Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
almost home
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new pinned post
inactive here.
i joined tumblr in 2017, around the same time i joined ao3. my primary motivation was and continued to be fandom engagement. as i am stepping back from fandom indefinitely, i will not be using this website/app for the time being.
He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 23 times.
i don't know that i've ever felt this type of anger before. it feels new.
idk why he's still occupying so much of my brain space. i just like. FUCK. i tried so fucking hard and i thought i was doing everything right. and listen i know at the end of the day i'm not owed anything for behaving well. that's not what pisses me off so much. what pisses me the fuck off is that for once in my fucking life i actually did the right thing and he's saying i didn't. he misrepresented my behaviour and hurt my partner in the process and i'm so, so fucking angry at him for it.
i'm finding this especially hard to cope with because it comes in waves. i'll be absolutely fine and then suddenly i'll be hit with it.
i don't know that i've ever felt this type of anger before. it feels new.
idk why he's still occupying so much of my brain space. i just like. FUCK. i tried so fucking hard and i thought i was doing everything right. and listen i know at the end of the day i'm not owed anything for behaving well. that's not what pisses me off so much. what pisses me the fuck off is that for once in my fucking life i actually did the right thing and he's saying i didn't. he misrepresented my behaviour and hurt my partner in the process and i'm so, so fucking angry at him for it.
For the ask game, how about #1? What IS your favorite kitchen appliance? 🤔
Mine is the mighty stand mixer. She can do anything.
i don't have a stand mixer! 👀
my favourite is my coffee machine. it has a feature that lets you set everything up and then pick when it brews, so i can get everything ready in the evening and tell it to brew at 6:30 the next morning! it's been an absolute game changer and my partner has started drinking coffee with me every day now that it's available 😊
ask game for aging tumblr population
what's your favourite kitchen appliance?
do you have a collection of anything?
what's the best job you've ever had?
what's the worst job you've ever had?
what's your favourite piece of furniture and where did you get it?
what's your go-to recipe when you want to make something that requires minimal effort?
are you married or do you intend to get married?
do you have kids? do you want them?
are you on good terms with your parents?
do you have siblings? do you hang out with them?
do you vote?
what's the biggest purchase you've ever made?
what are your hobbies?
what's a hobby you'd like to get into?
do you collect anything?
how long have you known your oldest friend?
are you a member of any clubs or associations?
have you ever changed fields in your career or education?
how many wisdom teeth do you have and have you had any removed?
what's your favourite beverage?
do you have any living grandparents?
do you have nieces/nephews/godchildren/other kids in your life that aren't yours?
what's the coolest place you've visited?
what's your most recent degree and has it been useful to you?
would you rather own a dishwasher or a laundry machine if you could only have one or the other?
do you make a list before going to the grocery store or just wing it?
what's your favourite household chore?
what chore do you hate the most?
do you have houseplants and how are you at keeping them alive?
what's your living arrangement? (who do you live with, in what kind of building, do you own or rent or other?)
i work with autistic children, 2-7 age range. i love my job. yesterday i was working with a girl who's learning the skill of sorting. she's only been working on it for a little while and after i helped her out the first few times she started doing it all by herself. i was almost tearing up, i was so proud of her.
like 30 minutes before that, she'd repeatedly grabbed my glasses in an attempt to remove them from my face and throw them (while repeatedly kicking her shoes off and attempting to take her socks off, so my hands weren't free). i have a cord that attaches to the ends of the arms of my glasses, to keep them on my face (for situations like this). unfortunately what that meant yesterday was that she bent my glasses enough that i was concerned i might not be able to bend them back. i did bend them back but as this was the second instance of my glasses being Damaged by Children this week, i'm getting my eyes tested today (i was overdue anyway) and am gonna get contact lenses.
ultimately it'd be nice to find a way to teach her and other children to not grab people's glasses (or hit people in the face hard enough to bend their glasses), but there's only so much i can do in the moment. i want to be worrying about myself as little as possible when i'm trying to help deescalate a child and redirect them to something enjoyable and regulating! may this serve as a reminder that especially if you are in any kind of service position, support role, etc., taking care of yourself and taking preventative measures is Not optional.
tbh I find it kind of hard to take selectively pro-cop or pro-psychiatry leftists all that seriously, especially when their leftism is very "comfort-based feminism" flavoured.
