snipits of my queer journey

they/he

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

You don't need anyone's permission to identify as ace or aro or to use any ace spectrum or aro spectrum labels. Only you know what labels feel right for you or not.

[mqueerlife]

got recognized by the person taking my food order today she went to elem with me and called me by my deadname and it honestly shocked me a bit to hear it

i haven’t gone by that name for almost 5 years now

it was super awkward bc of the split second decision i made to just go with it and not correct her mostly bc i was in shock and couldn’t think of a way to say ‘actually it’s mai now’

(no i don’t blame her we were never close and haven’t been in school together for a while)

[mqueerlife]

honestly i’ve been a bit scared to post anything here in a while bc a few major things have changed in my life…

for one i have a boyfriend now (so uh that happened and honestly neither of us are entirely sure how or exactly when…)

i still definitely am aspec; being in a relationship hasn’t changed that for me

since i discovered it i always kinda knew i was ace and honestly just don’t think about sex like ever (for myself)

my aro experience was always more blurry i use aroace as my label because i honestly don’t know how to explain “romantic attraction” as seen inside myself

knowing ace was easy bc more on the sex repulsed/somewhat neutral end of that

romance—and being aro—on the other hand was never fully opposed but is that bc marriage and dating is expected or bc i don’t feel “romantic attraction”

ts complicated as hell and i’m now an aroace who’s currently in a romantic relationship despite not even knowing tf that means

yes i love him so so so much but is that romantic [I DONT KNOW!!]

[mqueerlife]

convo i had w a friend...

friend: how mad would you be if i used she/her for you me: i wouldnt like it fiend: what if i used he/him me: eh i dont really care

[he uses my pronouns correctly and i believe this was just a genuine question]

[mqueerlife]

online sizing guides suck

yk whats soooo stressfull is trying to by clothes online in YOUR size as someone who likes clothes very specificly looking online sucks

now i dunno if this is the dysphoria or adhd [it's both] but it stresses me so much what if this doesnt fit or something \

and no in this specific instance i dont think i could exactly return it....ordering jersey and shorts for a club sport I play soooo ahhh i HAVE to get it right

[riskyalt]

Yknow the thing with being Aroace is that sometimes people don't recognise that as queer. I be talking with some acquaintances and they ask if I have a boyfriend/if me and X are together. My response is usually "No, I'm Aroace and not interested in relationships" and then I see them in a week and they ask the same question again.

It's frustrating, that just because I'm not gay/lesbian/bi/pan that my identity can be brushed off like it doesn't matter, that just because I'm not the aforementioned identities I'm not queer.

Don't send me condolences for being Aroace, I'm not broken or in the wrong for being aspec, that's just who I am. I won't "find the right one" because I'm a romance repulsed Aroace person.

That's why aspec representation is so important, so that people like those can learn that aspec identities ARE valid and DESERVE respect! The A doesn't stand for ally!

(no hate to gay/lesbian/bi/pan folks, dw :] )

[mqueerlife]

i agree with this

as someone who is openly enby i sometimes feel like that's the thing people see me as and then especially since my sexuality isn't one that is commonly known that it's something that a lot of people just don't understand or really grasp

[tired-smartass]

To all the people who don't feel romantic and or sexual attraction

Try to explain it in the funniest way possible

[mqueerlife]

"i don’t know are you attracted to boys or girls" -friend of mine

"is there a no this question?" -me

[umbreonsrings]

"You mean you're just leaving me in the friendzone??"

HELL YEAH I AM🗣️🗣️🙏🔥 WE'RE FRIENDS IN THE ZONE🙏🙏‼️‼️

[mqueerlife]

there's a specific person i became closer with this past school year (including cuddling/leaning on his shoulder)

he asked me if i liked him and was so understanding when i said i wasn't sure and explained my grey-aro and ace identity

and we agreed that we're just friends and nothing really changed except we both know where each other stands <3

[our-aroace-experience]

I almost feel like I’m straight up not aroace enough.

Idk, I see people on here talking about being disgusted or averse to romantic or sexual relationships, even platonic ones, and I can’t relate. I’m super sex positive and I’m not repulsed by anything, and I feel like that makes me…not enough of an aroace person.

I would gladly be in a sexual relationship. I would gladly be in a romantic one. I don’t feel those feelings, but I love the dynamics.

