Shrimps is Bugs

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇨🇦 Shrimp/Ezra Nonbinary Queer They/It Autistic/ADHD White Just drifting along Chronically Normal about that old man Talking Tag: shrimp speaks Rambling Tag: shrimp rambles Ask Tag: shrimp answers

[real-language-facts]

you're stuck in second person but you actually kinda like it here

[ozzy-from-the-cafeteria]

@funnier-as-a-system?

[noodlebutts]

Only 3 inches wide

[bobdylanyaoi]

what i feel like when i reply to someone’s post

[callizinc]

When the story has a sequence where the characters each get personally tortured with their exact personalized greatest fears and traumas

[iraffiruse]

[tim-official]

see every time i see this status i get angry because i’ve played through literally every scenario in rct1 and there is no place where this is a thing. there is never more than one park per map. and in rct2 you can’t make that happen i the scenario editor either. it is not remotely within the game’s functionality to simulate two discrete parks and these games were coded in assembly for christ sake so it’s not like someone modded it in by adding the line “int const TOTAL_NUM_POSSIBLE_PARKS = 2;”. there is no conceivable way this post is anything close to true and even though i know how writing all this out reflects upon me as a person and even though i know exactly how meaningless and trifling of a takedown attempt this is on some random facebook screencap with hundreds of thousands of notes im going to post it anyway because i’m too petty to have any say in the matter

[part-toons]

Orpheus, where are you going?

[yesornopolls]

You are locked in a room with your blorbo for one hour

Are you making it out of there alive?

You are locked in a room with your blorbo for one hour. Are you making it out of there alive?

Yes

No

See results

Remaining time: 6 days 15 hours

[foxglovedforest]

MORE 👏 PERIODS 👏 IN 👏 FANTASY 👏

[brothermouse-skeleton]

"Periods? Oh no, we don't have those here."

"What do you mean you don't have them? You can't just not have them!"

"Well, we have them, we just send them away."

"SEND THEM AWAY? HOW? TO WHERE?"

"Settle down, it's very straightforward. When someone starts getting their period they go to the local witch or wizard or necromancer or whatever's nearby and get a spell placed on them. All the blood gets sent straight to the throne of the Blood King. Which is nice because he loves blood and isn't too picky about where it comes from. This way he's not running around starting wars for his blood. He gets it free and on a regular basis."

"But what about period cramps?"

"Oh, we send those away too. Off to the orcs of the Screaming Mountains."

"That seems like it could cause problems. Aren't you worried they'll retaliate?"

"Well, no. The orcs....kind of like it? They apparently like pain about as much as the Blood King likes blood. So as long as we keep sending the period cramps, they leave us be."

"huh, I wonder why more kingdoms haven't tried this."

"Probably because those other kingdoms have normal neighbors."

[browningtons]

lmao bruh

[lilypadton]

Pointing feels like an exclamation mark to me when typing 🫵 it’s the intensity i feel it adds i think 🫵🫵 i love 🫵🫵 pointing 🫵🫵🫵🫵

[intrigd-voyagr]

[hppjmxrgosg]

proud victim of the tumblr accent. it's fading out of public consciousness as the tik tok accent takes precedence; a linguistic evolution that makes the tumblr accent 85% funnier to unsuspecting civilians. it's like releasing a disease on a non-inoculated population. coughing baby versus hydrogen bomb.

[andhumanslovedstories]

There’s an emotion only unlocked when you live in a house with multiple stories. I call it “the stair emotion” and it’s when you realize the object you need is on the other side of yet another trip up and down those goddamn stairs. It’s the closest I get to transcending the desire for material goods. Maybe I don’t need that notebook. Maybe I don’t need anything.

[shadowen]

I'm scrolling Tumblr. I pause to watch a video of Amaury Guichon. He pours chocolate into a mold, then carefully removes the shape of a human head. There are time lapse clips of chocolate being formed into a body, limbs, and hair. As the final detail is finished, he steps back to reveal the figure of a beautiful woman, uncannily lifelike. He steps forward and places a delicate kiss on her lips. The figure, now a living human woman, stirs and looks around in wonder. Amaury Guichon looks into the camera with a wide smile and holds out his arms in presentation.

"Fucking chocolate guy," I mutter to myself before scrolling to the next post.

[headspace-hotel]

Imagine how absolutely baffled a Roman soldier from like 0 AD would be upon being transported suddenly to a very Christian rural midwestern town and seeing crosses everyfuckingwhere

He’d draw a lot of somewhat incorrect conclusions about our culture very quickly

[rivette-the-red]

"This town is full of very very small criminals...."

[headspace-hotel]

I was going to say “weird and arbitrary things are marked with the threat of execution” but yours is funnier

[literary-illuminati]

I do appreciate an academic with a sense of humor.

[tjalexandernyc]

i think everyone who's ever been fucked over by the slow, bureaucratic, cruel, and expensive usa healthcare system should be allowed to beat one (1) hospital administrator with a pool noodle in public while the administrator tries to navigate an automated phone tree in order to make it stop

[3000s]