So, it is actually pretty dangerous to leave the house and be in public while seriously psychosocially disabled. Cops routinely assault people for shit like "acting strange," and the common line when they do so is "well I thought he was high on something." They are almost always cleared in court and seldom if ever even suspended with pay for being like this.
I was once slammed to the ground, pinned, handcuffed, dragged to the station and almost charged because I mistakenly thought I had the legal right to use a bus while schizophrenic.
See, I was pacing around talking to myself, as one does, and some nearby white woman called the cops on me. You MUST understand, there is always a Nearby White Woman. I wasn't threatening anybody, getting up in anybody's business, nothing like that, I was a fair distance from everybody else. I know because she fucking filmed me the whole time she was waiting for the cops to arrive lol.
Then old mate in the uniform comes right up, hand on his gun. "What have you taken? What have you taken?" The thing is, psychosis often comes with disorganized speech, and he's interpreting my answer as evidence that I'm high. Uh oh.
Then for forty eight hours I'm in the psych ward. Blood tests, invasive questions. Explain to me why Dr. Densecunt had to ask me about my sexuality. Explain to me why Dr. Densecunt is asking me if I masturbate. Explain to me why even after a blood test came back clearing me Dr. Densecunt is asking me about if I'm on The Substances. Explain to me why Dr. Densecunt is refusing to call my family when I tell him to. They have no idea where I am. My grandma's losing her mind. Explain to me why Dr. Densecunt's answer to "when can I leave?" is "when we're confident you're safe," as we're the only demographic it's legal to hold captive indefinitely without the violation of any crime on suspicion alone.
You don't see schizophrenics outside unless we're homeless because you are a danger to us, Heather. Our safety depends on your comfort, Heather, and you are never fucking comfy, Heather.
And the thing is, I tell this story in leftist circles, and some fucking Melany, some Susan, some Cassandra or her wannabe boyfriend Mark always slithers out to tell me that I need to be sympathetic becuase wh wh what if she had trauma.
What if the sight of a disabled man fifteen feet away from her existing in public really triggered her tr tr tr trauma. Her mental health, defined as her comfort, is more important than your mental health, defined as a right to exist in public spaces, because you are ontologically a threat. Does this actually keep Heather safe? Fuck no it doesn't. Mate, the shit they do to disabled and especially schizophrenic women. You call the pork patrol on a schizophrenic woman, you have almost guaranteed she's going to be sexually assaulted, but what's worse? A disabled woman's rape, or Heather being expected to share a fucking sidewalk. Goddamn
You cannot be serious with viewing either disabled men as automatically a threat to you, or the police as existing to protect women. Exhausting. One day I will kill god for allowing the creation of the true crime podcast
I completely agree with this but want to add that schizophrenia and many other serious mental health issues are in fact considered incurable, lifelong conditions in medical science. Approximately one third of schizophrenics do not show major improvement on any existing antipsychotics, and do not recover enough that they can just be "normal" with existing therapies. That is why the unemployment rate for SCZ remains very similar with or without treatment; it's still over half of all schizophrenics recorded in every single meritous study.
All that treating serious mental illness like something that the brain doctor can fix for you does is increase the stigma that people with SCZ and other conditions deal with, even beyond the potential for harm within a therapeutic setting, because dummies start to believe that being ill and disruptive is a choice the disabled person has made.
someone in the tags said that being uncomfortable is not the same as being unsafe. i agree.
as someone with trauma, i also think that white people have learned that when we weaponize our trauma in a situation, it gets us what we want. many of us haven't developed the skill of determining what is a trauma response versus what's simply discomfort. i speak specifically about white people because i see in us a social entitlement that i see leading to these behaviors.
it's valid to be uncomfortable with something in public. that's why we have private spaces where we get to determine our own rules. by entering a public space, we are (re-)entering into a social contract. that means not being a fucking dick to other human beings.
as a therapist, i also want to be transparent about the fact that all insurance-funded therapy has to justify itself via capitalism in order to get insurance to pay for it. if you pay out of pocket for a private therapist, you're more likely to get someone who's able to avoid those hoops and provide you with the care you actually need... but the catch with that is the money side. it's a horrifically predatory system, and i don't recommend therapy as a blanket solution.
