homeostasis not achieved 🙃

29 | she/her

[my-castles-crumbling]

okay stay with me for this one.

When Ilya moves to the Centaurs he doesn’t get to keep his number. Some old fuck on the team already has it and refuses to trade, no matter how much Ilya bribes him.

so, in true Ilya Rozanov fashion, he picks the number 24. People think he did it to be an asshole, which is true, but he also did it to have Shane with him all the time. Shane was both infuriated and touched by it.

but then of course, years later, SHANE transfers to Ottawa. And lo and behold, the old fuck who had number 81 retired, so when Shane has to choose a number?

81 is available.

so the first day of training, Shane walks into practice in a jersey that says Hollander, 81, with an absolutely shit-eating grin on his face.

and Ilya goes insane.

[penandinkprincess]

laughing about the idea of rose giving shane a weighted blanket as a gift and it soon becoming ilya's Number One Enemy in their house

at first it was just because it was a gift from rose, but now??? shane is cuddling up under The Mistress? ("ilya, it is a fucking blanket-") shane does not need to ask ilya to lay on top of him because he would rather be beneath The Mistress? ("ilya, for FUCK'S sake, you weren't even home-") maybe shane doesn't even need him anymore. maybe The Mistress can learn to suck his co- ("i'm going to bed. you can join me or you can keep glaring at a FUCKING BLANKET")

[penandinkprincess]

i feel like rose probably went for the heaviest option available, so like a 40 pounder, so it does have some good heft to it

and i'm cackling about this arrangement being referred to as a threesome as a joke, which is all well and good until someone is reading over ilya's shoulder one day and sees shane send the message, "today has fucking sucked. can we have a threesome when you get home, please?" and is just ???? hello???? what?? the fuck??? are y'all just out here casually having threesomes on a tuesday??? that hollander asks for wiTH A PLEASE??? WHO IS INVOLVED ONTHIS THREESOME FOR IT TO BE HAPPENING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE????

[penandinkprincess]

not helping this is that ilya responds with, "yes of course ♥️. do you think your mistress can take care of you in the meantime? just this once she can have you to herself."

and what he's doing is just teasing shane to lighten the mood, but person at the coffee shop behind him in line is just

[penandinkprincess]

this escalates to the point that shane really has no other option than to post some kind of statement about it being an inside joke, and ilya of course has to be a little shit about it and post a response on twitter or whatever about, "oh, you will not tell them you are snuggling with your mistress right now, hollander? you will break my heart but not admit it to the world?" and so shane posts another picture that's just a pov from his place on the couch with the weighted blanket over his legs and ilya on the other end grinning SO WIDE because he's SO pleased with himself. and the caption is something like "pictured: my "mistress" and my soon-to-be-ex-husband." and ilya thinks it's SO fucking funny because yes! vindication! let the world pity him (even if playfully).

and this then backfires on him SO FAST.

now weighted blanket brands are sending shane pr trying to get him to mention them/show them off in a picture, and ilya is now fucking SURROUNDED by mistresses all competing for his husband's attention. BULLSHIT. HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED.

weighted blanket eleven comes in the mail and ilya goes live on instagram just FURIOUS. the frame is him in front of a PILE of weighted blankets and he is just

"enough! enough of this! are too many in our house. is like being fucking-shane, what is word? people in utah, they have many wives?"

shane in the background, not fully paying attention: "mormons?"

"those! we are not mormons! household is FULL. marriage is FULL. stop this! every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house."

"every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house" goes viral as a sound for people surrounded by clutter/pets/etc.

shane receives five more weighted blankets.

[rylandsgrace]

#Huge day for the most annoying person you know (me)

[penandinkprincess]

okay but hudson saying that it didn't show up in the frame of the shot but that when ilya brought up marrying svetlana during the couch scene he made the choice to have shane pull his legs up some because he couldn't imagine ever wanting to touch feet with someone he's mad at makes me laugh imagining it being an ongoing tell when ilya's getting himself in trouble

they're unwinding for the day together just casually playing footsie while doing their own thing on either end of the couch and then ilya just says something in passing without thinking about it, feels shane go very still, and looks up to see shane make eye contact and slooooowly start pulling his feet away

and ilya just starts sweating

[barbie-verse]

yuna and david studying shane's microexpressions to see if he reacts more to swedish prince or swedish princess, trying to figure out if he likes men or not, meanwhile shane's barely even registered that they're trying to set him up because he can't think about anything except losing his subscription to russias greatest love machine

[capybaralovers]

[1410-1221-dec2008]

[useleslesbian]

truly obsessed w how hudson and connor's faces change when they play shane and ilya

they r both so expressive irl but as soon as they step into their roles there's the craziest switch

connor goes from the softest smiliest man of all time to the angular grumpy russian and hudson goes from a cheeky little gremlin to the most accurate autism face of all time

[kuttithevangu]

Every time an athlete gets horrendously mangled because someone cleared them to compete with an injury people are like oh this is so tragic what a sad tale of the death of her dream or whatever and it’s like. Idk. Maybe we shouldn’t be enabling the behavior of “I must hideously mangle myself or my dreams are dead” you know

[dinah-lance]

Bad Bunny performs at the Super Bowl LX Halftime Show at Levi's Stadium on February 08, 2026 in Santa Clara, California. (Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images)

[savannahcore27]

[chimaerakitten]

Look if a garment is like. Wool or silk. And it’s like, don’t put me in the fucking wash. I’m like yeah of course ma’am I shall lightly dab you with a damp cloth and air you out so you don’t get stinky. But when a polyester garment is like “hand wash only” I’m like who the FUCK do you think you are. You’re plastic. Get in the drum.

[excuse-me-thanks]

ted lasso was like: what if being kind and being competitive weren’t mutually exclusive?

shoresy is like: what if being kind and being a massive fucking cunt weren’t mutually exclusive? AND YOU NEVER LOSE AGAIN.

[manquemami]

Believing that Letterkenny, Shoresy, and Heated Rivalry all take place in the same universe is a personal choice and it’s one that I make every day

[haedraulics]

final boss of parental neglect ilya rozanov

[irrevocablecondition]

shane: hello mr. scott hunter 😁☝🏻 you played a lil badly today 🧍‍♂️ i hope next time we see each other we have 🤗 more fun 🤗 yippee !

scott: Your Soul Is So Entwined With Your Decade Long Situationship. Not Even The Strongest Sorceress Could Tear You Two Apart. You Are Gay.

[polartss]

”genetic” girl WHATEVERRRRR