✨Luminescence✨

✨ "The darkness in me recognizes the darkness in you and through that darkness we seek the light so that it may forever shine upon us" ✨ recovery positivity blog ✨

[draconym]

It's nuts how common it is to not allow children to be angry, even (especially) in households where adults are angry all the time. As a child I knew my own anger was unacceptable--not just expressing it outwardly but feeling it at all. So now as an adult my immediate reaction to my own anger is often to feel guilt instead of like. Noticing when someone is being rude or unfair or my boundaries are being violated or whatever. fucked up.

[jackawful]

to this day "who is allowed to be angry" has been an incredible benchmark for teasing out who, in abusive situations with mutual accusations and DARVO happening, is being abusive and who is being abused. one of my favorite resources about this, the Creative Interventions Toolkit, phrases the question "who sets the weather?" in the relationship and I think about it so so often when I think about my own childhood. I was parentified in a way that set me up for future abusive relationships, because I had to soothe my parents' anger while not being allowed to feel angry myself. I am extremely grateful to everyone outside myself - friends, therapists, partners - who's gotten angry on my behalf about how I'm treated or let me know something I'd been excusing or blaming myself for was actually Not Okay. I guess the good news here is that it's possible to learn how to access anger again in a healthy way, it just takes support, like doing physical therapy for a muscle that didn't develop quite right.

[draconym]

I relate so strongly to this.

This is not to say that feeling anger is abusive; it's human to feel anger. But if you've ever felt like your anger was "unjustified" or were afraid to express it outwardly because you expected it to be dismissed ... ask yourself how you would react if the roles were reversed. I find that a lot of folks who were The Grown Up in a relationship with their parents hold themselves to much different standards than they hold other people.

I've seen plenty of situations that involve two or more people hurting each other and not admitting any fault because they want to protect their own egos. But. Notice when you think you're not entitled to be upset about something. When someone tells you you shouldn't be upset. There's a difference between taking your anger out on other people and just. Being allowed to feel angry.

[moonlit-recovery]

You don't have to practice your coping skills every single day in order for them to stick. You can try to do them when you think about it, and build up to using them more and more as you go. Don't let the physical act of practicing them every single day stop you from trying, just because you missed a day or two. Keep trying. Eventually they will stick and you'll use them more and more as you go. Remember, there is no rush, there is no timeline, except your own. You get to set the rules. And if you can't keep something up every single day, it's okay to just do what you can until you're more comfortable with the idea of using them more often. Start slow and build muscle memory from scratch.

[borderlinereminders]

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[moonlit-recovery]

In order to learn how to validate yourself, you have to put yourself in your own shoes rather than seeing yourself from those that hurt you. You have to be willing to say, "yeah, that was a bad experience, and I am affected by it," even when other people are blaming you, shaming you, abusing you, neglecting you, etc. You have to be able to say, "my needs matter more than they do." And that is really hard to do, so give yourself some credit if you're struggling with this.

[wildestlovers]

embarrassment is the cost of entry.

if you aren't willing to look like a foolish beginner, you'll never become a graceful master.

[borderlinereminders]

Every single person in this world has at some point made a mistake, likely embarrassed themselves, and likely done something they wish they could change.

Try not to dwell on these things. You can learn and grow from them. You can fix them when you can. You can take accountability where it's needed. But try not to get stuck in these things.

We're all human, and part of that means we're all imperfect.

[traumasurvivors]

I think anger gets a bad reputation in trauma spaces a lot of the time.

People will say things like, "Holding onto anger isn't healthy," and I understand what they're trying to say. If years go by and anger is the only place you're able to live, it can absolutely keep you stuck.

But I also think there's a difference between staying angry forever and allowing yourself to be angry while you're healing.

For a lot of survivors, anger is actually an important part of recovery. It can be the moment you stop blaming yourself. The moment you stop minimizing what happened. The moment you realize that you deserved better.

Many of us spent years making excuses for the people who hurt us. We focused on their trauma, their intentions, their struggles, and their pain. We understood them so well that we forgot to make room for our own feelings.

Sometimes anger is what creates that space.

That doesn't mean anger should be taken out on other people. It doesn't mean every angry reaction is healthy. But the feeling itself isn't automatically a problem.