He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 23 times.
the other evening my partner and i were at the park taking photos of each other. they were standing on a fallen log for one stretch of these photos. they told me to take a photo of them jumping off the log. the result looks like 2000s found footage of something that the poster is insisting is a cryptid. this photo is now my phone background, for obvious reasons.
the other night (different night) my partner and i were both Under The Influence and i asked them if they wanted a snack. they told me they were waiting for dessert. intrigued, i inquired "what's dessert?" and was informed "i'm gonna eat a whole marker." this phrase is now my nickname for them on discord, for obvious reasons.
this combination of events does mean that i am continually reminded of how cursed my love is. i could not be happier.
umm. so theres a take ive seen floating around a couple times — that anders is, like, a white lib who thinks he should be 'owed a place in an ivy league' on the grounds of being a legacy student, or sometimes for being middle class. which like. i do get the joke hes a white man who distributes pamphlets yayy. but if we're talking like, Seriously, i do think this is... pretty far off base?
like... within the context of dragon age... anders is a person who was ripped from his family and incarcerated as a little boy simply for existing as he was. the education he was given was given to him Solely so the skills he learned could be exploited and he could perform complex, dangerous free labour to profit his captors — and as a spirit healer, he even more than his fellow captives (other circle mages) was at risk of being killed or made tranquil simply for doing the work that was asked of him, as spirit healing is considered a particularly dangerous specialisation by the chantry due to its association with spirits. during this time he was also abused, monitored 24/7, taught that his existence itself was a crime, a danger to the people around him, and — notably — even once put in solitary confinement (for a year!) for trying to escape. even when he did manage to make his escape stick, he could only do so by swapping one imminent horrible death in service for another (the wardens are basically a death cult...); and (if you take the short story as canon) he was also chased out of the wardens, again, for existing as he was (ie: for choosing to merge with justice in an attempt to preserve his life & form a partnership to fight for mage liberation).
when you meet him in da2, he is effectively homeless — he's living in a sewer, and still providing free medical care for the poorest people in kirkwall, while working with the mage underground to smuggle mages to freedom & fighting for mage liberation through 'peaceful' means (such as appealing to the grand cleric & writing and distributing his manifesto) for seven years. and when he finally snaps, blowing up the chantry, he's forced on the run again!
& that's not to say he's suffered and so he's incapable of wrongdoing, or being flawed. anders is, like— incredibly chantry-poisoned; he's absorbed the teachings of the institution that abused him, and this causes him to be incredibly narrow-minded and judgemental, often cruel in his estimation of mages who don't agree with him or fall victim to demons for acting in a way he considers weak-willed or incorrect, and also— it leads him to be outright racist, most often to elves but also about qunari when the opportunity presents itself. among other things, he's also more-or-less incapable of considering dissenting opinions, because he's so convinced he's right and the very real persecution he deals with every day has taught him that those who disagree with him are Dangerous, he's somehow both clingy and avoidant, spite can lead him to entrench himself in positions that are unutterably cruel (fenris...) and he has a really nasty jealous streak that can lead him to espouse nasty denigrating opinions of his friends he otherwise never seems to hold. also. he is Manipulative.
but i think that his experience do pretty much make the idea that he feels 'entitled' to an elitist position in higher education like... laughable. whose legacy is he leaning on for a position? he can't even expect his parents to grant him a spot Outside Forced Labour Jail. he isn't riding a nice midpoint here of "not technically being part of the wealthy classes;" he is basically as oppressed within the setting as a human can get! the only thing he feels his class position entitles him to that he isn't automatically receiving is, like, a right to a free life. he wants that for everyone like him! and he is to be clear often presented as demanding it Pretty Stridently and being pretty bitter that he can't have it. but like. he's right lol. he Should Have It. they should All have it. if there's One point on which anders is right it is What Mages Deserve. right
OP i think you've hit the nail on the head. i wanna add to this.
