalted

[video description: two gray tabby cats sitting at opposite ends of an air hockey table, batting a puck back and forth. the caption reads: "you put up an old air hockey table not realizing your kittens would use it the most".]

memewhore

casa-de-cadejo-deactivated20220

lol this slaps

thesylverlining

HOLD BABY JESUS RANSOM UNTIL ST. ANTHONY RETURNS YOUR FREAKING KEYS

fitchersvogel

There's an entire category of Catholic folk magic that involves threatening and abusing statues of the saints until they do what you want! A famous example is burying a statue of St Joseph upside down in your yard to sell your house; once it's sold, you dig up the statue and "reward" it. The folklorist Sabina Magliocco talks about how Italian folk magic, in particular, has a strong quid pro quo element: in Sardinia, for example, villagers would throw parades for saints and carry their statues around town to ward off drought, but if the saint failed to come through, they'd dunk it in the well headfirst, and keep doing it until the rains came. So if you buy this statue and Anthony doesn't do his job, you can always waterboard him!

nsevens

The Land Before Time (1988)

lokissoldier1983

Ah... this brings back childhood trauma...😭😭😭

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

you can domesticate one animal species of your choosing, which do you pick and why? explain your reasoning

lokissoldier1983

Hands down, I would 1,000,000,000% domesticate a T-Rex, because... Duh... it's a friggin T-Rex and I have a few... things... that need to be... taken care of...

lovertm

orangesnackcake

lokissoldier1983

All in all... It's just another brick in the wall

beemovieerotica

ok this is sick as fuck

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

each year congress people should be required to go on a field trip where they each get dumped in the middle of a random u.s. town & handed a phone with google maps & forced to find their way back to washington solely through the use of local public transportation systems.

to be clear i don't think this would improve our political reality in any way, but it would be fun to watch

lokissoldier1983

Somebody make this happen!

should-be-sleeping

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

should-be-sleeping

I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal 🐸 despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.

justprettygay

should-be-sleeping

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

should-be-sleeping

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

lokissoldier1983

I did not see that coming. 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

mayakern

saw a thing recently about how callin ppl “y’all” and “folks” is becoming cringe. buddy you can pry those terms of address from my cold dead hands, they’re the only thing keeping me from calling everyone “honeybee”

mayakern

at least if i die on this hill i’ll go to y’allhalla

1st-1

NASA: we used to have 9 planets but we now only have 8 Pluto: Stop telling everyone I’m not a planet! NASA: Sometimes we can still hear its voice

dracogotgame

Look, I’m not saying that demoting a planet named after the Roman god of Death stoked his rage and brought down on us his vengeful fury and retribution but…

*gestures at everything*

l0vegl0wsinthedark

Finally, an explanation.

erikalynae

My new mission in life is to impart this wisdom to as many people as possible

aprillikesthings

IT'S ALSO USEFUL IF YOU HAVE TMJ DISORDER

in both cases: always start on the lowest setting and wrapped in something soft!! if it hurts, stop!!

But, re: sinuses: look up a diagram of where they are, and when a spot feels particularly good or is particularly congested, hold it there longer. Definitely keep tissues handy for when it drains. Also it can help if your sinuses hurt like fuck but aren't actually congested (which happened when I had covid), but the effect doesn't last long.

Re: TMJ disorder: You can just push it against the joint, obviously; if your vibe has a small contact point you can REALLY dig in there (but again: stop if it hurts). But don't forget the whole area around the joint, around your ears, and up your scalp. There's a lot of muscles that tighten when your jaw is tight/stiff/in pain. Be especially careful when on a spot that's just skin over a bone without a lot of padding.

downwarddingo

vibrators can also help if you have restless legs syndrome! Especially ones with fancy pulse patterns. When my RLS is severe I tuck them behind my knees or wherever & can finally lie still & sleep. You might need to wrap them in fabric to avoid skin irritation ymmv. There was even a paper published somewhere called "counter stimulatory devices for RLS" that was hilariously vague about saying the word "vibrator"

chicago-geniza

Once again adding also useful if you have dystonia or any kind of muscle spasticity. I have cervical dystonia (neck spasms) and dystonia in my left leg that's essentially like persistent Charley horse cramps from my neuromuscular issues and bought a Hitachi expressly for this purpose lol

crypticcripple

A vibrator has been recommended to me to unblock clogged milk ducts for anyone that may apply to

gothiccharmschool

I learned about the sinus thing and immediately bought a vibrator for that purpose. And yes, it DOES help with sinus headaches.

digiweed

I use mine to cum as well

prismatic-bell

So having an orgasm can help with headaches, but if your pain is too great for an orgasm, you can also start by using the vibrator on the back of your neck to loosen up your muscles.

bitchesgetriches

This is truly why Tumblr is the only great social media platform.

lightheartedsuggestion

What’s going to make you happy right now? Is it some cake? Is it a nap? Is it calling your mom? Is it going on a drive and blasting music? Is it taking a bath? Is it reading a book?

Check in with yourself because you deserve that happiness, whatever it is.

thecatwhowalksbyherself-deactiv

I use this with my hospice patients a lot. Because “is there anything I can do to help?” rarely gets a response. But, “I’ll be here till 6:30 and would like to do one thing to make your room more comfortable before I head out” frequently does get an answer. Often something they deem “too small to bug anyone with” like closing the blinds so there’s no reflection on the tv, or repositioning their socks because the heels have wandered into the front and are uncomfortable, or they want ice cream before dinner today, or getting an extra blanket.

I also use this on myself. What’s one thing I could do to make my environment more comfortable right now? Does it cure my mental illness? Hell no! Does it make me feel more in control of my feelings and the world around me? You betcha!