🂡 Kaleidoscope 🂡

This is an acc where I yap, mostly about being aroace, except I have no clue how to use tumblr

[macandcheese-inhaler]

One of my biggest pet peeves is how every older adult in my life always jumps on the "make smart choices" / "always wear protection" / "save yourself until marriage" bandwagon the SECOND they catch word about me having a partner.

They have a point, I guess?? We're a straight presenting couple, I know why they want me to "be careful" or whatever, but I'm so extremely sex repulsed, I physically cannot COMPREHEND a world where I would EVER willingly put myself in a situation where I have sex. Having so many people yap to me about how if I ever "decide to go down that path" I need to make sure I'm on birth control and take all the proper precautions, makes me SICK.

I don’t want to talk about sex in the middle of a library with my friends sister who I've only met 5 times in our 12 years of friendship. Yes Dad, this is the third lecture I've heard this month about your sex life and how I need to make sure I don't get pregnant. I promise I got the memo the first time.

AND THATS ALL THEY EVER TALK ABOUT. They never ask how our relationship's going, they never ask about how we met, they never ask about how we got together, ALL they want to know is what base we've made it to & to make sure I know I have to "be careful".

I'd rather be WATERBOARED than have sex with ANYONE. PLEASE stop giving me random PSA's about safe sex, they do NOT apply to me.

And I wish everyone didn’t immediately assume we want to have sex. I hate societal standards.

[macandcheese-inhaler]

I find it interesting that all romantic things seemed appalling and weird, until I tried them out of curiosity with my partner.

And you know what? They still seem really weird to me. If I were to break up with my partner, I wouldn't have any interest in doing the stuff we do now. I wouldn't want to seek it out. I enjoy it because I'm doing those things with him, not because I enjoy romance.

[s-lycopersicum]

Oh, you think you're safe now?

Nothing can deliver you from these paws!

[skimmer-vode]

Reblog to animatedly boop your followers

[starlightdragon321]

They would be SO good platonically. They would be so good dying in each other's arms, confessing how much they mean to each other as they bleed out on the dirt. They would be so good sharing trauma and figuring out their weird issues and relationships, knowing that they have each other to rely on when all else goes to hell. Their souls would be bound. They are the same creature, built apart miles and miles away, and yet eternally connected. They would see through each other's eyes. They would share each other's minds. They would go through hell and back just to keep the other happy, safe, and sane.

And at the end of the day? They don't marry each other. They don't date. Because they are friends.

Glorious.

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

I'm tired.

Not of life or of myself, not even of people. but the crippling expectation that seeps into every action i take and every fucking word i say. You looked at that boy, surely that means, you hesitated at the girl, that must be. i feel like im being choked by a lie i haven't even uttered, ive never felt the need to come out as much as i do right now, but at the same time i have never wanted to hide more, I dont come out for the sanme reason i am not hidden. I tell people as i go, i dont feel the need but fuck do i want to scream it, i want it fucking tattooed on my heart, not for you not for anyone. mine, my heart. for no one else. Im not lying but im not telling the truth with every assumption made about me, and every lie they unknowing tell how is it that i feel like i am the one committing some social faux pas? its a weight not unlike water above me, im not drowning yet i have air left in my tank, but i lost my gage, its smashed against the rocks below and i have no idea how much longer i can do this before i need to breathe.

fuck.

[stonegoddex]

what if we admitted to each other that it's not always really romance that we want. What if we admitted that what we're really craving is intimacy and society taught us romance is the only way to get it.

[macandcheese-inhaler]

The thing that always scared me the most about possibly being aro is the fear that all of my friends would get partners & I would no longer be a priority. Meaning, my friends wouldn't have time to spend with me anymore, & I'd be alone. That prospect terrified me.

Dating itself didn't seem very appealing, but the concept of getting to be treasured by someone & letting them get to know every part of you without judgement was something I craved.

[aspec-mafia-official]

Hi! I have a question.

I've identified as aroace for about 4ish years now, and as of last month, I got my first romantic partner! I'm not 100% sure what my feelings are towards him (dw, I've told him about this). The only thing I can say for certain is that I want to be able to call him mine.

I hesitate to call it "actual" love in a traditional sense because it started out as an overwhelming, all-consuming feeling, but now it's leveled out. It's still there, however now it's much, much weaker than before.

Anyway, sorry, I'm rambling. The question I wanted to ask was, how do I know the difference between being an aromantic person who feels little romantic attraction, or just being allo?

Well, first off, I recommend looking into different types of attraction (tertiary, sensual, queerplatonic, alterous, etc.) to see if anything other than "romantic" clicks with you. https://lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Attraction Or, you can just go unlabeled or make up your own label for what you feel (all experiences are subjective!).

And feelings can be confusing, especially since this is your first romantic partner. I remember feeling the same way when I got into my first QPR, and also when I romantically dated my BFF. And I had almost the same experience as you!

Actually, for me, while I do heavily identify with the aromantic spectrum (I am in fact demi-, grey-, and many other things), I prefer to be referred to as more allo (since that term fits my experience better. Yes, I do have a difficult/different time in relationships and romantic love, and I do fall under the aro spectrum; however, I prefer to align myself with being alloromantic).