Maybe it’s in my head, but I’m scared I’ll be judged in aroace spaced for being so positive about everything. I feel like I’m not aroace unless I’m actively repulsed by these relationships.

you’re very valid and welcome! you definitely don’t need to be repulsed by anything to be aroace, there are certainly others who feel the same!

[mqueerlife]

i feel that way with my aromantic/greyaro identity--i would gladly be in a relationship with someone not just for the romance but for the connections built between us

[but on the other side i am sex-repulsed by the actual idea of it irl]

[everythingwasnormalhere]

pls rb if you think cuddling doesn't have to be s3xual

im tryna prove a point to my bf's mother help me out

[mqueerlife]

none of it has to be inherently sexual or romantic

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

RESPECT ALL ASPEC IDENTITIES EVEN IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THEM

Get this message onto everyone’s dash rn

[mqueerlife]

aro discovery was a complicated one

ace discovery: sex-repulsed & no thanks that's not for me aro discovery: what is romance?? is this romantic platonic or something entirely different? no it's prolly platonic...later: wait what about this i want to be close with him is this romantic attraction now? kissing? do i want that someday idk i feel like im supposed to tho...

[mqueerlife]

PLATONIC CUDDLES

i want more platonic cuddling--sitting on your lap, leaning my head on your shoulder, just overall being close with you--without the expectation of romance or dating or 'more'

i want platonic hand-holding and platonic besties going and doing things together maybe going to lunch, the movies, hanging out in a library together

i want this kind of connection, a person who is special who i can buy or make random little gifts for and who i just exist with

[mqueerlife]

the term: deadname

i have 2 deadnames both of which were given to me but due to personal circumstances i don't feel comfortable calling either my birth name (neither was given to me at birth) so i use deadname or old name depending who im talking to

you see my dad has told me he doesn't like the term 'deadname' because it feel like someone has died, but sometimes isn't that the case? i know who i once was she was someone else while still entirely me at the same time

what do you think: should the term deadname only be used by trans people?

[mqueerlife]

am i alone in this world

i may not feel sexual or romantic attrication but that doesnt mean i dont want connection. i want what some of my friends have found in dating but at the same time thats not what i want at all--i want to find someone special who i can spoil (gift giving is probably my love language) but who also cares about me in a similar way where romance [or sex] isnt the expectation...

for example for prom next yr (my senior prom) i kinda want date but in the way that is closer than 'just friendship' but not necessarily classified as dating in the traditional sense

in some ways i think i want a qpr

i also find it hard bc ever since 9th grade when i started at a new school for the first time i feel like there's no one im in school with who i can confidently say is my 'best friend' i actually kinda hate the term bc i don't feel im all that close to anyone at school anymore

there are people i used to be close with but sometimes i wonder if i feel like im closer to others than they feel about me...

sometimes i wonder do i invest too much time in others or is it not enough?

[mqueerlife]

sexuality rant

i've identified as aroace for at least 2 years now and the asexual part was a very easy 'oh yea im sex repulsed and oblivious' to that sort of attraction once a friend asked if i'd ever had dreams about my supposed crush and i didnt realise til later that she meant sex dreams honestly i didnt know those were real til i got into reading fanfiction which in and of itself is a whole other journey of mine....

the aromantic part of my identity however is so much more complex i guess that's why i've stuck with the grey-romantic label the ambiguity is something comforting

the most confusing part for me has been the blurry space between platonic romantic and aesthetic attraction

i think it all links back to the idea that i want a relationship at least in the sense of companionship trust and respect...a relationship that is important but doesn't need to be romantic

id be open to a qpr with the right person and communication too

[mqueerlife]

but the sexuality journey was 2nd??

i rarely see this talked about but i had my gender crisis before ever thinking much of anything on my sexuality...i knew i was queer somehow at the time i thought ah yea im probably bi or something

turns out looking back most of the 'crushes' i had were different but i didn't realise that...not until i stumbled upon a fic where one of the characters was demisexual

i probably should thank that fic because it prompted me to research demisexual and then subsequently realise ✨asexuality✨oh that's how i feel

i questioned around identifying as asexual and bi romantic for a while because yk I'm already asexual (and non-binary!) i cant possibly defy yet another societal norm right? WRONG when i finally put the two parts together and realized OH SHIT i can actually be BOTH aro and ace I've barely looked back on that

but hey defying 3 separate societal norms just another part of meeeeee