Mo Dao Zu Shi Incorrect Quotes

(Also works for CQL!)

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Nie Huaisang: *walks in on NMJ mid-murder*

Nie Huaisang: I'm not—I can't watch this.

Nie Huaisang: *spins around and leaves*

Nie Mingjue: Coward.

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

(The Yunmeng siblings skipping stones on a lake)

Jiang Yanli: It’s such a beautiful evening!

Wei Wuxian: Hey, Shijie, watch this!

Jiang Cheng: (whispering) Take that you fucking lake.

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Jiang Cheng: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Jiang Yanli: A-Cheng no.

Wei Wuxian: *hits fist against palm* Mistlefoe!

Jiang Yanli: A-Xian, please stop encouraging him.

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Nie Huaisang: (standing with his back turned) I’ve been expecting you, Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian: How did you do that without turning around?

Nie Huaisang: …To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Wen Ning: Young Master Wei said instead of being sad I should “go get it, girl”. So I am going to go get it girl.

Wen Qing: Get what?

Wen Ning: I don’t know. I will get everything just to be safe.

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Wei Wuxian: *claps hands* Anyway! Now that the warm, fuzzy part of the day is over, we can get back to the ritual dismemberments... Oh wait, it's not Tuesday, is it?

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Nie Huaisang: What time is it?

Wei Wuxian: I don’t know; pass me that flute, and we’ll find out.

Wei Wuxian: *plays flute loudly and terribly*

Jiang Cheng: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE FLUTE AT TWO IN THE MORNING?!

Wei Wuxian: (proudly) It’s 2 am.

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Wei Wuxian: Sandwich. *throws sandwich at JC*

Jiang Cheng: Oh, right. *catches it*

Wei Wuxian: Coffee. *throws coffee at JC*

Jiang Cheng: What?! No, no, no!

Wei Wuxian: Hahaha, got you! That one’s empty, this is the real one! I’ve been planning that for ages! The look on your face…

Jiang Cheng: *glares venomously, covered in coffee*

Wei Wuxian: *looks down at empty coffee cup in hand*

Wei Wuxian: ...

Wei Wuxian: *runs*

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Wei Wuxian: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'

Wei Wuxian: Doesn't work for getting out of smuggling alcohol into the Cloud Recesses, though. That just makes Lan Zhan angrier…

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Jiang Cheng: I never know what to say to people at funerals.

Nie Huaisang: Oh, just say “I’m sorry for your loss” then move on.

Jiang Cheng: *sighs and approaches Qin Su*

Jiang Cheng: I’m sorry for your loss.

Qin Su: (tearfully) Thank you.

Jiang Cheng: Move on.

Qin Su: …

Jiang Cheng: *walks away*

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Nie Huaisang: Why do I have to save the world?

Nie Huaisang: I got up in the morning, isn’t that enough?

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Jiang Cheng: Get up.

Wei Wuxian: I am not sleeping, I am dead. Leave flowers, say something about my perpetual beauty, and leave.

Jiang Cheng: *kicks WWX out of the bed*

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Nie Mingjue: Get over here, Huaisang!

Nie Huaisang: *startles and almost drops plate*

Nie Huaisang: Da-ge, stop! I could’ve dropped my croissant!

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Wei Wuxian: You remind me of the ocean.

Wen Qing: *rolls eyes* Because I’m deep and mysterious?

Wei Wuxian: No, because you’re full of salt and you scare people.

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Lan Jingyi: 4/20 blaze it~

Lan Qiren: Lan Jingyi!

Lan Jingyi: *turns around with a marshmallow on fire*

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

(that one time the Lans permitted drinking in the Cloud Recesses)

Lan Qiren: This... is a mistake.

Lan Xichen: (enthusiastically) A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Lan Qiren: But not today.

Lan Xichen: (still enthusiastic) Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess!

[mdzsincorrectquotes]

Jiang Cheng: (screaming) YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME!

Wei Wuxian: Wh—

Jiang Cheng: YOU’RE ESSENTIAL TO MY EXISTENCE!

Wei Wuxian: Why are you screaming?!

Jiang Cheng: I HAVE DIFFICULTY EXPRESSING MYSELF! IT HELPS TO SAY SENTIMENTAL THINGS IN AN AGGRESSIVE TONE!