Anders' abuse and mistreatment at the hands of the Kinloch Hold Circle isolated him to the extent that he was never able to learn the skill of constructively disagreeing with other people. because whenever he disagreed with authority figures, he was punished. and we don't have solid evidence of him disagreeing with other mages in that Circle. behaviorally, his narrow-mindedness and judginess are not being replaced by anything, so there's no alternative behaviors to reinforce.
and when i say abuse and mistreatment, i want to make it clear that Anders was not an edge case — my opinion of the Circles under the governance of the Orlesian Chantry is that their intent is/has been to protect, both to protect nonmages from mages and to "protect" mages from spirits/demons, and what has happened is that protection has been conflated with the removal of basic rights to personhood. this happens on an individual Templar/mage level as well as on a systemic level, and the fact that the Templars are being manipulated via lyrium addiction makes the whole thing worse.
i think there's an argument here (that i may make, eventually) that the ways mages are treated in southern Thedas can be roughly paralleled to the ways many disabled people have been treated and are still treated in our world today. and Anders makes the argument, essentially, that people who have the innate ability to be able to do magic deserve the same basic rights as people who don't have that ability. which is the argument that disabled people have been making for literal generations.
so yeah. the white lib comparisons feel pretty gross to me.
the father (dolly parton), the son (sabrina carpenter), and the holy spirit (miss piggy)
i beat the halsin portal fight first try and i feel Powerful
I know I haven't posted regularly on this blog in years but I'm not seeing a whole lot of posts on this site about what's happening in Minneapolis right now. And the posts I am seeing are not covering the scope of it. I'm genuinely surprised because tumblr is usually where I find out about things organically through my feed. So I'm making a post about it.
A brief summary of events, from someone who pays attention and also lives here, best taken with a grain of salt and some fact checking:
2020: George Floyd is murdered by Minneapolis police. There are weeks of protests about it. It makes national news. Protests happen in DC. The infamous Trump and his bible photo shoot happens.
2024: Gov. Tim Walz is Kamala Harris' running mate in the presidential election. He starts the "they're just weird" thing. Is folksy, Trump personally hates him.
November 2025: ICE starts showing up to "crack down" on "illegal immigrants" in our Somali community. I may remember the numbers wrong, but something like 90% of our Somali neighbors are either naturalized or were born here. People distribute ICE whistles and are on high alert. Localized to the twin cities.
December 2025: Nick Shirley is paid by a bunch of MN Republicans to do an exposé on daycare fraud. I didn't hear much about this. All I really know is this was an ongoing investigation that MN officials were already taking care of and some of the guilty parties have already gone to court from a COVID era food assistance program. Mostly, if not all, legal US citizens. He did a really bad job at doing journalism and just showed up to day cares with a camera crew and went "YUP nobody's here" as if they weren't in lock-down procedure because some fuck ass white men showed up with camera equipment that could easily be mistaken for guns. I believe. I will fact check all of this and will correct myself in a reblog if necessary. (source but not all the details that I remember hearing about but they said there was no recorded evidence of fraud)
Conservative internet explodes. Kristi Noem sends a mess of agents. I know it's more than a thousand more. They call it Operation Metro Surge. They are going everywhere. There are protests. People try to interrupt the arrests. It's a lot.
1/7/2026: Renee Nicole Good is shot by an ICE agent in the middle of a protest. A few blocks away from where George Floyd was killed. Broad daylight. In front of a crowd. While she was following instructions to turn her vehicle around. Jonathan Ross, the piece of shit Nazi who did it, was recording on his phone the whole time, switched his phone to his non dominant hand so he could more effectively shoot her in the face from 2 feet away. Claims self defense, several angles immediately disprove him. He releases his video, he calls her a "fucking bitch" as her corpse drives away. Does not help him at all. (source) He has not been seen since. Some photos/reports exist of a bunch of agents showing up to his house and taking some tubs and art away. His wife is an immigrant. (source but it's the daily mail so grain of salt.)
Not hours later they go raid a school and tear gas a bunch of kids. (source). Minneapolis has switched to distance learning. I'm not sure about St. Paul.
The last week: There are up to 3,000 ICE agents here. Keep in mind Minneapolis and St. Paul only have 600 or fewer police officers each. So these dudes are roaming in packs. It's 2-4 dudes to a car and 2-5 cars per pack. People are "commuting with" ICE agents to honk and alert people that they're there. People are going on patrols with their neighbors.
