A Day In The Life

[bumblebeebats]

College professor type 1: any email you send them on Friday or after 4pm on a weekday is lost to the void. Gone. A whisper in the wind. Office hours? 7:00-7:15 on alternate tuesdays. My office is in Montana good fucking luck

College professor type 2: responds within 2 minutes at 3am on a weekend but only in single sentences with no punctuation

[todropscience]

this is so real that scares me

[acakewalkofcrocodiles]

[sa2ha]

mood

[mitski-miyawakis]

[that-twink-over-there]

Reblog if you’re a little internet friend who finds this funny

[squirtle-daddy-deactivated20250]

[rottedthoughts]

[kg19h]

Lmao

[valykas-deactivated20190916]

Me too girl

[garbagequeer]

talking to men about music is just

[showerthoughtsofficial]

People often say they hope their deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels in doggy heaven… what did all of those squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of torment?

[doggy-puppy-indulgence]

Dog heaven is also squirrel hell it’s a very efficient system.

[ubercharge]

i can’t stop fucking laughing at the thought of squirrels sinning so much in the mortal plane that they have to be sent to squirrel hell to atone

[jncos]

[youaremyeverlovin]

[bob-belcher]

[yungxicanaa]

This makes me laugh so much

[jaeswavy]

“Yeah I’m in a bouncy house, but will this country ever bounce back from our current administration?”

[hustlerose]

(youth pastor voice) you know who really has big dick energy? the lord 

[brianabreeze-deactivated2019010]

You know what

[dj-pelu]

me excusing myself to go to church and pray the lord to dick me down

[feedmerightmeow]

[andromedafalls]

wow

[markv5]

День рождения сильного и независимого мужчины.

[incorrigible-ixoreus]

[toomuchperfume]

My favorite thing on Tumblr are translated Russian cats.

[silkroad5v7dywlc-deactivated201]

[retroactivebakeries]

why haven’t I been burnt at the stake yet

[wallywest89-deactivated20140328]

How to get a straight guy to understand common gay/sexual/relationship terms… use bacon!

[stitch-n-time]

I HAD to laugh…

[theweirdwideweb]

Me @ Myself

[swagintherain]

[sm00thd]

😭

[msdecember31st]

Happy Father’s Day!

[omega3]

[maralie-deactivated20211111]

business email glossary

[humorstaff]

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

Reblogging to add a direct quote that I used today -

Please respect my work process: just do it the way I told you to and stop arguing with me, I don't care what you think