Sometimes anger is simply grief with boundaries.

Sometimes it's self-respect showing up for the first time.

And sometimes it's a necessary step on the way to healing.

[moonlit-recovery]

You can do everything right and still end up failing. Sometimes things are just beyond our control. Don't be too hard on yourself. You can only do so much to influence things outside of yourself. Focus inward to how the change is affecting you instead.

[thesweetiepienovels]

I’m going to write this as a cancer patient, but this is really meant for anybody in the disability community/chronically ill/mentally ill/anything. I think something that is not talked about very much in this specific community is grief. And I’m not talking about just any grief. I am talking about silent nights, where there is no comfort this universe could offer you that would ever make any of this feel okay, I’m talking about the days that you are so stuck in your head, nothing feels real, I’m talking about slowly starting to feel like you’re losing the spark you once had, the curiosity you once had, the energy you had. I’m talking about grief that exhausts a human to the point of being bedridden. And I don’t think we talk about how many times this happens, because grief is not a one and done thing, unfortunately. It happens whenever it pleases. It happens after a diagnosis, it happens after a flare, it happens after a triggering conversation, it happens after a doctor’s appointment, even if it was just routine. I think we need to make more space for grief. I think we need to stop expecting people to get used to their diagnosis and their new life that has to accommodate it. I don’t think it’s selfish in any way shape or form for somebody to not hide their grief. This is somebody’s life, this is somebody’s entire existence that has been utterly ripped out from underneath them, flipped upside down, and will never be able to be the same. This is having to accept that you never got to say goodbye to some things. This is having to accept that you can’t do some things anymore, this is having to accept that you need accommodations, this is having to accept that your life is not less than, but it will be different, it is having to accept that you have to figure out how the hell to live like you were just given a new life with no instruction manual. So I think grief needs to be talked about more, I think grief needs to be taken much more seriously, I think grief needs to be understood and accepted a lot more.

And the very last thing I will say, to anyone grieving, grieve as much as you need to, but please know this, your life will never be less than because of a diagnosis, or because you need accommodations, your life, you, are worthy of every single ounce of joy and peace and care and love as anyone else, and I desperately need you to drill that into your mind and never question it.

[moonlit-recovery]

You deserve the compassion and unconditional love your parents should have given you. It's not too late to give it to yourself.

[moonlit-recovery]

You don't deserve to be mocked, ridiculed, yelled at, shamed, or punished for making a mistake. You still deserve to be treated like a human being even when you mess up and make a mistake.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

"But we need to talk about how you shouldn't get to be lazy-" No we don't actually. Not when so many millions of disabled people are facing medical neglect, poverty, discrimination and abuse in the name of "defeating laziness"

[asexual-amanita]

Receiving social assistance money needs to be way less fucking stigmatized. Relying on a disability pension, or another income program is not a moral failing.

“But they’re not contributing to society!”

Maybe not by the twisted capitalistic standards of the world we live in, but all human life has inherent value, no matter how they contribute to others.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Like I really hate how doing something "for attention" gets portrayed as something that only reflects badly on the person who eventually acts out in their distress instead of something that reflects badly on the people who clearly failed to make this person feel seen and supported

[thesweetiepienovels]

The strange grief that comes with finally getting better. The grief of all the built up anger finally loosening its grip. The grief of all the things you didn’t do and all the things you did do when you were going through something. The grief in knowing. The grief in knowing healing doesn’t give you your lost time back. The grief in knowing that healing is as much a process of loss as it is one of gain. You’re allowed to grieve your healing. As strange as it sounds, getting better often means mourning the version of yourself that had to survive it. But don’t forget that version of you is cheering louder than anyone for your healing. They’re so proud of you. I’m so proud of you.

[moonlit-recovery]

You can logically know something, but not be ready to emotionally accept it yet. And that's okay. Give yourself some grace.

[moonlit-recovery]

It's okay to grieve the things your parents should have taught you, but didn't. It's not your fault for them failing to prepare you for all life has to offer, the good and the bad and everything in between. In fact I've found through my own recovery that more often than not, our parents didn't even learn this stuff from their parents, and so on and so forth. This is the curse of generational trauma.