And what does that tell us? That what determines calling yourself aro or allo is mostly determined by you, your experiences, and community.

General rule of thumb:

If your experiences don't connect to being allo, you're probably aro(spec).

If your experiences don't connect to being aro(spec), you're probably allo.

If your experiences both connect to being aro(spec) AND being allo, you probably have fluctuating, conditional, or vague levels of attraction (aroflux, arospike, arojump, demi-, apres-, grey-, etc.).

If your experiences don't connect to either being aro(spec) OR being allo, you probably fall outside the split attraction model (differentiating between sexual and romantic attraction, or other types of attraction) or an attraction model wholly.

(For other questioning folks to know, these apply to asexuality as well. But this post will be focused on romantic attraction.)

The best thing I can recommend is taking some time to let things figure themselves out. You don't have to rush with a label for yourself. Maybe feelings will even out, or you will have that one eureka moment.

If you want my opinion regarding this (note I am just some guy running a blog): I don't know enough about your situation or how you feel, but so far, it seems to me that your experiences align with someone who is arospec or an aro with alterous or non-conventional romantic attraction. 4 years of calling yourself aroace and only now getting a relationship (along with having uncertain feelings) tells me that you're not allo (or at the very least, not a conventional one).

And as I said, these experiences aligned closely with mine, so I hope I at least had some insight on the matter! And I hope you guys have a very healthy and happy relationship!! :D

Anyone is always invited to ramble in my inbox about anything. I mean, I wrote like 8 paragraphs here :') Thank you for the ask, Anon!

[macandcheese-inhaler]

Ive been thinking about it lately, & theres a possibility I might be demiromantic aegosexual. Will I ever actually use those labels outside of my own head? No, I prefer just saying I'm aroace, but it's nice to the general area of where I fall on the ace & aro specs.

[macandcheese-inhaler]

Ngl I have no idea what happened, but within the past month I've gotten like, super close to my friend.

Every time we see each other I'm constantly in his personal bubble. The last time we hung out, I laid my head on his chest, and he ran his fingers through my hair. It was actually so nice, 74/10 experience. He told me afterwards he really enjoyed it to.

I think at this point we just have a weird, kinda "gray area" relationship b/c he knows I don't date or feel romantic attraction, but we do a lot of "couplely" things. (And before anyone mentions it, no, I promise you he's not trying to "fix" me.)

But overall, he's told me his ideal romantic relationship would be set up as a friend you really like hanging out with. He hates kissing, and he doesn't seem very fond of the idea of having sex. So yeah. I fear those are the top 2 things I have an issue with dating-wise.

Idk where this will end up in the long run, but for now, I really like holding his hand, listening to his yaps, doing things for him, being in his presence, cuddling, sending and receiving good morning/goodnight texts, staying up until 4 am talking, saying we miss each other, having weekly hangouts, and whatever else we do. I especially enjoy the fact there aren't any expectations and we're just going with the flow. He won't do anything I'm uncomfortable with and vise-versa.

[zalpacka]

You ever just want to affectionately tackle and hug your friends and yap about stuff with them and trade snacks and cuddle with them and vibe while listening to your favorite songs and show off the cool trinkets/stuff/anything else cool that you got that week to them and look at memes together and coexistent in the same area and-

[macandcheese-inhaler]

Yes but instead of cuddling, I want to hold their hand and pet their arm

[macandcheese-inhaler]

Homies, this guy indirectly confessed to me the other day through a mutual acquaintance. I said no, obviously, (aroace) but one of my friends warned me about the guy with a crush on me.

Apparently, he had a crush on them a few years ago, and decided it would be a good idea to threaten their guy friend b/c he saw him as a "threat"?? Like genuinely who does that? Are we in some teen drama movie and I didn't get the memo or something?

And he STILL threatened the guy, even while he was his "friend." PLUS he still chose to threaten the guy friend after he was informed my friend & this guy had been friends since kindergarten. Like, buddy, hate to be the one to tell you this, but if the two of them were interested in each other, they would've started dating a whilleeee ago.

As you could probably guess, my friend told me this b/c I have a guy friend I talk to a lot too, who is "acquaintances" (my guy friend hates him, but the other guy talks to him anyway) with the guy who has a crush on me.

Chat, I fear broski is gonna be FUMMING when he finds out my guy friend and I hold hands in the hallways. Especially after I told our mutual acquaintance, "I don't date. At all. There's no chance I'd want to be with him." 💀

He's fr gonna think we're dating & throw an absolute FIT

[macandcheese-inhaler]

I've never understood why people ship my guy friend & I. And this is one of the few times I'm not saying that because I think shipping a boy & a girl together just because you see them talk to each other is utterly ridiculous.

From an outsider's perspective, I swear on my LIFE it looks like he HATES me. To put it into prospective, one of his friends compared our relationship to, "An old dog who doesn't know when to give up on its owner, and an owner who's done with having a dog."

