Lunis is Nervous

Very anxious | They/Them | Autistic | Yal'ls, im so stressed

[raviolirph]

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[borderlinereminders]

Hey there, do you think you could expand on the "apologizing for your actions is not the same as apologizing for your feelings" post? I'm a bit confused by it, but I'd love to learn more! Thank you in advance if you do, it means a lot!

Hi anon!

Of course. What I mean is that feelings and actions are two different things.

For example, imagine your friend cancels plans because they got sick. You might feel disappointed, hurt, lonely, or even abandoned. Those feelings are real and valid. You don't need to apologize for having them.

However, if you lash out at your friend, guilt trip them, or send a series of angry messages, those behaviours may deserve an apology even though your feelings were genuine.

I'd also like to look at a different example because sometimes the other person actually did do something wrong.

Imagine your partner lies to you. Feeling hurt, angry, betrayed, or devastated makes sense. In this situation, there is a real problem that needs to be addressed.

But if you respond by screaming, calling them names, threatening them, or trying to hurt them back, those actions may still deserve an apology.

The important thing to remember is that apologizing for your reaction is not the same thing as apologizing for your feelings. Your feelings were still real, and especially in this case, they still deserve being addressed.

Sometimes both things can be true at once. Your partner may need to take accountability for lying. You may need to take accountability for how you reacted. One person's accountability does not erase the other's.

I think a lot of people accidentally turn accountability into an all-or-nothing situation where whoever behaved worse in the moment becomes "the problem." (And honestly, it's a matter of perspective. Both people may think the other behaved worse but the reality is both behaviours should be addressed.) Relationships are much more complicated than that.

You can have a valid reason for being hurt and still owe someone an apology for how you handled that hurt. You can also apologize for your behaviour without dismissing your feelings.

Oof, I went off on a tangent because it triggered a lot of other ideas in my brain, but I hope overall this makes sense!

[earhartsease]

oh yes, this was a major thing in the buddhist cult we were in - that people would dismiss someone's criticisms because "you're expressing negative mental states" i.e. tone policing, which meant they never had to address any criticisms because "you were angry when you expressed them" was somehow a gotcha

[pineappical]

thinking about statues of Grace being built all around Erid years after his passing so he can continue to watch over Eridians as they sleep

[hellopuns]

The Monday Period: Part 1 of 6

Part 1: you are here

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

[writing-prompt-s]

You, an elf, married a human, built a small farm and raised children. Your children grew up, had families, and started farms nearby. So did their children, and those children’s children. Now your many descendants have formed a bustling city and you are known as the official “town grandparent”.

[averagemediocrepie]

him...based on one of Clownsuus og art pieces

[anthonycolonthree]

(guy who's not getting anything done voice) I need to learn every skill and all information

[anthonycolonthree]

(guy who's not getting anything done voice) I need to learn every skill and all information

[prokopetz]

They say that sudden, intense cravings for very specific foods are usually a sign of a vitamin deficiency. If so, that I'm presently making myself french toast, scrambled eggs, and a bacon and cheese sandwich at 11:45 PM must mean the vitamin I'm missing is grease.

[prokopetz]

I cross-posted this to Bluesky and got followed by a bunch of folks with blog headers clarifying which exact flavour of Christianity they adhere to because they thought I was making a hashtag-relatable post about cheating on your diet. Now we get find out how many of them are also comfortable with posts about werewolf cock.

[gummybearattacktheworldofdespair]

[therustyskull]

@ralfmaximus Showers that will kill you

[ralfmaximus]

Holy shit I thought this was a Sims bit or someone playing with CAD software, but the last few seconds knocked me out

[batbetbitbotbut]

@thebibliosphere I'm pretty sure you are the appropriate recipient for other people's terrifying home renovation choices

[valtsv]

we need to bring back the phrase "what business is it of yours" in a big way i'm serious

[valtsv]

i know you can just say "none of your business" but phrasing it as a question with a jarringly formal tone is the ideal way to shoot an overfamiliar unwelcome overture dead in its tracks and force the person making it to confront the boundaries they're taking for granted + it would really piss people off which is funny

[valtsv]

&also it allows you to experience the joy of talking like an autistic vampire, which i highly recommend

[toroidalearthtruther]

"less is more" is a lie perpetuated by big small to sell more less

[anarqueeen]

him?

[tiktoks-i-enjoyed]

[shamebats]

[gaymingbinosaur]

My grandma told me she was happy I got the option to be single and unmarried once.

[feefal]

Translucent enamel on teeth are kind of a vibe… everything looks better at 50% opacity. Or maybe this is a giant cope after my dentist told me I can’t have energy drinks anymore cause I’m ruining my enamel.

[feefal]

MORE TEETH! MORE TEETH!

[gonzos-humansona]

Yesterday my little brother told me something very sweet and touching, that when he was a kid and had nightmares about monsters chasing him or whatever he would be able to end the nightmare by finding me in the dream and I would protect him by fighting off the zombies, or carrying him away. This is adorable, and makes me feel like the greatest older sibling in the world, but the hilarious thing is that when I was a kid I had nightmares of needing to save him from zombies and such. so many dreams where he was in trouble and I needed to save him. Like my nightmares began where his ended. Low key I think he mastered the ability to psychically transfer his nightmare to me as a child and I'm kind of annoyed with him.

[twofingerswhiskey]

"oh food now has so much added to it, past food was so pure and untainted" victorians used to cut bread with chalk and aluminum powder. romans put lead in the wine, which was made from dirty feet mushing unwashed grapes covered in horse shit and road dust. i think our species will survive a few additives in food. our food systems have never been cleaner and safer. it has room for improvement, but we're not putting fucking plaster of paris in the milk

[teaboot]

Took Ollie to the vet today. And I'm not gonna say who. But ONE of us had a panic attack immediately after the checkup and wouldn't get out of the sink

[teaboot]

it was a difficult morning for everybody