A bunch of troll headcanons I never shared back when I was more active in the HS fandom. Dont quote me on that last one, read only if you want to
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

Kaledo Art
$LAYYYTER
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we're not kids anymore.

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d e v o n

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KIROKAZE
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trying on a metaphor
occasionally subtle

pixel skylines
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@lordampnut
A bunch of troll headcanons I never shared back when I was more active in the HS fandom. Dont quote me on that last one, read only if you want to
The Final Moments of Hiveswap: Act 2 from the Perspective of Elwurd
I'm just saying, if you're going to worldbuild magic being a "raw, primal force, akin to and interweaving with nature itself" you gotta explain to me why animals don't use it
I know the normal answer is "they just aren't smart enough for it" but idk I've seen enough media where a character uses a spell in a moment of brain-off panic ilI feel like animals could probably stumble into a spell or two like, accidentally
Also how funny would it be to see a completely normal regular bear cast magic missile outta nowhere
Also there is no way ravens wouldn't figure out spells, tbh
They're smart fuckin birds, I believe in them
Either through observing or just figuring shit out ravens could 100% learn how to cast spells I'm sure of it
Dogs can also cast Magic Missile but every time they do the projectile is shaped like a bone or a stick and they chase after it
group of wizards who ask this in-universe, and after extensive study learn to their surprise that animals are casting spells all the time, just that their magic is so fundamental as to be unrecognizable to humans. turns out the only reason acorns grow on trees is because squirrels keep wishing for them.
I know this post isn't asking for recs but you should check out the Codex Inversus worldbuilding project which has this EXACT premise
Curious Archive's video on it is a great place to start!
ITS APRIL 13 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
FETCH ME NEIL
HAPPY BIG TWENTY NEIL
Which of the Leech Twins do you think is more likely to have to be bailed out of Jail by Azul?
Jade
Floyd
I should specify that it's because Jade doesn't get caught. Where Floyd will fight the cops
Would you mind doing a sort of.. Masterpost if you will of all the aspects? Like the listings of the classes of each aspects on one big post? It is really hard to sift through all your tags so if you wouldn't mind..?
Yeah no problem lol
Life: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/75520350475
Doom: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/60038012745
Void: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/59321860527
Light: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/58602037584
Space: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/57780866364
Time: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/57746528548
Blood: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/106759222357
Breath: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/106754259377
Mind: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/101397160032
Heart: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/96603638742
Rage: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/88348295767
Hope: http://dahniwitchoflight.tumblr.com/post/84244830302
FUCK YEAHHHHH
I know everybodys talking about the article but its this tweet itself that makes me lose my shit
tinder link in bio.
the replies:
*tapes scissors to my dick* why won’t anyone fuck me, edward scissordick?
I’m sobbing
I love going trough the notes every time bc there’s always someone in the notes insisting we’re all mean and that you can just wear thick dish gloves over your fake nails as if I wouldn’t assume you’re going to Patrick Bateman my ass if you walked into the bedroom with claws and yellow rubber gloves
her pussy
OUTTA MY WAY IM BOUT TO GE- ouchie. Ouch. Ouchie.
get back here and share that with the class
My prediction for episode 7. He'll be fine guys no worries.
Don’t use or repost my art without permission.
“I WANNA END THE WORLD”
“ok but what if you infodump for us instead?”
“ooh yes please”
I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.
I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?
All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.
The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.
Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.
Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.
Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.
If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.
So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t stop”
This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.
When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.
A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.
And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.
Calling that whole entire fucking Jamón Ibérico leg that goes for, according to the Costco website, $650 just "Costco ham" is the funniest thing I've ever fucking seen. They teach entire classes just on how to cut and serve one of these things correctly. It's some of the most expensive, top tier cured meat in the entire goddamn world, and if this is from Costco then it's also black label jamón ibérico de bellota which is the highest grade version. It can only be made in Spain or Portugal out of specific breed of pig(and for black label it has to be 100% purebreed, too) that is raised free-range and, during the last part of it's life, fed a diet exclusively of acorns. This is like calling a good cut of wagyu beef you got at the supermarket "Safeway steak" like. You're not WRONG but also HUH?????
so what you're saying is that the cat was completely justified
After everyone had finally settled down and their tears had stopped flowing, all 6 animatronics spent the next few hours in the basement together.. just talking and trying to relax.. For a while they just spoke about all that had happened during Bonnie and Foxy’s absence.. but at some point the names “DJ” and “Sunny” were mentioned. Upon hearing that there were new animatronics in the Pizzaplex, Bonnie became eager to go to the surface and met them. So up they went..
The Daycare Attendant was a very strange looking animatronic.. He was tall, thin, and had a bright yellow glow to him. He didn’t appear to be an animal of any kind, instead it seemed like he was supposed to be a personification of the Sun.. He was very welcoming and friendly towards Bonnie and Foxy. Maybe a bit uh.. too friendly for Foxy’s taste. But still, he was nice. When they went off to go meet “The DJ” though, the Daycare Attendant didn’t follow them and instead locked the daycare back up and quickly disappeared inside.. Foxy wasn’t sure if he really trusted that animatronic..
Now, DJ Music Man? He was a completely different story. Bonnie and Foxy haven’t been so scared in all their lives! The absolute SIZE of him was terrifying enough, but his human face and his SIX ARMS certainly didn’t help! He was unlike anything they had ever seen before! Freddy nearly dropped Bonnie due to his frantic scrambling and Foxy nearly tripped Chica trying to hide behind Freddy!.. But after they had stopped freaking out, they came to realize that he was actually very kind and polite. His movements noticeably slowed down when he reached the floor and he was very slow and gentle when reaching out to “shake” Bonnie’s hand. He laughed off all their screaming, said it happens all the time. He tipped his hat and joyfully welcomed them back to the surface.
Now, something Foxy noticed was the others seemed to visibly relax around the DJ.. and his efforts to move extra carefully when the others were near him did not go unnoticed. So despite how initially terrifying this guy was.. Foxy had a good feeling about him. He felt like he could trust this.. DJ Music Guy.
He is just a fucked up Sonic to me.
Fools for April Fools
here’s the closeted furries “hey man… can u bum me a cig” and “the one uncle nobody invites to the family reunion but SOMEONE keeps telling him where it is anyways”
if you want an idea of what john is like, imagine hau from pokemon sumo
ALSO the ppl who kept asking me for trans thomas art, HERE he’s trans in this au (;
ft John:
date of origin: 12th of september, 2017.
@hypermess There is absolutely no way
…oh my god
…the original
Oh my god
THE ORGINAL???!!! THIS HAPPEND ON TUMBLRR?????!?!?!??! OMFGGG?!?!?!??!?!
miku binder jefferson my beloved🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
THE VERY ONE???