heinz doofenshmirtz evil page

hello

[walliard]

Posts I can't believe didn't originate on tumblr.

[berrytart]

completely incomprehensible email from my mom. sent from my it's

[thickness-protection-program]

My cats wanted to fight again and I wasn't letting them but the passion in their eye contact suggests they started fighting telepathically

[thickness-protection-program]

[motherfucker-somewhat-limited]

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

Dude living downstairs has been loudly rapping for like 10 minutes, then suddenly did a high pitched scream, and now its silent down there

[postnuclearophelia]

he got raptured

[queen-elizabeth-the-3st]

[circumgutter]

[paperandpencilsandskips]

The Magnanimous Airplane

[kawuli]

well, the ears dropped

[bannertanks]

[ghosthierophant]

[angel-fruitcake]

i can handle one (1) Event™ per day. whether it be a phone call, an appointment, trip to the grocery store, play date with a friend, etc. only one, that's it. any more than that and i am Stressed

[shithowdy]

from a certain standpoint birdwatching is a sort of gacha

[shithowdy]

-reliant on RNG random encounters

-instills a deep sense of fomo

-seasonally-cycled releases

-becomes increasingly financially prohibitive the more you want to expand your list and/or document your encounters

-achieved goals sound meaningless to those not in the hobby

[perkwunos]

The Johnny Appleseed they don’t want you to know about

[bigfuckingcrab]

[segamascott]

[perenial]

hey sorry i can't come out tonight i have a thing

[perenial]

[angelfrommontgomery]

Sometimes I think about the girl in my college gen chem class who believed all liquids were just particles suspended in water. I just find it very Greek philosopher. Like not only is water a universal solvent, but in fact THE ONLY LIQUID. It kind of charms me as a world view

[salvasti]

15

[rococo-crow]

[ihaveapproximately4bones]

[queenaegon]

i understand all that shit about honor and knighthood and solemn vows but “kingslayer” is simply a bad insult. it sounds cool as fuck. might as well call him the landlord annihilator or the billionaire’s bane.

[erotomanicpixiedreamgirl]

how to be gentle with yourself when you have the curse

[2birds1pencil]

*insert piping plover emojis here*

[arthur-dentist]

I'm literally working outside of work hours rn (taking a lil break) to enter plover data bc these little buggers are so busy rn I spend all of my time in the field

[isaacsapphire]

I adore that this got in front of someone who was indeed working plovertime.

[sigmaleph]

people hate it when you say things like 'this policy that was mostly meant to hurt [marginalised group] also sometimes hurts [other, less marginalised group]" which is fair bc it can definitely come across as 'who cares if those subhumans get hurt, the problem is when it happens to real people'. but unfortunately a fact about being a marginalised group is that it makes it much cheaper politically to hurt you.

immigration officers arresting citizens is not worse than immigration officers arresting noncitizens, but turns out weirdly enough 'citizens' is a category with a lot more political power than 'noncitizens' and so it's strategically useful to get them opposed to immigration enforcement. so that might affect which things you talk about how much.

[self-loving-vampire]

I don't like that this is how it works either but most people seem primarily driven by their own interests, so to persuade them to align with you it helps to frame your goals in terms of how they benefit them rather than how they benefit you. Most people don't really care about you, especially if you're in a minority group they consider to be removed from their daily life.