One of my friends always sees me talking to him and usually ends up saying, "He looks so done with you. I think he's ignoring you."

He cares for me, but he does it in his own small ways. Which admittedly, is one of my favorite things about him. No one's gonna notice those times when I show him one of those goofy cat pictures on Instagram with the caption "can I annoy you forever" & he replies, "No, you can't b/c you never annoy me."

He'll give me this dead stare/glare sometimes when I'm yapping at school, making it seem like he doesn't want me there, but the reality is, he's just not a morning person. He's not gonna feel like returning the energy of someone who's acting like a toddler with a sugar high, he's gonna glare at me. Not because he hates me, he just isn't too happy in the mornings & hes not gonna sit there and pretend like he is.

But even if he did, that's just not who he is. He's only high-energy on VERY rare occasions. Like, I've known him for almost 2 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I've witnessed him energetic.

Plus, he likes glaring at me & acting like I'm getting on his last nerves as friendly banter. He's doing stuff like that for funzies, but like, no one outside of us really knows that? Especially b/c they don't get to see those times when he makes sure I know he cares about me.

He doesn't like expressing his emotions often. There will be times I will tell him something, because I thought it'd make him happy, and he doesn't react to it whatsoever. However, later on he'll tell me it did bring him a lot of joy. 

That's how he is. He isn't loud, he's quiet, but he listens and makes sure you're comfortable.

Anyway, to wrap up the yap, my overall conclusion is, big surprise, I think its weird people ship real life people together. I don't understand why they pick us.

Do they think he's just playing hard to get?? like what's even going through their minds? Do they just like our "dynamic"? b/c we are practically a real-life example of "a unicorn throwing up on a golden retriever" and "emo, cold, and mysterious scary main character"? Enid and Wednesday-core? Is the only reason genuinely b/c we're a boy and a girl? If so, that's honestly just pitiful. What if we were cousins?? Would we still be "ship-material" then?

[whatthewatergaveher]

being aromantic has so many pros and i know- i know them, whatever they are. and trust me, i am at peace with being aromantic most of the times but there are days when i just feel it.

i feel how fucking obsessed with romance this entire world is, i feel how all my friends want to fall in love- will fall in love, have a partner who becomes their first priority. i feel how freaking alienating it is when the conversation more often than not shifts to romance and i just feel like phasing out... that oh. yeah haha guys, i dont really want a bf, no.

the big happy ending is kiss, fall in love, marry. the songs all sing of this 'you' who captivates the people endlessly. god, is this love they sing, act and dream of this special? is this romance thing this beautiful? is it just fiction or is it really that fine and majestic and all consuming, goddamit? guess ill never know.

i just wish i knew sometimes. not always, but once a while- i wish. i wish to know. to feel it, once and for all.

[djiebdisbdisndnd]

Me: “I experience romantic attraction!”

Someone: “Okay but take away cuddling and holding hands and stuff, like do you want to go on dates?”

Me: “Well I mean I do like spending time with people!!”

Someone: “Okay but do you feel the same with everyone?”

Me: “Uhh, I guess so. Oh, but with certain people it’s stronger!”

Someone: “Now do you WANT to date DATE them or just be friends? Or maybe perhaps a QPR?”

Me: “Well now that you mention it, it’s hard to tell but with some I do just kinda wanna be friends but with others I’d be okay with either dating or a QPR!”

Someone: “I dunno seems like platonic and alterous attraction to me…”

Me: “Hmm? Oh, OHH.”

[macandcheese-inhaler]

Me: "Wait omg I think about this person all the time, do I have a crush on them?! I'd gladly hold their hand and play with their hair."

Somone: "Would you want to date them?"

Me: "No not really. I'd humor a QPR but dating them doesn't sound very appealing."

Someone: "Well, do you think you have a crush?"

Me: "...It's romantic attraction, isn't it?! It has to be a crush!" D:

[darksilvershadows36]

You know, it's really hard to label my attraction sometimes because I am very definitely asexual and aromantic, but there's this weird third thing that sits between that and platonic that ranges anywhere from just spending time in close proximity like cuddling and stuff, to I would let them dissect me for science reasons and I'd probably watch them do it, but like, not in a sexual way.

But this only applies if they're a woman. And at least a foot taller than me. Which isn't asking a lot honestly.

[vulpinesaint]

aromantic people are so silly. can’t say “i care about you” without a page long preceding dissertation on the nature and social construction of the concept of love

[asexualbeelzebub]

the problem with being a closeted asexual is that one day you're straight and the next you're gay. just whatever makes me not attracted to the person you're asking if i find hot.

[macandcheese-inhaler]

I was doing so good at this until one day someone I didn't know very well got smart, and instead of asking "What's your sexuality?" they asked, "Are you attracted to boys or girls?"

Now, I can easily lie to someone & say I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever I need to say to get them to leave me alone, but that question?? Saying anything but the truth felt disgusting.

So, without much thinking, I said, "Neither." They went, "Oh, so you're asexual then?" I nodded (even though thats more of an aro thing, but I wasnt in the mood to nitpick)

They were the first person I "officially" came out to, and it was a genuine accident