midwest baddie

he/him Graduate economist

[confusedbyinterface]

Aminata thinking "it's a good thing this old man is just a whore, I don't have to worry if he's into me for weird racist reasons" before fucking the CEO of racism is kind of funny.

[dbzyuri]

[riflebrass]

[karnalesbian]

i love the NBA offseason

[karnalesbian]

this is elite shithousery lmao

[karnalesbian]

[a-book-of-creatures]

Book that was good: I liked it 👍

Book that was bad: this sucked 👎

Book that I wanted to like but which failed to live up to my hopes: I am going to write 10,000+ words explaining exactly why this book wronged me

[greenmossloveisreal1998iloveyou]

you should be addicted to shutting the fuck up

You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid

[whyenn-reader]

[gondorrevealparty]

being a Bandit is pretty great. Just got a new place with a couple friends, in Doghammer Cave (long history of hammering dogs there). It's pretty nice for the area! Zero bedrooms zero bathrooms, but it's got a falling spikeball trap in the entrance and a couple big linear multipurpose rooms full of barrels. I put a couple gold coins in each barrel. Really makes it feel like home.

Our leader is Klade Doghammer (long history of hammering dogs). He's the only one of us with a name. He likes to sit in the last room (our house has a last room because it's linear) at a desk with a half-finished page of notebook about how he'll get revenge on the town someday. My best friend Female Archer Bandit said the people in the town don't even consider us human. She says if you stay a bandit long enough they kill you for money. Sometimes when she and I are alone on watch late at night I get a funny feeling in my bandit parts. I think I just heard the falling spikeball trap go off. We didn't invite anyone over today but I hope it's someone friendly. Being a bandit is pretty great.

[blignick]

[cuntboysupremacy]

girl helppp

[cuntboysupremacy]

forcefemmed future self

[cuntboysupremacy]

the replies are even worse

[radiosandrecordings]

Scottish government currently has a bunch of ads up to get screened for lung cancer, but for some reason they’ve decided to personify cancer as some sort of gothic butch milf and I’m obsessed with her

[a-random-fandom-friend]

I know I already said it in a reblog 2 years ago, but... the french orangina ads :

[fantasticsacabambaspis]

No way thats called Orangina

[princecroutons]

imagine you're some guy and you're going through the woods one day and you stumble upon a house and the people who live there just give you free food and eventually let you inside and it's like nothing you've ever seen before and the people are so nice and loving towards you and then one day they decide to never let you leave again, steal your balls, and give you a stupid fucking hair cut

[princecroutons]

my name is croutons and this is my story

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#why is he naked??????

Given how much they've cut off, his fur was probably matted. Long-haired cats often need regular brushing, or at least a safe indoor environment to regularly groom themselves. Long-haired strays frequently get hair so matted it can't be brushed out and it has to be cut off for their health and comfort.

It'll grow back and, since he's an indoor cat now and I assume his owner has a cat brush, it'll be much more comfortable when it does.

[oneheadtoanother]

[wakingfromthewater]

Still thinking about this mobile game ad I got. You will f**k increasingly large creatures.

[apatheticfluorescence]

some hyper famous artists like Van Gogh transcend overratedness and become underrated because they're so normalized. Like I'll look at a van Gogh and I'm like wait this really is amazing you guys don't get it

[headspace-hotel]

Shakespeare is like this

[insufferablepirate]

Every time I see a Van Gogh that’s not one of his better known pieces it absolutely blows me away

Have you seen this shit my liege? smh unreal

[blackjame]

[artbyblastweave]

Being a henchman suuuucks dude. This latest guy I'm working for, the War-Madillo, he's got a, an Armadillo- motif, or theme, or whatever, right? That's fine, fine, I did a two-month stint with a Marmoset-themed guy once, it's not bottom of the barrel- except. Except. It turns out, he picked the Armadillo thing because he thinks that they're obligate carnivores. Which they kind of are, I mean I googled this, they're insectivores, but he thinks that they're like, land piranhas. He thinks they work in packs to take down significantly larger animals. He thinks they lay eggs in the remains of their prey. He's killed like three guys for trying to correct him. Me and the other guys are paying out of pocket to get the poor little guys in his Armadillo pit food that they can actually eat. Every time he drops some sucker into that thing we all have to draw straws to see who's gonna have to go in and gnaw on the body so he thinks the Armadillos are doing it. Thank god it's such a long drop

[oralhardwarestore]

382752488261 unique posts remain

[artbyblastweave]

listen, man, I don't appreciate this kind of pressure. I'm posting as often as I can. I spent this morning shoving store-bought eggs down a dead guy's throat. Some of us have jobs, man

[boomalope-pope]

[coconutmilkyway]

this part always has me losing my mind the way the pants are just cut and pasted on there

[loth-catgirl]

this video makes me feel such powerful emotions every time

[prokopetz]

The real reason your sapient dragon character needs a "rider":

Dragons on the wing are vulnerable to being mobbed by smaller, more agile flyers, particularly in your large rear blind spot, like a bird of prey being mobbed by crows. Having a human armed with a long spear perched on your back helps to dissuade anyone from getting any funny ideas.

Breath weapons are impressive enough on the ground, but in flight they're really only good for strafing stationary targets; trying to use your breath weapon in an aerial dogfight is a good way to get fire up your nose. A real fight calls for sterner measures – and, concomitantly, a crew to aim and reload the cannons.

In today's competitive world, it's not enough to devour a flock of sheep and call it a day if you want to keep your edge. You're accompanied at all times by a qualified personal alchemist tasked with carefully regulating your internal furnace to ensure peak performance, and sometimes you even listen to them.

No dragon of any quality would be caught dead without their valet. It's not as though you can announce your numerous long-winded titles yourself when introductions are called for, can you? You suppose next you'll be expected to pick up the spoils of your conquests yourself, like a common brigand. Perish the thought!

[mikkeneko]