Our party consists of a sorcerer, a barbarian, a cleric, and a bard–all Chaotic. The bard has been using one spell repeatedly, much to the simultaneous delight and dismay of the DM. We reached the final boss of the campaign, we fought for a few rounds, and…
DM: (Bard), it’s your turn.
Bard: I’m gonna need the dragon to make a Wisdom saving throw.
The DM rolled the d20 and stood up from the table, arms raised in defeat.
DM: Okay! What does the dragon turn into!
Bard: I Polymorph the dragon into a rainbow shrimp.
DM: Okay! You see the giant form of the dragon start to shrink, and for a moment you think she’s been defeated, but no, she has actually been transformed…into a shrimp. I just want you to know she got a natural one on that saving throw.
Barbarian: Nooo, I wanted to kill a dragon! I was finally going to get to use my sword of dragon slaying! My sword is for killing dragons, not sea creatures! I paid good money for this thing!
(Note: She actually stole the sword in a dungeon.)
DM, frantically trying to look up stats for a shrimp: You turned my dragon into a rainbow shrimp. Okay, it’s the shrimp’s turn. It’s gonna run over to (the barbarian) and try to get you with its claws. What is your armor class?
DM: Nope, it misses! Twice! This is the final boss, guys! And it just got a three!
Bard: What happens if we cook and eat the shrimp?
Sorcerer: Won’t it turn back into a dragon when we cook it?
Cleric: What would happen if we chopped its whole head off?
Bard, to the DM: If we cut its head off would it turn back into a dragon but with its head cut off!?
DM: No, I’m gonna say it would get its head back.
Bard: Awww…what if I just eat it?
DM: It’ll still turn back!
Bard, excitedly: I’m a tiefling, so I’m resistant to fire–
DM: Are you resistant to having a shrimp turn into a dragon inside of your stomach!?
Barbarian: Wait a minute, I have a trident that lets me control sea creatures! I have to kill it with a fish fork!
Cleric: Okay, but then we still have to fight a dragon–
Barbarian: Wait, I can talk to animals! Just give me ten minutes, guys, I want to talk to the shrimp!
Sorcerer: Can we just make it stay a shrimp forever?
DM: I will tell you, you have two tools in your combined arsenal that can do that.
We deliberated for a while and finally settled on our two Wishes (a potion and a scroll) as the best candidates for permanent shrimphood. The DM house-ruled that Wish could turn the already-in-effect Polymorph permanent.
DM: I’m pretty sure it’s the (NPC) wizard’s turn…
Cleric, sternly: I tell him not to touch the shrimp.
DM: He isn’t sure what to make of this situation. He’s like, “I guess that’s one way to defeat a dragon.” Now it’s (cleric)’s turn.
Cleric: I use my Wish scroll to make the Polymorph permanent.
DM: Okay, you pray to the heavens, and…
Cleric: My goddess is gonna love this.
Sorcerer: Your goddess is gonna be like, “You want what, now?”
DM: The heavens open up, and out pours a beam of brilliant light and ocean water, and it all spirals down and forms into an aquarium that the shrimp, who is now permanently a shrimp, is in.
DM: And you have turned Vanifar the Red into a shrimp! Forever!
Cleric: Can I have the shrimp?
Barbarian: I can talk to animals! I want to talk to the shrimp! Give me ten minutes. I want to hear it scream.
The barbarian got to listen to the shrimp. Apparently, it made a high-pitched otamatone squeal.
Our party now has a furious pet rainbow shrimp.
As an epilogue the campaign ended with us using our second Wish to have a double wedding (the sorcerer married an NPC woman she’d spent weeks hoping to woo, and the barbarian married the girlfriend she’d written in her backstory), officiated by the cleric. The sorcerer shrank the barbarian’s spare fancy clothes in the wash for the shrimp to wear, and the bard carried the shrimp down the aisle ringbearer-style.
The dragon never got to breathe fire, the cleric didn’t have to use a single healing spell, and we did a hundred points of psychic damage to the DM.
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