ICE is no longer asking "are you a citizen." They are simply walking up to you and taking you into custody. They are going door to door. They have started just breaking the door down if you don't comply. They are driving recklessly to just grab pedestrians and drivers alike (source). People are afraid to go get groceries. It's all over the state. I am learning names of cities in places I thought were just factory farm land and I've lived here my whole life because they're doing raids there. I had to text my family in the suburbs because I saw reports of my small little hometown an hour away getting door knocks today.
It's insane and I am not doing it justice. There are thousands of masked federal agents roaming around all of Minnesota with no warrant or specific goal. They are just trolling around looking for people. They are detaining anyone and everyone. They are beating people. They are pepper spraying people. They are kidnapping people. They are acting unconstitutionally, aggressively, and unpredictably. They are creating situations that are dangerous so that they can try to justify beating or shooting their way out. I will run an errand and then get fed a tiktok that was shot from the Cub Foods that I just left and there's 20+ ICE vehicles parked there now. They're taking people from work, from day care, from schools, from shopping centers.
Iceout.org tracks ice sightings. This is a screen shot with the date set to 12/1/2025.
And from today.
They have cut off SNAP and WIC benefits. Just for us. Not any other state, just Minnesota. They're saying it's because of fraud but I think it's because they hate that we use federal funds to give free breakfast and lunch to every public school student.
And this is breaking just now, 1/13/2026: the DOJ is trying to investigate Renee Good's widow. 4 people have resigned about it. (source). I don't even want to read the article to see what they're saying.
So that's a brief history.
Unicorn Riot is doing a lot of good reporting and they don't seem to have the spin that a lot of local news stations will have where they downplay everything. This article specifically goes into a lot of the specific instances of brutality.
It's also a rumor on TikTok that all of the videos of ICE and protests and the such and the like are being geo locked. So my feed is all footage of people being detained and talking about the "commuting" they're doing and what they're seeing but people outside of the state are not seeing it. So if you're also on that infernal app, try searching for Minneapolis or Minnesota and see what you see. I'm kind of curious if this is true. Because I've been living and breathing ICE and doomsday prepping content for a week. I'm sure those two topics aren't connected.
I don't really know what my goal with this post is. I'm tired. I'm in the first ring of suburbs, so it's been pretty quiet. But I have friends in south Minneapolis. And I'm worried for them. And I know it's a matter of time before my quiet pocket is affected. Because they're coming door to door.
Pay attention to Minnesota, I think an example is being made of us.
Update- Minnesota republicans are taking this opportunity to try to impeach Govt Waltz, who has already declared that he will not seek re-election in November because of Republican death threats against him and his family. Because of the "fraud". But actually because Waltz is speaking very plainly about what is happening here.
St Paul has gone to partial virtual learning for anyone who doesn't feel safe sending their kids to school.
Every school I know now has safety patrols.
The school districts are not mincing words about the clear and present threat. Everyone in the area is completely clear that we are under violent occupation.
Most of the white people ICE grab, are released within days, because ICE can't even keep track of who was grabbed by who over what. However, they are still subjected to beatings, gassing, having their home and car windows smashes, etc.
Local police are advising compliance with the blatant human rights violations and total lack of due process, because they are cowards.
Even conservative Minnesotans are balking at the total lack of due process and open violence against unresisting people for doing things like taking videos. I know a guy who was in his house recording ICE, and they smashed his home window, dragged him out over the broken glass, beat him while screaming slurs, smashed his phone, and detained for three days.
We need your help to spread the truth about what is going on. Find the videos and share them on any platform you have. Make noise about what's happening. Get your "don't tread on me" relatives whipped up about it if you can.
We need republicans to be afraid, otherwise ICE plans to be here for half a year attacking us.
If human rights can be revoked because Trump doesn't like your state, then they aren't rights anymore, they are favors dispensed by your king.
The Department of Homeland Security, the organization that oversees ICE, has a funding renewal deadline of January 30, 2026.
Call your senators. Call your representatives in Congress. Here is a script with more information:
Following the federal funding deal passed in mid-November 2025, Congress faces another January 30th deadline to pass the remaining appropria
This website will also tell you who to call and give you the phone numbers if you input your address or zip code. You can leave voicemails. If leaving a voicemail, leave your full address to make sure your call is tallied.
