I seriously can't get over this. Let's just get one thing straight, okay? Sonic is not a literal animal. Yes, he's a fictional character, but what I mean is that even in-universe, he's not meant to read as a literal animal. I have never once read Sonic as a literal animal. He is basically human. If he was just a couple years older, he would EASILY be able to pass the Harkness test. You hear me? SONIC IS NOT A LITERAL ANIMAL. I can't BELIEVE I feel like I have to say that. In other news, water is wet.
Like, Sonic's official age is 15. Real hedgehogs die of old age by 3. You are invoking the hamster from The Amazing World of Gumball who made it to 6 years old, which would be like a human living to 200. Sonic is supposed to read as a human teenager, not an extremely elderly literal hedgehog. He wears sneakers and walks on two legs, he eats human food like chilidogs, he can speak in full sentances, and on top of all of that, he's a cartoon character who's electric blue like fucking Gatorade. He is supposed to read as a sapient human-like cartoon character!!! Sonic does not read as a literal animal in any sense!!!
You know who DOES read as a literal animal to me though??? FUCKING OCTODAD!!! Octodad can't even actually talk, he speaks in blubbs and we're supposed to just suspend our disbelief and pretend a literal octopus who came up out of the ocean is intelligent enough to be able to marry a human woman and have two kids with her!!! Even Markiplier made a joke about how Scarlet had sex with an octopus!!! And Octodad is not even a good game either!!! In fact, imho, it's WORSE because at least Sonic '06 was TRYING to be a good game!!! Pathetic attempt? Maybe, but at least it tried!!! Rage games are not designed to be good games by their very nature!!! If a rage game was good, it wouldn't be a rage game!!!
It's not just Octodad though!!! The achievement you get in HuniePop for unlocking Momo as a datable girl is literally called, "Bestiality" despite the fact that Momo does not read as a real cat in any sense of the word. She did have a controversy, but it was entirely because people weren't sure if she was 18 or not. It had nothing to do with Momo being a literal non-human animal, because that conclusion is OBVIOUSLY ABSURD!!!
And what about that game where you can fuck A LITERAL BEAR??? (Baulder's Gate 3, I think??) A druid shapeshifted into a bear granted, but a bear nonetheless!!! I've seen screenshots and it sure looks like a literal bear to me!!!
So it's okay to fuck a bear that's actually a human, but it's NOT okay to kiss a hedgehog that's actually a human??? I swear to god the people who reviewed Sonic '06 back when it was new are the dumbest motherfuckers alive. Like??? I'd be ASHAMED to admit I was that much of a moron!!!
Like, it's bad enough to put that shit into a public youtube video that anyone could watch back in 2006 before the concept of a "Youtuber" was even a thing and every video was guarenteed to get a lot of views, but to put that shit in an ACTUAL FORMAL REVIEW FOR A REAL VIDEO GAME??? I have seriously had chronic secondhand embarrassment for like two days in a row now since I found out people actually criticized Sonic '06, A GAME MADE FOR KIDS, for having ""bestiality"" in it. USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN, PEOPLE!!! YOU HAVE ONE SUPPOSEDLY??? USE IT!!! A KID'S GAME COULD NOT HAVE BESTIALITY IN IT FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! IT WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A MUCH HIGHER RATING IF IT HAD!!!
"A Sleeping Beauty kiss that literally brought a dead character back to life is bestiality." —Something people actually said with their full chests because I guess you can do whatever you want as long as you aren't Sonic. Call it weird and awkward, call it forced, call it badly written, but do NOT call it bestiality. An actual animal has to be involved for it to be bestiality, and you'd have to be totally braindead to think any real hedgehog could ever look or act like THAT.
Where's the fucking rum when you need it...