not to sound like a bourgeoisie bitch or anything, but I could definitely get into luxury gothicâ˘
⢠ Bored with life? The ennui of wealth and privilege leaving you jaded and empty? Travel the world in first class and solve mysteries in Burberry cashmere turtlenecks.
⢠ Thereâs a charity event in Switzerland for some probably-noble cause that you canât remember now. In fact, thereâs not a lot else can you remember about how you ended up in this gilded ballroom with its impossibly high ceilings and smiling waiters serving you flutes of vintage champagnes. Smiling waiters who, for some reason, all look the exact same. You are starting to suspect that youâre the only person here who still has a pulse.
⢠ âOh, we reserved our most exclusive room for you,â the concierge of the historical hotel assures you, beaming. âThereâs no keycard. the creatures who matter know that you belong there tonight. Please donât be alarmed if they check in on you while youâre sleeping, we only want to be assured of your satisfaction as a guest.â
⢠The symphony was beautiful and inspired, your shoes are Italian leather, and your silk shirt is French. the first-chair violinist smiles and approaches you backstage, because of course you have a pass, but when they get close enough you notice that theyâre not alone. Their musicianâs hands arenât nearly as skilled as the ghost of the man in the curled white wig hovering over their shoulder, who surely guided their fingers tonight.
⢠The wine connoisseur runs her sales out of a secluded chateau in northern France, which she only opens to private buyers on an invite-only basis once a year. The day is never the same from year to year, and youâre only afforded the privilege of shopping her stock if you can correctly identify the wine she presents to you  in a tiny glass thimble when she appears out of nowhere on some bright-moon night as youâre walking alone. Should you do so, youâll be summoned eventually to her sales night, where sheâll offer you wines the rest of the world will never see or taste. Wines that can turn you into a prophetic dreamer, wines that will absorb into your blood and change your aura, wines that do other things.
⢠The tailor wants to know whatâs brought you in today. The silk measuring tape is looped around his elegant neck as you explain that you need to be fitted for a custom suit to start the new season. An attendant serves you sparkling water as he smiles and snaps his fingers, the two of you watching the far left wall slide open to reveal the woman whose upper half is a humanâs, attached to the gleaming black abdomen and eight legs of an enormous spider. Her eight unblinking eyes, shining jewel-black, fix themselves upon you as her fangs tuck themselves neatly over her plump lower lip and she purrs, âTell me what sort of silk to spin for your vest, dear.â
⢠ Collecting land and developing properties is something you generally leave to other privileged types, you having never been much for real estate. But when your agent informs you that an open plot of land in Belgium is almost definitely the surface level to a hellmouth, where a series of increasingly strange disappearances have occurred over the past several months, you canât help but snatch it up. The death cult who has been performing rituals on said land since last year is highly displeased with your purchase, and youâre sure they intend to make this clear when you visit next month.
⢠ The dancers for the New York City Ballet Company are unlike anything youâve ever seen from your box seat, so slim and flexible and boneless that their bodies seem to move around the music instead of with it. You need, absolutely need, to buy a backstage pass to meet them, but their dressing room is closed to the public of course. One of the twins however, the brother with soft cornsilk blond hair and a touch of malice in his smile, invites you in and offers you tea. âWe normally never do this,â he says. âBut our mother knows you, she works for your tailor.â And yes, the glittering spiderwebs spun from every corner of the room seem to indicate as much, his twin sister lounging languidly in one as she relaxes after their performance. âWe got the grace, but not the extra legs,â she said regrettably. âSuch a shame, they would have come in handy during that second act.â
⢠ Coming home to your penthouse loft in the city feels soft and fond, especially on this cool, rainy night. You canât see them and you never have, but your roommate has already put tea on for you. Theyâre so considerate, especially seeing as how theyâve been dead since 1928. It would be unforgivably gauche of you to have them evicted though, dying here really should have locked them into some kind of rent-controlled contract or something of the sort. Theyâre just happy that you had their gloriously inspired paintings and poems restored and preserved through the museum you support as a yearly patron, and they show their gratitude by turning down your lush bedcovers and putting your tea on for you every night before you get home. They have no way to express to you that theyâve fallen in love with you from the other side, but thatâs all right. Thereâs a reason you donât date.
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