You don't have to live in Minneapolis, or Saint Paul, or even Minnesota to do this. We all have senators and representatives. It's gonna feel like one call isn't gonna make a difference. Do it anyway. (Actually especially if you don't live here, make these phone calls please.)
Alpha theory needs to die already.
It's bad enough when people use it on dogs, but I just saw someone on Reddit seriously suggesting that someone needs to solve an issue between their two cats by becoming the pack leader. They claimed they achieved this with their own cats by harassing the cats until they submit, and using physical punishment and scruffing to make the cats obey them.
I really, really hate people who believe in this kind of abusive training.
Oh, I forgot, they also said when their cats misbehave (such as jumping on a kitchen counter) they scream at their cats and chase them around while shouting to frighten them 🙃
We "dominate" our cats but it's either extracting from play that's gotten too rough aka pull the weaker cat out and separate for a bit, or a single sprit of warm water from a spray bottle when misbehaving
Please don't ever spray your cats with water. Cats don't understand that kind of negative punishment and all it does is stress them out and make them mistrust you. It may also make behaviour issues worse due to the stress and they often learn to keep doing these unwanted behaviours when you're not around.
Cats should only ever be trained using positive reinforcement.
Does spraying cats with water work to fix behavior problems? A vet explains why this technique is not ideal and provides better alternatives
Are you still spraying cats with water from squirt bottles to try and halt inappropriate behavior? Please stop - there are better ways to fi
Positive reinforcement for good cat behavior is the best way to train your kitty, whether it's learning a trick or where to scratch. Learn h
saw someone say "an 11-year-old isn't even supposed to know what sex is and if you do something horrible must be happening to you and you need to get out of there" like can we be for real for a moment. have some people honest to god never heard 11-year-olds making sex jokes in their life
and let's be honest. if something bad was happening, good sex ed would help them recognize that. trying to shelter children from even knowing what sex is doesn't help or even work, it actually enables abuse. teach them about consent
Hot take: let's not discuss sexual stuff around CHILDREN.
Let's not sexualize children or even think of children & sexual stuff
Don't discuss sexual stuff with CHILDREN.
They cannot consent.
Children cannot consent and I dont know how many times we have to tell you this.
CHILDREN. CANNOT. CONSENT.
people like you are the reason so many kids can't speak up about being sexually abused. go back to the catholic church or whatever. we need proper sex education and this is dire
oh they're literally catholic. that explains a lot.
Via Planned Parenthood
11 is roughly the average age where people start rubbing one out. Like. I don't know how you go through life thinking tweens don't think about sex. What do these people think the Twilight fangirls wanted to do with Edward?
i grew up in a small town where sex ed wasn't really a thing in the early 2000s. i knew girls that were having sex or getting pretty close to it at 11 or 12. i had a boy ask me for a blow job when i was still in primary school (under 11).
if proper sex education had been a thing, if we had adults around who had talked to us about sex, maybe multiple of us wouldn't have ended up being groomed, or would have been able to talk about assault. maybe i wouldn't have grown up thinking what happened to me wasn't that bad bc abuse was only something adults experienced.
I had decent enough sex ed but the stigma around acknowledging that children are in fact sexual beings and don't magically become sexual overnight when they become adults directly contributed to me being groomed, sexually abused and there being child porn of me.
Sexual development is a process that takes time and starts young. Kids need support the whole way through to keep them safe.
And like idk how to tell you this but the people looking to victimize kids are kind of counting on the kid not knowing what sex is and not knowing that what the adult -or older child- is doing is inappropriate. They are counting on the child not having the language and concepts to describe what's being done to them. They are also counting on the child not having a safe feeling and open dialogue about it with their parents that would make it easy for them to bring to their attention.
Just sex ed isn't enough, you also have to teach your kids about consent, about bodily autonomy, even before sex ed. You have to make yourself safe to talk to and not teach them so much shame around sex that they feel like they'll be in trouble if they come to you for help.
I saw a post the other day about how difficult mindfulness meditation can be, especially for people who are neurodivergent, and OP was frustrated that their therapist never recommended anything else. There are many opportunities to bring mindfulness, focus, and intention to activities you already like! Learning about flow state has been a real eye-opener for me.
